Romance and Money Matters
I found this article in today’s New York Times Business. So here is my question to you – is it different in Kuwait than in the USA? I remember when we wanted a joint checking account here ( Adventures in Banking), one man looked at my husband in disbelief and said “Why? Just give her some money!” We never did get a joint account; it isn’t possible, but I was given a PAO on the account. It seemed bizarre to me, but it makes perfect sense if couples keep their moneys separately.
What do you think? Does this article apply to marriage in Kuwait?
The Key to Wedded Bliss? Money Matters
By TARA SIEGEL BERNARD
Published: September 10, 2008
IF you ask married people why their marriage works, they are probably not going to say it’s because they found their financial soul mate.
But if they are lucky, they have. Marrying a person who shares your attitudes about money might just be the smartest financial decision you will ever make. In fact, when it comes to finances, your marriage is likely to be your most valuable asset — or your largest liability.
Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon. For centuries, marriages were arranged affairs, aligning families for economic or political purposes or simply pooling the resources of those scraping by.
Today, while most of us marry for romantic reasons, marriage at its core is still a financial union. So much of what we want — or don’t want — out of life boils down to dollars and cents, whether it’s how hard we choose to work, how much we consume or how much we save. For some people, it’s working 80-hour weeks to finance a third home and country club membership; for others, it means cutting back on office hours to spend more time with the family.
“A lot of the debates people have about money are code for how we want to live our lives,” said Betsey Stevenson, assistant professor of business and public policy at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, who researches the economics of marriage and divorce. “A lot of the choices we make in how we want to live our lives involve how we spend our money.”
Making those choices as a team is one of the most important ways to preserve your marital assets, and your union, experts say. But it’s that much easier when you already share similar outlooks on money matters — or when you can, at the very least, find some middle ground.
The economies achieved by pairing up are fairly obvious. However, the costs of divorce can be financially devastating, especially when children are involved. And, not surprisingly, money manages to force a wide wedge between many couples.
“Most people think people break up over sex issues and children issues — and those are issues — but money is a huge factor in breaking up marriages,” said Susan Reach Winters, a divorce lawyer in Short Hills, N.J.
Not everyone is married to a financial twin, and that’s not necessarily a problem. There are several ways that you and your significant other can become more compatible, and ultimately more prosperous, when it comes to money.
These guidelines are compiled from the successfully married and from experts on psychology, divorce and finance:
TALK AND SHARE GOALS Before walking down the aisle, couples should have a talk about their financial health and goals. They should ask each other tough questions: Do we want children? When? Who will care for them? Will they go to public or private school? What kind of life do we want? When will we retire?
This is a fascinating article – read the rest of it HERE.
9/11 Conspiracy Theories Live
When most Americans hear these theories, they just laugh – it never occurs to them that anyone could take them seriously. The New York Times does an article on 9/11 conspiracy theories just as that tragic anniversary approaches:
9/11 Rumors That Become Conventional Wisdom
Justin Lane for The New York Times
CAIRO — Seven years later, it remains conventional wisdom here that Osama bin Laden and Al Qaeda could not have been solely responsible for the attacks of Sept. 11, 2001, and that the United States and Israel had to have been involved in their planning, if not their execution, too.
Many in Cairo see the attacks as part of an anti-Muslim plot.
This is not the conclusion of a scientific survey, but it is what routinely comes up in conversations around the region — in a shopping mall in Dubai, in a park in Algiers, in a cafe in Riyadh and all over Cairo.
“Look, I don’t believe what your governments and press say. It just can’t be true,” said Ahmed Issab, 26, a Syrian engineer who lives and works in the United Arab Emirates. “Why would they tell the truth? I think the U.S. organized this so that they had an excuse to invade Iraq for the oil.”
It is easy for Americans to dismiss such thinking as bizarre. But that would miss a point that people in this part of the world think Western leaders, especially in Washington, need to understand: That such ideas persist represents the first failure in the fight against terrorism — the inability to convince people here that the United States is, indeed, waging a campaign against terrorism, not a crusade against Muslims.
“The United States should be concerned because in order to tell people that there is a real evil, they too have to believe it in order to help you,” said Mushairy al-Thaidy, a columnist in the Saudi-owned regional newspaper Asharq al Awsat. “Otherwise, it will diminish your ability to fight terrorism. It is not the kind of battle you can fight on your own; it is a collective battle.”
