Kuwait Green
There is a miracle in Kuwait. Suddenly, there are trees a bright, Easter-basket-grass green.
“What kind of miracle is that?” you might ask, you who live in other climates.
That bright spring-green is a miracle in a land where the true blue of the blue sky is often screened with haze, where the dominant color is a white beige sand, and, most important of all, where there has not been a truly significant rain the entire rainy season here.
The color is painfully beautiful, the eye seeks it out and feasts on its vibrancy in an otherwise dull landscape. The tree that is showing the vibrant green is a little willowy, graceful. The green is probably only for a day or two before it fades into a duller green – still welcome because it IS green.
The second tree is my favorite tree in Kuwait, but I don’t have a single Kuwaiti friend who can tell me what it is. They tell me it is a very old tree, a tree that can live a long time on very little water, a tree often used to screen houses and provide both shade and privacy. I love the laciness on its leaves, the delicacy of its foliage. In contrast to the spring-green tree, the foliage is a more grey-blue-green, and it is a much taller tree. There is a delicacy about this tree, an elegant restraint and a timelessness that fascinates me. If I were Kuwaiti, if I had my own compound, I would grow this tree, I would grow many of them and watch their lacy branches sway in the slightest breeze.
Can someone tell me the names for these trees?
(PS I had to look up it – it’s + Possessive to be sure I got it right, above. I didn’t get it right at first, but it is right now. If you have any confusion, don’t be alarmed – it confuses all of us. If you click on the blue type, there is a very simple way to remember when to use it and when to use it’s.)
Bullying and 19 Minutes; Jodi Picoult
When my blogging friend Chirp makes a recommendation, I have learned to order the book and read it. She reads books that make you think! The latest book is Jodi Picoult’s 19 Minutes, a book about a kid who is sensitive and kind and funny, and plays by the rules – he is good at sharing, and listening and all the things we try to teach our children to be good at.
He gets bullied. From the time he starts school, he is bullied physically and mentally and emotionally. He does the right thing – he reports it. The schools do nothing, or so little that it only makes things worse for him. Pushed too far, one day snaps, he goes ballistic. He walks into the school and shoots 19 of his classmates.
One problem is access to weapons. Literally, physically teenagers have not yet developed the judgement areas of the brain. I am guessing in males it takes even longer, and I only guess that because of all the traffic fatalities and physical damage adolescent boys inflict upon themselves – and their victims. Maybe it is that fatal combination of poor judgement and testosterone that pushes them too far. Access to weapons – guns, knives, fast cars – makes them even more lethal.
Before I wrote this review, however, I had to do a lot of thinking. This book is about bullying, and even as adults we come across bullies. Our household helpers are terrified of the police – those who are here to protect us. The police use their position to try to bully phone numbers out of pretty Kuwaiti girls, and to exact sexual favors from the Asian domestics. Not all police are bullies, but if a person has that tendency, the position allows him/her to use that power wrongly.
And bullying doesn’t stop with graduation from high school. We are seeing the same kinds of behavior at universities – Virginia Tech – and in the workplace – “going postal” and GMAC just to name two. People who are bullied sometimes turn, they go out in a blaze of glory.
I’ve been bullied. People who are raised to have good manners are often victims of those who are willing to overstep the boundaries. We make excuses for them – we say they are oblivious. I am beginning to think that many a bully is NOT oblivious, but has learned to push to get his or her own way.
With men, the bullying is more physical, and it’s all about jockying for position – number one in the pecking order, the next promotion, the boss’s golf partner, etc. If you think women are gossips – you oughta hear the men! When I hear men “bantering” it’s all about who’s got the “biggest.” Or maybe, the devil whispers in my ear, it’s about who can make you THINK his is the biggest.
With women, in my experience, most of the bullies are physically bigger. They are women who – literally – throw their weight around. They are women who will interrupt anyone and override their suggestion with a loud voice. They are women who have temper tantrums, and hurt feelings, who go from person to person forming alliances that dissolve with the next disagreement. That’s the sad truth – a bully wants his or her own way – all the time. Once you go against them, you have to watch your back.
