Training Joke #2
(Sometimes the setting changes, but the end is always the same.)
Two best buddies were camping in Alaska. Lifetime friends, they set aside a long weekend every year to hike in the wilderness.
On the last night, a bear breaks into the camp and is working his way into the tent. One man starts putting on his shoes, while the other shouts “There’s no time to put on shoes, you can’t outrun a bear!”
His friend looks at him and says “I don’t have to outrun the bear. I just have to outrun you.”
Totally Weird Dream
I was looking out the (window?) of my building on the ice flow (it’s a dream, it doesn’t have to make sense) and I saw huge snakes roiling in the freezing water. I stepped outside to look, and could see it was hundreds of large squid/octopus in a boiling fury of activity. I heard a yowl of terror, and saw a gold cat actually on top of one, screeching, and I knew at the same time he was a goner and I couldn’t save him. I also knew I probably was in the wrong place, that I needed to be back inside, so I slowly turned back toward the door. I felt something cold on my hand. I turned back to see what it was, and it was a polar bear; the cold was his nose. All I could think was “unless I get a miracle, I am s**t-out-of-luck” and then I told myself to “breathe.” That’s always my cue to wake up. The dream was over.
Some of it makes sense. There was a report of huge long squids recently in the news, bigger than anyone dreamed existed. I have a gold cat, and I love gold cats. And I am terrified of bear. I grew up in Alaska, and was taught early on to watch out for bear. You can’t outrun a bear. And a bear will eat you just because he’s hungry. He won’t necessarily kill you first. It’s not a good way to go. There are many people in Alaska with ugly claw marks, they are a badge of honor.
They are the lucky ones. They survived.
January Projects
When our son and daughter-in-law were visiting, she was telling me our son has routines he adapts to insure he gets everything done. As she was telling me this, I was squirming in my chair. I am not exactly obsessive-compulsive, but because I could have a tendency to scatter my energies, I do the same thing, I have little routines I run to make sure that the important things get taken care of before I have fun.
One of these routines is to use January to get organized so that I can goof off the rest of the year. I try to get tax things in order, I try to make sure all the paperwork is filed or tossed . . . and I do photo albums for the preceding year, two albums if we went to Africa, which we have been doing nearly every year.
But last January I moved. And then, just about every other month, I was back in the States, either of a wedding or to see my parents. The albums never got done.
So yesterday, I gathered all the photos. Fortunately, I had kept them in different places, so they were not all mixed up. I have to do four albums. For the 2006 family album, I still need to get photos printed, and that alone takes time and organization. The other photos, I just needed to get in order. That took a whole day.
So this is for my friend – you know who you are – with twenty something years of photos she still hasn’t posted. I apologize! I apologize for all the times I told you how easy it is, and to just DO it. I am only one year behind, and already I can’t remember where this photo was taken, why that photo was taken, or what sequence these photos should be in. It is a daunting task, and I am only working on two years. I apologize again, dear friend, I grovel in mortification at my arrogance and lack of sympathy. God, in his mighty wisdon, has humbled me by showing me how fragile my memory is, and how unfounded my pride in organization. Aarrgh! Forgive me!
Where Has Your Purse Been?
I received this forward from a friend. The Shauna Lake referred to is a news anchor with KUTV in Salt Lake City, Utah.
Purse Hygiene
A friend sent me this, I really never thought about how dirty my purse could be until I read this.
Have you ever noticed gals who sit their purses on public rest room floors that then go directly back to their dining tables?
It happens a lot!
It’s not always the ‘restaurant food’ that causes stomach distress.
Sometimes “what you don’t know ‘will’ hurt you”!
Read on…
Mom got so upset when a guest came in the door and plopped their purses down on the counter where she was cooking or setting up the buffet. She always said that purses are really dirty, because of where they’ve been.
Smart Momma!!!
It’s something just about every woman carries with them. While we may know
what’s inside our purses, do you have any idea what’s on the outside?
