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Expat wanderer

Morality Police Accuse Married Couple of Being Alone Together

This is one weird story. Saw it in today’s Kuwait Times, but it is not on the online version, so I had to copy it from the Arab News website. The woman’s family and the man’s family all verified that this couple are married, but they are continually harassed by the morality police, saying they are not married.

Vice cops accused of attacking married couple in Madinah
Fatima Sidiya I Arab News

JEDDAH: A 22-year-old Saudi woman told Arab News yesterday that she and her husband of four years were stopped on a road by the religious police of Al-Jurf, west of the holy city of Madinah, accused of being an unrelated man and woman in an illegal state of seclusion (khulwa) at about 1 a.m. on Sunday.

“As we were driving home, my husband and I realized we were being followed by three men in a car,” said the woman, who did not want her name published. “They were coming from both sides of the car and (at one point in the chase) were also in front of our car. I was afraid of having an accident. The whole scene looked just like something in a movie.”

She also said that because no police officer was accompanying the three members of the Commission for the Promotion of Virtue and Prevention of Vice, her husband was afraid to stop. Eventually, the commission vehicle got in front of the car they were pursuing and forced the couple to stop, according to the woman.

Abdullah Al-Zahrani, the head of the Madinah branch of the commission, confirmed to Arab News yesterday that the commission was tailing the couple, but he maintains that the three commission members did not abuse the suspects. He also claims that the two are not married.

“The woman is neither his wife nor his cousin,” said Al-Zahrani.

When asked if the police, in response to the woman’s complaint, had questioned the commission members over what happened early Sunday morning, he said the police did not seek any clarification. “The police did not question the commission members, as they (the commission) are a monitoring body, which hands suspects over to the police for further investigation,” he said.

The couple has filed a complaint and the Commission for Investigation and Prosecution is looking into the case.

Relatives have come out in defense of the commission’s denial that the two are married. According to the woman, a commission member told her husband: “If you bring everybody in your family to tell me she is your wife, I will not believe them. You are lying; she is not your wife.”

According to the woman, she and her husband had been visiting her husband’s family and decided to return home late at night.

After the two were pulled over, said the woman, “one of them pulled my arm and was shouting at me, telling me to get into their car. I was shocked. How could a man from the commission touch a woman when he is not her mahram (a woman’s legal male escort or guardian)? He ordered me to get into the commission car and said they would keep everything secret in order to protect my reputation.”

The commission considers unrelated men and women in cars to be committing the moral crime of khulwa.

The woman said that her husband objected to her treatment, and asked the men to take him in custody instead. At that point, the woman said an older man who happened to be passing by intervened and protested against the commission members touching a woman, “but the commission member told him that I had forced him to do so.”

The woman says that two of the commission members got into her husband’s car with her and accused her of being an immoral woman for being out late at night with an unrelated man. The members of the commission also said that the woman had committed a crime and that she therefore deserved to be punished.

“This is the first time I have seen anything like this,” she said. “One of the members was totally unreasonable and was aggressive from the start. He didn’t want to hear anything that contradicted his set ideas and beliefs. He looked to be in his late 20s. Only one of the three was rational and wanted to talk to us away from the public eye. But he then went and got into their car. The members refused to come to the police during the investigation and said that I had insulted them. I did no such thing; I simply told them over and over: ‘I swear to God that I am this man’s wife.’”

The woman said that after hearing what had happened, her brothers went to the commission branch in Al-Jurf, furious and telling the commission members to stay away from their sister.

She said a commission member then hit one of her brothers and broke his nose.

“My brother became unconscious and an ambulance came and took him to the hospital,” she said.

Then, in anger another brother erroneously went to the wrong commission center to retaliate against the attack on his brother. He was then arrested.

But the police reportedly released the two brothers after confirming their identities. The woman claims that the local police view this particular branch of the commission as problematic.

