Teach Your Teen to Negotiate
I found this article on the National Public Radio Health Page; with the title Why a Teen Who Talks Back may have a Bright Future. It has to do with teaching your teen to talk problems through confidently; researchers found teens who could express themselves confidently had a greater likelihood of turning down offers of illegal drugs or behaviors.
It is interesting to me, too, that the Dutch who had the courage to shelter the Jews during the Holocaust were those who had learned to think independently as teenagers.
If you’re the parent of a teenager, you likely find yourself routinely embroiled in disputes with your child. Those disputes are the symbol of teen developmental separation from parents.
It’s a vital part of growing up, but it can be extraordinarily wearing on parents. Now researchers suggest that those spats can be tamed and, in the process, provide a lifelong benefit to children.
Researchers from the University of Virginia recently published their findings in the journal Child Development. Psychologist Joseph P. Allen headed the study.
Allen says almost all parents and teenagers argue. But it’s the quality of the arguments that makes all the difference.
“We tell parents to think of those arguments not as nuisance but as a critical training ground,” he says. Such arguments, he says, are actually mini life lessons in how to disagree — a necessary skill later on in life with partners, friends and colleagues on the job.
Teens should be rewarded when arguing calmly and persuasively and not when they indulge in yelling, whining, threats or insults, he says.
In Allen’s study, 157 13-year-olds were videotaped describing their biggest disagreement with their parents. The most common arguments were over grades, chores, money and friends. The tape was then played for both parent and teen.
“Parents reacted in a whole variety of ways. Some of them laughed uncomfortably; some rolled their eyes; and a number of them dove right in and said, ‘OK, let’s talk about this,'” he says.
It was the parents who said wanted to talk who were on the right track, says Allen. “We found that what a teen learned in handling these kinds of disagreements with their parents was exactly what they took into their peer world,” with all its pressures to conform to risky behavior like drugs and alcohol.
Allen interviewed the teens again at ages 15 and 16. “The teens who learned to be calm and confident and persuasive with their parents acted the same way when they were with their peers,” he says. They were able to confidently disagree, saying ‘no’ when offered alcohol or drugs. In fact, they were 40 percent more likely to say ‘no’ than kids who didn’t argue with their parents.
For other kids, it was an entirely different story. “They would back down right away,” says Allen, saying they felt it pointless to argue with their parents. This kind of passivity was taken directly into peer groups, where these teens were more likely to acquiesce when offered drugs or alcohol. “These were the teens we worried about,” he says.
Bottom line: Effective arguing acted as something of an inoculation against negative peer pressure. Kids who felt confident to express themselves to their parents also felt confident being honest with their friends.
So, ironically the best thing parents can do is help their teenager argue more effectively. For this, Allen offers one word: listen.
In the study, when parents listened to their kids, their kids listened back. They didn’t necessarily always agree, he says. But if one or the other made a good point, they would acknowledge that point. “They weren’t just trying to fight each other at every step and wear each other down. They were really trying to persuade the other person.”
Acceptable argument might go something like this: ‘How about if my curfew’s a half hour later but I agree that I’ll text you or I’ll agree that I’ll stay in certain places and you’ll know where I’ll be; or how about I prove to you I can handle it for three weeks before we make a final decision about it.”
Again, parents won’t necessarily agree. But “they’ll get across the message that they take their kids point of view seriously and honestly consider what they have to say,” Allen says.
Child psychologist Richard Weissbourd says the findings bolster earlier research that finds that “parents who really respect their kids’ thinking and their kids’ input are much more likely to have kids who end up being independent thinkers and who are able to resist peer groups.”
Weissbourd points to one dramatic study that analyzed parental relationships of Dutch citizens who ended up protecting Jews during World War II. They were parents who encouraged independent thinking, even if it differed from their own.
So the next time your teenager huffs and puffs and starts to argue, you might just step back for a minute, take a breath yourself, and try to listen. It may be one of the best lessons you teach your child.
Kuwait Tweeters to Face Trial
Kuwait makes AOL News: Huffington Post today, as two guys are arrested over Tweets offensive to royals:
Kuwait To Try Nasser Abul And Lawrence al-Rashidi Over Twitter Posts
KUWAIT (Reuters) – Kuwait will put on trial two citizens for criticizing Gulf Arab ruling families on social media site Twitter, a security official said on Monday.
Nasser Abul, a Kuwaiti Shi’ite Muslim, was arrested for posting criticisms of the Sunni Muslim ruling families in Bahrain and Saudi Arabia, and Lawrence al-Rashidi posted defamatory comments of Kuwait’s emir, he said.
He said both would remain in detention for two more weeks before a hearing is scheduled, where they will likely face charges of harming the Gulf Arab state’s interests and defaming the country’s ruler after being arrested earlier in June.
Democracy activists have used social media such as Facebook and Twitter to debate, organize and share information in Bahrain, where the kingdom’s Sunni rulers crushed a protest movement in March led mostly by the country’s Shi’ite majority.