Shauna Lake put purses to the test – for bacteria – with surprising results. You may think twice about where you put your purse next time.
Women carry purses everywhere; from the office to public rest rooms to the floor of the car.
Most women won’t be caught without their purses, but did you ever stop to think about where your purse goes during the day?
“I drive a school bus, so my purse has been on the floor of the bus a lot,” says one woman. “On the floor of my car, probably in rest rooms.” “I put my purse in grocery shopping carts, on the floor of bathroom stalls while changing a diaper,” says another woman “and of course in my home which should be clean.”
We decided to find out if purses harbour a lot of bacteria. We learned how to test them at Nelson Laboratories in Salt Lake, then we set out to test the average woman’s purse.
Most women told us they didn’t stop to think about what was on the bottom of their purse.
Most said they usually set their purses on top of kitchen tables and counters where food is prepared.
Most of the ladies we talked to told us they wouldn’t be surprised if their purses were at least a little bit dirty. It turns out purses are so surprisingly dirty, even the microbiologist who tested them was shocked.
Microbiologist Amy Karren of Nelson Labs says nearly all of the purses tested were not only high in bacteria, but high in harmful kinds of bacteria. Pseudomonas can cause eye infections, staphylococcus aurous can cause serious skin infections, and salmonella and e-coli found on the purses could make people very sick. In one sampling, four of five purses tested positive for salmonella, and that’s not the worst of it.
“There is fecal contamination on the purses,” says Amy.
Leather or vinyl purses tended to be cleaner than cloth purses, and lifestyle seemed to play a role. People with kids tended to have dirtier purses than those without, with one exception.
The purse of one single woman who frequented nightclubs had one of the worst contaminations of all.
“Some type of feces, or even possibly vomit or something like that,” says
Amy.
So the moral of this story – your purse won’t kill you, but it does have the potential to make you very sick if you keep it on places where you eat.
Use hooks to hang your purse at home and in rest rooms, and don’t put it on your desk, a restaurant table, or on your kitchen countertop. Experts say you should think of your purse the same way you would a pair of shoes.
“If you think about putting a pair of shoes onto your countertops, that’s the same thing you’re doing when you put your purse on the countertops.”
Your purse has gone where every individual before you has spat, coughed, urinated, emptied bowels, etc.!
Do you really want to bring that home with you?
The microbiologists at Nelson also said cleaning a purse will help. Wash cloth purses and use leather cleaner to clean the bottom of leather purses.
My comments: I was shocked and disgusted reading this article. I know that when I bring groceries home, I put my purse on the counter or even (gasp) on the kitchen table. I vow, here an now, to change my ways!
Having said that, I rarely ever get sick. My theory is that I have lived and travelled in so many places with questionable hygeine that I have developed resistance to many of the bacteria that bedevil us. I would guess that eating out puts me more at risk for food borne problems than any other behavior.
While I am a sushi supporter, I have to warn my fellow aficianados that raw fish is one of the WORST carriers of bad bacteria, microbes, and parasites. Sushi eating is a risky behavior! Sushi on a buffet is even worse because it has been exposed to more microbes, sneezes, contamination. So if you choose to eat sushi, use protection! Know your sushi maker and practice safe sushi eating.;-)
Spicy Peppers Attack Cancer
The BBC reports today that a link has been discovered between spicy hot peppers and cancer cell death. Click here:How Spicy Foods Kill Cancer
In short, the article states:
“Scientists have discovered the key to the ability of spicy foods to kill cancer cells.
They found capsaicin, an ingredient of jalapeno peppers, triggers cancer cell death by attacking mitochondria – the cells’ energy-generating boiler rooms.
The research raises the possibility that other cancer drugs could be developed to target mitochondria.”
Buried deep in the article is the disclaimer that no one believes eating a lot of hot spicy peppers will either prevent nor cure cancer, and that peppers as a part of a diet that includes a lot of vegetables and fruit are recommended.
Training Joke #1
How does a diplomat say “bull$hit?”
“Fantastic!”
There must be 100 variations:
That’s amazing!