Maj. Muhsin Al-Radadi, a spokesman for the Madinah police, said that the only reports they received about this incident were about the brother who went to the incorrect commission center.

“The commission members (at Al-Azizia commission branch) were attacked in their offices by a young man,” he said, adding that he wouldn’t comment on hearsay regarding the other events.

“We were not doing anything that was remotely immoral or inappropriate,” said the woman. “Even my eyes were covered. The members shamed us in the area where we live and my husband and I cannot now go out of the house.”

She says that the incident has instilled fear in her about venturing out of the house.

“I will not go to a public place or anywhere in a car unless a lot of my family is with me,” she said.

October 8, 2008 Posted by | Community, Family Issues, Law and Order, Living Conditions, Marriage, News, Relationships, Saudi Arabia, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 7 Comments

Good Samaritan

This is from today’s Arab Times, but I think there was a very brief write-up of it before – a Kuwaiti, coming out of mosque during Ramadan, saw her walking naked and dazed down the street, wrapped a “cloth” – I am guessing his gutra – around her and took her to the hospital. I remember thinking what a good, decent man this was, coming from mosque, during Ramadan, having compassion on this poor abused woman. Or maybe that was another, totally separate incident where four young men abduct, gang rape, and dump an Ethiopian maid. (sigh)

Police hunt gang rapists: Police are looking for four young men who allegedly kidnapped and raped an Ethiopian girl, reports Al-Watan Arabic daily.

Police received information about a girl in a semi-naked state in Kabad and rushed to rescue her. The girl said four youths dumped her in the middle of the road after having forced sex with her successively.

I tag this Women’s Issues, but if you read the papers, you will know that young men are as vulnerable to abduction and gang rape as young women.

October 6, 2008 Posted by | Community, Crime, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Kuwait, Law and Order, Living Conditions, News, Relationships, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 2 Comments

Give to Everyone Who Begs From You

Months ago, I wrote a post about people asking for money in Kuwait, and when should you give and when should you not. It’s a problem that bothers all of us from time to time – when to be generous, and when are you throwing your money away?

Here, the instructions are clear – give to everyone who begs from you.

To me, that means keeping money on hand that I am comfortable will feed someone for a day – half a dinar to a dinar. Bread, beans, water . . .

When we lived in Tunis, my husband had his own beggqr – a man who came by the house from time to time. One time my husband followed him home, and when he came back, he said no matter how much we give this man, it will never be enough, he and his family live in a hovel. When the man came to us with a wound on his arm, my husband took him to the clinic and saw that he was cared for properly. The truth turned out to be that it benefited my husband, and our family, in the long run to be in a relationship with this beggar.

I’ve been taken by cons – the dripping medical bag, the fake leg gash – and I still believe it is better for us to error on the side of compassion.

Luke 6:27-38

27 ‘But I say to you that listen, Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who abuse you. 29 If anyone strikes you on the cheek, offer the other also; and from anyone who takes away your coat do not withhold even your shirt. 30 Give to everyone who begs from you; and if anyone takes away your goods, do not ask for them again. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.

32 ‘If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. 33 If you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. 34 If you lend to those from whom you hope to receive, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, to receive as much again.

35 But love your enemies, do good, and lend, expecting nothing in return.* Your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High; for he is kind to the ungrateful and the wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

37 ‘Do not judge, and you will not be judged; do not condemn, and you will not be condemned. Forgive, and you will be forgiven; 38 give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together, running over, will be put into your lap; for the measure you give will be the measure you get back.’

October 4, 2008 Posted by | Charity, Community, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Health Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships, Social Issues | 12 Comments

Discreetly, Little Diamond!

We all have things that grate on our ears – my pet peeve is people saying they are “anxious” when they are really “eager.” I was typing away today, and remembered one of my niece Little Diamond’s pet peeves – Discrete vs. Discreet. I am sorry to say, once again, I had to look it up:

I drank my coffee discreetly, Little Diamond, while counting 20 discrete fishing boats on the horizon.