There were many reasons people here said they believed that the attacks of 9/11 were part of a conspiracy against Muslims. Some had nothing to do with Western actions, and some had everything to do with Western policies.
Again and again, people said they simply did not believe that a group of Arabs — like themselves — could possibly have waged such a successful operation against a superpower like the United States. But they also said that Washington’s post-9/11 foreign policy proved that the United States and Israel were behind the attacks, especially with the invasion of Iraq.
“Maybe people who executed the operation were Arabs, but the brains? No way,” said Mohammed Ibrahim, 36, a clothing-store owner in the Bulaq neighborhood of Cairo. “It was organized by other people, the United States or the Israelis.”
You can read the entire article at The New York Times.
Qatteri Cat and Ramadan
“You haven’t taken any photos of the Qatteri Cat for a while,” AdventureMan chided me this morning. “You know you everyone loves it when you do a blog entry on him.”
He’s right. The problem is that the Qatteri Cat doesn’t lead such an interesting life. The best thing that happens to him is when the window washers come, or air conditioner repairmen – something new and interesting. Second to that, he loves AdventureMan’s suitcase when he comes back from a trip, full of great new and exotic fragrances.
The Qatteri Cat is a perfect Ramadan cat. He comes alive at dusk, and eats and drinks during the long dark hours of the night. Occasionally, he will come tell us that he wants to play, but we are not very kind to him, when he tries to wake us in the middle of the night.
And then, when we get up and are moving about, he looks at us with great annoyance, even irritation, as if to say “What is it with you two, don’t you now it is time to snooze???”
The Scourge of Poverty
For the last several years I have tried to start my day by reading my daily readings in the Lectionary (which is also listed in my blogroll there at the right, so you can click on it any time to see what I am reading) and the daily reading from Forward Day by Day (also on the blogroll list).
I think my days go better when I do. I’m human; there are days when I have forgotten, or gotten caught up in the frenzy of daily life and neglected my readings, but it is my commitment and my habit, and I am fairly faithful to it.
Today’s reading in Forward Day by Day (oops, I can see that it is actually Monday’s reading, but as I write, it is still Monday in the USA where it is homed) has to do with poverty.
I thought I would share it with you because I know from what you share with me that during Ramadan, as you grow closer to Allah/God, that part of the expression of that closeness is giving to the poor. I have read of many different ways in which this is expressed – medical expenses paid, food given in Iftar meals, eyeglasses purchased for the needy, a year’s rent paid for a widow with children – what generosity!
I have worked with the poor. I have known what agony it is to have to choose between making an expensive car repair and getting a dental exam. We kept a pantry full of food for those who could barely make the rent, and had nothing left over for food. These were the working poor, the can-we-make-it-from-month-to-month poor. There is a whole other level, the street poor, with their worldly possessions in a garbage sack, or shredding backpack, who never know if they will get food for the day.
I see people here in Kuwait scouring the beaches for something to throw in the soup to make it nourishing, people who beg just for a little bread.
The problems can be overwhelming.
In Kuwait, one group refuses to be overwhelmed. Every month of the year is devoted to alleviating the suffering of the poor. That group is Operation Hope Kuwait. While you are considering where to make an impact this Ramadan – or any other time of the year when you are feeling thankful and generous – please consider Operation Hope Kuwait. They gather all kinds of resources and distribute them to the poor. They faithfully act as God’s hands here on earth, serving the needs of the most desperately poor and needy. Whatever you give them will be stretched to the maximum; they don’t waste a penny, not a fil. Please, give generously.
Psalm 41. Happy are they who consider the poor and needy! the LORD will deliver them in the time of trouble.
The scourge of poverty can be viewed as a sociological problem, an economic problem, a political problem, or in other ways. The scriptures offer no grand economic theories other than to tell those who have much to share with those who have little. Christ told his disciples that they would always have the poor among them. Given human sin and limitations, the problem will always be somewhat intractable.
But the problem of my heart and how it regards the poor-the problem of my own generosity to the world around me – is not intractable. Economic theory and political allegiance are not the crucial questions before us. How I regard the poor is a matter of deep importance in the relationship of my heart with God. The psalm could not be clearer: happy are those who consider [do good to] the poor. It offers a promise to us as well that God will deliver us when we find ourselves in the day of trouble.
