Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

To Obama from Alice Walker

Another gem from my mentor and from the morning mail – I share this with you because I have never seen it before; it is from Alice Walker who wrote a controversial book in America called The Color Purple.

An Amazing letter, by an amazing woman!!

Dear Brother Obama,

You have no idea, really, of how profound this moment is for us. Us
being the black people of the Southern United States. You think you
know, because you are thoughtful, and you have studied our history.
But seeing you deliver the torch so many others before you carried,
year after year, decade after decade, century after century, only
to be struck down before igniting the flame of justice and of law,
is almost more than the heart can bear. And yet, this observation
is not intended to burden you, for you are of a different time,
and, indeed, because of all the relay runners before you, North
America is a different place. It is really only to say: Well done.

We knew, through all the generations, that you were with us, in us,
the best of the spirit of Africa and of the Americas. Knowing this,
that you would actually appear, someday, was part of our strength.
Seeing you take your rightful place, based solely on your wisdom,
stamina and character, is a balm for the weary warriors of hope,
previously only sung about.

I would advise you to remember that you did not create the disaster
that the world is experiencing, and you alone are not responsible
for bringing the world back to balance. A primary responsibility
that you do have, however, is to cultivate happiness in your own
life. To make a schedule that permits sufficient time of rest and
play with your gorgeous wife and lovely daughters. And so on. One
gathers that your family is large.

We are used to seeing men in the
White House soon become juiceless and as white-haired as the
building; we notice their wives and children looking strained and
stressed. They soon have smiles so lacking in joy that they remind
us of scissors. This is no way to lead. Nor does your family
deserve this fate. One way of thinking about all this is: It is so
bad now that there is no excuse not to relax.

From your happy,
relaxed state, you can model real success, which is all that so
many people in the world really want. They may buy endless cars and
houses and furs and gobble up all the attention and space they can
manage, or barely manage, but this is because it is not yet clear
to them that success is truly an inside job. That it is within the
reach of almost everyone.

I would further advise you not to take on other people’s enemies.
Most damage that others do to us is out of fear, humiliation and
pain. Those feelings occur in all of us, not just in those of us
who profess a certain religious or racial devotion. We must learn
actually not to have enemies, but only confused adversaries who are
ourselves in disguise. It is understood by all that you are
commander in chief of the United States and are sworn to protect
our beloved country; this we understand, completely. However, as my
mother used to say, quoting a Bible with which I often fought,
“hate the sin, but love the sinner.”

There must be no more crushing
of whole communities, no more torture, no more dehumanizing as a
means of ruling a people’s spirit. This has already happened to
people of color, poor people, women, children. We see where this
leads, where it has led.

A good model of how to “work with the enemy” internally is
presented by the Dalai Lama, in his endless caretaking of his soul
as he confronts the Chinese government that invaded Tibet. Because,
finally, it is the soul that must be preserved, if one is to remain
a credible leader. All else might be lost; but when the soul dies,
the connection to earth, to peoples, to animals, to rivers, to
mountain ranges, purple and majestic, also dies.

And your smile,
with which we watch you do gracious battle with unjust
characterizations, distortions and lies, is that expression of
healthy self-worth, spirit and soul, that, kept happy and free and
relaxed, can find an answering smile in all of us, lighting our
way, and brightening the world.

We are the ones we have been waiting for.”

In Peace and Joy,
Alice Walker

November 15, 2008 Posted by | Family Issues, Free Speech, Generational, Interconnected, Leadership, Living Conditions, NonFiction, Relationships, Social Issues, Spiritual | 4 Comments

Veteran’s Day Sunrise

00sunrise11nov08

This is for you, AdventureMan, your own Veteran’s Day sunrise.

To anyone who has ever served in a nation’s armed forces. We salute you. Today and every day, we honor the service you gave to your country.

If you talk to any Kuwaiti veteran of the Gulf War and Liberation in Kuwait, you will learn that even a very short time in service can be a transformational experience. Those memories are vivid, and last the rest of your life.

