Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Teach Your Teen to Negotiate

I found this article on the National Public Radio Health Page; with the title Why a Teen Who Talks Back may have a Bright Future. It has to do with teaching your teen to talk problems through confidently; researchers found teens who could express themselves confidently had a greater likelihood of turning down offers of illegal drugs or behaviors.

It is interesting to me, too, that the Dutch who had the courage to shelter the Jews during the Holocaust were those who had learned to think independently as teenagers.

If you’re the parent of a teenager, you likely find yourself routinely embroiled in disputes with your child. Those disputes are the symbol of teen developmental separation from parents.

It’s a vital part of growing up, but it can be extraordinarily wearing on parents. Now researchers suggest that those spats can be tamed and, in the process, provide a lifelong benefit to children.

Researchers from the University of Virginia recently published their findings in the journal Child Development. Psychologist Joseph P. Allen headed the study.

Allen says almost all parents and teenagers argue. But it’s the quality of the arguments that makes all the difference.

“We tell parents to think of those arguments not as nuisance but as a critical training ground,” he says. Such arguments, he says, are actually mini life lessons in how to disagree — a necessary skill later on in life with partners, friends and colleagues on the job.

Teens should be rewarded when arguing calmly and persuasively and not when they indulge in yelling, whining, threats or insults, he says.

In Allen’s study, 157 13-year-olds were videotaped describing their biggest disagreement with their parents. The most common arguments were over grades, chores, money and friends. The tape was then played for both parent and teen.

“Parents reacted in a whole variety of ways. Some of them laughed uncomfortably; some rolled their eyes; and a number of them dove right in and said, ‘OK, let’s talk about this,'” he says.

It was the parents who said wanted to talk who were on the right track, says Allen. “We found that what a teen learned in handling these kinds of disagreements with their parents was exactly what they took into their peer world,” with all its pressures to conform to risky behavior like drugs and alcohol.

Allen interviewed the teens again at ages 15 and 16. “The teens who learned to be calm and confident and persuasive with their parents acted the same way when they were with their peers,” he says. They were able to confidently disagree, saying ‘no’ when offered alcohol or drugs. In fact, they were 40 percent more likely to say ‘no’ than kids who didn’t argue with their parents.

For other kids, it was an entirely different story. “They would back down right away,” says Allen, saying they felt it pointless to argue with their parents. This kind of passivity was taken directly into peer groups, where these teens were more likely to acquiesce when offered drugs or alcohol. “These were the teens we worried about,” he says.

Bottom line: Effective arguing acted as something of an inoculation against negative peer pressure. Kids who felt confident to express themselves to their parents also felt confident being honest with their friends.

So, ironically the best thing parents can do is help their teenager argue more effectively. For this, Allen offers one word: listen.

In the study, when parents listened to their kids, their kids listened back. They didn’t necessarily always agree, he says. But if one or the other made a good point, they would acknowledge that point. “They weren’t just trying to fight each other at every step and wear each other down. They were really trying to persuade the other person.”

Acceptable argument might go something like this: ‘How about if my curfew’s a half hour later but I agree that I’ll text you or I’ll agree that I’ll stay in certain places and you’ll know where I’ll be; or how about I prove to you I can handle it for three weeks before we make a final decision about it.”

Again, parents won’t necessarily agree. But “they’ll get across the message that they take their kids point of view seriously and honestly consider what they have to say,” Allen says.

Child psychologist Richard Weissbourd says the findings bolster earlier research that finds that “parents who really respect their kids’ thinking and their kids’ input are much more likely to have kids who end up being independent thinkers and who are able to resist peer groups.”

Weissbourd points to one dramatic study that analyzed parental relationships of Dutch citizens who ended up protecting Jews during World War II. They were parents who encouraged independent thinking, even if it differed from their own.

So the next time your teenager huffs and puffs and starts to argue, you might just step back for a minute, take a breath yourself, and try to listen. It may be one of the best lessons you teach your child.

January 4, 2012 Posted by | Character, Civility, Communication, Cultural, Education, Family Issues, Free Speech, Generational, Parenting, Statistics | 6 Comments

Kuwait Tweeters to Face Trial

Kuwait makes AOL News: Huffington Post today, as two guys are arrested over Tweets offensive to royals:

Kuwait To Try Nasser Abul And Lawrence al-Rashidi Over Twitter Posts

KUWAIT (Reuters) – Kuwait will put on trial two citizens for criticizing Gulf Arab ruling families on social media site Twitter, a security official said on Monday.