Two Sunrises
Did you hear the wind blowing last night? I could hear it whistling; when I got up, at 3 a.m., it was one of those huge sandstorms. I quickly had to re-arrange some things so that they wouldn’t blow away, blow over, or crash with a mighty thud (the plants). Within minutes it had died back down again.
This morning, there is a big surf – well, big for a Kuwait that has had mostly glassy seas and golden sunrises the last week.
Here is yesterday’s sunrise:
Sunrise 7 September 2008
And here is today’s sunrise:
Sunrise 8 September 2008
It’s going to be another hot day, although I think the season is starting, barely perceptibly, to shift. No temperature for this week is in the hundred-and-teens. The forecast for today is 109°F / 43°C and for the foreseeable future, slightly lower.
Damages, Glen Close and Paradise Road
AdventureMan and I could hardly wait to get home – we started Glen Close’s Damages, a critically acclaimed, award winning legal drama that hit the screen in 2007, but only recently came out in DVD form. As I am always on the watch for series that will grip us – and give us hours of speculation and conversation over dinner – I snapped this one up en route back to Kuwait, knowing with Ramadan here, we would have quiet hours we could spend watching.
Holy. Smokes. Damages is gripping. Damages is amazing. Damages has you sitting on the edge of your chair, and panting for more!
You have to get used to the cinematic style – we start in the present and throughout the entire 13 episodes, we go back into the past – from years ago to months ago to weeks ago, as we get closer to the end – days ago – to follow the career of new lawyer Ellen Parsons, as she goes to work for the top-of-the-heap firm Hewes and Associates. Hewes, played by Glen Close, is simply breathtaking.
Hewes and Associates are in the process of going after Arthur Frobisher, an egomaniacal developer who, similar to other big rich crooks in the US, took his funds out of his company when he had inside information it was about to tank, leaving his 500 employees unemployed, pension fund bankrupt and without the financial security they had invested in for so long. We know there is more going on here, and from week to week, we learn a little more of the puzzle. The puzzle is intricate and complex, and with each episode – man, the hook is set. We are addicted.
We hurried through the last three episodes to share it with some good friends who appreciate the same kinds of shows we do. We look forward to sharing it with our son, who shared Deadwood with us – it’s that good. It’s Deadwood level.
Glen close plays Patty Hewes as a driven, hard working woman, feared, admired and hated in a field which allows little room for mistakes. Part of what keeps you coming back is the revealing of all the different layers of her personality – the vulnerable mother, the trophy wife, the tough-minded head of her firm, the manipulator of all around her. Her motto (reminiscent of the old X-files) is Trust No One. We certainly have questions about how far we can trust her.
Did she try to have her protegee murdered?
We can hardly wait for Season 2.
UPDATE: 22 Sep 08 Last night Glen Close won Best Actress in a Drama (Emmy Awards) for her role as Patty Hewes.
Did you ever see Glen Close in Fatal Attraction? Did you see her as the police chief in The Shield? She is the most amazing actress, such subtlety in her expression, such vulnerability, such toughness.
My very favorite movie with her in it is Paradise Road.
It has to do with a boatload of women and children, and how they survive in a Japanese prison camp during World War II. I don’t buy a lot of movies, but I bought this one – it’s that good. You can watch it once a year and feel equally inspired every time you watch it.
This is from Wikipedia and is a summary of the movie Paradise Road:
Singapore falls to the Japanese in 1942 and the women and children are put on boats to be shipped to safety. Japanese fighters, however, sink one boat and those on board must swim for their lives. Landing on the Japanese controlled island of Sumatra, the women, including Adrienne Pargiter (Glenn Close), a British graduate of the Royal Academy of Music, Susan Macarthy (Cate Blanchett), an Australian nursing student, Topsy Merrit (Julianna Margulies), a pessimistic American, and “Margaret” Drummond (Pauline Collins), a sweet missionary, are captured and imprisoned in a Japanese POW camp. Suffering from cruel and inhumane treatment, tropical diseases and the uncertainty of their future, the women band together for moral support. Others, including Dr. Verstak (Frances McDormand) and Sister Wilhelminia (Johanna Ter Steege) do what they can to tend to the physical and spiritual needs of the group. As the years pass, the women, led by Adrienne, form a “vocal orchestra” that not only softens the guards’ demeanor, but also lifts the women’s spirits as it provides a purpose in their lives.[1]
Paradise Road announces itself in large print to be “based on a true story”. The film is said to be centred on a group of women who are on a ship fleeing Singapore. Having survived the bombing and sinking of the ship they think that “the worst is over”, but they find that the tough times are in the prison camp, and that is when they face their harshest test of survival. However, when introducing viewers to setting and characters, and getting the characters into a prison camp, Paradise Road makes an obvious change from true incidents.