Have a great day, Kuwait.

November 11, 2008 Posted by | Character, Community, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Health Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships, Social Issues, sunrise series | | 3 Comments

Quiet Morning Sunrise

Usually as I blog I can hear AdventureMan singing, whistling or humming in the background as he showers, shaves and gets ready to go to work. This morning, it was quiet.

“Is everything OK?” I asked? Qatteri Cat must have wondered too, because he got up when I did and went back to ask with me.

“It’s fine.” AdventureMan sighed. “I’m just tired of work. I need a vacation.”

It makes me so sad. Not every day is a great day. I love the days when you jump out of bed, excited about the plans for the day. I love to hear him humming in the bathroom as he shaves. I am going to fix him something special for dinner tonight, something he loves – stuffed green peppers. Of course, by the time he gets home, the morning funk will be forgotten and he will have new things going on – thank God, his work has a lot of variety, a lot of scope for his skills.

The sunrise this morning was spectacular:

00sunrise09nov08

It is a beautiful day, Kuwait. 🙂

November 9, 2008 Posted by | ExPat Life, Family Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships, sunrise series | 7 Comments

Fighting for Muslim Women’s Rights

BBC News reports on a fascinating conference taking place right now in Barcelona regarding Women’s Rights in Islam:

Fighting for Muslim women’s rights

Some of the world’s leading Islamic feminists have been gathered in Barcelona for the third International Congress on Islamic Feminism, to discuss the issues women face in the Muslim world.
Some of the women taking part in the conference explained the problems in their home countries, and where they hoped to make progress.

ASMA BARLAS, Author, Pakistan
Religions always come into cultures, they don’t come into abstract and pure spaces. Islam came into a very patriarchal, tribal and misogynistic culture. One of the deepest damages to Islam has been its reduction to “Arabisation”.

I’m not going to say that the Arabs are particularly misogynistic in a way that nobody else is, but I do think there are very particular traits and attitudes towards women that have crept into Islam.
I have a friend who has been studying the interface between what he calls the Persian models and the Arabist models of Islam in the subcontinent and surprise, surprise: the Arabist models are misogynistic, authoritarian, unitarian and the Persian models are much more plural and tolerant.
This is a fight on two fronts – on the one hand we are struggling against the kinds of oppression dominant in Muslim patriarch societies and, on the other, Western perceptions of Islam as necessarily monolithic, and confusing the ideals of Islam with the reality of Muslim lives.

If we read the Koran as a totality rather than pulling out random verses or half a line, that opens all kinds of possibilities for sexual equality.

RAFIAH AL-TALEI, journalist, Oman
Oman is relatively liberal, women are free to choose what to wear, and can choose their jobs and education. And the law does not require us to wear any particular form of clothing. But there are strong social and cultural factors – coming from the fact that we are in Arabia – that limit women.

As a journalist, it has not been hard for me to work among men, but it has been hard for some of my colleagues whose families told them this was not “appropriate” work for them.

The biggest difficulties are the social and cultural factors, and some aspects of law. For example, women who marry a foreigner cannot pass on their nationality to their children, whereas men in that situation can.

Religion is not an issue in our struggle, although there are problems with family law about divorce and marriage status. Omani laws are based on sharia law. Sharia is fair, but it is the wrong interpretations that are the problem. Male judges often don’t understand the principal goals of sharia.

We feel the law is fair, but ends up being unfair for women because of how judges interpret it.
Cultural and social factors often get mixed up with religion. Educated women can be more empowered and separate the two, but many don’t dare challenge the conventions.

NORANI OTHMAN, Scholar-activist, Malaysia
I don’t think it is any more difficult to be an Islamic feminist than a non-Muslim, or secular feminist.

Asian Muslim states have very different traditions to Middle Eastern countries

Feminists in general have to face up to political and cultural obstacles, to achieve our objectives of women’s rights. Even Western feminists have had a similar history – having to engage with certain religious beliefs not conducive to gender equality.

