Ahmadi Singers, Orchestra and Pirates of Penzance
Woooo Hooooooooo Al Ahmadi Singers and Orchestra! I love Gilbert and Sullivan so much, I might have to buy tickets for all three nights! The Gala includes a dinner, and the following two nights do not, but the singing will be great all three evenings, I have been promised.
The last time I saw Pirates of Penzance was at the Qatar Academy, and the Emir’s son was the hero. š He did it with a lot of panache.
Pirates of Penzance! See you there!
The Onion: Bomb New York
First, folks, this is SATIRE. It’s from The Onion which is pure spoof on news. (Thanks Skunk, for the Utube location!)
Charity?
Today I found this in my spam. Again, folks, this is satire, not a recommendation that you “support me and send more and more money.” It is so straightforward and so manipulative and so fraudulent that it gave me a good laugh:
I WANT FINANCIAL HELP FROM ALL WORLD
DEAR SIR/MADAM,
IāM A INDIAN POOR AND LONG DISEASE MAN MY FINANCIAL CONDITION IS VERY POOR
MY LIFE DEPEND ON THE CREDIT SYSTEM BUT AT PRESENT ANY PERSON DONāT PAY ANY
MONEY SO IāM VERY STRESS AND SAD IāM ALONE IN THE WORLD. ANY BODY DOESāT HELP ME.
I WANT HELP FROM MONEY/DONATE MONEY. SO I APPEAL TO ALL WORLD PLEASE YOU HELP ME FROM
MONEY /DONATE MONEY YOU SEND ME CHEQUE/DEMAND DRAFT/MONEY TRANSFFER AT MY A/C NO.
9648 AT UNION BANK OF INDIA.
IāM GLAD TO YOURS ALL LIFE. YOU SUPPORT ME AND SEND MORE & MORE MONEY AT MY
A/C. NO. 9648. MY A/C BAL. IS $5 ONLY.
MY BANK ADD:
UNION BANK OF INDIA(SAVING A/C NO.9648)
PURANI MANDI, RAIWALA
DISTT: SAHARANPUR
STATE : U.P. PIN CODE- 247001
COUNTRY: INDIA
PH NO. 0091-132-9758559422
WWW.UNIONBANKOFINDIA.COM
THANKING YOU
Yours truly,
AYAZUDDIN
Stealing Kuwait’s Telephone Resources?
From the August 6 Arab Times:
(Once again, the government is getting tough on crime. The 23rd richest country in the world is worried about losing the revenue from poor Indians calling home and people using the internet to call their friends and family:)
KUWAIT CITY: Four government bodies ā the Ministry of Interior, Ministry of Communications, Kuwait Municipality and General Customs Department ā have agreed to launch a joint inspection campaign against all illegal international call operators, reports Al-Jareeda daily. Reportedly, they obtained permission from the Public Prosecution to raid all suspected houses and shops conducting such illegal operations and arrest all those involved in the trade. They will also issue citations to people who illegally obtain a landline connection. According to sources, stealing international telephone lines amounts to stealing public funds and culprits will be suitably punished. A security committee too has been formed to follow-up and investigate all such thefts.
Meanwhile, the Ministry of Communications is planning to engage international companies to study and find ways to overcome illegal calling through internet. Kuwait considers such internet facilities an infringement of its resources and intends to safeguard its rights. In another development, sources say Kuwait will become the first country to have fully installed the optic fiber communication network. Government had earmarked a budget of KD 36 million for the first phase and another KD 80 million for the second phase of the project. Also, telephone connections will be available by next year in three new areas ā Ashbiliya, Sabah Al-Naser and Abdullah Al-Mubarak areas.
Meanwhile, Director General of General Customs Department Ibrahim Abdullah Al-Ghanim says his department has been foiling all attempts to smuggle equipments used for stealing telephone lines.
Reportedly, the Ministry of Communications earlier showed department officials the kind of equipment needed to steal telephone lines and āthe department has been working hard to foil all smuggling attempts,ā he added.
Guilt Free Littering
Friends, this is from The Onion. It is SATIRE; don’t go getting all worked up!
New Eco-Friendly Packaging Triggers Boom In Guilt-Free Littering
July 21, 2007 | Issue 43ā¢29
ROCKFORD, ILāNick Sundin used to be neurotic about littering. The 37-year-old pediatrician admits he kept trash bags in his car, and would even pick up and throw away garbage he found on the street. Since boyhood, Sundin said, he was keenly attuned to the environmental degradation littering caused, an attitude triggered by the famous Keep America Beautiful “Crying Indian” public service announcement he saw on television as a young man.