C’mon By for some Birthday Cake
Today, Here There and Everywhere is 2 years old. I cannot thank you enough for the treasure of your friendship. My life, here in Kuwait, without your greetings and your input, would be much poorer. You have enriched us all with your perspectives, with your good will, with your humor.
I thank all of you, bloggers, non-bloggers, even those who come by regularly and never say hello. Thank you most of all to Google, Safat, and those of you who have mentioned me to others, and who have stopped by regularly. Bless you all. 🙂
I remember, when I first started, maybe 30 people a day would come by. Probably six of those were me checking the site to see if anyone had come by!
I found the most amazing website while I was looking for some sparkly cakes to serve you as you come by to say hello:
Pink Cake Box, out of Denville, New Jersey. This lady is doing some of the most adorable, lively, original and fun cakes I have ever seen. It looks like she is having a good time – and what a dream come true, to be having a good time and making money, too.
Here is a picture of her and her brother ( a doctor) and a cake they made together:
There’s full strength coffee from the Pacific Northwest, Chai, Hot English tea and Lapsang Souchong, some fruit juices, and maybe a little something stronger for those of you who are not Muslim.
I am posting this after sundown so as not to torture those of you who are fasting for the month of Ramadan. May your fast be blessed.
ExPat Labor Force Statistics Kuwait
(For your good laugh of the day, visit NQ’s / L’s Brain very original take on the blogging scene in Kuwait . . . I mention it because they have me reading aloud from the newspaper, which I do! LOL!)
1.15 million expats working in private sector
From today’s Al Watan:
KUWAIT: An official census published on Thursday showed that around 1.15 million expatriates worked in the Kuwaiti private sector until June of this year.
The census, prepared by the Central Census Department, showed that males made up 93.5 percent of the expatriates, while 6.5 percent were female.
The study said that around 67.7 percent of the expatriates got salaries lower than 180 Kuwaiti dinars. About 63 percent of the expats were nonـArabs, while 37 percent were Arabs, the study added. ـKUNA
Cool Whip Fruit Pies
With a September Ramadan, all heat and humidity in Kuwait, I thought I would share one of my early-married recipes that I often served while living in Tunisia and Jordan, entertaining without air conditioning. 🙂 These fruit pies are light and airy, and best of all – really really easy to make!
This recipe is straight from Kraft:
2/3 cup boiling water
1 pkg. (4-serving size) JELL-O Strawberry Flavor Gelatin
Ice cubes
1/2 cup cold water
1 tub (8 oz.) COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, thawed
1 HONEY MAID Graham Pie Crust (6 oz.)
STIR boiling water into dry gelatin mix in large bowl at least 2 min. until completely dissolved. Add enough ice to cold water to measure 1 cup. Add to gelatin; stir until slightly thickened. Remove any unmelted ice. Add whipped topping; stir with wire whisk until well blended. Refrigerate 15 to 20 min. or until mixture is thick enough to mound.
SPOON into crust.
REFRIGERATE at least 4 hours or until firm. Store leftovers in refrigerator.
You will notice that there isn’t much in that recipe that is real food. The water, maybe!
I make it a little differently. You can choose any flavor of gelatin, but preferably one like raspberry or strawberry or peach where you can also find the fresh fruit.
REAL FRUIT COOL WHIP PIE
2/3 cup boiling water
1 pkg. (4-serving size) JELL-O Fruit Flavor Gelatin
1 cup crushed fresh or frozen fruit to match or complement the flavor of the fruit gelatine
1 tub (8 oz.) COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, thawed (actually, in Tunis I used real whipped cream!)