What a great story!
You’re kidding!
And the least subtle:
“What are your sources?”
Add your own variations in the comment section.
A New Take on Big Rocks
A couple years ago, there was a similar forward about Big Rocks. This is a variation, but a really good one. I especially like the ending.
A MAYONNAISE JAR AND 2 CUPS OF COFFEE
When things in your life seem almost too much to handle, when 24 hours
in a day are not enough, remember this story about a mayonnaise jar and 2
cups of coffee.
A professor stood before his philosophy class with several items in
front of him.
When the class began, he wordlessly picked up a very large and empty
mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls. He then asked the
students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.
The professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the
jar. He shook the jar lightly and the pebbles rolled into the open areas
between the golf balls. He then asked the students again if the jar was
full they agreed it was.
The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar .
Of course, the sand filled up everything else. He asked once more if the
jar was full and the students responded with a unanimous “yes.”
The professor then produced two cups of coffee from under the table and
poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space
between the sand. The students laughed.
“Now,” said the professor, as the laughter subsided, “I want you to
recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the
important things- your God, your family, your children, your health, your
friends, and your favorite passions — things that if everything else was
lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.
“The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house,
and your car.
“The sand is everything else — the small stuff.
“If you put the sand into the jar first,” he continued, “there is no room
for the pebbles or the golf balls.
The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the
small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to
you.
“Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play
with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out
to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house and
fix the disposal.”
Take care of the golf balls first — the things that really matter. Set
your priorities. The rest is just sand.”
One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the coffee
represented.
The professor smiled. “I’m glad you asked. It just goes to show you that
no matter how full your life may seem, there’s always room for a couple of
cups of coffee with a friend.”
1906
This was a forward I received today. I don’t know where the statistics come from, so I can’t verify. If true, it is pretty amazing what a difference 100 years can make.
The year is 1906.
One hundred years ago.
What a difference a century makes !
Here are some of the U.S. statistics for the Year 1906
************************************
The average life expectancy in the U.S. was 47
A three-minute call from Denver to New York City cost eleven dollars.
There were only 8,000 cars in the U.S., and only 144 miles of paved roads.
The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
Alabama, Mississippi, Iowa , and Tennessee were each more heavily populated than California .
With a mere 1.4 million people, California was only the 21st most populous state in the Union .
The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower !
The average wage in the US was 22 cents per hour.
The average U.S. worker made between $200 and $400 per year .
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
a dentist $2,500 per year,
a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year,
and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
More than 95 percent of all births in the U.S. took place at HOME
Ninety percent of all U.S. doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION !
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which were condemned in the press AND the government as “sub-standard.”
Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
Most women only washed their hair
once a month,
and used borax
or egg yolks for shampoo.
Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from
entering into their country for any reason.
The Five leading causes of death in the U.S. were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
The American flag had 45 stars. Arizona , Oklahoma, New Mexico, Hawaii, and Alaska hadn’t been admitted to the Union yet.
The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30 !!!!
Crossword puzzles,
canned beer,
and ice tea
hadn’t been invented yet.
There was no Mother’s Day
or Father’s Day.
Two out of every 10 U.S. adults couldn’t read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Marijuana, heroin, and morphine
were all available over
the counter
at the local corner drugstores.
Pharmacists said,
“Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind, regulates the stomach and bowels, and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.”
Eighteen percent of households in the U.S. had at least one full-time servant or domestic help.
There were about 230 reported murders
in the ENTIRE U.S.A. !
Alhamdallah for the Trip from Hell
Remember what my husband says? A good flight is where the number of landings equals the number of take-offs? Alhamdallah, I am safely arrived back in Kuwait and the safe landings equalled the take-offs.
Having said that, this trip back to Kuwait was not a trip I want to do again any time soon. It’s all small stuff. Small stuff adds up. (Sigh.) It gets old.
