Daddy’s Little Girl’s Car
When we saw this car, AdventureMan and I both just about died laughing. Look at that color! It is Barbie Doll pink! I don’t know if you can see, but it SPARKLES! Oh, look at those fabulous matching wheels!
Only two doors, but some carrying space in the back . . . only a Daddy or a doting Sugar Daddy would buy a car like this for his little girl!
Romance and Money Matters
I found this article in today’s New York Times Business. So here is my question to you – is it different in Kuwait than in the USA? I remember when we wanted a joint checking account here ( Adventures in Banking), one man looked at my husband in disbelief and said “Why? Just give her some money!” We never did get a joint account; it isn’t possible, but I was given a PAO on the account. It seemed bizarre to me, but it makes perfect sense if couples keep their moneys separately.
What do you think? Does this article apply to marriage in Kuwait?
The Key to Wedded Bliss? Money Matters
By TARA SIEGEL BERNARD
Published: September 10, 2008
IF you ask married people why their marriage works, they are probably not going to say it’s because they found their financial soul mate.
But if they are lucky, they have. Marrying a person who shares your attitudes about money might just be the smartest financial decision you will ever make. In fact, when it comes to finances, your marriage is likely to be your most valuable asset — or your largest liability.
Marrying for love is a relatively recent phenomenon. For centuries, marriages were arranged affairs, aligning families for economic or political purposes or simply pooling the resources of those scraping by.
Today, while most of us marry for romantic reasons, marriage at its core is still a financial union. So much of what we want — or don’t want — out of life boils down to dollars and cents, whether it’s how hard we choose to work, how much we consume or how much we save. For some people, it’s working 80-hour weeks to finance a third home and country club membership; for others, it means cutting back on office hours to spend more time with the family.
“A lot of the debates people have about money are code for how we want to live our lives,” said Betsey Stevenson, assistant professor of business and public policy at the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton School, who researches the economics of marriage and divorce. “A lot of the choices we make in how we want to live our lives involve how we spend our money.”
Making those choices as a team is one of the most important ways to preserve your marital assets, and your union, experts say. But it’s that much easier when you already share similar outlooks on money matters — or when you can, at the very least, find some middle ground.
The economies achieved by pairing up are fairly obvious. However, the costs of divorce can be financially devastating, especially when children are involved. And, not surprisingly, money manages to force a wide wedge between many couples.
“Most people think people break up over sex issues and children issues — and those are issues — but money is a huge factor in breaking up marriages,” said Susan Reach Winters, a divorce lawyer in Short Hills, N.J.
Not everyone is married to a financial twin, and that’s not necessarily a problem. There are several ways that you and your significant other can become more compatible, and ultimately more prosperous, when it comes to money.
These guidelines are compiled from the successfully married and from experts on psychology, divorce and finance:
TALK AND SHARE GOALS Before walking down the aisle, couples should have a talk about their financial health and goals. They should ask each other tough questions: Do we want children? When? Who will care for them? Will they go to public or private school? What kind of life do we want? When will we retire?
This is a fascinating article – read the rest of it HERE.
Marriage Improves With Age
This is from AOL News, and you can read the rest of the interview/ article by clicking here:
Couples Improve With Age, Book Says
By Nanci Hellmich, USA Today
(Sept. 3) – Married couples in their later years often show a great deal of affection, says best-selling author Maggie Scarf, 77, who has spent more than 30 years studying relationships.
“There’s intimacy. There is pleasure in each other’s company. They say to each other, ‘I love you more than ever.’ ” Scarf’s new book is ‘September Songs: The Good News About Marriage in the Later Years,’ released Sept. 3. She has been married for 55 years to Herb Scarf, 78, a Yale professor.
They have three daughters. Scarf shares her insights with USA TODAY.
Q: How would you describe your marriage?
A: Like any other couple, we’ve had our ups and downs at times. We haven’t ridden through 55 years on a cloud of bliss. But the fact is we have always remained committed to each other. We have a lot of fun. My husband has a tremendous sense of humor, and we laugh a lot. He is my best buddy.
