Horrifying Violence
My reaction to the violent and unnecessary deaths at Virginia Tech is literally visceral. It makes me feel like throwing up. I can barely wrap my mind around it.
In a place where young people should feel so safe, should be focused on the laws of physics, or learning critical thinking skills, or discussing Shakespeare, or learning lab procedures, they shouldn’t have to worry about a random, psychotic gunman. It occurs to me that he has a higher kill rate than any suicide bomber has attained. He successfully escaped after the first round and went on to trap and claim the lives of a huge number of victims.
Irrelevant questions come to mind – How do you shoot so many people with such lethal accuracy under chaotic conditions? What motivates a young person to kill so many, at random?
And I am reminded that our friends to the north in Iraq live with this same random, chaotic violence every day of their lives, not knowing if husbands will come home safely, if children will survive their day at school, if Mom will survive her trip to the market. Where do you find hope?
Sunset Inn, Panama City Beach
Last year we were in Panama City Beach for a family wedding, and discovered a wonderful old fashioned Florida beach motel near St. Andrew’s Park. Panama City Beach has been discovered – there are long lines of high rise condominiums blocking the view of the powdery white sand and endless turquoise waters of the Gulf of Mexico. Between series of these high rises, you will find an occasional beachfront motel – and the Sunset Inn is – we believe – the best of this lot.
Family owned and operated, the owners work hard. . . running a family motel is endless work, cleaning out the rooms, keeping the pool sparkling, providing information to the guests. They know all the best local restaurants, they know who delivers. This is the kind of motel where they provide small kitchens in each unit, including microwaves and stove-tops, some dishes and glasses, a pot and a pan and a coffee maker. They also provide grills, for your fresh fresh seafood, or your hamburgers or steaks.
They have regular units – one room and small kitchen – and they also have two bedroom units for larger families. There is a washer and dryer on site which guests may use.
If you want a beachfront room, you will want to reserve – they go fast. The lower level has a huge deck with deck lounges just out the door, and the upper level has individual balconies. The units across the street cost less than the units directly on the beach, but have full use of the pool and amenities.
Sunset Inn
8109 Surf Drive
Panama City Beach, Florida
TEL: 850-234-7370
Is He a Keeper?
I found this today in the AOL Life coaching section. It is worth a read if you are experiencing any doubts whether to remain in a relationship or to leave.
1. Is he interested? When you first meet him, you should feel that he wants you. It may be conveyed by a look, a touch, a compliment or attention to detail. It should be backed up by his willingness to make a plan and move the relationship forward. Constant calling, e-mailing and text-messaging is not true contact since he cannot touch you, see you, adore you or get to know you.
2. Is he accomplished? Soon after meeting him, you will discover that he has appropriately achieved in at least one area of his life. If he went to college he now has a good job. If he inherited his parents’ business, he has learned how to successfully manage it. His efforts continue to generate new opportunities, new skills, new challenges or new possessions.
3. Is he a Stand-Up Guy? He says what he means and means what he says. And the words that he speaks are backed up by action that coincides. Even if he cannot give a guarantee, the relationship is always moving forward. Thus, you will never find yourself drunk-dialing at 2AM because you fear he is out with another girl.
4. Is he Into YOU? It will feel reciprocal and mutual. Do you feel that what he gives is as valuable and meaningful as what you offer? Is he as devoted to you as you are to him? Healthy relationships are based upon mutual give and take. If the only thing that you are getting out of this relationship is text messages, e-mails or occasional plans, you are not getting what you need.
5. Is He Consistent? He will have good friends and you will like who he is when he’s with them. You are confident that he is the man you know and love whether he’s with you or apart from you. When he’s out of sight, he does not turn into somebody else. Conversely, when you include him with your friends, you know who he will be — charming and engaging, enhancing instead of detracting.
6. Is He Understanding? He will like you for who you are. Even if you have a bad day or say something that he does not like, his adoration will remain steady and his view of you will remain the same. Beware of the guy whose perception changes whenever you deviate from his expectations. You should not feel that you must suppress your personality in order to hold onto his approval.
7. Is he Judgemental? He will never view you as unconditionally bad or make you feel terrible about yourself. Even in the midst of an argument, he will be able to see both the good and the bad in you. He will not stay mad at you once the argument is over. And he will move on instead of clinging to bad feelings or suspicions. He loves you and sees you as a good person, no matter what.
