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Expat wanderer

Idiot Awards 2009

After posting the story today about the suspect who tried to drown the police officer AND the police dog, I Googled “Idiot Awards 2009” and found these on the blog Daily Funny Jokes.

Idiot Number Six of 2009

A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, “Nobody move!” When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him This guy doesn’t need an award, he probably figured it out himself.

Number Five Idiot of 2009

A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag,the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, “Because I don’t believe you are over 21. The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because he didn’t believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk. The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and he put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.

This guy definitely needs an award!

Number Four Idiot of 2009

Arkansas: Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a brick through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the brick and heaved it over his head at the window. The brick bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Flexi-Glass. The whole event was caught on videotape.

Oh, that’s smart. Give him his award.

Number Three Idiot of 2009

A true story out of San Francisco : A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America , walked into the branch and wrote “this iz a stikkup. Put all your muny in this bag” While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to Wells Fargo . After waiting a Few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller.

She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the street told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America. Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, “OK” and left. He was Arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America .

Don’t bother with this guy’s award. He probably couldn’t read it anyway.

Number Two Idiot of 2009

Early this year, some airline employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming towards them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locator beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed with the airline.

Here’s your award, guys. Don’t get it wet; the paint might run.

Number One Idiot of 2009

I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.

I told her that she better bring her daughter into the emergency room right away.

Here’s your award, lady. Wear it with pride.

I hope you find these as hilarious as I do, I laugh every time I think of the Wells Fargo bank teller telling the robber she can’t give him the money because the note is written on a Bank of American form, LLLLOOOOLLLLLLLL!

September 28, 2010 Posted by | Crime, Cultural, Humor | Leave a comment

Chase Ends with Suspect Trying to Drown Police and Police Dog

I loved reading the papers in Kuwait. What criminals could be so incredibly STUPID, I would wonder. (Here is my all time favorite Kuwait story.)

This morning, AdventureMan asked “Have you read the paper? Some guy had a high speed chase, then he tried to drown the policeman AND the policeman’s dog!”

No, I hadn’t read it. It is almost to stupid to be believed. What I do love is that the idiot is named in the Pensacola News Journal story and, of course, that his mother says he couldn’t have done it, LOL.

Chase Ends With Officer Fighting To Save His Life

Gulf Breeze Police Department Sgt. Stef Neff knows things can go bad in just a few seconds in his line of work.

That’s what happened in Gulf Breeze early Saturday morning when a traffic stop ended with Neff fighting for his life with a suspect in Hoffman Bayou.

“There is no lonelier feeling than that,” said Neff, a 15-year veteran who survived the fight without serious injuries. “I didn’t have any way to call anybody else. It was me and him.”

The suspect — Kyle Estes, 21, of Navarre — was eventually captured but it took more than an hour as he struggled in the water with two other officers and a police dog.

Estes remains in Santa Rosa County Jail today under $111,000 bond. He is facing a long list of charges related to Saturday’s fracas:

• Fleeing and eluding law enforcement officers.
• Obstruction of police.
• Aggravated battery.
• Resisting an officer.
• Driving while license is suspended or revoked.
• Hit and run.
• DUI with property damage.

The suspect’s mother hasn’t talked to him since the early morning battle, but she insists he is not violent by nature.

“It was totally out of character for Kyle to get violent like that,” Michelle Estes said today. “It was a very desperate and extreme attempt to get away from the police. I just think he didn’t want to get in trouble.”

The incident began when Gulf Breeze Police Officer Greg Baker tried to stop Estes at about 2 a.m. after seeing him speeding south on the Pensacola Bay bridge at about 95 mph, Neff said.

Baker followed Estes to Chanteclaire Circle, where Estes lost control of his vehicle and hit a cement wall, a mailbox and a tree, Neff said.

Estes jumped out the vehicle and ran. Neff and Gulf Breeze police officer Daylyn Wilson went to help Baker.

As Neff drove on Chanteclaire Circle, Estes ran by. Neff said he jumped out his vehicle, ran between some houses and pursued Estes to Hoffman Bayou.

Estes fell into the bayou from a rock embankment. Neff said Estes pulled him into the water.

“He tried to push me under the water,” Neff said. “He tried to drown me.”

Neff had no way to tell anyone where he was because his radio was disabled after being dunked in the water.