Nasser Abul, a Kuwaiti Shi’ite Muslim, was arrested for posting criticisms of the Sunni Muslim ruling families in Bahrain and Saudi Arabia, and Lawrence al-Rashidi posted defamatory comments of Kuwait’s emir, he said.

He said both would remain in detention for two more weeks before a hearing is scheduled, where they will likely face charges of harming the Gulf Arab state’s interests and defaming the country’s ruler after being arrested earlier in June.

Democracy activists have used social media such as Facebook and Twitter to debate, organize and share information in Bahrain, where the kingdom’s Sunni rulers crushed a protest movement in March led mostly by the country’s Shi’ite majority.

Bahrain called in troops from Sunni-led neighbors such as Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates to enforce its crackdown. OPEC member Kuwait, which has a Shi’ite minority, sent naval forces.

Bahrain questioned a rights activist in April for publishing an image which appeared to show signs of torture on a man who died in detention during the unrest. It is not clear if the case will be brought to court.

Gulf Arab states, run by closely-allied ruling families, are trying to prevent protest movements that brought down Egyptian and Tunisian leaders earlier this year from taking off in their patch.

(Reporting by Eman Goma; editing by Mark Heinrich)

June 28, 2011 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Communication, Cultural, ExPat Life, Free Speech, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Political Issues | 2 Comments

Scamese

This was in my newest New Yorker magazine, originally given me by Little Diamond, now I can’t live without my subscription. 🙂 There is the kind of news you get on television, like what they have pictures of, maybe not the most important stuff but visual. Then there is National Public Radio news, and the New York Times, and The New Yorker. The New Yorker also has some of the greatest, funniest covers ever, and great cartoons. This one, as you might imagine, is near and dear to my heart:

April 18, 2011 Posted by | Communication, Cultural, Customer Service, Education, Entertainment, Financial Issues, Free Speech, Health Issues, Humor, Interconnected, News, Political Issues, Social Issues | Leave a comment

King Abdulla Returns to Saudi Arabia, Announces Benefits

Sometimes, there is little to say, the news says it all. Ghadaffi calling his own Libyans “rats” “cockroaches” “cowards” “traitors”, aging, long term leaders announcing increased benefits for citizens . . . These are interesting times. The winds of change are blowing, and no one can tell where those changes will take us . . .

From todays BBC World News:

Saudi King offers benefits as he returns from treatment

The king was greeted by hundreds of well-wishers on his arrival at Riyadh airport
Continue reading the main story

Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah has announced increased benefits for his citizens, as he returned after months abroad getting medical treatment.

There will be extra funds for housing, studying abroad and social security, according to state television.

King Abdullah has been away from the country for three months, during which time mass protests have changed the political landscape of the Middle East.

There have been few demonstrations in Saudi Arabia.

You can read more at BBC World News/Middle East

February 23, 2011 Posted by | Adventure, Bureaucracy, Financial Issues, Free Speech, Leadership, Living Conditions, Middle East, News, Political Issues, Saudi Arabia, Social Issues | 2 Comments

Kuwait: Using Democracy to Eradicate Democracy

My good friend, Amer Al-Hilal, was one of the people who inspired me to start blogging. This is his article from today’s Arab Times. Bravo, bravo, Amer, bravely and elegantly stated:

Free Kuwaitis from the shackles of radicalism
An Innocence Lost

By: Amer Al-Hilal

Respect for human rights, democracy (embodied in our Diwaniyas and later in our Constitution) freedom of speech, gender equality, and religious and cultural tolerance — all these traits were ingrained in the Kuwaiti culture and person for hundreds of years.

These days we witness media reports of MPs attempting to pass legislation to ‘ban bikinis,’ ‘female sportswear,’ or completely eradicating the legal and constitutional presence of female parliamentarians — as if all major problems of the State: Ahmadi gas leaks, Mishrif Station pumping sewage into our waters, expired meat, visa trafficking, development and all the other major issues were already dealt with.

Some of these same individuals wouldn’t even run for Parliament in the 1970s because they regarded democratic public office as ‘unIslamic.’ Now, they are not just attempting to run the show, they are attempting to re-write history and modify the political and social structure of the State, by using democracy as a means to eradicate democracy.

