Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Americans Sing for the Liberation of Kuwait

My sweet Kuwait friend sent me this today. It made me cry.

We all have memories of the invasion. I remember it well. We had just moved to Tampa, AdventureMan was working with CENTCOM. He had just brought his very old grandmother to visit with us, and the next day, Iraq invaded, and his grandmother and I didn’t see him again!

We have had a long history with Kuwait, longer than our time living there. Kuwait matters to us. This song makes me cry; the effects of this invasion linger on, resonating and affecting so many lives:

March 1, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Biography, Community, Counter-terrorism, Cross Cultural, Events, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Friends & Friendship, Interconnected, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Middle East, Political Issues, Social Issues | 5 Comments

Keep Another’s Confidence

This is from a wonderful website by by Rick Warren, who writes about the Purpose Driven Life and who sends out daily inspirational messages. I love this one.

Connect be keeping someone’s confidence
by Rick Warren
“A gossip betrays a confidence, but a trustworthy man keeps a secret.” Proverbs 11:13 (NIV)

If relationships are going to work, we have to be confidential with information.
Are you the kind of person that someone can trust with confidential information? We tend to think of gossip as one of those little sins, a misdemeanor sin. But when God talks about gossip, He puts it on a list with things like sexual immorality and murder.

Why? Because it is incredibly destructive to relationships.

What is gossip? Gossip is talking about a situation with somebody who is neither a part of the solution nor a part of the problem. And if we’re honest with ourselves, what we’re doing is making ourselves feel a little more important at somebody else’s expense. We’re talking about their hurts and their problems, but in a way that makes us feel a little bit superior to them. That’s the danger and the hurt of gossip.

There’s a story in the Old Testament about a family that struggled with gossip. Moses had a sister name Miriam who one day got caught up in gossiping about Moses amidst the rest of the people. God called them together – Moses and Miriam. He spoke with Miriam and told her what she’d done wrong and immediately He gave her leprosy.

But look at what God did next; he invited Moses to pray for Miriam’s healing – to pray for the one who gossiped against him.

Some of you have been deeply hurt by gossip. The story of Moses and Miriam suggests God would say to you, “Pray for that person’s healing, the one who gossiped against you. That way you can be released from the hurt that’s come into your life.”

Perhaps you’re the one whose been gossiping. You’ve been the one talking about other people. This story is in the Old Testament to remind us how serious gossip is, how hurtful it can be to people no matter what side of the situation you’re on.

The truth is, when you keep confidences it makes your relationships healthier. It enables you to keep connecting with others in positive and genuine way.

What is so interesting to me is that Islam has the same prohibitions against gossip, called back-biting, and puts a high level of prohibition against it. The prophet Mohammed warned against it repeatedly.

I love it that Rick Warren puts it into context by warning that it destroys relationships.

February 28, 2010 Posted by | Character, Charity, Civility, Communication, Community, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Friends & Friendship, Health Issues, Interconnected, Living Conditions, Random Musings, Spiritual | Leave a comment

Thing Younger, Act Younger, BE Younger

A couple of my friends and I were trying to figure out why we were friends. What goes into making friendships? One thing that surprised us was that we tended to choose people with some risk-taking behaviors – people who look ‘normal’ and conservative on the outside, but are thinking outside-the-box on the inside. They are thinking all the time, observing and analyzing and making choices that set them aside from others. For one thing, here we are, all living in Qatar – and that is a choice. Our lifestyles are a choice.

Most of my friends are a lot of fun – you would like them. And it might take you a while to figure out we are all total nerds, very uncool people. One of the very coolest sent me this. On the inside, this woman is into EVERYTHING! On the outside, she obeys the conventions. On the inside, she is thinking all the time. 🙂

This study, from BBC News Magazine is amazing. But don’t believe me! Listen to the broadcast! See the movie! Imagine yourself 20 years younger (please! not those of you in your 20’s!) and start acting YOUNGER!

In 1979 psychologist Ellen Langer carried out an experiment to find if changing thought patterns could slow ageing. But the full story of the extraordinary experiment has been hidden until now.

How much control do you have over how you will age?

Many people would laugh at the idea that people could influence the state of their health in old age by positive thinking. A way of mitigating ageing is a holy grail for the pharmaceutical and cosmetics industry, but an experiment by Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer three decades ago could hold significant clues.

Prof Langer has spent her entire career investigating the power our mind has over our health. Conventional medicine is frequently accused of treating them as separate entities.