The Pensacola Police Department and Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office dispatched officers to help look for Neff.

Neff said he hit Estes in the head a few times with his flashlight as the two struggled in the water. He said Estes let him go after he hit him and started to swim across the bayou toward Laura Lane.

As Neff was coming out of the water, Wilson arrived. Neff told Wilson to head toward Laura Lane.

At first, Estes couldn’t be found after he swam away.

“He kind of hunkered down in some saw grass,” Neff said. “He just tried to wait us out.”

When Pensacola Police Officer Shawn Thompson made it to the area, he let his dog, Bandit, off his leash to search for Estes.

The dog found Estes hiding in the saw grass. Estes grabbed Bandit.

“Then he tried to drown the dog,” Neff said. “He was pulling the dog out into the bayou, holding him under the water.”

Thompson and Wilson jumped in to save Bandit. Estes started to swim away after taking some hits to the head with a flashlight, Neff said.

It wasn’t long before Estes was spotted under a pier. Neff and Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office Sgt. Judd White went into water and pulled Estes onto the pier.

None of the officers involved in the incident suffered serious injuries.

Estes was taken to Gulf Breeze Hospital, where he was treated for his injuries, and transported to jail.

Bandit was taken to a veterinarian.

“I think he’s doing fine now,” Pensacola Police Chief Chip Simmons said.

This story illustrates why police and fire crews and teachers and emergency room personnel are, to me, everyday heroes. Every day, they never know what might be out there to bite them.

September 28, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Bureaucracy, Community, Crime, Humor, Law and Order, Living Conditions, Pensacola, Social Issues, Work Related Issues | Leave a comment

Looking for Ebonics Masters

I haven’t heard a word about ebonics for a long time, and then this, in today’s AOL News. I had thought it was one of those flash-in-the-pan things, here today and gone tomorrow. Have not heard a serious word about ebonics in, literally, years.

DEA Seeking Ebonics Experts for Narcotics Investigations

Allan Lengel
Contributor
(Aug. 23) — If you speak Ebonics, the federal government may have a job for you.

The Drug Enforcement Administration wants to hire people fluent in Ebonics to help monitor, transcribe and translate secretly recorded conversations in narcotics investigations, according to the website The Smoking Gun and DEA documents.

The Smoking Gun reports that up to nine Ebonics experts will work with the DEA Atlanta Division after obtaining “DEA Sensitive” security clearance.

Ebonics, or “Black English,” generally is defined as a nonstandard form of English spoken by African-Americans.

According to the job description, Ebonics experts will decipher the results of “telephonic monitoring of court ordered nonconsensual intercepts, consensual listening devices, and other media,” the website reported.

August 24, 2010 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Crime, Cultural, Language, Law and Order | Leave a comment

Pensacola, Sunday 0900

It’s one of those rare Sunday mornings when I am on my own, no AdventureMan, no son and daughter-in-law and grandson, just me. As a special treat, I get to go to the 8:00 service at Christ Church, and then, since I don’t have any church-girlfriends yet, I don’t have anyone to go to breakfast with, so I stop by Micky D’s and get in line for take-out.

It’s a long line. Whoda thunk, early on a Sunday morning in Pensacola, there would be a breakfast line at McDonalds?

A flashing light catches my eye, and a Pensacola police cruiser pulls up across the street, and leaves his lights flashing as he cautiously heads to the entrance of the convenience store. His hand is on his gun. No, I am not kidding!

He looks in the windows. Customers are coming out, and he keeps watching through the window as he walks towards the door. As he enters, he draws his gun. Just moments later, he and another policeman come out, with a man between them in handcuffs, white guy, looking sheepish. They put him in the back of the second squad car.

I really wanted a photo of them stuffing him in the back seat, but by this point, I was in traffic and I shot the photo I could get, not the photo I wanted. Me and my bacon, egg and cheese McMuffin headed home for coffee and the Sunday Pensacola Journal, all about school starting this week in Pensacola.

And AdventureMan comes home tonight. The house is sparkling. He has a surprise in store. 🙂 Our son and I will meet him at the airport to welcome him home, home being about 5 minutes from the airport IF there is traffic, LOL.

August 15, 2010 Posted by | Crime, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Law and Order, Living Conditions, Pensacola, Renovations | 2 Comments

Really Bad News for USA Olive Oil Lovers

Horrifying. I read the labels. I thought we could trust the labels. Thank God for independent testing. Bring on the Palestinian Olive oil!