Bahrain called in troops from Sunni-led neighbors such as Saudi Arabia and the United Arab Emirates to enforce its crackdown. OPEC member Kuwait, which has a Shi’ite minority, sent naval forces.
Bahrain questioned a rights activist in April for publishing an image which appeared to show signs of torture on a man who died in detention during the unrest. It is not clear if the case will be brought to court.
Gulf Arab states, run by closely-allied ruling families, are trying to prevent protest movements that brought down Egyptian and Tunisian leaders earlier this year from taking off in their patch.
(Reporting by Eman Goma; editing by Mark Heinrich)
Scamese
This was in my newest New Yorker magazine, originally given me by Little Diamond, now I can’t live without my subscription. 🙂 There is the kind of news you get on television, like what they have pictures of, maybe not the most important stuff but visual. Then there is National Public Radio news, and the New York Times, and The New Yorker. The New Yorker also has some of the greatest, funniest covers ever, and great cartoons. This one, as you might imagine, is near and dear to my heart:
King Abdulla Returns to Saudi Arabia, Announces Benefits
Sometimes, there is little to say, the news says it all. Ghadaffi calling his own Libyans “rats” “cockroaches” “cowards” “traitors”, aging, long term leaders announcing increased benefits for citizens . . . These are interesting times. The winds of change are blowing, and no one can tell where those changes will take us . . .
From todays BBC World News:
Saudi King offers benefits as he returns from treatment
The king was greeted by hundreds of well-wishers on his arrival at Riyadh airport
Continue reading the main story
Saudi Arabia’s King Abdullah has announced increased benefits for his citizens, as he returned after months abroad getting medical treatment.
There will be extra funds for housing, studying abroad and social security, according to state television.
King Abdullah has been away from the country for three months, during which time mass protests have changed the political landscape of the Middle East.
There have been few demonstrations in Saudi Arabia.
You can read more at BBC World News/Middle East
Aung San Suu Kyi Released
Halleluja!
YANGON, Myanmar (Nov. 13) — Myanmar’s military government freed its archrival, democracy leader Aung San Suu Kyi, on Saturday after her latest term of detention expired. Several thousand jubilant supporters streamed to her residence.
(You can read the entire story on AOL News
Truthful Visitor on Doha Press
Do you ever visit QatarLiving.com? It’s one of those places where you can end up passing a lot of time, and it is also a place where there is both a lot of information and a lot of misinformation. There are some very good posts, and then there are some poseurs.
A recent Forum discussed the statement by Qatar Attorney General Dr Ali bin Futais Al Marri that “no one is above the law.” As forums often do, the threads segued into a discussion of freedom of the press in Qatar.
I almost split my sides, I was laughing so hard. I asked Truthful Visitor if I could print his post on this blog, and he gave me permission. I hope you enjoy it as I did. 🙂
Don’t you folks know that all the newspapers in Qatar are screened by the Ministry of Interior every evening before publication for the following day? Anything that doesn’t fit the required image is cut out.
Hence you always get the presence of evil (there’s always an Asian gang being deported for doing something dreadful like burglary or selling liquor) page 1, bottom of the page, that covers the Evil In Our Midst; then the sycophantic article about HH who has just made some pithy pronouncement on The Necessity For Mutual Understanding And Education Across The World, page 2; some phony figures about how much more the Pearl property or other investments have increased pages 3 – 5; some baloney about how safe the country is for investment, page 6; then the gushing op-ed about how the best societies in the world are so great because they have been enforcing Islamic values, pages 6 – 8; Qatar Airways wins award for best in-flight hot towels, page 9, and a new order for 500 Airbus aircraft (thanks to the strategic profitability of the airline! ha!) . And not to forget, Gulf Escapes Economic Downturn for the fourth week in a row, page 10 ad infinitum.
The Filipina maids found dead and decayed in the desert? The photos of the police when they turn the water cannons on the labour camps outside the Industrial Area? Oh no. Those photos were seized under duress. These things are just not family -friendly, now are they?
If it doesn’t fit the great narrative of Qatar, it’s not really news!
Thank you, Truthful Visitor. (truthfulvisitor/-a-t-/me.com)
Debate on Media Freedom in Doha, Qatar
From today’s Gulf Times:
Debate on Qatari press law
The Doha Centre for Media Freedom (DCMF) will hold a roundtable discussion on the Qatari press law that dates back to 1979, on Wednesday, at The Ritz-Carlton Doha, an official said yesterday.
According to the official, under the discussion will be the need for a Qatari media, and the view concerning modification and changes to the accrual Press Law, in order for it to match the requirements of the current era.
Discussions will be moderated by DCMF deputy director general Maryam al-Khater, while senior media officials of the country, editor-in-chiefs, senior journalists, heads of media organisations and others are expected to be in attendance.
After an introductory presentation of the most-recent study prepared by DCMF on the Press Law, comprising recommendations, suggestions, and analyses, the floor will be opened to what is expected to be a “vigorous debate”, the official said.
“The DCMF calls on all media specialists to exercise their right of expression by participating in this gathering and sharing their thoughts about the possibility of amending the negative provisions of the law for journalists’ rights as well as adding provisions which respond to their ambitions,” the official added.
