Romance and Money Matters
I found this article in today’s New York Times Business. So here is my question to you – is it different in Kuwait than in the USA? I remember when we wanted a joint checking account here ( Adventures in Banking), one man looked at my husband in disbelief and said “Why? Just give her some money!” We never did get a joint account; it isn’t possible, but I was given a PAO on the account. It seemed bizarre to me, but it makes perfect sense if couples keep their moneys separately.
What do you think? Does this article apply to marriage in Kuwait?
The Key to Wedded Bliss? Money Matters
By TARA SIEGEL BERNARD
Published: September 10, 2008
IF you ask married people why their marriage works, they are probably not going to say it’s because they found their financial soul mate.
But if they are lucky, they have. Marrying a person who shares your attitudes about money might just be the smartest financial decision you will ever make. In fact, when it comes to finances, your marriage is likely to be your most valuable asset — or your largest liability.
Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon. For centuries, marriages were arranged affairs, aligning families for economic or political purposes or simply pooling the resources of those scraping by.
Today, while most of us marry for romantic reasons, marriage at its core is still a financial union. So much of what we want — or don’t want — out of life boils down to dollars and cents, whether it’s how hard we choose to work, how much we consume or how much we save. For some people, it’s working 80-hour weeks to finance a third home and country club membership; for others, it means cutting back on office hours to spend more time with the family.
“A lot of the debates people have about money are code for how we want to live our lives,” said Betsey Stevenson, assistant professor of business and public policy at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, who researches the economics of marriage and divorce. “A lot of the choices we make in how we want to live our lives involve how we spend our money.”
Making those choices as a team is one of the most important ways to preserve your marital assets, and your union, experts say. But it’s that much easier when you already share similar outlooks on money matters — or when you can, at the very least, find some middle ground.
The economies achieved by pairing up are fairly obvious. However, the costs of divorce can be financially devastating, especially when children are involved. And, not surprisingly, money manages to force a wide wedge between many couples.
“Most people think people break up over sex issues and children issues — and those are issues — but money is a huge factor in breaking up marriages,” said Susan Reach Winters, a divorce lawyer in Short Hills, N.J.
Not everyone is married to a financial twin, and that’s not necessarily a problem. There are several ways that you and your significant other can become more compatible, and ultimately more prosperous, when it comes to money.
These guidelines are compiled from the successfully married and from experts on psychology, divorce and finance:
TALK AND SHARE GOALS Before walking down the aisle, couples should have a talk about their financial health and goals. They should ask each other tough questions: Do we want children? When? Who will care for them? Will they go to public or private school? What kind of life do we want? When will we retire?
This is a fascinating article – read the rest of it HERE.
Moroccan Blogger Jailed
You can read the entire story, which appeared today, on BBC News Africa:
A Moroccan blogger has been jailed for two years for showing disrespect to the monarchy, say the man’s family.
Mohammed Erraji, 29, was convicted after writing an article claiming King Mohammed VI’s charitable habits were encouraging a culture of dependency.
There has been no official comment on the case, but rights groups claim Erraji did not have a fair trial.
A BBC reporter says criticising the king is an offence in Morocco and the royal family remains a taboo subject.
Morocco has previously caused international outrage with its treatment of internet users.
Earlier this year, Fouad Mortada was sentenced to three years in prison for creating a false profile on the internet site Facebook using the identity of the king’s brother.
He received a royal pardon following protests from internet users around the world.
‘Disastrous’
Erraji claimed in an internet article that the king’s charity towards Moroccans was stifling development by encouraging people to be lazy.
“This has made the Moroccans a people without dignity, who live by donations and gifts,” he wrote.
The BBC’s James Copnall in the capital, Rabat, says he was particularly critical of the practice known as grima – giving lucrative licences to run taxis and other transport in exchange for begging letters.
Erraji said this did not happen in developed countries, where hard work rather than begging is rewarded.
He was arrested by the authorities last Friday and accused of “lacking the respect due to the king”.
In court on Monday, he was given a two-year prison sentence and fined 5,000 Dirham ($630:£356).
The Scourge of Poverty
For the last several years I have tried to start my day by reading my daily readings in the Lectionary (which is also listed in my blogroll there at the right, so you can click on it any time to see what I am reading) and the daily reading from Forward Day by Day (also on the blogroll list).
I think my days go better when I do. I’m human; there are days when I have forgotten, or gotten caught up in the frenzy of daily life and neglected my readings, but it is my commitment and my habit, and I am fairly faithful to it.
Today’s reading in Forward Day by Day (oops, I can see that it is actually Monday’s reading, but as I write, it is still Monday in the USA where it is homed) has to do with poverty.
I thought I would share it with you because I know from what you share with me that during Ramadan, as you grow closer to Allah/God, that part of the expression of that closeness is giving to the poor. I have read of many different ways in which this is expressed – medical expenses paid, food given in Iftar meals, eyeglasses purchased for the needy, a year’s rent paid for a widow with children – what generosity!
