Motherhood in 2:55
I saw this on Good Morning America, and then my oldest, dearest friend sent me the same in an e-mail. Motherhood condensed into 2 minutes and 55 seconds. Very original.
Every time I listened to it I understood it better! Adventure Man is rolling on the floor!
Understanding Engineers
Thank you, KitKat, for sending me these. Nice to start the day with a grin! 🙂
One:
Two engineering students were walking across campus when one said,
“Where did you get such a great bike?”
The second engineer replied, “Well, I was walking along yesterday
minding my own business when a beautiful woman rode up on this bike.
She threw the bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and said,
“Take what you want.”
The second engineer nodded approvingly, “Good choice; the clothes
probably wouldn’t have fit.”
Understanding Engineers – Take Two:
To the optimist, the glass is half full. To the pessimist, the glass is
half empty. To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to
be.
Understanding Engineers – Take Three:
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a
particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with
these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!”
The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such
ineptitude!”
The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word
with him.” [dramatic pause] “Hi George, say, what’s with that group
ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind
firefighters lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last
year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I
think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my
ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”
Understanding Engineers – Take Four:
There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things
mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he
happily retired. Several years later the company contacted him regarding
a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their
multimillion dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone
else to get the machine to work but to no avail. In desperation, they
called on the retired engineer who had solved so
many of their problems in the past.
The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying
the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk
on a particular component of the machine and stated, “This is where your
problem is.” The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly
again.
The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his
service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.
The engineer responded briefly: “One chalk mark, $1.00. Knowing where
to put it $49, 999.00.”
It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.
Understanding Engineers – Take Five:
What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers and Civil
Engineers?
Mechanical Engineers build weapons. Civil Engineers build targets.
Understanding Engineers – Take Six:
Three engineering students were gathered together discussing the
possible designers of the human body. One said, “It was a mechanical
engineer. Just look at all the joints. ”
Another said, “No, it was an electrical engineer. The nervous system
has many thousands of electrical connections.”
The last said, “Actually it was a civil engineer. Who else would run a
toxic waste pipeline through a recreational area?”
Understanding Engineers – Take Seven:
Normal people believe that …if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Engineers believe that: “…if it ain’t broke, it doesn’t have enough
features yet.”-Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle
Understanding Engineers – Take Eight:
An architect, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was
better to spend time with the wife or a mistress. The architect said he
enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an enduring
relationship.
The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the
passion and mystery he found there.
The engineer said, “I like both.”
The others: “Both?”
Engineer: “Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each
assume you are spending time with the other woman, and you can go to the
lab and get some work done.”
Understanding Engineers – Take Nine:
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to him
and said, “If you kiss me, I’ll turn into a beautiful princess.” He bent
over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up
again and said, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a beautiful
princess, I will stay with you for one week.” The engineer took the frog
out of his pocket, smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog
then cried out, “If you kiss me and turn me back into a princess, I’ll
stay with you and do ANYTHING you want.” Again the engineer took the
frog out, smiled at it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the
frog asked, “What is the matter? I’ve told you I’m a beautiful princess,
that I’ll stay with you for a week and do anything you want. Why won’t
you kiss me?”
The engineer said, “Look I’m an engineer. I don’t have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that’s cool.”
Where’s QC?
This is one of his favorite games: Where is the Qatteri Cat? But if you put your finger too close to that little paw, you may have a painful surprise – he is very very fast and those sharp little claws can do some serious damage in a matter of seconds. Better to use a feather duster!
On the Horizon
Just another beautiful Kuwait sunrise – oh wait! What is that deep colored band on the horizon? And is anyone else having terrible allergy problems these days?
Ride the S.L.U.T.
You’d have to know the humor. Every country, every tribe, has their own unique way of handling situations, and in Seattle, humor often beats anger, any day. When city officials asked a low-income area of Seattle how they could help, the people said “affordable housing.” The city officials responded with “How about a trolley?”
“What? ? ? ?” you might ask. Sounds like this might have been about a trolley all along, don’t you think?
