Today’s e-mail: Why athletes can’t have regular jobs
WHY ATHLETES CAN’T HAVE REGULAR JOBS
1. Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: “I wan’ all dem kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I wan’ all the kids to copulate me.”
2. New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: ”I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first.”
3. And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the ‘Skins say: “I’d run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl,” Matt Millen of the Raiders said: “To win, I’d run over Joe’s Mom, too.”
4. Torrin Polk, University of Houston receiver, on his coach, John Jenkins: ”He treats us like men.. He lets us wear earrings.”
5. Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann, 1996: “Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”
6. Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh : “I’m going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes.” (now that is beautiful)
7. Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: “You guys line up alphabetically by height.” And, “You guys pair up in groups of three, and then line up in a circle.”
8. Boxing promoter Dan Duva on Mike Tyson going to prison: “Why would anyone expect him to come out smarter? He went to prison for three years, not Princeton ..”
9. Stu Grimson, Chicago Blackhawks left wing, explaining why he keeps a color photo of himself above his locker: “That’s so when I forget how to spell my name, I can still find my clothes.”
10. Lou Duva, veteran boxing trainer, on the Spartan training regime of heavyweight Andrew Golota: “He’s a guy who gets up at six o’clock in the morning, regardless of what time it is.”
11. Chuck Nevitt , North Carolina State basketball player, explaining to Coach Jim Valvano why he appeared nervous at practice: “My sister’s expecting a baby, and I don’t know if I’m going to be an uncle or an aunt.” (I wonder if his IQ ever hit room temperature in January)
12. Frank Layden , Utah Jazz president, on a former player: “I told him, ’Son, what is it with you? Is it ignorance or apathy?’ He said, ‘Coach, I don’t know and I don’t care.'”
13. Shelby Metcalf, basketball coach at Texas A&M, recounting what he told a player who received four F’s and one D: “Son, looks to me like you’re spending too much time on one subject.”
14. Amarillo High School and Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded: ”Because she is too damn ugly to kiss good-bye.”
15. These are right in the ballpark with Mike Tyson’s answer to what he will do when he retires…”I guess I’ll just fade into Bolivia .”
German Lingerie Ad: Liaison Dangereuse
A German company finds a fresh new take on selling lingerie; found this on AOL Finance News 🙂 Very clever.
Sexiness for everyone from Glow Berlin on Vimeo.
For Every Husband whose Wife has ever asked . . .
“Does this dress make my butt look big?”
The answer, the ONLY answer, is always “No, honey, you look wonderful, as always.”
see more Lolcats and funny pictures
LLOOLL, Dumb and Dumber in Florida News
I found this hilarious article in The Pensacola News Journal
Bizarre news much the norm in Florida
BRENDAN FARRINGTON • ASSOCIATED PRESS • DECEMBER 30, 2009
TALLAHASSEE — You know you’re living in a weird state when the governor promotes a pay-per-minute sex chat line.
Or when a congressman asks the House speaker to move a day’s worth of votes so he can watch a college football game.
Or when employees at not just one, not two, but three state prisons use stun guns on their kids as part of “Take Our Daughters and Sons to Work Day.”
That’s Florida, once again making people snicker at its dumb criminals, strange animals and all-around oddness.
Gov. Charlie Crist was embarrassed when an on-hold recording he made transposed two numbers for an uninsured child helpline and callers instead were led to “horny” girls willing to talk about anything for just $2.99 a minute.
It wasn’t the only odd moment in politics. Rep. Cliff Stearns asked Speaker Nancy Pelosi to basically shut down Congress early so he and some of the Florida and Oklahoma House guys could go watch their teams in the national championship game. She said no.
Candidates for local offices were also embarrassed in 2009. A Miami Beach mayoral candidate was disqualified from the race after his qualifying check bounced, and a minister running for Belle Glade City Commission was charged with swinging a bat at a woman outside a polling place. He lost the election.
Two 8-year-old Alachua County boys made better use of their baseball bats — they successfully fought off a man armed with a gun who was threatening to kill the mother of one of the boys.
Booze A Factor
Alcohol seems to lead to a lot of Florida’s oddest stories.
Tampa police arrested a man who let his 12-year-old son drive his SUV so he could drink in the passenger seat.
A Marion County man was charged with driving under the influence after crashing a stolen riding lawnmower into a school bus.
A 22-year-old South Florida man climbed aboard a locomotive with a friend and took it seven miles down the tracks for a joy ride. They came up with the idea while heading to a local bar.
A Clearwater man was charged with drunken driving after police pulled him over for driving a car with only three tires.