I have worked with the poor. I have known what agony it is to have to choose between making an expensive car repair and getting a dental exam. We kept a pantry full of food for those who could barely make the rent, and had nothing left over for food. These were the working poor, the can-we-make-it-from-month-to-month poor. There is a whole other level, the street poor, with their worldly possessions in a garbage sack, or shredding backpack, who never know if they will get food for the day.
I see people here in Kuwait scouring the beaches for something to throw in the soup to make it nourishing, people who beg just for a little bread.
The problems can be overwhelming.
In Kuwait, one group refuses to be overwhelmed. Every month of the year is devoted to alleviating the suffering of the poor. That group is Operation Hope Kuwait. While you are considering where to make an impact this Ramadan – or any other time of the year when you are feeling thankful and generous – please consider Operation Hope Kuwait. They gather all kinds of resources and distribute them to the poor. They faithfully act as God’s hands here on earth, serving the needs of the most desperately poor and needy. Whatever you give them will be stretched to the maximum; they don’t waste a penny, not a fil. Please, give generously.
Psalm 41. Happy are they who consider the poor and needy! the LORD will deliver them in the time of trouble.
The scourge of poverty can be viewed as a sociological problem, an economic problem, a political problem, or in other ways. The scriptures offer no grand economic theories other than to tell those who have much to share with those who have little. Christ told his disciples that they would always have the poor among them. Given human sin and limitations, the problem will always be somewhat intractable.
But the problem of my heart and how it regards the poor-the problem of my own generosity to the world around me – is not intractable. Economic theory and political allegiance are not the crucial questions before us. How I regard the poor is a matter of deep importance in the relationship of my heart with God. The psalm could not be clearer: happy are those who consider [do good to] the poor. It offers a promise to us as well that God will deliver us when we find ourselves in the day of trouble.
Damages, Glen Close and Paradise Road
AdventureMan and I could hardly wait to get home – we started Glen Close’s Damages, a critically acclaimed, award winning legal drama that hit the screen in 2007, but only recently came out in DVD form. As I am always on the watch for series that will grip us – and give us hours of speculation and conversation over dinner – I snapped this one up en route back to Kuwait, knowing with Ramadan here, we would have quiet hours we could spend watching.
Holy. Smokes. Damages is gripping. Damages is amazing. Damages has you sitting on the edge of your chair, and panting for more!
You have to get used to the cinematic style – we start in the present and throughout the entire 13 episodes, we go back into the past – from years ago to months ago to weeks ago, as we get closer to the end – days ago – to follow the career of new lawyer Ellen Parsons, as she goes to work for the top-of-the-heap firm Hewes and Associates. Hewes, played by Glen Close, is simply breathtaking.
Hewes and Associates are in the process of going after Arthur Frobisher, an egomaniacal developer who, similar to other big rich crooks in the US, took his funds out of his company when he had inside information it was about to tank, leaving his 500 employees unemployed, pension fund bankrupt and without the financial security they had invested in for so long. We know there is more going on here, and from week to week, we learn a little more of the puzzle. The puzzle is intricate and complex, and with each episode – man, the hook is set. We are addicted.
We hurried through the last three episodes to share it with some good friends who appreciate the same kinds of shows we do. We look forward to sharing it with our son, who shared Deadwood with us – it’s that good. It’s Deadwood level.
Glen close plays Patty Hewes as a driven, hard working woman, feared, admired and hated in a field which allows little room for mistakes. Part of what keeps you coming back is the revealing of all the different layers of her personality – the vulnerable mother, the trophy wife, the tough-minded head of her firm, the manipulator of all around her. Her motto (reminiscent of the old X-files) is Trust No One. We certainly have questions about how far we can trust her.
Did she try to have her protegee murdered?
We can hardly wait for Season 2.
UPDATE: 22 Sep 08 Last night Glen Close won Best Actress in a Drama (Emmy Awards) for her role as Patty Hewes.
Did you ever see Glen Close in Fatal Attraction? Did you see her as the police chief in The Shield? She is the most amazing actress, such subtlety in her expression, such vulnerability, such toughness.
My very favorite movie with her in it is Paradise Road.
It has to do with a boatload of women and children, and how they survive in a Japanese prison camp during World War II. I don’t buy a lot of movies, but I bought this one – it’s that good. You can watch it once a year and feel equally inspired every time you watch it.