October 1, 2008 Posted by | ExPat Life, Family Issues, Kuwait, Language, Relationships, Words | | 5 Comments

Statistical Spike

As many of you have figured out, I get online early in the morning, then I get through my day – and sometimes it is a long day – before I can get back to answer any comments, etc. Yesterday was one of those super-busy days, and it was night before I was able to check the blog.

Something strange was happening. The stats were way high . . . and for what?

As it turns out, it was a post written a month ago – Moonsighting, and yesterday, that post alone got 539 hits. 539 – it hasn’t been that long since I would never have thought I would get 539 hits in one day, total. I think a lot of people were trying to find out whether Ramadan had ended, if that tiny thin crescent of a moon had been spotted. It gives me great joy to tell you that I also had a lot of hits, I am guessing from the Seattle area, on the Northgate mosque, and how to get to the Northgate mosque. Maybe this blog is doing some little bit of good in the world, helping just a little. It’s all I ask.

And it remains a totally humbling thought to me that the posts that live on, and on, and on – are posts greatly written by or inspired by fellow bloggers and commenters, in this case Fahad, at his blog Salmiya to whose blog I am totally addicted. He is also a little bit here there and everywhere. 🙂

I am only sharing this with you because it gave me a shock this morning to see the spike in statistics, and because I suspect I will never see the likes of it again.

May your day be full of unexpected blessings, and may you have the eyes to see them!

September 30, 2008 Posted by | Blogging, Community, ExPat Life, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships, Spiritual, Statistics, Technical Issue | Leave a comment

Who Has the Disability?

My good friend sent me this today, and I want to share it with you, on this, hopefully the last day of Ramadan:

 

GOD LIVES UNDER THE BED
 
I envy Kevin. My brother, Kevin, thinks God lives under his bed. At least that’s what I heard him say one night.
 
He was praying out loud in his dark bedroom, and I stopped to listen, ‘Are you there, God?’ he said. ‘Where are you? Oh, I see. Under the bed…’
 
I giggled softly and tiptoed off to my own room. Kevin’s unique perspectives are often a source of amusement. But that night something else lingered long after the humor.  I realized for the first time the very different world Kevin lives in.
 
He was born 30 years ago, mentally disabled as a result of difficulties during labor. Apart from his size (he’s 6-foot-2), there are few ways in which he is an adult.
 
He reasons and communicates with the capabilities of a 7-year-old, and he always will. He will probably always believe that God lives under his bed, that Santa Claus is the one who fills the space under our tree every Christmas and that airplanes stay up in the sky because angels carry them.
 
I remember wondering if Kevin realizes he is different. Is he ever dissatisfied with his monotonous life?
 
Up before dawn each day, off to work at a workshop for the disabled, home to walk our cocker spaniel, return to eat his favorite macaroni-and-cheese for dinner, and later to bed.
 
The only variation in the entire scheme is laundry, when he hovers excitedly over the washing machine like a mother with her newborn child.
 
He does not seem dissatisfied.
 
He lopes out to the bus every morning at 7:05, eager for a day of simple work.
 
He wrings his hands excitedly while the water boils on the stove before dinner, and he stays up late twice a week to gather our dirty laundry for his next day’s laundry chores.
 
And Saturdays – oh, the bliss of Saturdays! That’s the day my Dad takes Kevin to the airport to have a soft drink, watch the planes land, and speculate loudly on the destination of each passenger inside. ‘That one’s goin’ to Chi-car-go! ‘ Kevin shouts as he claps his hands.
 
His anticipation is so great he can hardly sleep on Friday nights.
 
And so goes his world of daily rituals and weekend field trips.
 
He doesn’t know what it means to be discontent.
 
His life is simple.
 
He will never know the entanglements of wealth of power, and he does not care what brand of clothing he wears or what kind of food he eats. His needs have always been met, and he never worries that one day they may not be.
 