Perhaps the only distinctive difference peculiar to Muslim feminists is that we are caught in the cross-currents of modernisation and a changing society, due to a modern economy on the one hand and the global resurgence of political Islam on the other.

Political Islam wants to impose a world view about the gender order that is not consistent with the realities and the lived experiences of Muslim men and women in contemporary society.

Our detractors would hurl empty accusations at us – calling us Western, secular or anti-Islamic
There is a difference between South East Asian Muslim countries and the ones in the Middle East – culturally we are less patriarchal, we can always respond to our detractors by pointing out we don’t have the cultural practices that they do.

Our detractors would hurl empty accusations at us – calling us Western, secular or anti-Islamic.
Our arguments are rooted within Islam – we want renewal and transformation within the Islamic framework. They don’t like that.

We have a holistic approach, seeking gender equality within the Islamic framework, supported by constitutional guarantees. We see that these are not inconsistent with the message of the Koran, particularly during its formative stages. We have to understand the history and cultural context and extract the principle that will be applicable in modern times.

SITI MUSDAH MULIA, Academic, Indonesia
In my experience, I find that it is very difficult to make Indonesian Muslim women aware that politics is their right.

In Indonesian society, politics is always conceived as cruel and dirty, so not many women want to get involved, they think it is just for men.

According to the [radicalist] Islamic understanding, women should be confined to the home, and the domestic sphere alone

We try to make women understand that politics is one of our duties and rights and they can become involved without losing their femininity.

Personally, I’m non-partisan, I’m not linked to one political party because, in Indonesia, the political parties often discriminate against women.

I struggle from outside the political sphere to make it women-friendly, to reform political parties and the political system.

One day, I hope to be involved more directly, if the system becomes more women-friendly. We have passed a law about affirmative action and achieving 30% female representation, but we won’t see if it is implemented until after 2009 elections. We are waiting.

In Indonesia, some groups support us, but some radical groups oppose what we are trying to achieve. They accuse me, accuse feminist Muslims, of being infidels, of wanting to damage Islamic affairs.

According to their Islamic understanding, women should be confined to the home, and the domestic sphere alone.

AMINA WADUD, Academic, United States
There are many more conversations going on today between different interpretations of Islam. Some interpretations are very narrow, some are more broad, principled, ethically-based.

Unless we have sufficient knowledge about Islam, we cannot bring about reform of Islam. I am not talking about re-interpretation, I am talking more about gender-inclusive interpretation.

Islam and feminism are not mutually exclusive
We have a lot of information about men’s interpretations of Islam, and of what it means to be a woman in Islam. We don’t have equal amounts of information about what women say it means to be a good woman in Islam.

Now it’s time for men to be active listeners, and after listening, to be active participants in bringing about reform.

There is a tendency to say that it is Islam that prohibits women from driving a car, for example, when women drive cars all over the world except in one country. So then you know it is not Islam. Islam has much more flexibility, but patriarchy tends to have the same objective, and that is to limit our ability to understand ourselves as Muslims.

I have always defined myself as pro-faith and pro-feminism.
I do not wish to sacrifice my faith for anybody’s conception of feminism, nor do I sacrifice the struggle and actions for full equality of women, Muslim and non-Muslim women, for any religion. Islamic feminism is not an either/or, you can be Muslim and feminist and strive for women’s rights and not call yourself a feminist.

FATIMA KHAFAJI, Consultant, Egypt
In Egypt, Islamic feminism is a way for women activists to reach a large number of ordinary women in the villages and in urban low-income areas, using a framework of Islam. So there would be a reference to Islam when talking about women’s rights. Experience has shown that that is an easy way to get women to accept what you’re saying.

Not many women get information about women’s rights easily, so you have to counter what has been fed to them, to both men and women, from the strict, conventional, religious people who have more access to women.

They have their own idea of women’s rights in Islam – that is, patriarchal, still limiting opportunities for women. But women have been receiving this concept for ages, through the radio, TV, mosques, so the challenge is how to give them another view, of enlightened Islam, that talks about changing gender roles. It’s not an easy job.