So the South Lake Union residents played the humor card. You can read the full article at CNN Travel,
SEATTLE, Washington (AP) — Officially, it’s the South Lake Union Streetcar. But in the neighborhood where the new line runs, it’s called the South Lake Union Trolley — or, the SLUT.
At Kapow! Coffee, a shop in the old Cascade neighborhood, 100 T-shirts bearing the words “Ride the SLUT” sold out in days, and another 100 are on order.
“We’re welcoming the SLUT into the neighborhood,” said Jerry Johnson, 29, a part-time barista.
Some claim — incorrectly, according to representatives of Vulcan Inc., the company that is developing the area — that South Lake Union Trolley was the original name and that it was changed when officials belatedly realized the acronym.
The $50.5 million project should be completed with streetcars running in December. Underlying the lighthearted opposition, however, is resentment over changes in the old working-class neighborhood.
“There was a meeting with representatives from the city several years ago,” Johnson recalled.
“They asked us, ‘What we could do for you?’ Most people raised their hands and said, ‘Affordable housing,”‘ he said. “Then the people from the city huddled together — ‘whisper, whisper, whisper,’ — and they said, ‘How about a trolley?
The neighborhood has sold out of the “Ride the S.L.U.T.” T-shirts. You can see the video if you go to the CNN website. Just a little grin to start your day, and a little insight into the Seattle way of doing things. Seattle people do not have a great fondness for bureaucrats and politicians.
We Do Not Have Homosexuals in Iran
I found this clip through Global Voices Kuwait who got it from somewhere else, too! Isn’t the net great?
Mahmud Ahmadinejad,Iranian president,said,in Columbia University,”we do not have homosexuals in Iran like you do in your country.” He brought the house down. Most just laughed, a few boo-ed.
The Columbia University president has taken a lot of criticism for his decision to have Ahmadinejad speak. He stuck to his guns.
You can see the film clip for yourself here: We Do Not have Homosexuals in Iran.
Rock Star Parking
Ya’ll know that a lot of this blog is about cross-cultural experiences, but this one is cross-cultural in our own family.
You know, every family, every tribe of us, has its own rituals and ways of doing things, and even when you marry someone you think you know very very well, you are in for some surprises.
One of the surprises in our marriage was that my husband thought I was supposed to fill the gas tank. Hello? Fill the gas tank? That’s MENS stuff, don’t you know? We had some tense moments in our first couple months of marriage working that one out, especially when I would leave him with nearly empty gas tank. My husband was rightfully flummoxed by my ability to be both a feminist and a princess, thinking that filling the tank and fixing car problems was HIS work. I learned *huge sigh* to watch the level of gas, to fill the tank, and to take the car in for services. *another big sigh*
But one thing that drove my husband right up the wall was my thing about parking close to the door. Well, I will give him this, he did not grow up in Alaska or in Seattle, he doesn’t know about freezing cold winds and mounds of snow and driving rain and winds that turn umbrellas inside out. My husband didn’t know that husbands, like daddies, are supposed to find the perfect spot as close to the entry as possible, every single time, or to drop us off and meet us inside. No, given I was a feminist, he expected to just take any old spot and I would just walk with him to wherever we would go. We never got that one worked out.
Not until a couple years ago. I learned that my mistake was all in trying to explain the irrationality of family culture. I learned that it was all about marketing, about positioning, something that normally I am very sensitive to and very good at doing. I was hopelessly blind in my approach and hopelessly single tracked.
It all changed when we were taking a new employee on a sight seeing tour of Kuwait. When we got to the grocery store, suddenly a spot opened up right in front of the store.
“Wooooo Hoooooo!” hooted the new guy, “ROCK STAR PARKING!”
I could see my husband straighten up and preen a little as he thought of himself as a person who got “rock star parking.” The light went on. Once he started thinking of himself as a “rock star parking” kind of guy, I never had to walk a long distance to the entry again.
(Woooo HOOOOOOOOO!)
