An Eye for an Eye – Does Revenge Change Anything?
I have been following my own post with interest. The truth is, there is a huge part of me that agrees with you, agrees with Ameneh, who wants her attacker to suffer as she has suffered, to pay for the life he has stolen from her.
I used to be a lot more idealistic than I am now. I can remember the two times in my life I came face-to-face with who I am, viscerally, in my gut.
The first time, I was living in Jordan, and I awoke in the middle of the night. I heard gunfire. My husband was out of town – that happened a lot. Things like cars breaking down, heaters going out in the dead of winter, ants attacking (don’t even ask), those things always waited for my husband to be out of town. Now gunfire.
I finally called my British neighbors, who called their Security office, who said it was probably just the police shooting packs of dogs who attacked the sheep at night.
I knew, though, that night, that if I had a gun in the house, I would shoot anyone who came through the front door to protect my son. I had never thought of myself that way. I had never considered myself a killer. And I knew I could kill, without a second thought, to protect my son.
We all have times when we find out who we are, what we are made of. Men who go off to war and kill for a living have to live with their actions for the rest of their lives. Many, many live with regrets.
People who lived through the Invasion of Kuwait endured and suffered unimaginable horrors. Many won’t even talk about the things they saw or had to do.
Here is my problem with revenge – you have to live with the consequences.
If I had shot an intruder, even thinking it was a criminal, I would have to live with that the rest of my life. Even NOT shooting an intruder, I have to live with the thought that I would have, that I was fully prepared to kill. It still haunts me, even though I didn’t do anything, even though I just thought about it.
I like what This Lady said. I want this man punished, but if we choose to inflict the same punishment on him, don’t we lower ourselves to his level? I think life imprisonment would be worse. On another blog, dealing with the same topic, one Iranian woman wrote that if this man is blinded, some female in his family will be chosen to take care of him for the rest of his life, feeding him, preparing his meals. She, too, will be sacrificed, lose her own life to the obligation of taking care of this blinded villain for the rest of his life. Wouldn’t we all be better off if he were locked away, never to be free again?
I published the photo with the original article because I was shocked and intrigued by it. In spite of her blindness and disfigurement, this woman is laughing, and her mother is hugging her. In many ways, her life is blessed. Because God works in amazing and wonderful ways, we know that he can use this terrible act to do great things in her life, bring her peace, bring her new understanding . . . we don’t know what he can do, but we can trust that her life is not over, that he can still use her to fulfill his purpose in this world.
Reading your comments, trying to find my own response has been a challenge. As I said – if it were me, if it were my sister, God forbid – I know I would want revenge. I know that fiery outrage lives in all our hearts; the desire to take an eye for an eye. I know that dragon in my own heart.
And yet . . . I am left with this very uneasy feeling that revenge and retribution are neither deterrent, nor satisfying. I trust that if this sentence is carried out, God can even do great things with this violent assailant, that he can work in his heart and give him a new way of seeing, he can bring him to repentance, he can do great works, even in the heart of this sinner.
My greatest, gravest concern is for Ameneh. She seems to be a very stable, courageous woman. I fear that revenge can act as a poison in her soul, that the punishment, if inflicted, will eat away at all the goodness of her life. I fear for any of us who become obsessed with revenge at the cost of who we were created to be.
You have been very forceful in your expression of belief that the sentence should be imposed. Don’t you harbor any misgivings about this, no matter how small?
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Whenever asked if i believe in revenge or forgiveness i always say the best revenge IS forgiveness–not for their sake but for your sake. If you don’t forgive, you are in essence allowing that person to hurt you 24/7. When you forgive, they are out of your life for good.
Having said that, i don’t think Ameneh’s case is about revenge. I believe it is about deterrence.
Here’s a question for all your readers: If you were in charge of reducing the rate of this horrific crime in your country, what measures would you take to prevent this crime and how would you punish someone who does disfigure someone else’s face and shows absolutely no remorse whatsoever?
Oh! Darya! Beautifully said! I agree without reservation, forgiveness is the BEST revenge, because it frees you to go on with your life.
And I understand about hoping this punishment will be a deterrent.
I took the liberty of bolding your question.
People must ban violence, mental and physical, out of their thinking system. It’s never acceptable.
When will mankind discover that it’s only been used for repression, greed and as compensation for a lack of emotional balance?
Cruelty can never been tolerated, neither in the hands of criminals or Governments.
Ever seen a violent animal?