These same ‘religious’ MPs who abhor even the national anthem and refuse even to stand in respect to their State, these ‘Sharia Sheikhs of Swing’ who observe female groups and file police reports about ‘lesbian gatherings’ — even though the assembly of women was at a wedding — and who attempt to free rapists and child molesters from police stations, visa traffickers, expired food merchants and other lawbreakers and criminals, not to mention defend terrorists who threaten the State and the troops of our Allies; hypocrisy at its finest.

Additionally, treating women, employees and compatriots with disdain and disrespect looking the other way whilst corruption seeps and takes hold of society — nullifies any Sharia degree or religious gravitas an individual might have.

Let us be candid, if Kuwait truly was a civilized society the MPs would have been sued, prosecuted and kicked out of Parliament for such inflammatory-jumping-the-gun statements and for attempting to influence criminal investigations. But politics is politics and deals are made, always at the people’s expense. Furthermore, tribes and political groups — some who report to and coordinate with foreign entities — currently dwarf the power of the State (much of this is the State’s doing).

Critics
Right wing critics who slam progressive Kuwaitis for encouraging respect for other cultures and religions are dismissed as “agents of Western propaganda” or ‘Liberals’ — for wanting to highlight those ideals and reinforce them — are obviously unfamiliar with Kuwait’s history and background, and are apparently not familiar with the basic tenets of Islam which value and guarantee the aforementioned rights. Maybe some are unfamiliar with history because they just got the Kuwaiti citizenship; others are familiar but think we were living in the Dark Ages then.

In any case, they are certainly not familiar with Kuwait’s real ‘tradition and customs.’ Kuwait was more of a trading and commercial hub before oil than it is now; one of the many reasons why Kuwait was a merchant city and trading post — a haven of culture and commerce for hundreds of years even prior to the advent of oil — was tolerance and openness.

Men and women shared equal responsibilities; toiling away from dawn till dusk, women taking care of the household, educating their children and were active in producing goods (i.e. embroidering the ‘Sadu’) and in commerce — they kept things together, while their partners embarked on six month or longer pearl diving or trading voyages to places as far as India and Africa. They were partners in the true sense of the word. They were equals.

We were no less Muslim then. In some ways, we were superior Muslims; we weren’t arrogant like we are now, with that wretched ‘holier than thou’ attitude; we were broke — desperate for sources of income. Kuwaitis had to interact with other cultures, learn their language and customs; it was an issue of survival, whether it was opening a trade route for water, dates, gold or otherwise. We needed others and that taught us humility and real tolerance of cultures, peoples and religions.

That great Kuwaiti attribute is being diminished by the day in this day and age.

Ultimately, Islam should not be measured by the amount of mosques that are built (even though this is a blessing to any society), how many expatriates are converted, or by the amount of Holy Quran memorization schools (even though this is a noble activity) but by treating your fellow men and women, irrespective of whether they are native or expatriate, with respect and dignity, accepting their views and their way of life even though you may disagree with them and by combating inequity and corruption.

That is real test of democracy and Islam is all about democracy, its real targets are oppression, corruption, intolerance, injustice, not impeding the construction of churches, wiping out pictures of the Virgin Mary in magazines, removing Christmas trees, impeding foreign National Day celebrations, removing horse statues from a Chinese bistro at the Avenues, forced segregation and so forth.

It is truly outlandish when Kuwaitis – true citizens of the world with their astute, cultured predispositions — have to travel to a neighboring Gulf state to see a banned film, watch a concert or buy a book. It boggles the mind. Thirty years ago we did all that here and more, without any problem — which means our original ‘traditions and customs’ were much more broadminded.

If only people took the time to learn about our beloved Prophet Muhammad (Peace Be Upon Him) and his kind, good-humored, patient, compassionate and tolerant ways, instead of blindly following self-imposed judges, juries and executioners of society — who pass ethical judgments on so-called ‘moral pariahs,’ restricting people’s freedom of expression and worship and stifling their personal choice — Kuwait would be in a much healthier shape than it is now.

What’s happening these days in Kuwait is tragic. The potential for greatness is there but in order for us to meet the vast economic, cultural and intellectual benchmarks, our current State-wooing of extremists alongside their Parliament-supported xenophobia has to finally end and justice applied to all.

Al-Hilal can be reached at amer@hilaliya.com.

December 11, 2010 Posted by | Blogging, Free Speech, Kuwait, Law and Order, Leadership, Living Conditions, News, Political Issues, Social Issues, Women's Issues, Work Related Issues | 1 Comment

Aung San Suu Kyi Released

Halleluja!