His hands are diligent. Kevin is never so happy as when he is working. When he unloads the dishwasher or vacuums the carpet, his heart is completely in it.
 
He does not shrink from a job when it is begun, and he does not leave a job until it is finished. But when his tasks are done, Kevin knows how to relax..
 
He is not obsessed with his work or the work of others. His heart is pure.
 
He still believes everyone tells the truth, promises must be kept, and when you are wrong, you apologize instead of argue.
 
Free from pride and unconcerned with appearances, Kevin is not afraid to cry when he is hurt, angry or sorry. He is always transparent, always sincere. And he trusts God.
 
Not confined by intellectual reasoning, when he comes to Christ, he comes as a child.. Kevin seems to know God – to really be friends with Him in a way that is difficult for an ‘educated’ person to grasp. God seems like his closest companion.
 
In my moments of doubt and frustrations with my Christianity, I envy the security Kevin has in his simple faith.
 
It is then that I am most willing to admit that he has some divine knowledge that rises above my mortal questions.
 
It is then I realize that perhaps he is not the one with the handicap. I am. My obligations, my fear, my pride, my circumstances – they all become disabilities when I do not trust them to God’s care.
 
Who knows if Kevin comprehends things I can never learn? After all, he has spent his whole life in that kind of innocence, praying after dark and soaking up the goodness and love of God.
 
And one day, when the mysteries of heaven are opened, and we are all amazed at how close God really is to our hearts, I’ll realize that God heard the simple prayers of a boy who believed that God lived under his bed.
 
Kevin won’t be surprised at all!

September 29, 2008 Posted by | Community, Cross Cultural, Family Issues, Health Issues, Interconnected, Relationships, Social Issues, Spiritual | 7 Comments

How to Help: Animal Friends League

The newest newsletter from the Animal Friends League is out, with many exciting events to help them help abandoned, abused and neglected animals in Kuwait:

Hello all,

Many of you express the desire to do more for us but face limitations on your time. Attending our fundraisers is a great way to support us for one evening while having a great time with friends and family. Below is a list of upcoming events. Please show your support for the animals by giving us a call or sending us an e-mail and booking your ticket!

QUIZ NIGHT
Friday 10th October
6:30p.m. to 11:00p.m.
So you think you?re a rocket scientist?
Well if you are, then you are coming to the wrong quiz night!
Animal Friends is having another fun filled middle of the road quiz night.
Admission is 10KD per person, which includes dinner.
Teams consist of 6 people.
Bookings are essential, please e-mail info@animalfriendskuwait.org or ring Stephanie at 6657 9560 to confirm your team booking.
If you don?t have a team, don?t panic, we may be able to put one together for you!
Attached is a flyer that you can post anywhere!

CHILDREN?S HALLOWEEN PARTY
Friday 31st October
5:00p.m. to 9:00p.m.
Animal Friends is hosting its annual children?s Halloween party! We will have great food and lots of games for the children including a costume contest.
Admission is 5KD. Please call 6657 9560 or e-mail info@animalfriendskuwait.org for further details.

THANKSGIVING DINNER AND DANCE
For the benefit of Animal Friends and Operation Hope
Saturday 29th November
7:00p.m. to 11:00p.m.
Animal Friends is hosting its annual Thanksgiving dinner and dance.
Each ticket will cost 15KD and will be held at the Holiday Inn Downtown.
Please call 6700 1622 or e-mail info@animalfriendskuwait.org to reserve your tickets.

We look forward to seeing you all soon!

Kind regards,
Ayeshah Al-Humaidhi
Animal Friends League of Kuwait
P.O. Box 26112
13122 – Safat
Kuwait
+965-657-3430 (Kuwait)
+965-244-3859 (Fax)
http://www.animalfriendskuwait.org

September 28, 2008 Posted by | Charity, Community, Entertainment, Events, ExPat Life, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships, Social Issues | 1 Comment

Loneliness Makes You Cold

A recent study presented on BBC Health News shows that those who are excluded or left out feel colder than those who are included.