Not anymore.
“These ‘eco’ products are amazingāthey’ve totally changed my life,” Sundin said. “Now, I just toss my used Seventh Generationābrand paper plates out the car window, knowing they’ll soon be absorbed into the earth.”
The growing “green” trend in product packaging, which emphasizes the use of recycled, biodegradable post-consumer paper-based materials and relies less on petroleum-derived polymers like styrofoam, has unleashed a spontaneous trashing of sidewalks, roadsides, and pristine wilderness by gratified consumers. Though some environmentalists and scientists were caught off guard by the movement, experts say it is here to stay.
“The stigma attached to littering is at long last being put to rest,” industry analyst Tom Schneider said. “As long as manufacturers are packaging their goods in unbleached paper and biodegradable, cornstarch-based plastics, more and more consumers will discard their refuse wherever they please, knowing it will safely decompose within 10 to 20 years. Call it the ‘New Compost.'”
From The Onion; click here to read the entire article.
My comment: What is so sad, is that this looks like places in Saudi Arabia, and Kuwait, where people have just dumped stuff without any regard to the environment.
John from Cincinnati
One of the things we love the most about time with our son and his wife is that they open our horizons. I am waking up these mornings around 3:30, can’t get back to sleep. But my son helps me towards the end of the day, to stay up one more hour, by hooking me on John from Cincinnati, a new series on HBO.
The series is bizarre. I have only seen four episodes; and now I am going to have to wait until Sunday nights for the next one to view.
It centers around a California surfing family, the Yosts. The eldest was a surf champion until his knee gave out, his son wowed the surfing world until he got lost in a haze of dope and booze, and the youngest Yost, Shawn, is just beginning to show his supurb stuff.
But that isn’t all. There is the main character, John, who seems to be a transpositon of John the Baptist into modern times and lacking all kinds of clues as to how we humans behave. He doesn’t excrete, he doesn’t sleep, and he doesn’t understand sex. One of the funniest scenes is a surf-savvy supporting character named Kai explaining how sex is accomplished. It sounds pretty absurd as she explains it.
It’s about the surfing culture. It’s about family interactions. It’s about a small town and how they deal with conflict. And about how they support one another in tough times. It’s HBO, so it can be crude, it can be violent, and it can be very adult. It’s also thought provoking and intriguing.
Very strange things have begun to happen in this small town. Grandpa Yost ended up levitating as he washed off after surfing. Shawn had a fatal surfing accident, from which he recovers. John from Cincinnati can pull whatever money he needs out of his pocket. Butchie has been without drugs the two days John has been staying with him, and is amazed that he isn’t going through withdrawal.
Five segments in, we still don’t really know what we are seeing. We are beginning to understand how the community works, the interfamily struggles. I can’t wait to see what’s coming next.
Paris Hilton in Jail Video
A friend sent me this link this morning, and I died laughing. I don’t like Paris Hilton, I don’t like the vacuous life she leads, and I wouldn’t post this at all if it weren’t very cleverly done.
And, of course, it is Thursday, and many of you will have the time to waste on a good laugh:
James Morrow’s The Last Witchfinder
This is one of the strangest books I have ever read. I can’t even claim to have picked it up on any recommendation – I was on my way to grab a cup of coffee when my eye fell on the book. I don’t know why. Anything having to do with witchcraft is repugnant to me. And yet . . . my eye fell on it. I picked it up. I read the back cover – the write-up wasn’t that great. And yet, I bought the book.
It is a very weird book. It is written from the point of view of another book, Sir Isaac Newton’s Mathematical Principles of Natural Philosophy, and starts off in the late 1600’s, as the Newton’s book falls in love with the main character of Morrow’s Witchfinder, Jennet Stearne.
As the book begins, you are reminded of sitting with a friend who talks too much. The book chats on and on, goes on detours, tells you too much about people you don’t even care to know, but somehow . . . you like this friend anyway, and tolorate the annoyance because somehow you come away better for knowing this person/this book.
And I really, really liked the main heroine, who is only 11 when we meet her, living in England, and studying with her aunt Isobel, who does all kinds of cool scientific experiments to demostrate principles from Newton’s books, using prisms and microscopes and calculations, and it all sounds very dull, but somehow – it isn’t. Jennet and Isobel are so irrepressably intelligent! and funny! and down to earth!