YANGON, Myanmar (Nov. 13) — Myanmar’s military government freed its archrival, democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi, on Saturday after her latest term of detention expired. Several thousand jubilant supporters streamed to her residence.

(You can read the entire story on AOL News

November 13, 2010 Posted by | Free Speech, Political Issues | Leave a comment

Truthful Visitor on Doha Press

Do you ever visit QatarLiving.com? It’s one of those places where you can end up passing a lot of time, and it is also a place where there is both a lot of information and a lot of misinformation. There are some very good posts, and then there are some poseurs.

A recent Forum discussed the statement by Qatar Attorney General Dr Ali bin Futais Al Marri that “no one is above the law.” As forums often do, the threads segued into a discussion of freedom of the press in Qatar.

I almost split my sides, I was laughing so hard. I asked Truthful Visitor if I could print his post on this blog, and he gave me permission. I hope you enjoy it as I did. 🙂

Don’t you folks know that all the newspapers in Qatar are screened by the Ministry of Interior every evening before publication for the following day? Anything that doesn’t fit the required image is cut out.

Hence you always get the presence of evil (there’s always an Asian gang being deported for doing something dreadful like burglary or selling liquor) page 1, bottom of the page, that covers the Evil In Our Midst; then the sycophantic article about HH who has just made some pithy pronouncement on The Necessity For Mutual Understanding And Education Across The World, page 2; some phony figures about how much more the Pearl property or other investments have increased pages 3 – 5; some baloney about how safe the country is for investment, page 6; then the gushing op-ed about how the best societies in the world are so great because they have been enforcing Islamic values, pages 6 – 8; Qatar Airways wins award for best in-flight hot towels, page 9, and a new order for 500 Airbus aircraft (thanks to the strategic profitability of the airline! ha!) . And not to forget, Gulf Escapes Economic Downturn for the fourth week in a row, page 10 ad infinitum.

The Filipina maids found dead and decayed in the desert? The photos of the police when they turn the water cannons on the labour camps outside the Industrial Area? Oh no. Those photos were seized under duress. These things are just not family -friendly, now are they?

If it doesn’t fit the great narrative of Qatar, it’s not really news!

Thank you, Truthful Visitor. (truthfulvisitor/-a-t-/me.com)

November 10, 2009 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Cultural, Doha, ExPat Life, Free Speech, Living Conditions, News, Political Issues, Social Issues, Values | 13 Comments

Debate on Media Freedom in Doha, Qatar

From today’s Gulf Times:

Debate on Qatari press law

The Doha Centre for Media Freedom (DCMF) will hold a roundtable discussion on the Qatari press law that dates back to 1979, on Wednesday, at The Ritz-Carlton Doha, an official said yesterday.

According to the official, under the discussion will be the need for a Qatari media, and the view concerning modification and changes to the accrual Press Law, in order for it to match the requirements of the current era.

Discussions will be moderated by DCMF deputy director general Maryam al-Khater, while senior media officials of the country, editor-in-chiefs, senior journalists, heads of media organisations and others are expected to be in attendance.

After an introductory presentation of the most-recent study prepared by DCMF on the Press Law, comprising recommendations, suggestions, and analyses, the floor will be opened to what is expected to be a “vigorous debate”, the official said.

“The DCMF calls on all media specialists to exercise their right of expression by participating in this gathering and sharing their thoughts about the possibility of amending the negative provisions of the law for journalists’ rights as well as adding provisions which respond to their ambitions,” the official added.

The event coincides with the National Day for Human Rights, which falls on November 11 every year.

There was an earlier report, on June 24th, that most of the original members of the DCMF had resigned:

Media Freedom Centre team leaves office

DOHA: Robert Ménard, director- general of the Doha Centre for Media Freedom and his team have left the Centre.

“We no longer have either the freedom or the resources to do our work,” said Menard, in a statement issued yesterday.

The heads of the assistance, research and communications departments have also left the Centre, said the statement.

The Center was set up on the initiative of H H Sheikha Mozah bint Nasser Al Missned and Reporters Without Borders in December 2007.

Ménard, who became director-general on April 1, 2008, was the founder of Reporters Without Borders, which he headed for 23 years.

I imagine this is going to be a very interesting “vigorous” debate, of interest to all those who write – or blog – on Qatar. One of the things I notice in both Kuwait and Qatar is that in the interest of self-preservation, the newspapers self-censor. For example, when a crime is committed, if it is an Asian, or even, rarely, a westerner, the name of the criminal can be printed. If it is a local citizen, they do not print the names, not ever, unless it is a rare case where the defendant is convicted and appeals – on rare occasions, the name will appear then. In order to spare the family the embarrassment, I have been told, but I would think that the fear of embarrassing the family would have a strong deterrent effect on young men, for example, who think it is OK to abduct, rape and humiliate young men and women, without fear of having their crime made public.