8. Is he Trusting? If he is right for you, he will tolerate the unexpected and the unknown because he trusts you. He will not pin you down or put a leash on you every moment of the day in order to feel secure. Instead, he will respect your boundaries and give you the privacy and independence you deserve. Conversely, he will not block you out or use distance to keep the upper hand.
9. Is He Willing to Talk? He has a learning curve. He is willing to learn from his mistakes and to modify his actions. For instance, if he begins a friendship with a flirtatious girl and you let him know that this is creating a problem, he will be concerned about your feelings and come up with a solution. When you discuss relationship obstacles, he works on them.
10. Is he Proactive? He will seek his own solutions. If he has a problem he will reach out to others for help, find resources, have a conversation, go to therapy, attend a 12-step program — anything that will move him closer to making the changes that he needs to make. Pride, laziness or stubbornness will not keep him from taking the steps that he needs to have a relationship with you.
11. Is He Controlling? He will not try to have power over you. He won’t leave you wondering where he is and what he is doing. Or leave you hanging just to prove a point. Even if he has more money, status and power, he will not make you feel that you would be nothing without him. He is willing to listen, meet your needs and include you in mutual decision making.
My comment: I agree with all of the above, especially Is he Controlling? Some women see a man who wants to know where she is at every moment and who she is with as charmingly caring . . .but these men can be monsters in a relationship, and the caring turns to suspicions and isolating the loved one.
Number nine is kind of funny – most men need some time to think about things before they are ready to talk, and as hard as it is, we need to give them some space before trying to have one of those “we need to talk” conversations! 😉
If you have brothers, they are good people to ask about Is He a StandUp Guy? A brother can often sense things about another guy that they can warn you about – and may hear things about him in the male grapevine that you will never hear. If your brother, or good male friend warn you off, LISTEN!
These guidelines are excerpted by AOL from ‘Deal Breakers: When to Work on a Relationship and When to Walk Away’ by Dr. Bethany Marshall. Copyright © 2007 by Dr. Bethany Marshall.
Available for $15.61 + shipping from Amazon.com.
Kuwaiti Customs
As we came in through Kuwaiti Customs, I had a few seconds concern – would the vanilla I had packed among my cosmetics be detected? Would my vanilla be confiscated (it contains a tiny bit of alcohol)? Would my DVD’s be objectionable? Would my books be a problem (in addition to the fact that I can barely lift my suitcase)?
I needn’t have worried. Everyone is so well trained, the bags are loaded on the conveyer belt, into the machine, and gathered on the other side. My husband is chuckling and I ask “what’s so funny?” and he says:
“There’s no one checking the bags.”
And he was right. Bags were going through the screening machine – and there was NO ONE there watching the screen.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
In spite of all the NO SMOKING signs in the airport, I smelled like cigarettes when I got home, just from the time waiting in the airport for the bags to arrive. I hate it. One guy waiting for his bags made it a point to blow his smoke in my direction. Pure evil or just bad manners?
And at the exit, pure chaos. Huge police presence – squad cars, lights flashing, lots of police – and they are doing nothing! They are greeting their friends, chatting – but no traffic flow control, and we all know how quickly the airport arrivals and departure areas can gridlock.
Our taxi driver was an older guy, not friendly. He got us home in nine minutes, normally a 20 – 30 minute drive. Ahhhh, Kuwait!
Florida Panhandle Weather
We used to live in Tampa, a long time ago. From Tampa, it took nearly a day to drive to the southern tip of Florida. It took a whole day – a very long day – to drive north and then west toward Alabama. Florida is a long state. And it can have a lot of different weather.
When we arrived most recently in Florida, it was hot, as hot as Kuwait is right now, but with more humidity. We had all the right clothes, thank goodness.
Until the Thursday before Easter, when we stepped outside and suddenly it was 40 degrees (F) and a stiff sea-breeze made it feel even colder. We had to run to the store and buy little sweatshirts with hoods to keep warm!
Now it is back up, even hitting 80 or so in the “heat” to the afternoon. We are reveling in the coolness, knowing what we face upon our return back to Kuwait. Last night we had thunderstorms and much needed heavy rainfall, greening up the grass. Today we went out and played with the in-ground watering system, so we could see which zones were which – 12 different settings!