Herb is the person who knows everything about me. And I know everything about him. At least we think we do.
Q: What is the U-shaped curve in marriage that you describe in the book?
A: There have been pretty influential studies over the past 40 years that show a couple’s contentment is at its highest in the earliest phase of marriage.
Then you get to know the other person’s foibles and faults. Kids come along and you lose sleep and you want the other person to do more than they are doing. Then you are negotiating on a daily basis with your adolescents, and your sense of contentment and well-being go down during that time.
But as the nest starts to empty, your sense of well-being, contentment and time for intimacy go up. The U-curve begins to rise. You rediscover the person you knew early on.
I like it that she shoots straight that her marriage was not always a bed of roses. Couples whose marriages survive have to work hard to keep a marriage alive. When the kids start coming along, there are so many demands on your time, so many distractions, it is hard to keep a marriage fresh and thriving. The good news is that all the good times come back.
Read the rest of the article HERE.
Geraldine Brooks: March
Geraldine Brooks knocks my socks off. If she writes a book, fiction or non-fiction, I will buy it and read it. The first one I read by her was Nine Parts Desire: The Hidden World of Islamic Women, and the second most memorable book was her Year of Wonders, a book about how the plague comes to a 17th century English village and how the villagers cope with it – how some survive. She has a knack for keen observations, and for writing so as to place you squarely in the scene she is describing.
So when she came out with a new book extrapolating from the experiences protrayed in Louisa May Alcott’s classic favorite Little Women, why didn’t I rush to buy it? March is described by Publisher’s Weekly as “the Civil War experiences of Mr. March, the absent father in Louisa May Alcott’s Little Women.”
Didn’t you love Little Women when you read it? What’s not to love? Those wonderful sisters, their saintly mother, working together, suffering together, prevailing through sheer grit and determination – we can read that book over and over again, loving it every time.
Geraldine Brooks takes us with Mr. March into the grim realities of the American Civil War, the “war to free the slaves,” the war to keep the United States united, or the war between the states. This is not the idealized world of Little Women, this is not the memory we have of the nice letters he writes home from the field, this is the reality of war and all it’s ugliness. As the book opens, Mr. March is fleeing a massacre, struggling to survive, he is surrounded by the dead and seriously wounded, bullets are flying past him and he has to cross a deep, rushing river. A man grabs him who can’t swim, and he has to push him away to gasp for air. The man drowns, March survives, feeling deep guilt. When he finally finds a group of his men, drying out by the side of the river, he sits down and writes to his girls about the sweet breeze in the air. Not a word about the horrors he has witnessed, not his personal despair about having failed a wounded comrade.
As we experience the horrors of this war with Mr. March, we experience with him the brutality, cruelty, and crudity of all conflict. There are no good guys. There is no “just cause,” just winners and losers, and it’s very hard to tell what they are fighting for. Seeing this war from the point of view of the combatants, we realize that no-one will remain untouched; that this experience will resonate through the rest of their lives.
Geraldine Brooks knows how to grab us and keep us gripped. Every chapter reveals a new facet – how March and Marnee met and married, how they built a life together, how, in their idealism, they lost everything. Most discouraging of all is how, below the surface, they understand themselves and one another and their relationship so little.
I dare you to read this book. It isn’t an easy book, and at the same time, it is a book with timeless qualities, and a book that will get you thinking and keep you thinking for a long time. Isn’t that the definition of a good book?
Ministry Cracking Down on Porn Sites
A little over a year ago, May 18th, 2007, I remarked on an article in the Kuwait Times called MOC Bans Porno Film Sites. I had no idea that even over a year later, that blog entry would continue getting countless hits.
In this morning’s Kuwait Times, it’s like they say – deja vu all over again.
KUWAIT: Communications Minister Abdulhahman Al-Ghunaim has ordered the establishment of a committee to improve Internet services by finding ways to stop the spread of pornographic websites, which contradict local cultural and religious values.