But there is a viper in all this merriment, and the viper is Jennet’s father, a witchfinder, who, when his sister-in-law, Isobel, is accused of witchcraft, proves the charges against her.
How do you prove a charge of witchcraft?
The signs, according to Jennet’s father were very clear. A witch caused bad things to happen, like your best rooster dies after you have cheated the witch, or your wife miscarries, or your crop fails. A witch had a “familiar spirit” around, like a cat. (You can see how that might make me very nervous.) A witch had a blemish, a mark of Satan, somewhere on her body, that doesn’t bleed when you stick a needle into it. A witch, when thrown into the water, will sink, not float. They had special equipment for testing for witches. Most people – a very few accused were men – failed the test.
Thousands of people, primarily women, failed the test throughout the 14th, 15th, 16th and 17th centuries in Europe. Entire villages near Trier in Germany were killed for the accusation of practicing witchcraft. Women were burned at the stake in France by the hundreds. Women who acted as midwives, or used herbal medicines were particularly vulnerable to the accusation of witchcraft, although men were also, from time to time, accused and convicted. And the accusers were often the jealous, the ignorant, the spiteful and at best – the misguided.
Jennet’s aunt Isobel failed the test. She failed, and she was burned at the stake. As she was lit afire, she shouts out to Jennet to create a “grande arguement”, a proof, using Newton’s Mathmatic Principles, that witchcraft / sorcery does not and cannot exist.
Jennet’s life is bigger than most people’s lives. Her family moves to the Americas – actually, her father is sent there because his profession as witchfinder is becoming an embarrassment in England. She is captured by and lives with American Indians for several years. She returns to “civilization” in time to experience the horrors of the Salem witch trials. She meets Benjamin Franklin, with whom she is shipwrecked on a Caribbean island. And those are just the bare bones!
The book is loaded with great characters, huge ideas, and visionary people, struggling to escape the tangles of the small minded religious fanatics, clinging to old and superstitious ways. And yet, the book is both scientific AND religious, coming to some grandly unifying propositions.
It sounds so dull, but it isn’t. There are lots of big words, but also a lot of humor. It is a book for people who loved Kurt Vonnegut, and who have read and relished John Kennedy Toole’s Confederacy of Dunces. It has a lot of the tongue-in-cheek theology of Good Omens by Terry Pratchett and Neil Gaiman. The characters are so alive, and so likable, and you will find yourself reading when you have other things to do, because you are eager for Jennet to succeed at her grand endeavor.
Read this book. You won’t be sorry. Available at amazon.com for a mere $10.85 plus shipping. I paid $15.95 plus tax at B&N ;-(
McDonald’s Stock Slides As More Consumers Turn To Food
Satire from The Onion.
January 15, 2003 | Issue 39ā¢01
My comment: One of the really good things about living in Kuwait is the enormous availability of REAL food, freshly prepared, with identifiable ingredients. It’s not such a bad thing to have choices, and fast food has it’s purposes, but – in my opinion – nothing beats REAL food – fresh fresh fish, vegetables straight from the farms, local chickens (yep, even with bird flu) and eggs – we live in the midst of unbelievable abundance.
OAK BROOK, ILāThe McDonald’s Corporation announced Tuesday that it will close 175 restaurants and cut nearly 600 corporate jobs, responding to a plunge in stock prices blamed on a depressed economy and rising consumer interest in actual food.
“Though still America’s number-one hamburger retailer,” McDonald’s CEO Jim Cantalupo said, “we have entered a brief period of restructuring due to the steady growth of other convenience eateries and, more significantly, growing competition from producers and distributors of demonstrably nutritive matter, i.e. food.”
In the fourth quarter of 2002, McDonald’s posted the first quarterly loss in its 47-year history. Its stock closed Tuesday at $15.78, a seven-year low for the quasi-food giant.
Analysts attribute the bleak financial picture to numerous factors, including the uncertain economy, poor management, eroding market share, and widespread health concerns about beefāa component sometimes used in the construction of McDonald’s hamburger patties.
“Though well-accustomed to weathering recessions and changing tastes, the Golden Arches may be facing its toughest battle ever, given the surging public interest in leading healthy, active lives and consuming objects that taste at least remotely organic,” analyst Carolyn Moss of Lehman Brothers said. “These days, people seem more interested in eating food than hormone-hybrid lab patties.