Historically, in Egypt in the feminist movement, there have been both Muslim and Christian women. It has never been a problem. Unfortunately nowadays, it has become a problem. Religious discrimination has been dividing people very much. We have to think carefully about how to supersede the differences.

With family law, we’re aiming to change the philosophy of the law itself. Traditional family law puts women down. I can see this whole notion of “women do not have control over their bodies” in so many laws, in the penal code and family law. For example, sexual harassment is happening because men think the control of women’s bodies is a matter for them. Even the decision whether to have children is the decision of men. This whole notion has to be changed in a dramatic way if we are really going to talk about women’s rights in Egypt.

October 29, 2008 Posted by | Community, Cross Cultural, Family Issues, Living Conditions, News, Relationships, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 8 Comments

Interesting Twist on Hijab

From today’s Al Watan:

”Policewomen must comply with Islamic attire”
Al Watan staff

KUWAIT: In reaction to a statement by the Director General of Sheikh Saad AlـAbdullah Academy on policewomen”s uniforms, MP Mohammed Hayef noted that the current uniform requirements for female police contravene with the spirit of Islamic law as well as the Constitution, which guarantees personal freedom.

According to him, the announced uniform will ban policewomen for wearing a veil, even if they chose to do so.

The lawmaker reiterated his resolve to stand against the uniform to ensure that Islamic law is observed.

He also criticized the period during which policewomen will undergo training, arguing that 12 hours is too long for the female conscripts, considering their physical abilities.

Describing the training period as similar to hard labor, he called on the relevant authorities to reconsider their decision on this particular matter.

Last updated on Tuesday 28/10/2008

What do you think? I think that there are ways of covering your hair that are not inconsistent with being a policewoman. If the uniform forbids hijab, in my mind, that is as bad as the parliament requiring hijab, for the same reason – wearing hijab or not wearing hijab is a personal decision between a woman and her God. It is not to be mandated by state or mankind. Instead of getting into a big fracas about it, why not have a fashion-design contest to design a professional headgear that a covered woman could CHOOSE to wear as part of her uniform?

As to the 12 hours – well LLLLOOOLLLL! How many hours of hard labor per day do women put in with taking care of children, cleaning, shopping and meal preparation, not to mention family obligations? Working a 12 hour day training to be a policewoman? Piece of cake!

Women in all parts of the world are working as soldiers, police, fire protection, etc. They train as hard as the men, and they get the job done. Think of the female doctors in Kuwait, and the hours they work! Think of their sacrifice! Our estrogen issues are no more diverting and/or debilitating than male testosterone issues!

(thank you, thank you, I’ll get off my soapbox now)

October 28, 2008 Posted by | Community, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Health Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 21 Comments

Rosy Dawn with Chills

Wooo HOOO, Kuwait! Look at this temperature at 7 ayem!

And then look at the humidity and the dew point! No wonder we all feel a little clammy!

The dawn is moving further and further to the south, and this morning was briefly rosy as the sun struggled to break through the thick haze:

When my husband and I prayed together this morning, we prayed to be able to keep our minds and hearts on the things that are really important, and not the things of the world. As financial empires crumble, we want to be thankful for all the riches with which we have been blessed – our marriage, our son and his wife, our families – for good jobs, and good friends – and we pray to be safe on the roads.

Even the Qatteri Cat likes morning prayer time. 🙂

October 28, 2008 Posted by | Community, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships, Spiritual, sunrise series, Weather | 4 Comments

An Insult – and 3 Dead Kuwaitis

From today’s Arab Times. How many hearts are breaking in Kuwait over one young man’s lack of self-control? I know, I know, this is Kuwait, and things are different. Because of an insult, three brothers are dead, and one in intensive care. Two families devastated, one with dead sons, one with a son who is a murderer. Three crashed vehicles, one from an innocent man who only stopped to see if he could help, and ended up with his car stolen and crashed, too. . . the whole thing is tragedy, from beginning to end.