In Kuwait, they publish the crimes committed, at least. In Qatar, you would think from reading the papers, that these crimes don’t exist. They do. They aren’t reported.

I think it is very cool that in Qatar, many of these issues are opened for public debate, as in this media debate, and in the ongoing Doha Debate series.

November 9, 2009 Posted by | Blogging, Bureaucracy, Communication, Community, Cultural, Customer Service, Doha, ExPat Life, Free Speech, Language, Living Conditions, Local Lore, Political Issues, Privacy, Values | 2 Comments

Peninsula Editor Responds to Qatar’s Advisory Council

From today’s Peninsula:

Advisory Council’s opinion surprising
Web posted at: 6/11/2009 6:45:39
Source ::: THE PENINSULA/ BY Khalid Abdul Rahim Al Sayed

Khalid Abdul Rahim Al Sayed
The Emir, His Highness, Sheikh Hamad bin Khalifa Al Thani, declared the media free in the country in 1995 and with the launch of Al Jazeera, we have shown the world that Qatar is a country which allows different opinions to be heard.

We were, therefore, quite surprised by the outcome of a debate in the Advisory Council on Monday, which called for stringent punishment to be given to Qatar-based journalists who write against the ruler, national security, religion and the Constitution.

First of all, all the above subjects are already protected by the Qatari Law. Second, we must remember that there is a provision in the Qatari Constitution which allows its revision at a future date by the next generation. We have a saying in Arabic which roughly translates into English as ‘one generation cannot control another’. By raising this debate, the Advisory Council has made a generalised conclusion without addressing the issue directly.

We find it strange that the Advisory Council, made up of Qatari nationals, has this kind of opinion when His Highness The Emir has given us the freedom to voice our opinion on issues freely and in a fair manner.

We are concerned as a Qatari newspaper that if these restrictions are imposed on Qatari journalists, they will be afraid to report news and events as they see them. Needless to say, the impact on foreign scribes here would be too deterring.

I am an avid reader of local newspapers. None of them has ever written anything objectionable against the four subjects referred to in the Advisory Council debate. The Advisory Council, I am afraid, has failed to address the issue of irresponsible journalism. Other nations will find it strange that a country which advocates media freedom through the establishment of Al Jazeera will condone such practice. If there is any misuse, it shouldn’t be generalised. Doing this would soil Qatar’s image in the world.

Given this backdrop, we urge the authorities concerned in Qatar to come up with a new Media Law that would protect the freedom of our journalists, especially as the old press legislation was enforced years ago, in 1979.

Khalid Abdul Rahim Al Sayed is the Editor-in-Chief of The Peninsula

June 11, 2009 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Doha, ExPat Life, Free Speech, Interconnected, Kuwait, News, Political Issues, Qatar, Social Issues | 4 Comments

Irresponsible Journalism in Qatar

This is from yesterday’s Peninsula, a Doha newspaper

Advisory panel wants curbs on irresponsible journalism
Web posted at: 6/10/2009 3:35:56
Source ::: The PENINSULA / By Mohammed Saeed

DOHA: A debate in the Advisory Council on irresponsible media on Monday has called for stringent punishment for Qatar-based journalists who write against the ruler, national security, religion and the Constitution.

A key member, Nasser Rahid Al Kaabi, taking part in the discussion, said there was the need to include TV channels, radio stations and the Internet in the laws that regulate the media in the country.

Some 24 members of the Council requested the House to debate the issue of irresponsible media.

It was pointed out during discussions that there were some journalists in the country who were misusing press freedom and dedicating their writings to undermine national interest.

The debate called for applying the laws strictly to punish erring scribes. Law Number 38 of 2005 and Law Number 8 of 1979 carried provisions to take erring journalists to task, it was pointed out.

Al Kaabi called for the laws to be amended and said the six-month prison term and minimum fine slab of QR3,000 for erring journalists prescribed be raised.

He said the jail term should be raised to a year and the fine should not be less than QR300,000. Qatar’s social and religious values must be preserved at any cost, the debate noted. THE PENINSULA

June 11, 2009 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Cultural, Doha, ExPat Life, Free Speech, News, Qatar | Leave a comment