Most ‘extra virgin’ olive oil bottles are actually cheaper mix

(See full article from WalletPop

More than two of every three bottles labeled imported extra virgin olive oil are either a cheaper grade of olive oil or adulterated with another type of oil, a University of California at Davis study found.

Top-selling brands including Bertolli, Filippo Berio, Carapelli, Pompeiian, Colavita, Mazola and Carapelli all had bottles that flunked the test — containing instead a cheaper virgin olive oil, the study by the university’s Olive Center found. Even a brand carrying the name of TV host Rachael Ray — who frequently touts her supposedly extra virgin olive oil — flunked the testing on two of three samples.

The chemical analysis did find that 90% of the California-packaged olive oils were indeed what they claimed to be. Two that were exactly what they claimed to be were Walmart’s Great Value brand and Costco’s Kirkland Organic.

“The intent of the study was to provide consumers and retailers with an accurate picture of the quality of olive oils now being marketed through grocery stores and other retail outlets in California,” Dan Flynn, executive director of the Olive Center, said in statement sent to Consumer Ally. “Our hope is that these findings will lead to improved methods for evaluating extra virgin olive oil, and increased consumer confidence that ‘extra virgin’ on the label means extra virgin in the bottle.”

Flynn said the United States is the world’s third-largest consumer of olive oil.

Consumer Ally contacted several of the largest manufacturers cited in the study, but only one immediately responded to the request to comment on the study. A Colavita official wanted to read the study before discussing.

A history of duping consumers believing they’re buying the rich-flavored and often pricey extra virgin olive oil led the federal government to enact more stringent olive oil standards, scheduled to take effect in October. In 2008, Connecticut became the first state to regulate olive oil after finding that some being sold included nut oils or soy oils, which could cause dangerous allergic reactions.

“Before this study, we had anecdotal reports of poor quality olive oil being sold as extra virgin,” Flynn said. “Now there is empirical proof.”

Some of the tests analyzed for problems that would affect flavor — the very essence of extra virgin olive oil. “Many of these oils just did not taste good,” Flynn said.

He cited the following reasons for the oil flunking the tests:
adulteration with cheaper refined olive oil
oxidation due to elevated temperature, light and or aging;
poor-quality oils made from damaged and overripe olives,
processing flaws or improper oil storage.

See full article from WalletPop: http://srph.it/9Svxpx

July 16, 2010 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Cooking, Crime, Experiment, Food, Scams, Shopping | 5 Comments

Bank of America Account

They just keep getting worse and worse. This one has atrocious grammar and punctuation, and keeps changing font size!

July 4, 2010 Posted by | Crime, Financial Issues, Scams | 4 Comments

It’s Easy To Tell a Spy

This story interests me because I grew up in Cold War America, and when I was going to high school in Germany, we were surrounded by propaganda urging us always to be careful about anything we said, in public or even in private.

“It’s easy to tell a spy” the public service announcements would go, and show someone in a cafe, or in line waiting for a bus, or in the library giving out information on where her husband or father was deployed or when such and such a unit was going to the border, and a nefarious person writing it down to send back to their leaders, always the dreaded Russians.

They’re back. Did they ever go away?

NEW YORK -Nine people charged with operating as Russian spies entrenched in American suburbia were making long-shot bids to be released from jail pending trial Thursday, even as authorities scoured a Mediterranean island for an alleged co-conspirator who disappeared after he was granted bail.

Hearings were set for federal courts in Boston, New York and Alexandria, Va., for all but one of the 10 people arrested over the weekend by federal authorities in the United States.

Police searched airports, ports and yacht marinas Thursday to find an 11th person who was arrested in Cyprus but disappeared after a judge there freed him on $32,500 bail. The man, who had gone by the name Christopher Metsos, failed to show up Wednesday for a required meeting with police.

Authorities also examined surveillance video from crossing points on the war-divided island, fearing the suspect might have slipped into the breakaway north, a diplomatic no-man’s-land that’s recognized only by Turkey and has no extradition treaties.

In the U.S., Donald Heathfield and Tracey Foley, of Cambridge, Mass., were scheduled to appear Thursday at a federal court in Boston. Mikhail Semenko, Michael Zottoli and Patricia Mills, all of Arlington, Va., were set for a hearing before Magistrate Judge Theresa Buchanan in U.S. District Court in Alexandria. Defendants Richard Murphy, Cynthia Murphy, Juan Lazaro and Vicky Pelaez were to go before a judge in New York.