Three brothers dead: Three Kuwaiti brothers in the age group of 25-30 years died in a road rage accident in Mina Abdullah while their fourth brother is currently confined to the intensive care unit of Adan Hospital, reports Al-Anba daily.

According to a security source, a Kuwaiti youth’s car broke down on King Fahd Expressway. The youth reportedly called his father to inform about the breakdown and told that four Kuwaiti youngsters had insulted him. When his father went to help the youth, the latter took his father’s vehicle, drove at full speed and crashed into the Jeep of the four brothers. The Jeep overturned due to the impact and one of the brothers died on the spot. Two others died in Adan Hospital and the fourth one is confined to the intensive care unit.

Meanwhile, the youth, who appeared disoriented, left his father’s car at the site of the accident and drove away with an Asian’s car who stopped to check what happened. He was eventually arrested after crashing into another car.

How does the law work in a case like this?

It says the young man was arrested. Is he still in jail? Can you get bail after killing three people in an act of rage?

Is his driving license taken away?

is an insult considered justification for a crime of rage?

Does he go to prison, or if he pays blood money, does he walk away free?

If he is convicted of murder, what is the likely sentence?

Will he also go on trial for stealing the Asian’s car and crashing it?

Not a legal question:

Does this cause an unending feud between two families? Or is this just another chapter in an already ongoing feud?

How many drivers am I sharing the road with who have killed?

October 27, 2008 Posted by | Community, Crime, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Health Issues, Kuwait, Law and Order, Living Conditions, Relationships, Social Issues | 8 Comments

QC Misses AdventureMan

Just seconds after AdventureMan was out the door this morning, Qatteri Cat came in crying, carrying his baby. He often does that when AdventureMan leaves. I am good for giving fresh water, giving food and providing warmth. AdventureMan is his true love, and the Qatteri Cat grieves for him when he leaves, crying piteously.

This last summer when I was on vacation with my family, my sister’s grandson, 18 months old, would light up and shout her husband’s name every time he saw him.

“Gooey!” he would shout, his eyes alight and run for his Grandpa. My sister, who was working patiently and lovingly with him to learn her name wasn’t even on his radar – at that stage, he was more focused on men – his Dad, his Grandpa and another uncle he called “Nom!”

My sister would say “what am I, chopped liver?” which always scared me, because kids pick up on things we DON’T want them to pick up on, and what if he started calling her Chopped Liver???

But this morning, when Qatteri Cat is inconsolable at the loss of his favorite, I feel a little like chopped liver. :-/

October 26, 2008 Posted by | ExPat Life, Family Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Pets, Qatteri Cat, Relationships | 4 Comments

Indian Drivers the Worst

When it came time to get a driver’s license, it wasn’t important to me. I was living in a place with great public transportation. When I finally decided to learn to drive, I took driving lessons. My best friend, still my friend to this very day, would take me out driving. One time my car stalled in the middle of a crowded intersection, the light changed, and I was almost out of my mind with panic.

My friend calmly said “You’re doing just fine. Take a breath. You have time. Start the car, and complete the turn.” She didn’t sound worried at all – only later did I discover how terrified she was. She held it together. I will owe her to the end of my life for her loyalty to me and for her patience with me.

This is from the Arab Times. My mistake – I thought Kuwait was the deadliest spot on earth to drive. Not so – the Indians take that cake:

Good luck needed as Indians drive themselves to death

MUMBAI, Oct 23, 2008 (AFP) – The Good Luck Motor Training School in Mumbai is aptly named, according to its owner, Sohail ‘Raja’ Kappadia, who says luck is exactly what you need to drive on India’s roads.

Kappadia knows it only too well: a friend recently became another of the country’s shocking fatal road accident statistics, while one of his pupils has just rammed into the back of another car during a lesson.

‘Sometimes you just don’t know if the guy in front is going to brake,’ he told AFP with a shrug. ‘Presence of mind is a must here. Most of the accidents in Mumbai are due to rash negligence.’