Loneliness ‘makes you cold’

Turning up the thermometer could lighten your mood

Loneliness and coldness are often associated in everyday language, but psychologists have found that social isolation does make people feel cold.

The University of Toronto team found people feeling excluded said a room was colder than those feeling included.

And people who felt left out also chose comforting hot soup, rather than an apple or soft drink.
A UK psychologist said the findings could help people feeling isolated, particularly in the winter months.

‘Unpopular’
In the first study, 65 students were divided into two groups.

One group recalled a personal experience in which they had been socially excluded and felt isolated or lonely, such as being rejected from a club.

The other group recalled an experience in which they had been accepted.
The researchers then asked everyone to estimate the room’s temperature.

The estimates varied from about 54F (12C) to 104F (40C) – with those who had thought about an isolating experience giving lower estimates of the temperature.

In the second experiment, the researchers asked 52 students to play a computer-simulated ball game.

It was designed so that some of the volunteers had the ball tossed to them many times, but others were left out.

Afterwards, all the volunteers were asked to rate the desirability of hot coffee, crackers, soft-drinks, an apple, or hot soup.

The “unpopular” participants were much more likely than the others to want either hot soup or hot coffee.

The researchers suggest their preference for warm food and drinks resulted from physically feeling cold as a result of being excluded.

‘Coping mechanism’
Dr Chen-Bo Zhong, who led the research, which is published in the journal Psychological Science, said: “We found that the experience of social exclusion literally feels cold.

September 28, 2008 Posted by | Community, Cross Cultural, Family Issues, Health Issues, News, Relationships | 2 Comments

Compassion Fatigue

At the book club meeting, the topic turned to the feral cats and dogs. I saw one yesterday, a beautiful little dog, long haired. He still looked pretty good, but a little frantic, running along a busy road. I worried – and I couldn’t stop.

One member was telling us her experience with a local animal rescue group – “I called, and asked them to come get a group of cats. I’ve been feeding them for months. They asked if I could touch them and when I said ‘no’, they told me to taper off feeding them, that if they were going to survive, they needed to learn how to forage for themselves! Can you believe it? They are there to HELP the animals!”

Another, quieter member of the group chimed in “But they only have so many people, so many hours in the day, and so many resources. They can’t save them all.”

The group fell into a silence for a short while as we all thought about that.

I have worked most of my life with people who need help. It made a religious person out of me – I had to pray all the time against hardness of heart. When you work for a charitable organization, there are people who know your system even better that you do, who come in with all the right information and get help that they may – or may not – really need. There are people who will lie to your face without blinking an eye. To survive, you have to focus on the successes, not the failures.

To survive, charitable organizations have to define what they want to accomplish narrowly. For example finding homes for abandoned pets is a limited, manageable goal. It doesn’t help all the the starving feral cats and dogs, etc., but it helps a small segment of the animal population, those least able to care for themselves – animals who have been dependent on human beings. Tackling the larger problem really needs the resources of a nation, state or city – and a professional Animal Control Unit. When I hear of police trying to track down a lion escaped from a private citizen’s collection (and that really happened in Fintas!) I shudder in horror – how would YOU like to corner a lion in a dark cement basement somewhere? Do they have any training in animal behavior/ animal control?

I worked for a year with the homeless, as part of a transitional housing program. We coordinated with state and local agencies, got single mothers into school, found babysitting, gave them the tools to become employed and have a better life. You would be amazed at the women who wanted the freebies – the nice housing, the babysitting, etc – but didn’t want the skills that would enable them to provide for themselves, or, more heartbreakingly, for their children.

I worked for a foundation providing scholarships and educational benefits for needy children – many of whom had parents who sabotaged their success. We opened a door of opportunity, and some parents were jealous or resentful – and slammed it shut.