This is from Wikipedia and is a summary of the movie Paradise Road:
Singapore falls to the Japanese in 1942 and the women and children are put on boats to be shipped to safety. Japanese fighters, however, sink one boat and those on board must swim for their lives. Landing on the Japanese controlled island of Sumatra, the women, including Adrienne Pargiter (Glenn Close), a British graduate of the Royal Academy of Music, Susan Macarthy (Cate Blanchett), an Australian nursing student, Topsy Merrit (Julianna Margulies), a pessimistic American, and “Margaret” Drummond (Pauline Collins), a sweet missionary, are captured and imprisoned in a Japanese POW camp. Suffering from cruel and inhumane treatment, tropical diseases and the uncertainty of their future, the women band together for moral support. Others, including Dr. Verstak (Frances McDormand) and Sister Wilhelminia (Johanna Ter Steege) do what they can to tend to the physical and spiritual needs of the group. As the years pass, the women, led by Adrienne, form a “vocal orchestra” that not only softens the guards’ demeanor, but also lifts the women’s spirits as it provides a purpose in their lives.[1]
Paradise Road announces itself in large print to be “based on a true story”. The film is said to be centred on a group of women who are on a ship fleeing Singapore. Having survived the bombing and sinking of the ship they think that “the worst is over”, but they find that the tough times are in the prison camp, and that is when they face their harshest test of survival. However, when introducing viewers to setting and characters, and getting the characters into a prison camp, Paradise Road makes an obvious change from true incidents.
C’mon By for some Birthday Cake
Today, Here There and Everywhere is 2 years old. I cannot thank you enough for the treasure of your friendship. My life, here in Kuwait, without your greetings and your input, would be much poorer. You have enriched us all with your perspectives, with your good will, with your humor.
I thank all of you, bloggers, non-bloggers, even those who come by regularly and never say hello. Thank you most of all to Google, Safat, and those of you who have mentioned me to others, and who have stopped by regularly. Bless you all. 🙂
I remember, when I first started, maybe 30 people a day would come by. Probably six of those were me checking the site to see if anyone had come by!
I found the most amazing website while I was looking for some sparkly cakes to serve you as you come by to say hello:
Pink Cake Box, out of Denville, New Jersey. This lady is doing some of the most adorable, lively, original and fun cakes I have ever seen. It looks like she is having a good time – and what a dream come true, to be having a good time and making money, too.
Here is a picture of her and her brother ( a doctor) and a cake they made together:
There’s full strength coffee from the Pacific Northwest, Chai, Hot English tea and Lapsang Souchong, some fruit juices, and maybe a little something stronger for those of you who are not Muslim.
I am posting this after sundown so as not to torture those of you who are fasting for the month of Ramadan. May your fast be blessed.
ExPat Labor Force Statistics Kuwait
(For your good laugh of the day, visit NQ’s / L’s Brain very original take on the blogging scene in Kuwait . . . I mention it because they have me reading aloud from the newspaper, which I do! LOL!)
1.15 million expats working in private sector
From today’s Al Watan:
KUWAIT: An official census published on Thursday showed that around 1.15 million expatriates worked in the Kuwaiti private sector until June of this year.
The census, prepared by the Central Census Department, showed that males made up 93.5 percent of the expatriates, while 6.5 percent were female.
The study said that around 67.7 percent of the expatriates got salaries lower than 180 Kuwaiti dinars. About 63 percent of the expats were nonـArabs, while 37 percent were Arabs, the study added. ـKUNA
Psalm 37: Do Not Fret Because of Evil Men
I think I have published this Psalm before, but I am going to post it again because it answers that question we all ask – why is it that the evil ones appear to prosper and bad things happen to those who seek to do God’s will?
This is a Psalm of David / Daoud, and something to think about in this Ramadan time of contemplation, and seeking closeness to The Almighty One.
Psalm 37
Of David.
1 [a] Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;
2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.
3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.
5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:
6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.
7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.
9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.
10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.
11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.
12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;
13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.
14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.
15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.
16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;
17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.
18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
and their inheritance will endure forever.
19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.
20 But the wicked will perish:
The LORD’s enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish—vanish like smoke.
21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;
22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.
23 If the LORD delights in a man’s way,
he makes his steps firm;
24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.
25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.
26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.
27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.
28 For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;
29 the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.
30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.
31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.
32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
seeking their very lives;
33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.
34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.
35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,
36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.
37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future [b] for the man of peace.
38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
the future [c] of the wicked will be cut off.
39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.
40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.
Footnotes:
Psalm 37:1 This psalm is an acrostic poem, the stanzas of which begin with the successive letters of the Hebrew alphabet.
Psalm 37:37 Or there will be posterity
Psalm 37:38 Or posterity
Sharks and Underwear
Two things happened yesterday that caught my attention – and I wonder if everyone knows about these things except for me, or if others are also caught by surprise.
First, on the way to go shopping, my good friend told me that shark is no longer available in the fish souks. We don’t eat a lot of shark, but we often buy it to fill in a good bouillabaisse (if you are superstitious and believe there must be seven different fish in your bouillabaisse) or to cook up to feed the feral cats in the neighborhood. Even the heads make a big hit with the local cats. 🙂
“No, a recent religious decision says that shark is ‘haram’, ” she said, as I gaped in disbelief. “Their skin has no scales.”