“Everybody knows in some way that our minds affect our physical being, but I don’t think people are aware of just how profound the effect actually is,” she says.
In 1979, Prof Langer conducted a ground-breaking experiment – the results of which are only now being fully revealed.

Prof Langer recruited a group of elderly men all in their late 70s or 80s for what she described as a “week of reminiscence”. They were not told they were taking part in a study into ageing, an experiment that would transport them 20 years back in time.

The psychologist wanted to know if she could put the mind back 20 years would the body show any changes.

The men were split into two groups. They would both be spending a week at a retreat outside of Boston.

Ellen Langer in 1979 and today
But while the first group, the control, really would be reminiscing about life in the 50s, the other half would be in a timewarp. Surrounded by props from the 50s the experimental group would be asked to act as if it was actually 1959.

They watched films, listened to music from the time and had discussions about Castro marching on Havana and the latest Nasa satellite launch – all in the present tense.

Dr Langer believed she could reconnect their minds with their younger and more vigorous selves by placing them in an environment connected with their own past lives.

And she was determined to remove any prompt for them to behave as anything but healthy individuals. The retreat was not equipped with rails or any gadgets that would help older people. Right from the off she was determined to ensure they looked after themselves.

One man discarded his walking stick

When they got off the bus at the retreat, Prof Langer did not help the men carry their suitcases in. “I told them they could move them an inch at a time, they could unpack them right at the bus and take up a shirt at a time.”

The men were entirely immersed in an era when they were 20 years younger.

Understandably, Prof Langer herself had doubts. “You have to understand, when these people came to see if they could be in the study and they were walking down the hall to get to my office, they looked like they were on their last legs, so much so that I said to my students ‘why are we doing this? It’s too risky’.”

But soon the men were making their own meals. They were making their own choices. They weren’t being treated as incompetent or sick.

Pretty soon she could see a difference. Over the days, Prof Langer began to notice that they were walking faster and their confidence had improved. By the final morning one man had even decided he could do without his walking stick.

As they waited for the bus to return them to Boston, Prof Langer asked one of the men if he would like to play a game of catch, within a few minutes it had turned into an impromptu game of “touch” American football.

The experiment took the men back to 1959

Obviously this kind of anecdotal evidence does not count for much in a study.

But Prof Langer took physiological measurements both before and after the week and found the men improved across the board. Their gait, dexterity, arthritis, speed of movement, cognitive abilities and their memory was all measurably improved.

Their blood pressure dropped and, even more surprisingly, their eyesight and hearing got better. Both groups showed improvements, but the experimental group improved the most.

Think younger, feel younger?
Prof Langer believes that by encouraging the men’s minds to think younger their bodies followed and actually became “younger”.

She first published the scientific data in 1981 but she left out many of the more colourful stories. As a young academic, she feared this might taint the experiment and affect the acceptance of the results.

Now after over 30 years of research into the connection between the mind and the body and with the confidence and conviction of a Harvard professor, she feels she has a fuller story to tell.

“My own view of ageing is that one can, not the rare person but the average person, live a very full life, without infirmity, without loss of memory that is debilitating, without many of the things we fear.”

Richard Wiseman, professor of public understanding of psychology at the University of Hertfordshire, thinks the results of Prof Langer’s experiments are fascinating but the big question is what’s causing them. “I think there could be multiple things going on here and the question is which explanations really hold water.

Why some people age faster than others is mysterious
“Part of it could be self perception, for example if you get people to smile they feel happier. The same could be going on here, by getting people to act younger they feel younger.”

Prof Weisman believes another factor could be motivational, the men are simply trying harder by the end of the week, or it could be similar to hypnotism, where people do better on memory tests because they are told they have a better memory.

Whatever the cause he believes there is a place for the type of positive thinking shown in the study.

“If you take something like heart disease positive thinking can have a role, because while it won’t heal your heart on its own, positive thinking will feed into positive actions like healthy eating or exercise which will help.”

In any event there is likely to be more interest in the 1979 experiment. The retelling of the study has been snapped up by Jennifer Aniston’s new production company, with Aniston tipped to play Prof Langer.

(FIND OUT MORE
Horizon: Don’t Grow Old is available via iPlayer and will be repeated at 0250GMT on BBC One on Tuesday 9 February)

February 27, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Aging, Character, Doha, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Friends & Friendship, Generational, Health Issues, Interconnected, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Qatar, Relationships, Social Issues, Statistics | 3 Comments

Change of Plans

When we were planning this trip, it all sounded so simple . . . greet the grandbaby, buy a house, quick, fly to Seattle, fly back to Pensacola, kiss the grandbaby and fly to Doha to pack.