I think your situation in Amman and Ameneh’s in Iran are a bit different – you were thinking about what you could do in the instant of being attacked, to protect yourself and my cousin. In her case, she is experiencing the full effect of the saying that “revenge is a dish best served cold”.
To Facts & Doubt’s question: we do see violent animals, whenever they or their young are threatened. What we do not see is animals plotting revenge months or years later – and nor do we see animals contemplating the question of justice, which I think is a very important issue here.
If you had shot an intruder, you would not have been thinking about justice – you would have been thinking about protection. Ameneh has both the luxury and the responsibility to consider justice – to define what a just punishment for her attacker would be.
In the US we tend to define justice as the loss of civic and personal rights: prisoners lose their personal freedom, and they also lose the right to vote. But maybe this is a culture-specific view.
this may not be exactly the eloquent response you r looking for,but lets look at it in retrospective..
i DESERVE to be sodomized if i raped someone.
i DESERVE to be blind had i blinded someone intentionally, knowing full well the impact of my actions on the victim and myself.
i DESERVE to have something taken away from me if i had taken something (tangible and otherwise) from someone else forcefully.
this world should have such consequences, otherwise ppl will not have to think about them…it would be utter chaos.
I agree, Facts and Doubts, but . . . Under our thin veneer of civilization, the dragon lives. We don’t know who we really are until we come face to face with ourselves in the worst circumstances. And yes, animals who are hurt, who are afraid, who have been mistreated, who are protecting their young – all can be violent. And some animals remember, and take revenge (elephants come to mind, those intelligent beasts.) That is my point – there are circumstances in which the lizard brain prevails. YOU made a good point yesterday, saying that when in danger of the lizard brain prevailing, we need laws to keep us in line.
I know there is that psycopath part of me that wants to think that laws apply to others, but I can skate along the edge . . . It is truly law, and fear of the law, and fear of consequences, and fear of God and his consequences that keeps me in line.
Little Diamond – good point, but again, it is who we are under the very worst circumstances that help us to know the good – and the evil – of which we are capable. I am thinking that the lust for retribution is not all that different from the need to protect. We would have to work very hard in either circumstance to overcome what comes naturally. An eye for an eye comes naturally – my concern is that it doesn’t get us anywhere, it sinks us deeper into the mire. Excellent point about culture-specific points of view on deprivation of freedom vs. retribution . . . this is giving me a lot of food for thought.
As I read your comment, Mrm, it struck me vividly – where is grace? Do you remember when a crazy gunman entered the Amish school and killed so many innocent children? The the Amish had pity on him, forgave him, helped his family recover and even attended his funeral? To me, that was shocking – and inspirational. The Amish healed their hearts and their unbelievable loss by forgiving. It enabled them to move on, trusting that this was in God’s hands, and that he could bring good from this.
I don’t blame Ameneh for whatever she chooses. I see her point, and Darya’s input has shed a lot of light on the thinking that went into her pursuit of this justice. I see your point. I don’t know what I would choose in the same circumstances . . . and you are right, behavior must have consequences, and limits, or we have chaos and the law of the jungle.
there’s been a lot said about the death penalty too.. does putting a man to death for the crime of murder stop other people from committing the same offense? unfortunately after all these years people are still killing each other.
You are right, Mathai . . . I don’t know which is worse, warehousing all these guys in prisons, or killing them. I guess imprisonment gives them a chance to reflect and change, and death robs them of that possibility. I imagine some of them welcome death.
I didn’t write a comment on your first post.
Your now second post gives me even more to think.
My first impulse is, if I had the chance I would kill that **** (insert whatever you feel fit).
Second thought, if I can’t do it myself, let the law handle it.
In this case, a good sentence, even if I would wish for him to be just dead instead of being useless and a beggar and a burden.
Honestly, if I had a chance, I would probably still try to hire someone to get him simply killed. Even if I had to live with it for the rest of my Life.
But we all can only really say what we would do, when this moment comes.
And I hope, we all get spared this time.
(I’m just imagining you in Jordan with a Gun or me with a big knife here in Hungary…)
I wish I could feel forgiveness, but I’m afraid, this is not part of my Life this time.
Btw. (unrelated, sort of) you might be interested in what someone commented on my pictures posted on a CNN ireport assignment yesterday.
That person’s account is now deleted, no idea if it was thanks to CNN or the person’s own insight:
http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-164194
http://www.ireport.com/docs/DOC-164196