Improvements in Hell
(Our son hates lawyer jokes. Skip this one, Law N Order Man!)
An engineer died and ended up in Hell. He was not pleased with the level of comfort in Hell, and began to redesign and build improvements. After awhile, they had toilets that flush, air conditioning, and escalators. Everyone grew very fond of him.
One day God called to Satan to mock him, “So, how’s it going down there in Hell?”
Satan replied, “Hey, things are great. We’ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” God was surprised, “What? You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake. He should never have gotten down there in the first place. Send him back up here.”
“No way,” replied Satan. “I like having an engineer, and I’m keeping him.”
God threatened, “Send him back up here now or I’ll sue!”
Satan laughed and answered, “Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?”
Not Too Bright
In yesterday’s Kuwait Times was a very dramatic telling of a drug bust. Police had sighted someone suspicious in a car, upon approaching, the suspect ran, the police chased. Now, it becomes very cinematic, as the police chase, the man runs up into a building and jumps off a second floor balcony, and the policeman follows him, injuring himself. Another policeman picks up the chase and eventually the suspect is captured, only to slip right through the fingers of the police.
Pretty exciting so far, huh?
In today’s Kuwait Times, the saga continues:
Escaped Drug Dealer Chats into Custody
Following up yesterday’s on foot chase of a drug dealer in Salwa where Lt. Hamad Al-Zuwayyed was injured when he jumped off a second floor balcony to catch up with the suspect, Al-Zuwayyed never thought that the second accomplice who managed to escape arrest would be his hospital roommate. Security sources explained that while receiving treatment at Adan hospital, another patient arrived and was placed in the bed next to Al-Zuwayyed’s. Then, on chatting at night to kill time, the man told Al-Zuwayyed that he was hit by a car while being chased by a policeman in Salwa. Al-Zuwwayed immediately called the police who raided the hospital and arrested the suspect.
Don’tcha just love it???
Bill Gates Meets God
An old friend sent this in the mail today – it’s an oldie but still a goodie –
Bill Gates Meets God
Bill Gates suddenly dies and finds himself face to face with God. God stands over him and says, “Well Bill, I’m really confused on this one. It’s a tough decision. I’m not sure whether to send you to Heaven or Hell. After all, you helped society enormously by putting a computer in almost every home in America, yet you also created that ghastly Windows ’95 among other indiscretions. I believe I’ll do something I’ve never done before; I’ll let you decide where you want to go.”
Bill pushed up his glasses, looked up at God and replied, “Could you briefly explain the difference between the two?” Looking slightly puzzled, God said, “Better yet, why don’t I let you visit both places briefly, then you can make your decision. Which do you choose to see first, Heaven or Hell?”
Bill played with his pocket protector for a moment, then looked back at God and said, “I think I’ll try Hell first.” So, with a flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke, Bill Gates went to Hell.
When he materialized in Hell, Bill looked around. It was beautiful and clean, a bit warm, with sandy beaches and tall mountains, clear skies, pristine water, and beautiful women frolicking about. A smile came across Bill’s face as he took in a deep breath of the clean air. “This is great,” he thought, “if this is Hell, I can’t wait to see heaven.”
Within seconds of his thought, another flash of lightning and a cloud of smoke appeared, and Bill was off to Heaven. Heaven was a place high above the clouds, where angels were drifting about playing their harps and singing in a beautiful chorus. It was a very nice place, Bill thought, but not as enticing as Hell. Bill looked up, yelled for God, told him his decision and was sent to Hell for eternity.
Time passed, and God decided to check on the late billionaire to see how he was progressing in Hell. When he got there, he found Bill Gates shackled to a wall in a dark cave amid bone thin men and tongues of fire, being burned and tortured by demons.
“So, how is everything going?” God asked.
Bill responded with a cracking voice filled with anguish and disappointment, “This is awful! It’s nothing like the Hell I visited the first time!! I can’t believe this is happening! What happened to the other place…with the beaches and the mountains and the beautiful women?”
“That was the demo,” replied God.
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