The event coincides with the National Day for Human Rights, which falls on November 11 every year.
There was an earlier report, on June 24th, that most of the original members of the DCMF had resigned:
Media Freedom Centre team leaves office
DOHA: Robert Ménard, director- general of the Doha Centre for Media Freedom and his team have left the Centre.
“We no longer have either the freedom or the resources to do our work,” said Menard, in a statement issued yesterday.
The heads of the assistance, research and communications departments have also left the Centre, said the statement.
The Center was set up on the initiative of H H Sheikha Mozah bint Nasser Al Missned and Reporters Without Borders in December 2007.
Ménard, who became director-general on April 1, 2008, was the founder of Reporters Without Borders, which he headed for 23 years.
I imagine this is going to be a very interesting “vigorous” debate, of interest to all those who write – or blog – on Qatar. One of the things I notice in both Kuwait and Qatar is that in the interest of self-preservation, the newspapers self-censor. For example, when a crime is committed, if it is an Asian, or even, rarely, a westerner, the name of the criminal can be printed. If it is a local citizen, they do not print the names, not ever, unless it is a rare case where the defendant is convicted and appeals – on rare occasions, the name will appear then. In order to spare the family the embarrassment, I have been told, but I would think that the fear of embarrassing the family would have a strong deterrent effect on young men, for example, who think it is OK to abduct, rape and humiliate young men and women, without fear of having their crime made public.
In Kuwait, they publish the crimes committed, at least. In Qatar, you would think from reading the papers, that these crimes don’t exist. They do. They aren’t reported.
I think it is very cool that in Qatar, many of these issues are opened for public debate, as in this media debate, and in the ongoing Doha Debate series.
Peninsula Editor Responds to Qatar’s Advisory Council
From today’s Peninsula:
Advisory Council’s opinion surprising
Web posted at: 6/11/2009 6:45:39
Source ::: THE PENINSULA/ BY Khalid Abdul Rahim Al Sayed
Khalid Abdul Rahim Al Sayed
The Emir, His Highness, Sheikh Hamad bin Khalifa Al Thani, declared the media free in the country in 1995 and with the launch of Al Jazeera, we have shown the world that Qatar is a country which allows different opinions to be heard.
We were, therefore, quite surprised by the outcome of a debate in the Advisory Council on Monday, which called for stringent punishment to be given to Qatar-based journalists who write against the ruler, national security, religion and the Constitution.
First of all, all the above subjects are already protected by the Qatari Law. Second, we must remember that there is a provision in the Qatari Constitution which allows its revision at a future date by the next generation. We have a saying in Arabic which roughly translates into English as ‘one generation cannot control another’. By raising this debate, the Advisory Council has made a generalised conclusion without addressing the issue directly.
We find it strange that the Advisory Council, made up of Qatari nationals, has this kind of opinion when His Highness The Emir has given us the freedom to voice our opinion on issues freely and in a fair manner.
We are concerned as a Qatari newspaper that if these restrictions are imposed on Qatari journalists, they will be afraid to report news and events as they see them. Needless to say, the impact on foreign scribes here would be too deterring.
I am an avid reader of local newspapers. None of them has ever written anything objectionable against the four subjects referred to in the Advisory Council debate. The Advisory Council, I am afraid, has failed to address the issue of irresponsible journalism. Other nations will find it strange that a country which advocates media freedom through the establishment of Al Jazeera will condone such practice. If there is any misuse, it shouldn’t be generalised. Doing this would soil Qatar’s image in the world.
Given this backdrop, we urge the authorities concerned in Qatar to come up with a new Media Law that would protect the freedom of our journalists, especially as the old press legislation was enforced years ago, in 1979.
Khalid Abdul Rahim Al Sayed is the Editor-in-Chief of The Peninsula
Irresponsible Journalism in Qatar
This is from yesterday’s Peninsula, a Doha newspaper
Advisory panel wants curbs on irresponsible journalism
Web posted at: 6/10/2009 3:35:56
Source ::: The PENINSULA / By Mohammed Saeed
DOHA: A debate in the Advisory Council on irresponsible media on Monday has called for stringent punishment for Qatar-based journalists who write against the ruler, national security, religion and the Constitution.
A key member, Nasser Rahid Al Kaabi, taking part in the discussion, said there was the need to include TV channels, radio stations and the Internet in the laws that regulate the media in the country.
Some 24 members of the Council requested the House to debate the issue of irresponsible media.
It was pointed out during discussions that there were some journalists in the country who were misusing press freedom and dedicating their writings to undermine national interest.
The debate called for applying the laws strictly to punish erring scribes. Law Number 38 of 2005 and Law Number 8 of 1979 carried provisions to take erring journalists to task, it was pointed out.
Al Kaabi called for the laws to be amended and said the six-month prison term and minimum fine slab of QR3,000 for erring journalists prescribed be raised.
He said the jail term should be raised to a year and the fine should not be less than QR300,000. Qatar’s social and religious values must be preserved at any cost, the debate noted. THE PENINSULA