Not quite the way it turned out. When we got here, the grandbaby was 11 days overdue. We got to be here for the birth. While our son and his wife labored, we went out with the world’s most wonderful real estate lady and actually, we did find a house.

Three years ago, we found a house. When I talked with the mortgage people, I said “We just finished paying off a mortgage with you; isn’t there some kind of short-cut you could do with me?” and they did something called “fast track” with me, and it was so easy I can’t even remember the paperwork; I think I filled it out on my computer – online – and that was it. My son handled the closing. It was so easy.

Things have really changed. This will be our third mortgage with the same company, but you would think we are potential deadbeats. We have high credit scores, an impeccable payment record – I would think they would want to have us as customers! It’s like pulling teeth. Papers don’t get to us. Additional verifications are required. Appraisers actually enter the house and verify square footage.

Between chasing paper and soothing the newborn, my life has been very full. It doesn’t sound very exciting, when I tell you about it, but here is the truth – I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. It’s an amazing feeling.

Today, I spent a lot of time with the baby. At some point, I realized I wasn’t going to make it to Seattle this trip, and it’s OK. I can go to Seattle later. For right now, I have enough on my plate.

I had forgotten, too, how chaotic life with a newborn can be. His needs take precedence, and sometimes we all run around trying to guess what those needs might be, simple as they are . . . clean diaper? swaddling / soothing to sleep? Mother’s milk? Today was a really good day, where he took the diaper changes with grace, dropped right off to sleep after every meal, and was keenly alert for maybe a half hour after feeding before napping. He loves patterns and fabrics. I am having SO MUCH FUN!

A part of our life is ending, the nomadic part. AdventureMan and I have had a lot of fun, once our son got through college and law school, we were on our own again, living in Europe, living in Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Qatar – we have had a great adventure. We travelled to Botswana, Namibia, Zambia (several times), South Africa, Kenya, Tanzania and spent a wonderful week on Mnemba Island off the coast of Zanzibar. We have wonderful friends, mostly from churches and interest groups. I would think, knowing us, that we would be sad leaving all this, but instead, we are racing toward our new future, being more settled, being near our son and his family, and his wife’s great big family. 🙂

For one thing, the world has changed. With e-mail and VOIP phones and people who jump on a plane at the drop of a hat, we expect to stay in touch with those we love and treasure. We expect they will come see us. It’s kind of fun settling in a place with white sandy beaches that everyone wants to come visit. 🙂 Cooler than Kuwait and Qatar in the summer time, too! Nice warm winters, well, not this winter, brrrrrrrrrrrr!

Thought you might want to see a photo of my little darling grandson:

February 25, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Africa, Aging, Community, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Florida, France, Friends & Friendship, Generational, Geography / Maps, Germany, Kenya, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Marriage, Moving, Qatar, Relationships, Saudi Arabia, Seattle, Travel | 7 Comments

Family Gathering

Last night was fun. New baby is settling in, sleeping more, figuring out how his new world works.

Last night, another set of grandparents visited (lucky baby has three sets of grandparents!) and while other grammy held the baby, our son and his wife were able to get away for about an hour to run errands, I cooked up a very simple dinner, and when son and DIL came home, we all ate – very simply.

There is nothing like having a newborn baby in the house to help set priorities. Babies needs come first. Feeding is totally the job of the new mother in this case, we can all help with just about everything else – changing diapers, holding baby, doing laundry, cooking meals, cleaning up . . . but life becomes very simple. There is nothing so wonderful as the sound of a baby sleeping!

I am off to church this morning – on a Sunday!

We had about one minute of snow on Friday, and zero accumulation. Big fat flakes hit the windshield and melted. So much for the Pensacola snow day. Today it is cool, but clear and sunny, another gorgeous day in Pensacola.

February 14, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Family Issues, Florida, Friends & Friendship, Generational, Interconnected, Living Conditions | 2 Comments

The Five Legged Dog

“It’s like trying to buy a five-legged-dog,” my friend started out. When a friend starts a conversation with an opener like that, she has my full attention. “You look and you look, but you know at some point your going to have to give up one of the legs to find a dog to buy.”