All have been charged with being foreign agents. Officials said the suspects will all eventually be transferred to New York, where the charges were filed.

Not due in court Thursday was Russian beauty Anna Chapman, the alleged spy whose heavy presence on the Internet and New York party scene has made her a tabloid sensation. She was previously ordered held without bail.

Eight of the suspects were accused by prosectuors of being foreign-born, husband-and-wife teams who were supposed to be Americanizing themselves and gradually developing ties to policymaking circles in the U.S.
Most were living under assumed identities, according to the FBI. Their true names and citizenship remain unknown, but several are suspected of being Russians by birth.

Heathfield claimed to be a Canadian but was using a birth certificate of a deceased Canadian boy, agents said in a court filing. His wife, Tracey Foley, purported to be from Canada, too, but investigators said they searched a family safe deposit box found photographs taken of her when she was in her 20s that had been developed by a Soviet film company.

Juan Lazaro had said he was born in Uraguay and was a citizen of Peru; he was secretly recorded by the FBI talking about a childhood in Siberia, according to court documents.

Two, Chapman and Mikhail Semenko, were Russians who didn’t attempt to hide their national origin, FBI agents said, but they had a similar mission: blend in, network and learn what they could.

Britain’s Foreign Secretary William Hague said the U.K. was investigating whether Foley might have used a forged British passport. The British spy agency MI5 is also investigating the extent to which Foley and Chapman had links to London, and will likely seek to find out whether either attempted to recruit British officials as informants.

There is evidence that at least some of the alleged agents had success cultivating contacts in the business, academic and political worlds.

The criminal complaint alleges that either Heathfield or Foley sent messages to Moscow talking about turnover at the CIA that was supposedly “received in private conversation” with a former congressional aide. Other messages described Heathfield establishing contact with a former high ranking U.S. national security official, and with a U.S. researcher who worked on bunker-busting nuclear warheads.

Moscow thanked Cynthia Murphy for having passed along “very useful” information about the global gold market and instructed her to strengthen ties with students and professors at Columbia University’s business school, where she was getting a degree, according to the FBI.

Among other things, the Russians wanted “detailed personal data and character traits w. preliminary conclusions about their potential to be recruited by Service,” according to one intercepted message.
Clare Lopez, senior fellow at the Center for Security Policy and a professor at the Centre for Counterintelligence and Security and a former operations officer for the CIA, said the alleged plotters might have someday been able to produce valuable information, if left in place long enough.
“Their value is not just in acquiring classified information,” she said. “There’s a lot that goes on that’s not simply stealing secrets and sending them back to Moscow.”

Metsos was charged with supplying funds to the other members of the ring.

Cypriot Justice Minister Loucas Louca on Thursday admitted that a judge’s decision to release him on bail “may have been mistaken” and said authorities were examining leads on his possible whereabouts.

“We have some information and we hope that we will arrest him soon,” Louca told reporters, without elaborating.

Cyprus has for decades been a hotbed of espionage intrigue as spies converge on the eastern Mediterranean island at the crossroads of Europe, Africa and Asia.

More recently, former CIA agent Harold Nicholson, in prison for espionage, recruited his 24-year-old son Nathaniel to meet with Russian agents in cities around the world from 2006 to 2008 to collect money owed by his former handlers. One of those cities was the Cypriot capital, Nicosia.

July 3, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Aging, Biography, Bureaucracy, Community, Counter-terrorism, Crime, Cultural, ExPat Life, Generational, Interconnected, Law and Order, Lies, Living Conditions, Locard Exchange Principal, Political Issues, Relationships | 4 Comments

Heartache in Pensacola

It’s a beautiful full moon over the oil soaked beaches of Pensacola. There is a beach advisory against children on the beach, against pregnant women or people with weak immune systems being on the beach. The surf is contaminated with oil and VOC, which is volatile organic compounds, whatever that means, it is bad.

June 24, 2010 Posted by | Community, Crime, Environment, Health Issues, Living Conditions, Pensacola, Political Issues, Social Issues | 6 Comments

Credit Card Fraud

The call caught me totally by surprise, so much so that I suspected that the call was a scam.