Pasco County deputies arrested two men they said were fighting over $3 in gas money on the way home from a strip club. The weapons involved: a fish tank and a beer bottle.
In other random stories:
• A Lakeland eighth-grader was suspended from riding the school bus after farting to make other students laugh and badly stinking up the bus.
• A Melbourne-area woman changed diapers for a man who was faking disabilities. The man, whom she met through Craigslist, paid her $600 a week for the services. It took her three months to figure out he wasn’t disabled.
• The University of Florida’s disaster recovery plan included a section on dealing with zombies.
• DeLand authorities said a man strangled a pet rat after accusing his wife of taking his last cigarette and a Jensen Beach man was arrested after drenching his wife with a hose for smoking in the house.
• A woman sitting on a toilet in a Tampa restroom dropped her gun, which discharged and shot a woman sitting in another stall.
• Bank of America in Tampa refused to cash a check for a man born without arms because he couldn’t provide a thumbprint.
And finally, some readers might recall that a costumed Tigger was acquitted of charges he groped women at Disney World a few years ago. This year a 60-year-old man was convicted of groping Minnie Mouse at the same theme park.
Ahh, Florida, a whole new way of thinking . . . LLOOLLL!
I am dying laughing, what a way to end an old year and start a new one. I hope your celebrations are full of laughter and you keep your sense of humor through the coming New Year. 🙂
Ritz Carlton Doha Christmas Tree Disappearing Act
I love the Ritz at Christmas time. They decorate so beautifully, and I especially love the huge, tall Christmas tree in the main lobby as you enter – it’s always a great spot for photos with friends and family, before brunch or after afternoon tea.
But when we went to the Ritz for brunch on Friday, Qatar National Day, the tree had disappeared! I guess it was too incongruous to have a huge, gorgeous Christmas tree inserted in all the special activities of Qatar National Day.
Here is what the tree looked like, LLLOOOOLLLLL!
Ya Gotta Love the Qatar Press
OK, bear with me. I am picky about language. I dance with joy to see that the Qatar press no longer uses “flay” on a daily basis; it is a strong word, a word that literally means ‘to skin’, and it was often used when one team triumphed over another, like Arsenal Flays Manchester, or some such, even if the victory was just points.
“No! No!” I would shake my head in horror, “please stop! Use some restraint! Choose the right word!”
But when it comes to rain, the press vocabulary seems stunted, and once again, predictably, we were treated to a ‘lashing’.
Think about it. It’s a strong word. What does lashing rain look like?
A lashing rain is blowing in bursts, coming at you sometimes at almost a 90° angle, an umbrella is useless. A lashing rain can hurt your face, it hits so hard, a lashing rain is heavily wind blown. A lashing rain has FORCE behind it.
What we had in Doha was a steady, drenching rain. At no time did it exceed an angle of maybe 15%; almost 100% of the time the rain came steadily down. Maybe it streamed. Maybe it soaked. Maybe it even flooded. But lashing? No. No. It was never lashing. There was no great wind behind it, no great force. It gently, steadily dripped. It accumulated. It never never lashed.
“Rain Lashes Doha!”
After lunch and a good visit, my friends were leaving. Sauntering to the car, the very few small raindrops didn’t even touch us, but we were exhilarated by the joy of these first drops, the first we had seen after long, dry months.
“Rain lashes Doha!” one of the quipped, parodying the local press, exaggerating the tiny things while leaving out major crimes. They danced toward their cars, yes, it’s a western compound and once in a while you might find one or two of us dancing in the street, we wild women of the West.
Cooling Down in Qatar
I quilt. I quilt for hours. In my quilting room, I stream National Public Radio from KUOW in Seattle, and when they say the temperature is 49°F and there are high winds expected, I almost feel cold.
So when I say it is cooling down in Qatar, it is a little tongue-in-cheek. I’m the Alaska girl, remember? We went sleeveless if it got up to 65°F; 70°+ was a heatwave.
Now that it is “cooling down”, the temperatures at night are just under 70°F.
I’m still running the A/C; looking forward to the days when I can turn it off. But, compared to the searing heat of summer, this is heaven. 🙂
Only Ten Generations
We were talking about marriage prospects, and I mentioned one young man.
She hesitated, then told me “we don’t marry with this family.”
“Why not?” I asked her. “He’s handsome, and kind, and I am told that they are the richest family in Qatar.”
“They are Iranian,” she said shortly.
“Iranian?” I asked. “They are Qatteri! They have been here more than ten generations!”
She grinned at me.
“It’s not enough,” she said. “They are still Iranian.”
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