1 HONEY MAID Graham Pie Crust (6 oz.)
(Right now they have prepared crusts in the Sultan Center! Yes! They do! If they don’t have any left when you go looking, however, here is how to do one yourself. It is SO easy.
Make your own crust:
Buy a small package of digestive biscuits (that’s mostly what you will find in the Co-ops) or use one wax paper wrapped size package of Graham crackers. Crush them (it is quick and easy in a food processor) and add 2 or three tablespoons of melted butter. If you want to add a little something extra, put in a pinch of cinnamon or ground nutmeg)
Make your fruit pie:
STIR boiling water into dry gelatin mix in large bowl at least 2 min. until completely dissolved. Add 1 cup fresh or frozen fruit, mashed into small pieces. Add to gelatin; place in refrigerator until slightly thickened. Add whipped topping; stir with wire whisk until well blended. Refrigerate 15 to 20 min. or until mixture is thick enough to mound.
SPOON into crust.
REFRIGERATE at least 4 hours or until firm. Store leftovers in refrigerator.
(hahahahaha! There won’t be any leftovers!)
You can find more complicated – and delicious – recipes for Cool Whip Pies by clicking on the blue type. Bon appetit!
Becoming Kuwaiti and Oatmeal
I’m not a big fan of oatmeal, so when my best-friend-from-college raved about eating oatmeal in the morning, I listened, even though the gag-reflex was about to kick in. She raved about one particular brand – Snoqualamie Falls oatmeal:
And then, she went one better, she sent me a bag of it. I tried it a couple times. It’s still oatmeal.
Where do the skaters come in, you are asking?
Age creeps up on you. With any luck at all, you lose your bad habits along the way, but some of them stick like glue. I am telling you this, because it is Ramadan, and I am guessing you understand a little. Our sermon in church this week and our readings have had to do with temptation, and how if you focus on something – like “I will not think about jellybeans,” then it is all you think about. Our readings tell us to focus on something else, like reading spiritual writings, or becoming actively involved in some activity that takes you mind totally off the temptation.
I think of myself as a skater. When I was an adolescent, I had what I call roller-coaster grades. I would skate along doing the minimum, and then when it was time to get a paper in or study for a final grade, I would pull out all the stops, and I would get the grade I wanted . . . . most of the time. I underachieved just often enough to stick a grain of doubt in my mind that this was the path to success.
Because God has a sense of humor, he gave me a son with the same pattern, and this smart, cheerful, inventive kid did the minimum until grading time, and then he would pull through, while my I watched in horrified fascination. (Have you noticed, you are always tougher on those who exhibit your own shortcomings?)
So, mature as I am, I have developed a lot of self-discipline and patience and persistence through the years, things I call the harder gifts. I learned them from Motherhood, and from dealing with the normal troubles that come through living life, and all that life throws at you.
Or so I thought. This summer, at my well-woman appointment, I gave up my blood samples and received, in return, a lot of bad news.
I am borderline diabetic. I am borderline hypertensive. I am overweight. I have bad cholesterol out of proportion to the good cholesterol.
I’ve been skating close to those readings for years, but coming to Kuwait, I sort of stopped exercising. I haven’t been as physically active as before. I started blogging, which is sedentary to the max. I thought I could skate, but now the grim reckoning has been presented to me.
I really don’t want to go on a medication I will have to take for the rest of my life. I really don’t want to go on a medication that may have side effects no one knows yet because they are so new. To avoid going on medications, the doctor is giving me one year to reduce my weight, and I had to promise to exercise a minimum of 30 minutes 5 days a week. He gave me a long list of foods not to eat, and foods to avoid. Aaarrgh.
Because God is merciful, and knows our needs long before we do, and because he provides generously, I still have my oatmeal, which I have now pulled our and am eating regularly. I eat it Pacific Northwest Style – with blueberries and raspberries, which are also supposed to be good for me.
I found something else in the US that I love, but I can’t find it here – or at least not yet. Have you seen Kashi Pilaf or Kashi breakfast cereal?
I know I promised not to post any food photos while you are fasting, but oatmeal? To me, oatmeal doesn’t even count, it’s like medicine, like who on earth yearns for oatmeal?
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