How Can I Forgive?
Today’s Gospel reading touches on a very difficult theme – how do we forgive those who sin against us? It is so much easier to cling to hatred and resentment than to let go.
Note to my Christian friends – did you know that the Gospels (Injil“) are considered one of the five Holy Books of the Qur’an? I didn’t – I learned that from Fahad, a blogger who comments here. Wikipedia says that “Muslim scholars generally dispute that Injil refers to either the entire New Testament or the four Gospels. Others believe the Injil was not a physical book, but simply a set of teachings. The word Injil is used in the Qur’an, the Hadith and early Muslim documents to refer specifically to the revelations made by God to Isa (Jesus), and is used by both Muslims and some Arabic-speaking Christians today.”
I mention this only because it is Ramadan, and a season of contemplating God’s word. My Christian friends might wonder why I quote from our books to my Kuwaiti / Gulf friends, but in truth, I find that we are all wrestling with many of the same moral questions, and we just have more tools in our spiritual tool boxes when we share ideas and approaches. I find my Moslem readers can greatly illuminate my own readings when I ask how their books approach – say the problem of Job / Ayyoub or problems of wealth and poverty, or, as today – forgiveness.
This is yesterday’s reading from Forward Day by Day.
Matthew 18:21-35. Lord, if another member of the church sins against me, how often should I forgive? As many as seven times?
Forgiveness is always a difficult matter. In the Eastern church, the season of Lent begins with “Forgiveness Vespers” in which each member of the church asks forgiveness of the priest and of every other member of the church. When the service is completed the entire church has asked forgiveness. It is a healthy way to begin a season of repentance.
To the question, “How many times?” Christ gives an answer that is the equivalent of “However many times you need to.” Forgiveness is a double-edged sword. The sins of those who need to be forgiven bind them and leave them less than free in their quest for peace. For those who must forgive, refusing to forgive can have the same binding effect. It is as though we are tied to all whom we have anything against.
Finding a way to forgive can be difficult. When someone has offended us unknowingly, going to him to confront him with his behavior can be positively damaging. Instead, I use this simple form in my prayers: “Lord, on the day of judgment, do not hold this sin against him.”
9 Comments »
Leave a comment
Recent Comments
Catherine on Donna Leon Crossing Cultu… intlxpatr on Ignoring the Law thani on Ignoring the Law Anon. on British Soldier Kidnapped, Esc… Reeva Mills on Cahors to Bordeaux, Preparing… Wikipedia Donate Button
Amazina
Early Voting in Florida
Here There and Everywhere 
Another Excellent post for Ramadan contemplation , forgiveness is a hard thing to do , but most of the people can be forgiven because they will reform themselves and forgiveness will be beneficial for them , others will think it is a sign of weakness such as tyrants and criminals.
At the work place forgiveness is needed , first day of Ramadan when office workers make their Mabrouk Ramadan rounds (wishing blessing to others on the arrival of the holy month ) There is always a little debate taking place inside one’s self ,like shall i go to his / her office to wish them a Blessed Ramadan or no , because she /he did this to me or said that to me at our last meeting or when we were in the elevator or ..etc
The best thing here is to stifle these negative and egoistic whispers and to go ahead and wish everybody a blessed month , it does cleanse the soul from the remnants of hate and despise.
I think the same can be said of other occasions like christmas .
As a part of Haj preparation Muslims should first repay their financial debts and make a round of visits to the people he/she knows telling them of the intention to go to Haj and to ask their forgiveness for any wrong doing on their side
With the advent of blogging rubbing people the wrong way is easily done , so maybe we should have an international bloggers day of forgiveness , maybe on website were we all go there and write our requests for forgiveness and forgive others .Sort of like an electronic forgiveness wailing wall.
Intlxpatr I will start by forgiving you for allowing me to write on your blog, and exposing my reckless thoughts
ehehehe
wishing everyone a happy and a blessed second half of the Holy Month
Easier said than done but when achieved offers great peace of mind.
I love it, Daggero, that there is a ritual during Ramadan for asking for forgiveness. Thank you for telling me about it, I didn’t know. We have a weekly ritual, communion, and the rule is similar – if you have a grudge against anyone, or anyone has a grudge against you, you are supposed to go to them and work it out before you take communion.
The important factor here, I think, is that the principle in all major religions seems to be that holding back forgiveness hurts the one who won’t forgive. If you want to move on, you have to find a way to forgive. It doesn’t mean forgetting, but it means letting go of your grievance so that you can move on. Forgiving frees the one who forgives. It’s like this great epiphany.
Jewaira – it isn’t easy, is it? And sometimes, it has to happen over and over until you get it right. 😛
Oooops i think i confused you on the Ramadan bit of my comment ;
when you make the rounds to say Mabrook , it is not for asking for forgiveness but to break the standoff between co-workers ,which may lead to good relationship again.
Hmmmm, but the rounds before one goes on Hajj, that is to ask forgiveness? Do people wait for a response?
I’m kinda torn when it comes to forgiveness, coz I associate ‘to forgive’ with ‘to forget’. I mean you can’t say “I forgive that person” and then keep a distance and treat them with caution, can you? To me, complete forgiveness means you’re willing to start with a clean slate and that IMO cannot be accomplished if you can’t forget the way you’ve been wronged, and to forget that, you can’t learn from mistakes.
Can we really forgive? I don’t know… ❓
Yousef, you are right, total forgiveness means a clean slate, and total forgiveness is really, really hard. I am not an expert, I am more a student. I know this for sure – the burden of a grudge held against someone else, the burning burden of resentment, hurts ME more than forgiving.
The very hardest thing is to pray for the person who has hurt you, but when you do something miraculous happens – your heart changes. When your heart changes, anything can happen. Amazing things. Believe me, I have seen this, it has happened in my own life.
Maybe if you and I were perfect, we would be justified in hanging on to our indictments of others, but I know that I also am frequently in need of forgiveness. I also know that hating others, refusing to forgive offenses, takes a whole lot more energy than I want to give it. The only way I can move on is to go through the hard work of forgiving. No, it isn’t easy. The hard truth, as I see it, is that we forgive others for ourselves, for our own freedom from those obsessive feeling.
What I like about you is that you truly ponder these deeper things. We may not always agree, but I really like it that you are thinking.
will during the pre haj rounds you are right , the people ask for forgiveness and they do get it , even if it is a curtesy , i mean who can tells whats in people minds or hearts
Daggero, have you ever noticed that sometimes, you do something for form, for courtesy, and then it becomes true? You are right, we don’t know what is in someone’s heart . . . and God can change a person’s heart.