Picoult has done her homework. Bullies are often likeable enough people! A bully carries his/own burden, however – and that is a desperate need for popularity. You can see this in animal behavior; once a creature has achieved dominance, it takes enormous energy to maintain that position, so much energy that the rest of your life shrinks as your focus must be on maintaining dominance.
The UK, Canada, and the US all have websites about bullying, trying to put a stop to it in the schools. What do they define as bullying?
People calling you names
Making things up to get you into trouble
Hitting, pinching, biting, pushing and shoving
Taking things away from you
Damaging your belongings
Stealing your money
Taking your friends away from you
Posting insulting messages on the internet or by IM (cyberbullying)
Spreading rumours
Threats and intimidation
Making silent or abusive phone calls
Sending you offensive phone texts
Bullies can also frighten you so that you don’t want to go to school, so that you pretend to be ill to avoid them
What can people with manners do against a bully?
In general, the first thing to do is tell an adult – it doesn’t have to be your parents. Additonal suggestions suggest creating your own support network – create a wide network of friends. Join interest groups, in our out of school.
When our son was bullied in school, he worked hard and earned a black belt in karate, and then went on to earn further degrees, and to teach karate – while still in high school. Just knowing that he had a lethal skill made him walk differently, made the bullies afraid to target him. He went to a magnet school, where there was a high degree of chaos, and he sought out and made friends with the biggest people he could find. He used his head. He made it through. Of all his accomplishments, one of the things that made us most proud of him was his ability to stick it out and to prevail.
I worked in a high school. My office was a safe haven for many kids, kids who found high school dynamics pure hell. Most of them were emotionally years ahead of the crowds roaming the hallways, the cruel kids, for whom high school will probably be the highlight of their lives.
“You’re going to love being an adult,” I would tell them. “Hang in there. For them, this may be as good as it gets, but your life is going to get better and better.”
Geeks don’t always get a lot of respect. The two guys that graduated high school at the bottom of the class with my son already had a flourishing computer networking business going. If you haven’t noticed, most of the people who are making it big financially are people who have learned how to use their heads.
I have learned something else. You can beat a bully at his or her own game. Bullies usually rely on instilling fear in others, but rarely do they do their homework.
Choose your battles. Bullying hurts everyone. If you see someone being bullied and you can do something about it then and there, stand up for the person being bullied. All you have to do is say “that’s not funny, just stop.” Many times bullies are so shocked at being challenged, they will stop! If your judgement tells you it would be unsafe to say anything, quickly tell an adult, a supervisor, a manager, what you have seen.
If a bully is trying to push through something you believe is wrong, you can quietly discuss things one on one with others, and make a plan. You can call for a vote! You can quietly stand up to a bully. You can tell a bully “it’s my turn to talk” and they have to shut up! (When you do this, you have to be very careful to listen when the bully is speaking so that everyone knows it really IS your turn to talk.) You can use a little gentle humor – bullies usually only like humor when it is aimed at someone else. They haven’t a clue what to do when it is aimed at them!
If it is annoying, but not something worth fighting over, let the bully get his or her own way. They usually end up shooting themselves in the foot, self-destructing. The adult bully ends up driving people away, and then wondering why he/she has no friends?
Living your own life well is your best revenge!
Thank you, Chirp, for another book that really made me think!
April Fool’s Sunrise
No, there is no trick. It is only an April Fool’s sunrise because of the date – April 1st – and because it was never clear whether the sun would really appear or not, with the thick clouds. I’ll take clouds over that haze of pollution any day. Or it may be that the clouds are obscuring the haze of pollution, which seems to be a daily occurence, so I won’t rule it out. I can’t SEE it, however, so I have no evidence of it being there, and I will be a great big April fool and tell myself if I can’t see it, it doesn’t exist.
At 0700 the temperature is 75°F / 24°C and there are thick fluffy clouds that – I wish – look like they could turn into rain clouds.
No Whining!