India has the dubious distinction of being the deadliest place in the world to drive.

The country has 10 percent of the estimated 1.2 million road deaths worldwide, according to the International Road Federation in Geneva.

Mortality rates on Indian roads are 14 per 10,000 vehicles, compared to less than two per 10,000 in developed countries, the World Bank has said.

And by the end of the next decade, the organisation predicted that road deaths will overtake those from deadly diseases and most of the fatalities will be pedestrians.

It is not difficult to see why.

Drivers here run the gauntlet of speeding taxis, weaving auto-rickshaws, trucks and buses as well as hand-carts and cows on congested, pot-holed roads, some of which have remained largely unchanged since the end of the colonial era more than 60 years ago.

At the same time they have to be on their guard against stray dogs and jaywalking pedestrians, forced into the road by the clutter of street vendors, crumbling pavements or crossings.

Meanwhile laws governing the wearing of seatbelts and a ban on using mobile phones at the wheel are frequently flouted, indicators are seldom used and at night drivers often fail to switch on their headlights.

Motorcyclists riding without helmets with pillion passengers perched behind are a common sight.

For a learner driver, Shahik Arqam looks unfazed by such experiences.

‘It’s a little bit difficult but I know how other drivers work,’ the 24-year-old architect said.

During an hour-long lesson in a battered right-hand drive Hyundai Santro, Arqam has had to be alert.

Other drivers made no allowance for the red L-plates and warning triangle displayed prominently on the car.

Instead he was treated like any other road user and blasted by a chorus of car horns for driving too slowly, failing to pull away quickly enough from traffic lights or for stalling.

Filtering vehicles from the left failed to give way as he headed down the main road to Churchgate railway station, and he had to hold his nerve as cars swerved in and out of lanes in the tussle for pole position.

Mohsin Ali, an instructor for 12 years, takes Mumbai’s chaotic roads in his stride, gently issuing either verbal instructions or hand signals to his pupil as the car picked its way through the heavy mid-afternoon traffic.

‘If you follow the traffic rules then it’s very easy,’ the 39-year-old said afterwards. ‘Compared to Calcutta (Kolkata) and Madras (Chennai) the traffic is better here.’

To be sure, the Mumbai authorities have been trying to make the roads safer.

Roadsigns reminding drivers to belt up, only use the horn when necessary — rather than in constant cacophony, as encouraged by the ‘horn please’ request painted on the rear of many vehicles — and not use their mobile phones have appeared across the city.

Signs also remind motorcyclists to wear helmets and there has been a crackdown on drink-driving.

Some 632 people died in what the Indian media calls road traffic ‘mishaps’ in Mumbai in 2007, but by the end of August that had fallen to 377, according to police figures.

Kappadia agrees that better driver training is a must if safety is to be improved on India’s roads, particularly as private car ownership increases on the back of the country’s strong economic growth.

The 33-year-old said he would ban heavy goods vehicles from cities during the day, toughen sentences for drink-drivers, improve road infrastructure and spread the message that speed kills, especially among the young.

Some welcome measures have been taken, such as raising entry standards and lowering age limits for truck drivers, but more needs to be done, he said.

In the meantime, the Indian driving mantra of ‘good brakes, good horn, good luck’ will have to do.

October 25, 2008 Posted by | Character, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Friends & Friendship, Health Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships, Social Issues | | 15 Comments

Operation Hope Needs Shoes, Blankets and Men’s Clothing

Thanks for getting the word out! Seems we’ll be getting the shoe drive going as of November 1st with AUK as our drop point. Bazaar will be featuring an article with the details in their November issue so to plug in I encourage you to pick up a copy of the magazine.

Blankets & trousers are also high on the “need” list. Serious donors should email us on operationhopekuwait@yahoo.com for details on where to drop your new or gently used items.

Blessings,
Sheryll Mairza
OPERATION HOPE – KUWAIT
Founder & Director

October 24, 2008 Posted by | Charity, Community, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Health Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships, Social Issues | Leave a comment