The committee will reportedly be headed by Engineeer Ali Al-Zibin, the ministry’s Assistant Undersecretary of Information Technology, and will include representatives from the Interior, Awqaf, and Information Ministries, as well as Kuwait University.
A Communications Ministry official said that the committee will coordinate with and supervise the country’s Internet service providers in order to formulate a strategy to limit this phenomenon, by strengthening their supervisory role in this field.
It will also work continually updating the country’s systems to ensure that they are on a par with the latest technological developments to put an end to the spread of pornographic sites, in addition to establishing a map for joint coordination between all ministries.
You can live in a country a long time and barely scratch the surface. I honestly try to figure out what is going on, and even so, I get surprised often. I feel so encouraged when I see people tackling a problem, but then, so often, it turns out to be just meeting, just talking – no fixing.
As I have said before – I hate pornography. It isn’t part of my country’s values, either. It is certainly counter to my values. And yet, when I think of spending a country’s resources on trying to fight pornography, which we have had with us since probably the earliest times, I just feel tired. I don’t think you can win a fight against pornography. I think, to eliminate pornography, prostitution, alcohol and drug abuse – you have to change the way people think. Haven’t you noticed? You restrict something, it only makes it more attractive. Look at the countries that brutalize people arrested for possession of pornography – Saudi Arabia and Iran – have they been successful in eliminating access to pornography – on the net, or elsewhere? Where there is a demand, there will be suppliers, or that is how it seems to me. How do we eliminate the demand?
Who accesses and downloads porn the most, do you think? My bet would be on the 15 – 35 year old male, the most technologically savvy group in any population. How long do you think it will take them to break through any barriers you can place? And how many nanoseconds before they spread the “fix” all over the internet?
There is another article today, one on the air conditioning breakdown at Ibn Sina hospital, patients keeling over from the heat and humidity and then sewer-dwelling insects swarming into the children’s ward. How disgusting is that?
Attack the problems you can solve. Put people first. Fix the infrastructure – the roads, the hospitals, government services, licensing, visas. Make Kuwait state-of-the-art in communication accessibility. Kuwait is RICH, Kuwait can do anything. I hate pornography, but I don’t think any nation has the capacity to stop it.
Strange Practices
This is from the Kuwait Crime section of the Arab Times:
And in an unrelated development, Interior Minister Sheikh Jaber Al-Khaled Al-Sabah should look into the alleged immoral practices on Kuwaiti islands, National Assembly Comptroller Dr Mohammed Al-Huwailah told Alam Al-Yawm. Urging the minister to take stringent measures to curb ‘immorality’ in these islands, Al-Huwailah wondered how could some people engage in strange practices under the supposedly watchful eyes of security authorities, particularly the Coast Guard. Asserting he will closely follow up the issue, Al-Huwailah warned the minister’s lenient attitude on the issue will lead to the destruction of Arab and Islamic values. He called for the strict implementation of the law to protect the Kuwaiti society.
I am guessing these strange practices are alien practices? What kind of practices are taking place on Kuwait’s islands?
Love and Money
I love this article, from the July 13 Business Section of the New York Times. The author looks at love from an analytic point of view. Good reading, interesting ideas. Altogether, a delightful and intriguing read.
By BEN STEIN
Published: July 13, 2008
AS my fine professor of economics at Columbia, C. Lowell Harriss (who just celebrated his 96th birthday) used to tell us, economics is the study of the allocation of scarce goods and services. What could be scarcer or more precious than love? It is rare, hard to come by and often fragile.
My primary life study has been about love. Second comes economics, so here, in the form of a few rules, is a little amalgam of the two fields: the economics of love. (I last wrote about this subject 20 years or so ago, and it’s time to update it.)
•
In general, and with rare exceptions, the returns in love situations are roughly proportional to the amount of time and devotion invested. The amount of love you get from an investment in love is correlated, if only roughly, to the amount of yourself you invest in the relationship.