The caller asked for my husband or me by name, and asked if we had charged two thousand plus on our card. Ummm. . . nope. That card is now closed down.

I suppose the good news is that our credit card company has such excellent security that they identified the fraudulent charge immediately.

The bad news is that we have had this card for a long time, and I have the number memorized. There have been a couple problems previously, small things. One time I found some calls to a phone sex number. They showed the number the calls were made from; I called that number. The woman who answered assured me that no calls were made from that number to a phone sex number because her husband had promised her he wouldn’t do that any more. I called our credit card company, told them what had transpired, and my account was not charged for the calls.

Another time, the company called and asked me if I was trying to make calls to Nigeria using my credit card. Nope.

But this time, their solution is that the card has to be shut down, and new ones issued. Oh aarrgh. I will have to memorize a new number.

Our credit card company’s security division never asked for any information a scammer would ask, like the security number on the back of the card, the expiration date – none of that. They already know that information.

June 6, 2010 Posted by | Crime, Family Issues, Financial Issues, Law and Order, Living Conditions | Leave a comment

Me and Homeland Security

Honestly, I don’t mind getting these; some of them just crack me up:

Department of Homeland Security (DHS)
Washington, DC 20528
US DEPARTMENT OF HOMELAND SECURITY

Attn: Beneficiary,

This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have thoroughly completed an Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network System that you are having an illegal transaction with Impostors claiming to be Prof. Charles C. Soludo former Governor Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr. Frank Nweke, none officials of Oceanic Bank, none officials of Zenith Bank and some impostors claiming to be the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) agents. During our Investigation, it came to our notice that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.

So therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf and they have brought a solution to your problem by coordinating your payment in the total amount of US$800,000.00 which will be deposited into an ATM CARD which you will use to withdraw funds anywhere of the world. You now have the lawful right to claim your funds which have been deposited into the ATM CARD.

Since the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) has been involved in this transaction, you are now to be rest assured that this transaction is legitimate and completely risk-free as it is our duty to Protect and Serve citizens of the United States Of America. All you have to do is immediately contact the ATM CARD CENTER via E-mail for instructions on how to procure your Approval Slip which contains details on how to receive and activate your ATM CARD for immediate use to withdraw funds being paid to you.

The total amount for everything is US$300.00 (Three Hundred US Dollars). We have tried our possible best to indicate that this US$300.00 should be deducted from your funds, but we found out that the funds have already been deposited in an ATM CARD and cannot be accessed by anyone apart from you the beneficiary which the PIN would be released to. Therefore you will be required to pay the required fee to the Agent in-charge of this transaction via Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram International Transfer.

In order to proceed with this transaction, you will be required to contact the agent in-charge ( Mr. David Wills ) via e-mail. Kindly look below to find appropriate contact information:

CONTACT INFORMATION
NAME: Mr. David Wills
EMAIL: davidwills101@yahoo.cn

Immediately contact Mr. David Wills of the ATM Card Center with the following information:

Full Name:
Address:
City:
State:
Zip Code:
Direct Telephone Number:
Current Occupation:

Once you have sent the required information to Mr. David Wills he will contact you with instructions on how to make the payment of US$300.00 for the Approval Slip after which he will proceed towards delivery of the ATM CARD without any further delay. You have hereby been authorized/guaranteed by the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) to commence towards completing this transaction, as there shall be NO delay once payment for the Approval Slip has been made to the authorized agent.

This letter will serve as proof that the Department of Homeland Security (DHS) is authorizing you to pay the required US$300.00 ONLY to Mr. David Wills via information in which he shall send to you, if you do not receive your ATM CARD containing your funds in amount of US$800,000.00 we shall be held responsible for the loss and this shall invite a penalty of $3,000.00USD which will be made PAYABLE ONLY to you (The Beneficiary).

Once you have completed payment of US$300.00 to the agent in charge of this transaction, immediately contact me back so as to ensure your ATM CARD gets to you rapidly.

Mr. David Wills
Special Agent DHS.

Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostor or office claiming to be in possession of your ATM CARD, you are advised only to be in contact with Mr. David Wills of the ATM CARD CENTER who is the rightful person you are suppose to deal with in regards your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any email you get from any impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.

May 31, 2010 Posted by | Crime, ExPat Life, Law and Order, Scams | 3 Comments