The other day AdventureMan and I happened to be in the same room and the TV happened to be on and a woman on one of the morning shows (shown in the afternoon in Kuwait) was talking about how to make your kids stop whining.
“I don’t remember (our son) ever whining,” I said, “do you remember him whining?”
“When he was very little, sometimes he would get fussy,” AdventureMan replied.
“Yeh, but fussy is different, when you are little and overtired, or have an ear infection or are hungry – even we get fussy!” I laughed.
I do remember a few awful times when, after standing in a long line in the military commissary on a payday I finally got to the checkout stand just as my son was totally losing it, having to get a month’s worth of groceries paid for and packed while he was screaming bloody murder and the groceries are being packed and people are looking at me like I am a criminal because I can’t feed him there in front of everyone. As soon as I could get him to the car, I could nurse him, but meanwhile, I was hostage to his relentless desparate wailing. Is their any sound as compelling as a wailing baby?
But that is to be expected when you have a baby; babies sometimes have to wail.
But whining?
I was lucky, I was able to be a stay-at-home mom when my son was little. We spent a lot of time together. I could usually distract him, I could usually put him down for a nap if he was tired, I could usually schedule myself to be around to feed him when he needed feeding. I remember ear-infection fussing, and teething fussing, but I don’t remember any whining.
AdventureMan said I wouldn’t put up with whining, not from him, not from our son.
Our son had a lot of expectations on him. AdventureMan was an officer, and we had obligations. (What? You thought only Kuwaitis had expectations and obligations?) Sometimes, when our son would rather be playing, he had to attend an event, or an official function, and he had to behave, because he was his father’s son, and his behavior would reflect on his father. When he would rather be wearing a sweatsuit and trainers, he had to wear dress pants and a dress shirt and tie, and dress shoes. If he complained, I would say “you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it. I don’t like it either!”
I had two tools.
First, as soon as he could talk, I taught him to say “can we negotiate?”
Most of the time, we can find a way to make a bad situation better. Often, he had great suggestions, like “can we go to La Gondola and have a pizza afterwards, and can I invite Michael to go with us?” Whatever gets you through what you don’t want to do, I would think to myself, and agree. Occasionally, but not often, there were non-negotiables, like moves, and then, you just have to grit your teeth and get through it.
Second, I used incentives. Some people might call them bribes, but here is how it worked.
I knew it was in his best interest to get good grades, and that it was my responsibility to help him learn how to get those grades. On the first day of school, I would take him to the toy store and he could pick out what he wanted to work for. We would set goals for each class; we would write down those goals and post them on the refrigerator. At the end of the semester, when those goals were met, he got his prize. The hardest hardest part for me was NOT giving him a prize when the goal was not met, but encouraging him that I know he will get the prize next time. I think it was harder on me NOT giving in than on him, not getting the reward.
My Mother thought I was spoiling him because we would negociate. “You are the mother,” she would say. “You are the boss.”
“Yes, Mom,” I would respond, “but I NEED for him to cooperate. I need for him to feel like he has some choice.” It was just a generational difference.
Now I am getting to see a new generation having their babies. My niece taught her baby basic sign language, and continues to teach him more as time goes on. Even pre-verbal, he has ways of telling her he is hungry, thirsty, wants to be picked up, etc. What an amazing and wonderful idea, what control it gives a baby to be able to express these basic desires, to communicate needs and wants. I am in awe of these young mothers and the care with which they are raising their babies.
Kuwait is blessed to have a blog written by young mothers for other young mothers, full of great ideas. Many of the ideas I THINK are great, but because some are written in Arabic, and my vocabulary and grammar are not that strong, i can’t really read them. That blog is Organic Kuwait; they even have books published for children explaining Ramadan and Hajj in age-appropriate language. Makes me wish I were a young mother again! 🙂
More Minarets
Twice in the last year, I have seen new mosques, or mosques undergoing renovation, like this one, stop, the first new minarets torn down and newer, longer, thinner minarets go up. Literally about twice the size of what went up originally. This is the end result of the Fehaheel mosque along Gulf Road – actually, I find these minarets very elegant.