We had been talking about house hunting. You know what you want. This house has most of it, but that house has all of it, at a price you can’t afford. Another house has everything, at a price you can afford, but you can see endless maintenance costs associated with ownership of that property. In short . . . there is no five legged dog. Somewhere along the way, you give up wanting it all and settle for good enough.

I think about that friend and her saying often. It’s become a family catch-phrase, they have heard me tell it so often. We’re all in search of that five legged dog.


(photo from public domain pictures)

February 11, 2010 Posted by | Doha, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Florida, Friends & Friendship, Living Conditions | Leave a comment

Life Intrudes

Yes, I am sorry. I left you with no indication that I wouldn’t be able to blog for a while, but – as it does for you – life intrudes. AdventureMan and I are on a GREAT adventure, a baby was born, and thus we became Grandma and Grandpa! We didn’t intend to be here for the birth, but babies have their own schedules, and we got here in time to spend time with our son and his wife AND to be able to see our new grandson before he was even an hour old.

Who ever thinks the thrills in life are over once you hit ‘grown-up’ is SO wrong. Life just keeps getting better and better, and is full of thrills – if you have the eyes to see, and the ears to hear, and the heart to know a miracle when you see one.

Every new baby is a miracle. We can’t make them happen – or not happen – by wishing. Babies, each and every one, are a miracle.

Photos? This was a mixed up trip. We have been on the run ever since we hit the ground. I have photos, but I left my card-reader in Doha. As soon as I can hit a store, I will show you a photo of the newest prince. 😉

Thanks for your patience with me.

February 9, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Aging, Beauty, Biography, Blogging, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Florida, Friends & Friendship, Generational, Living Conditions, Relationships | 12 Comments

AdventureMan Gets Busted

“Sir, do you have a minute?” she asked.

“Yeh, c’mon in,” replied AdventureMan, a little surprised that she closed the door as she came in.

“I think I know who you are,” she said. “I think you are AdventureMan.”

AdventureMan (who is calling me to tell me the story) tells me he didn’t bat an eye, but said “I don’t know what you are talking about.”

“It sounded so familiar,” she said, “when you told me you had a little problem with the vet last week. I went back to the blog. I think your cat is the Qatteri Cat. So no, I don’t believe you don’t know what I am talking about.”

If you know AdventureMan, you will know he can’t keep a straight face for very long, and she handled the situation exactly right for busting him good. I am sure he started grinning, and once he starts grinning, he is totally lost.

Like one other really smart woman we know, she went back and explored the blog, reading through several entries until she was sure. Fully armed with all the information, she attacked. And won. Once you get him laughing, he can’t lie any longer. Well done! 🙂 You know who you are! 🙂

February 2, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Biography, Community, Cultural, Doha, ExPat Life, Friends & Friendship, Humor, Living Conditions, Qatar, Qatteri Cat, Work Related Issues | 8 Comments

Brisk Morning at the Souq Al Waqif

“My husband hates shopping and hates the souks” said one of my friends, and my friend Grammy and I just grinned – any excuse for a trip to the souks, especially to introduce someone to our own particular joys. Early breakfast at the Beirut, walking here and there, finding small treasures and great pleasures, and ending up with coffee at the Cafe Tasse, which has divine Cafe Mocha with real whipped cream. It’s OK, I don’t have real whipped cream every day, just . . . have a problem resisting on those wonderful sunny winter mornings in the souks.

Some sights to share with you:

Dashing souk policemen on horseback, an early morning treat


The hardware souk, in the ‘guy’s souk area’, i.e. camping, hunting, fishing, falcons, hardware . . .


Falcon Hood Maker


Tiny little falcon hoods

January 29, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Arts & Handicrafts, Beauty, Community, Cultural, Doha, Eating Out, Entertainment, Friends & Friendship, Hot drinks, Living Conditions, Qatar | 6 Comments

Handbook for 2010

Thank you, Dear Friend, who sent this to me this morning 🙂

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:
1. Drink plenty of water.
2.. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants….
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy.
5. Make time to pray.
6. Play more games.
7. Read more books than you did in 2009.
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day.
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minute walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:
11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12 Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake..
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with his/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.

Society:
25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything.
28. Spend time w/ people over the age of 70 & under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:
32.. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. God heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change..
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up..
37. The best is yet to come.
38. When you awake alive in the morning, be thankful for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy..

Last but not the least:
40. Please Forward this to everyone you care about, I just did..

January 24, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Aging, Beauty, Books, Character, Community, Exercise, Friends & Friendship, Health Issues | 4 Comments