“But the Kuwaitis eat shrimp!” I responded, “and shrimp are also haram according to some Muslims. Who is going to tell Kuwaitis not to eat shrimp?”
“I don’t make the rules,” she responded. “I am just letting you know. The fishman said that because sharks have no scales and something about the male sexual organ, I don’t know, but now they can’t sell shark anymore.”
She paused, thoughtfully.
“What will the poor people do?” she asked. “Most of the people who buy shark can’t afford anything better.”
Later, our marketing accomplished, our goods safely in cupboards and refrigerators, I read the news. This is from yesterday’s Kuwait Times:
Shops Banned from Displaying Lingerie
Kuwait: The Minister of Commerce and Trade and Minister of State for National Assembly Affairs Ahmad Baqer last week issued decision No. 430/2008 which bans any display of women’s underwear in shop windows or at the front of shops.
It is permissible, however, to display such garments inside outlets.
The decision also banned any unclothed display of mannequins used for modeling underwear in order to protect the moral well being of passersby, with legal penalties to be taken against shops which violate the new regulations.
I’m sorry if this offends you, but it just made me laugh. Even Saudi Arabia, the most traditional of the traditional, allows underwear to be displayed. Even Qatar, more conservative than Kuwait, allows underwear to be displayed. Some of my very favorite images are those of abaya’d, veiled, ladies looking at a particularly luscious set of fabulous under-garments.
Changes are occurring in Kuwait, small changes, incremental changes, and little by little, as they aggregate, the face of Kuwait is changing.
Brutal Ramadan
Yesterday was the first day of Ramadan. As I headed out early to the markets, it was a breeze. It was hot, but not too bad. Schools are later during Ramadan, so the roads were clear. It wasn’t too bad, not until around 10 a.m. when I started getting thirsty and reached for a bottle of water, which, fortunately, was not there, or I might have taken a swig without a second thought, just out of habit.
“Oh my good sweet Lord,” I thought to myself, “how are these people going to make it through the day?”
I knew all I needed was to get home, and behind my closed doors, in the privacy of my own home, I could sip to my heart’s content.
But what about my brothers and sisters, fasting in this heat? To make it worse, high humidity set in, when you walk out your door, your sunglasses steam. It is so hot that the car’s air conditioning finally cools you down just about as you are arriving at your destination. Heat, humidity, heavy traffic and fasting – what a test of spiritual fortitude.
Last year, I discovered late afternoon – around four – was a good time to hit the co-op. I am guessing that it wasn’t the first day of Ramadan when I figured that out – because at 4:00 yesterday, the co-op was full, mostly men with their phones to their ears, men with that harassed look on their faces that says they are feeling desperate as they try to fill the list, buy the things that their wives MUST HAVE to make their first breaking-of-the-fast meal a perfect one.
The lines were long. The aisles were messy, the special displays had been hit and there were cans and soaps and things all over the floor. The bread wasn’t even on the shelves, customers had to dig into the delivery bins to pull out a loaf. All the helpers were up front, helping bag, helping clean up, helping customers tote their loads out to the cars, which were jammed into the parking lot, as other cars trolled, looking for a spot.
For such chaos, it was not noisy. People were subdued, suffering, just trying to get through this purgatorian experience, knowing that the best is yet to come. I saw no yelling, no pushing, none of the behaviors that being hot and hungry and desperate can bring on. People were patient. I respected their commitment.
But one thing caught my eye. Above the cashiers, there are now flat screen tv’s beaming luscious photos of food at all the fasting Moslems. Pancakes, being loaded with honey. Whipped cream loaded onto sweet, tempting fruits. Cakes, pies, rich and gleaming, meats dripping with fats on the grill. I looked around. Most of the customers had their eyes firmly on their baskets, on the ground, anywhere but on those flat screens. How awful, having those images broadcast repeatedly while you are still a good two hours away from breaking your fast!
The parking lot was bearable. There were still people driving a little desperately, looking for spots. Still people squealing their wheels in their eagerness to return home. Still a few horns honking, but not so many as you might think. I was amazed and impressed at the forbearance of the fasting customers.
The image at the top is posted because it looks cool and clear. It can take you to a cooler place, as you endure through the day. I wish you success with your fast.
Ramadan Mubarak!
Welcome, Ramadan!
I looked, early this morning, to see if I could spot that thin thin sliver of a crescent moon. The sky – at 4:45 a.m. was clear and there were twinkling stars, but if there was a thin crescent moon, I couldn’t find it.
Wishing you all, my brothers and sisters, a blessed month of contemplation and spiritual enhancement, of family time and time for reading the Qur’an, of sacrifice and joy.
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