There’s a direct flight from Seattle to Amsterdam. Because I booked so late, I couldn’t get on it. I kept trying, KLM kept laughing and saying “it is BOOKED!” I made use of that “weather window” to drive to the airport a little early, hoping a seat might open up, someone might now show up. No such luch. Even as the flight boarded, I asked if there was any possibility of getting on and they just laughed.
No big deal. My flight to Minneapolis was just a little later, and it was uneventful, except for leaving late enough that I had to RUN from one end of the Minneapolis airport to the other to reach the gate for my Amsterdam flight, and it was a long long way! Most people were already on board, but I had an aisle seat and I was just happy to make the flight. This flight, too, was fully booked. I didn’t see a single empty seat.
And that was not good news. I was tired, so quickly fell asleep, only to awake to the sound of a flight attendant using her loud voice to say “Sir! Sir! Can you hear me? Can you hear me? If you can hear me, you need to respond!” and when the man sitting behind me didn’t respond she was about to call for medical assistance. At that moment, he vomited copiously all over himself and all over his seat. Pretty awful, awful for him, awful for everyone sitting around him. Ummm, remember when I told you there were no empty seats?
They did their best to clean things up. Oh well. Safe landing.
Boarded the flight to Kuwait in Amsterdam, uneventful, smooth . . . “hmmmmm, haven’t we been sitting here a while? We were supposed to take off half an hour ago . . .?” The pilot comes on and says the plane has been loaded with contaminated fuel and they are trying to figure out what they are going to do. Three hours after we boarded we are deplaned, given vouchers for dinner and a phone call and 50 Euro coupon toward our next flight. We are told to be back at 9 to reboard.
So I go once again for the upgrade – I really need more space to sleep, and I really need some sleep. I tried to use that fancy-schmancy 50 Euro coupon but the ticketing office said it is only good for booking a totally NEW ticket. Ah well, I paid 100 Euro to upgrade, worth EVERY centime. I was asleep even before the plane taxied down the runway for takeoff. My sweet husband was there to meet me at the ungodly hour we landed in Kuwait. The air was cool and fresh and smelled clean.
OK, OK, nothing major, just a lot of small annoyances. The number of safe landings equalled the number of takeoffs. Alhamdallah.
Wherever You Go . . .
There’s an old saying: Wherever you Go, There You Are.
Seattle is a very civic minded city, a very wealthy city with a good base of commerce – a mixed base, a healthy mix of industrial manufacturing, services, information technologies. It’s a creative city, innovative, consistently moving forward. Boeing, Microsoft, Amazon.com, Google . . . it’s a stimulating and exciting place to be.
And throughout Seattle and environs last night were massive electrical outages. Unlike Kuwait, where the air conditioning required to survive the heat cause the rolling outages, most of the outages in Seattle are caused by trees falling on the electrical wires, wiping out coverage in entire areas.
The Public Utilities people have become very good at dealing with the outages and getting people back “online” in a short time. But why would a city with such a foward looking posture not bury the electrical lines?
Seattle has a high quality of life across the board, but it drives me crazy that they don’t bury the lines. My sister says the taxpayers don’t want to expend the additional funds. There seems to be a similar problem supporting the public schools; Seattle has the second largest number in the United States of children attending private schools rather than public schools (heard that on the cable televised Green Seattle meeting last night). In a city that is 80% white, 60% of the children in the public schools are children of color. Something is not right.
The electrical lines issue would be small potatoes if it were simply aesthetics – those lines are really ugly when you are trying to get a good photo. But when you stack up all the overtime hours the electrical workers have to work, all the overtime pay, I would think burying the lines would pay off within a matter of a couple years. Seattle is a city that votes democrat; where is the democracy in not supporting the public schools?
It really bugs me when short-sighted public policies hurt the citizens. Some things are just basic infrastructure – roads, clean water, an honest police force, an honest judiciary, reliable electricity, good schools, trash collection, public transportation, a trustworthy accessible health system, systematic elections – these things should be a no-brainer when it comes to public support. It’s an investment, not a luxury. Without an orderly infrastructure, the system descends into chaos.
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