My husband, Adventure Man, is waiting for me. He wants to go have some breakfast, with real bacon. down at the local diner. Then we will hit the hardware stores again, run a few more errands, mail off some items, do some work around the house and just goof around. Aren’t vacations fun?
My Kind of House Work
The last couple days, I have been in my own personal nirvana. I have spent more time in Home Depot and Lowe’s than in the last two years. We have a new house to work on, need some work contracted, can do some of the work ourselves. It is exciting – and also terrifying. You never really know how an idea will work out.
But this gets my juices going. I love getting my hands on hammers, putting in new closets, figuring out how to upgrade a dated kitchen, painting, even reupholstering. I love the flooring departments, with all the tile samples, wood flooring samples, and carpeting. I love to see what the newest kitchens and baths are using, and to read magazines about what works and what works better. I like a house with a custom feel, something like Susanka’s The Not-So-Big-House, available from Amazon for around $14.46, where quality of space and quality of materials counts for more than square meters.
And I like doing some of it myself. Sometimes in the middle of it all, I stop and think “what am I doing???” but at the end, I usually feel SO satisfied, like I have really accomplished something.
If I had my “druthers”, I would probably buy an older home in good condition and change the floor plans, knock out walls, put in new bathrooms, and have a wonderful time doing it. Meanwhile, I am having a sample of all that “fun” right now. Wooo Hoooooo!
Porn For Women
My son and I were chatting in the Barnes and Noble when he got a weird grin on his face, stood up, and plucked a book from the shelf opposite where we were sitting.
Porn for Women was the title, and the book is authored and published by the Cambridge Women’s Pornography Cooperative and Susan Anderson (Paperback – Mar 1, 2007)
Here is the cover – for all my women friends – isn’t that a total turn on???
I flipped through the book – available through Amazon.com for $11.01, but could you get it through Kuwaiti customs with a title like that? – and found this second shot that nearly made me swoon . . .
Women are SO clever! And no one knows better than women what turns women on!
In Passing
“Uhm, Mom, I have to sit there” said my son as I slid into a booth in our favorite Vietnamese restaurant and prepared to order some of those tasty salad rolls with peanut sauce that we love.
“Why is that?” I ask territorially, unwilling to move.
“I like to see who’s coming in,” he states flatly.
“So do I” I argue back.
“But I’m the prosecutor,” he says with a sigh.
I move. His need trumps my preference.
He has to watch his back. It’s not one of the happier realities in life. People you “put away” don’t always stay there. And they’re not always happy to see you when they run into you in the gym, or in the Target, or in the grocery store.
My son laughs and tells stories of running into former associates, usually when you are unarmed, and vulnerable in some way. Most of the time it is OK. We’re glad he is careful.
Roadhouse Grill
You’ve all been wondering what Adventure Man looks like. I finally was able to take a photo of him on a recent trip. This is what he looks like:
We parked next to a special parking spot and I took this photo, which I think is a total hoot:
Adventure Man’s Blog
“If I had a blog, I’d blog about this!” Adventure Man gasped as I held my hand over my mouth in shock.
That is, between whoops of laughter.
Adventure Man asked me if we were going to be on the flight out of Kuwait on which we had been booked. I had just talked with the KLM office in Dubai, seeking a little wasta, and I had been graciously but firmly turned down.
“We’re forked” I said, using a very vulgar word instead of ‘fork.’
“I thought you gave up saying any of those words for Lent?” he hooted.
“No, my goal was no swearing on the roads!” I countered.
And he just gave me that long look that said it all. It said “hypocrite.” It said “I think you’re missing an important point.” It said “bad words are bad words no matter where you use them.”
Adventure Man can get a lot of meaning into one long look. We’ve been married for a long time. He gets the same look from me now and then, the long look.
He had me; he was right, I was wrong.
I started snickering. He started hooting. I laughed out loud. He laughed louder. Soon I was writhing on the floor and he was gasping for breath. It’s good to laugh like that every now and then.
And he’s right. It’s not just on the road. Bad language is bad language and I want to clean up the entire act. I am really really glad Adventure Man doesn’t have his own blog.
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