In Qatar, we used to go looking for the older, state-built mosques. Most of them, the little area mosques (there is supposed to be a mosque within a five minute walk for every person) are still working mosques in Qatar. In old Kuwait city, they recently renovated some minarets that I see in very old photos of Kuwait.
Gulf Royal City Center: Where Did it Go?
We hadn’t been to the Gulf Royal at City Center for a while, and since Chinese is my favorite “fast” food, we headed there this week-end. It’s gone.
You can see where it used to be – straight ahead was the take out window, and to the left there was a garish Chinese-style entrance, and all across the back there was red and gilt decoration, genuine cheesy, but we liked the food.
All the signs are still up in the window, but the inside is gutted.
“Maybe they are just remodeling?” I asked hopefully.
“I don’t think so,” said AdventureMan, “Usually they would put up a sign saying ‘New improved Gulf Royal re-opening SOON!” and there was nothing like that in sight.
He is betting they have opened up somewhere else, maybe they weren’t getting the dinner traffic they used to get. Does anyone know? I know there are a couple others, like one in Hawally and one in Fehaheel, and several in the mall food courts . . . maybe the sit-downs aren’t making enough money?
Sunrise Concern
When I see that distinct band of darkness just above the horizon, it makes me really nervous. It is surrounded by a sulpherous haze, and that may be just what it is, sulpher, used in processing oil. I can’t help but think it is not good for us to be breathing this.
It looks like it will be another sweet day, at 0730 it is 73°F / 23°C and the high today is supposed to be only 95°F / 35°C. If it is anything like yesterday, and it doesn’t touch 90°, I will be happy. If there is a sweet sea scented breeze, I will be even happier.
I am celebrating; I have a day at home today and I have so many things planned! I hope to get so much done! I love my days at home!
Saturday Sunrise
Wooo Hooo, the sky has normal clouds, the haze does not appear dusty, and Weather Underground: Kuwait says it isn’t supposed to go above 98°F / 37°C today or in the next five days – a spell of cooler weather! Thursday it hit 106° F – not untypical of summer, but March??
Roasted Tomato Soup
Tomatoes don’t do that great once the temperatures hit the highs we have hit recently. Time to pick them all, and fix some Roasted Tomato Soup. Freeze the leftovers for a taste of spring deep in the heat and humidity of a Kuwaiti summer. 🙂
Roasted Tomato and Cumin Soup
From Nxabega Okavango Safari Camp
3 – 5 kilograms ripe tomatoes
2 Tablespoons olive oil
2 medium onions
3 garlic cloves
1 large fresh red chili pepper
4 Tablespoons olive oil
2 Tablespoons whole cumin, roasted and ground
2 cups vegetable stock
salt and black pepper
Slice tomatoes in half, place on a baking sheet and sprinkle with 2 tablespoons olive oil. Roast in a hot oven one and a half hours. (If you have a Misto you can give them all a good spray!)
Chop onion, garlic and chilli pepper.
Place all vegetables in a large sauce pan with 4 Tablespoons olive oil, cook until onions are soft (about 10 minutes).
Add cumin and fry another 5 minutes. Add roasted tomatoes and stock, cook further 10 minutes. Puree the mixture, transfer back to a sauce pan and gently warm. Check seasoning and serve.
(How can something that tastes so good also be so good for you?)
Dust Storm Headache
It’s early Friday morning, WeatherUnderground Kuwait says it is overcast, but I have that dust storm headache and almost-wheeze that tells me this is more than just an overcast. There is something in the air that I am not meant to be breathing.
Although I live in a very modern building, which would appear sealed, little drifts of sand come in through creaks. I can feel a draft in the kitchen, my curtains are dingy with dust that has seeped through crevices in window openings.
It isn’t easy to show someone what living in the middle of a dust storm is like, but I am trying.
Here is the sunrise this morning at 0600:
An hour later, at 0700, it is 77°F / 25°C, and the particles in the air are magnifying the sun so that it looks like this:
These are unretouched photos, straight out of the camera. The day is mostly a bright yellow-grey.
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