If you invest caring, patience and unselfishness, you get those things back. (This assumes, of course, that you are having a relationship with someone who loves you, and not a one-sided love affair with someone who isn’t interested.)
•
High-quality bonds consistently yield more return than junk, and so it is with high-quality love. As for the returns on bonds, I know that my comment will come as a surprise to people who have been brainwashed into thinking that junk bonds are free money. They aren’t. The data from the maven of bond research, W. Braddock Hickman, shows that junk debt outperforms high quality only in rare situations, because of the default risk.
In love, the data is even clearer. Stay with high-quality human beings. And once you find that you are in a junk relationship, sell immediately. Junk situations can look appealing and seductive, but junk is junk. Be wary of it unless you control the market.
(Or, as I like to tell college students, the absolutely surest way to ruin your life is to have a relationship with someone with many serious problems, and to think that you can change this person.)
•
Research pays off. The most appealing and seductive (that word again) exterior can hide the most danger and chance of loss. For most of us, diversification in love, at least beyond a very small number, is impossible, so it’s necessary to do a lot of research on the choice you make. It is a rare man or woman who can resist the outward and the surface. But exteriors can hide far too much.
•
In every long-term romantic situation, returns are greater when there is a monopoly. If you have to share your love with others, if you have to compete even after a brief while with others, forget the whole thing. You want to have monopoly bonds with your long-term lover. At least most situations work out better this way. ( I am too old to consider short-term romantic events. Those were my life when Lyndon Johnson and Richard Nixon were in the White House.)
•
The returns on your investment should at least equal the cost of the investment. If you are getting less back than you put in over a considerable period of time, back off.
•
Long-term investment pays off. The impatient day player will fare poorly without inside information or market-controlling power. He or she will have a few good days but years of agony in the world of love.
To coin a phrase: Fall in love in haste, repent at leisure.
•
Realistic expectations are everything. If you have unrealistic expectations, they will rarely be met. If you think that you can go from nowhere to having someone wonderful in love with you, you are probably wrong.
You need expectations that match reality before you can make some progress. There may be exceptions, but they are rare.
•
When you have a winner, stick with your winner. Whether in love or in the stock market, winners are to be prized.
•
Have a dog or many dogs or cats in your life. These are your anchors to windward and your unfailing source of love.
Ben Franklin summed it up well. In times of stress, the three best things to have are an old dog, an old wife and ready money. How right he was.
THERE is more that could be said about the economics of love, but these thoughts may divert you while you are thinking about your future.
And let me close with another thought. I am far from glib about the economy. It has a lot of pitfalls facing it. As workers and investors, we know that many dangers lurk in our paths.
But so far, these things have always worked themselves out and this one will, too. In the meantime, they say that falling in love is wonderful, and that the best is falling in love with what you have.
Ben Stein is a lawyer, writer, actor and economist. E-mail: ebiz@nytimes.com.
AIDS and Africa
Listening to BBC yesterday, I learned that in Ghana, men forbid their wives to get HIV testing. If the wife tests positive, it makes public his own shame, carrying HIV, and they don’t want people to know they are infected. They will even resist being treated rather than confess to having HIV.
Recently a Ghanian man divorced his wife for testing positive, even denied he was infected. She states he is the only man she has ever been with. He said she is bringing shame on him, going public.
What tragedy. What folly. Life enhancing, life prolonging drug treatments are available. First, you have to acknowledge you are infected. And, of course, if the women do not get tested, the dreaded disease passes along to the babies.
The newspaper recently published an article that 129 Kuwaitis are HIV positive. I imagine the problems here are similar, that people would prefer it all be kept very private. Is that possible? Is confidentiality respected? Do couples have blood tests before getting married?
Jody Shields and The Fig Eater
This is one of those books I picked up off the staff recommendations shelf at Barnes and Noble – one of the very best sources for cult classics like Wicked: The Life and Times of the Wicked Witch of the West, books that don’t get a lot of press hype but whose readership grows slowly by word-of-mouth.