In every case, we had to focus on the successes, and there were many. The successes kept us going on dark days, when we lost a client we had hoped would make it.

But here is also what happens. When organizations exist to help with a problem or situation, then we call them and expect them to solve the problem. We complain about them when they explain their limitations. Sometimes, it may even be a big donor who wants a favor – a favor that just can’t be done. “After all I’ve done for you!” they exclaim, not understanding that there has to be a line, and that the boundary protects the organization from going under because they try to solve too many problems at once. They can’t come out to pick up the outdoor cat who has been in a fight – they ask YOU to care. They ask YOU to take that cat to the vet and pay for it’s repair. They are doing all that they can do already; your request is outside the limits of what they can do.

When you know people are in trouble – step up to the plate – don’t just say “someone ought to do something”, BE that someone.

Find your talent – packing up bags for Operation Hope – Kuwait, or finding donations of coats, socks, shoes, scarves to keep the poorest of the poor warm through winters that can be bone-chilling here in Kuwait. Organize meals from your local mosque – what better way to teach the goodness of God than by feeding the hungry?

Help organize a fundraiser for the blind, or the autistic, or the charity that pulls at your heartstrings. Work to have a bad law changed. Find one small way, like blogger 3baid’s PaperDump to reduce paper usage in Kuwait. Organize a beach clean-up. Set the example by throwing your trash in the trash bin. Organize a re-use program for eyeglasses. Walk a dog. Socialize a cat. Feed and clothe the poor. Trust me, it will do you at least as much good than it does the recipient.

Back to the problem of abandoned and unwanted pets in Kuwait. No one wants to see animals in pain, abused. No one wants to see suffering. You can help there, too.

There are two animal welfare organizations in Kuwait, PAWS and AWL. Both have passionate and committed supporters, and they could also use your help.

The organizations can’t do it alone. They need YOU. Next time you find yourself about to criticize an organization for not being helpful, please, ask yourself “how can I make a difference here?” Inconvenience yourself a little. Take that first step. You’ll be happy you did.

Photo of a very content rescued cat:

September 24, 2008 Posted by | Community, Customer Service, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships, Social Issues | 4 Comments

Obsession: Radical Islam and the US Election

Most of you know that I have a niece I admire as well as adore. She speaks Arabic fluently, and even better, she is interculturally fluent, from Morocco to the Gulf to Beirut, she flows with the Arabic culture, and works with an organization promoting intercultural understanding. I couldn’t be more proud of the work she does.

Please, before you read any further, take a deep breath. This is going to get bad.

Today, Little Diamond wrote about a DVD sent out by a facade-organization through newspapers in US swing states. The DVD is called Obsession: Radical Islam’s War Against the West.

Although it never claims to be a Republican support organization, or a McCain support ad, what the DVD does is to try to scare people into voting for McCain. The message is this – all Muslims are radical, and we need a strong leader like McCain to counter their insidious influence.

As my niece says, she doesn’t believe McCain would ever approve such a tawdry piece of nasty propaganda; the Clarion Group who sent this DVD out probably did it on their own.

I urge to to go to Little Diamond’s blog and read her experience, and the comments. She quotes one individual, saying:

“Whoever they are, they sure must have a lot of money. H pointed out last night that each DVD probably cost $1 to produce and $1 to distribute. That’s $56 million, not to mention the cost of placing the DVDs with each newspaper. Even if H’s estimate was too high, assuming $.50 to produce and $.50 to distribute means $28 million + advertising contract costs. That’s quite a lot of money for a no-name non-profit to have gathered since its creation in 2006.”

Elections can bring out the best in people and/or the worst. Both McCain and Obama have so far treated each other respectfully, as is appropriate for educated, senatorial leaders of a country. This kind of hate-tactic is NOT the American way. It makes me see red.

September 23, 2008 Posted by | Blogroll, Community, Cross Cultural, Leadership, Lies, Living Conditions, News, Political Issues, Relationships, Social Issues | 7 Comments