The cover caught my eye. This woman is dressed modestly enough, all the important parts are covered, but look at her eyes – there is a sultriness there, and a challenge that I find intriguing. This shows signs already of being an-out-of the-ordinary book.
The book opens in the early 1900’s with a murder. We follow the investigations of the chief Inspector, and we follow the parallel investigations of his wife, a Hungarian, Erszebet, and her ally, the English Wally. It’s a mystery, and in this exquisite book, the process of solving the mystery is so much more interesting than who actually did it, or even why.
The most fascinating character in The Fig Eater is the nature of fin de siecle Vienna, it’s customs, it’s caste system, it’s manners, and the fusion of East and West. Entire meals are described, cafe’s, cakes, cooking methods. Clothing is described in loving detail, and we visit a tuburculosis sanitarium as well as an insane asylum.
We study Kriminalistics with the Inspector and his assistant, we learn the fundamentals of early photography from an three fingered photographer. We experience early Viennese medical practices.
We learn all kinds of Hungarian superstitions and beliefs, we dance at the Fasching Balls of Vienna, and we simmer with the repressed sexuality of the times. We mourn with the bereaved, we shiver in the cold winter, and we steam in the brutal heat of an extended summer.
The end is so totally unexpected that I had to go back and read it again. My bet is, that if you accept the challenge of reading this book, you will have to, too. Even after you have read it again, you will not be totally sure what has happened, and yet . . . it is a satisfying ending.
This was a wonderful read.
I will leave you with a quote:
The Inspector has always prided himself on his ability to listen, as a good Burger is confident of his business acumen. During interrogations, he can distinguish the different qualities of the witnesses silence, as if it were a tone of voice.
He had admonished Franz more than once for interrupting him. Don’t be so hasty. Slow down and listen. In the Pythagorean system, disciples would spend five years listening before they were allowed to ask a single question. That was in the 4th Century BC. Another philosopher, Philo of Alexandria, wrote about Banquets of Silence, where even the correct posture for listening was determined.
In Kriminalistic there is a text on the subject. He orders Franz to read it as part of his lesson. “To observe how the person question listens is a rule of primary importance, and if the officer observes it he will arrive at his goal more quickly than by the hours of examination.”
Rape for Chatting
Also from today’s Arab Times – rape is every big as horrifying when it happens to a man. I am glad this young man had the courage to report it to the police, and to prosecute his attackers.
I wonder how they found out their sister was chatting with this man?
Brothers kidnap, rape man in revenge for ‘chatting’ with their sister
KUWAIT CITY : The Criminal Court Monday dismissed an objection latter submitted by a bedoun identified only as Ali A., requesting the court to cancel a five-year jail sentence which has been issued against him in absentia in a case filed against him and his brother for kidnapping and molesting a Kuwaiti man.
During a previous session the defense lawyer had told the court there was no evidence to prove his client had committed the crime.
He added the victim’s testimony was contradictory and requested the court to cancel the verdict of the Court of First Instance and acquit his client.
Case papers indicate the victim filed the case against two brothers accusing them of kidnapping and molesting him after learning about his relationship with their sister via the Internet.
The victim explained he chatted with the sister of two men on the Internet and they exchanged messages on their cell phones. When the girl’s brothers learnt about this relationship, one of them called him and said he wanted to meet him.
When the victim met one of them, identified only as Essa, the latter asked him to get into his car and drove off. On the way, Essa stopped the car and his brother Ali got in.
The two men took the victim to a building under construction and ordered him to take off his clothes and molested him. They threatened to kill him if he talked to anybody about the incident.
On April 2, 2005, the Court of First Instance sentenced Essa to five years in jail to be followed by deportation and Ali to five years in absentia because he was not arrested or interrogated.
The session was presided over by Judge Abdullah Al-Sane.
By Moamen Al-Masri
Special to the Arab Times
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