The world’s leading purveyor of semi-synthetic digestibles, McDonald’s became a franchise in 1955 and quickly expanded across the U.S., thanks to innovative marketing, low prices, and exemption from FDA regulations, given that its products fall outside the scope of the agency. McDonald’s has proven a popular favorite among busy, on-the-go Americans lacking the time for genuine food.
But for all its financial woes, McDonald’s is optimistic for the future.
“This whole non-reconstituted-food craze will pass,” Cantalupo said. “People have enjoyed our meat-flavored pseudo-patties for decades, and we’re not going to be scared by consumers’ passing interest in burgers that actually taste like an animal, served on bread that’s less than a week old and garnished with ve-ge… ve-ge… ve-ge-tables.”
Said McDonald’s COO Charlie Bell: “We don’t see the burgeoning food industry as a threat, but rather as a public fancy with which McDonald’s can happily co-exist.”
Added Bell: “I even enjoy some food myself here and there. I ate some corn just last weekend.”
In spite of McDonald’s outward optimism, rumors abound that the company is pondering some of its most extreme changes ever. McDonald’s famed management-training facility, Oak Brook’s Hamburger University, is reportedly developing an unprecedented “food studies” program. The facility is also rumored to be adding a research wing to teach culinary fundamentals for eventual incorporation into the McDonald’s business plan.
“The bottom line is, we’re doing fine,” Bell said. “Certainly, as a last resort, we could introduce some recognizably food-like items, perhaps a sandwich made with animal matter and vegetables that have not been shredded, condensed, and flash-frozen to remove all possible nutritional content or general appearance of earthly origin. But I honestly don’t think it will ever come to that.”
Good Omens
When our son asked me what I might like for Christmas, I told him “find three really good books that I probably wouldn’t buy for myself.” I can trust him to do a great job because:
1. He has alwasy spent a good amount of time hanging out around books.
2. He has a good idea what I buy for myself.
3. He has a whacky sense of humor.
Good Omens, by Niel Gaiman and Terry Pratchett was one of the books he and his bride gave me, and it was a riotous good read.
This book is not heavyweight – you can read it on one leg of an airplane trip or two or three nights before falling asleep. It treats a very heavy topic – The End of Days/ the Apocalypse in a very irreverant, very funny way. It treats the characters of good and evil – angels and devils – as real characters. In spite of the lightweight plot, there are some interesting – and hysterical thoughts.
Crowley, the demon/devil who was placed on earth to torment and tempt humans, hopes the end of the world will be a long way off . . . through the centuries, he has grown to rather like people.
Oh, he did his best to make their short lives miserable, because that was his job, but nothing he could think up was half as bad as the stuff that they thought up themselves. They seemed to have a talent for it. It was built into the design, somehow. They were born into a world that was against them in a thousand little ways, and then devoted most of their energies to making it worse. Over the years Crowley had found it increasingly difficult to find anything demonic to do which showed up against the natural background of nastiness. There had been times, over the past millenium, when he’d felt like sending a message back Below saying Look, we may as well give up right now, we might as well shut down Dis and Pandemonium and everywhere and move up here, there’s nothing we can do to them that they don’t do themselves, and they do things we’ve never evey thought of, often involving electrodes. They’ve got what we lack. They’ve got imagination. And electricity, of course.
The Anti-Christ is born, and cosmic events get underway. But . . .this being Earth, and bureacracies being as they are, things get screwed up. I’m not going to get specific; it’s part of the droll fun these authors have with us as they write this book. The Four Horsemen appear, but they ride motorcycles, and Pestilence has been replaced by Pollution.
As the situation heats up and the end of the world as we know it nears, Crowley ends up with an unlikely ally, the angel Aziraphale.
Now as Crowley would be the first to protest, most demons weren’t deep down evil. In the great cosmic game they felt they occupied the same position as tax inspectors – doing an unpopular job, maybe, but essential to the overall operation of the whole thing. If it came to that, some angels weren’t paragons of virture; Crowley had met one or two who, when it came to righteously smiting the ungodly, smote a good deal harder than was strictly necessary. On the whole, everyone had a job to do, and just did it.
Now, throw into the mix an ancient book of totally accurate prophesies that are sufficiently oblique to be disasterously mis-interpreted, The Nice and Accurate Prophesies of Agnes Nutter, Witch. “Nice” in this case refers to its oldest meaning, exact. And, while the prophesies ARE exact, finding out their exact meaning is another hilarious exercise.
All in all, a great read, a lot of fun . . . and underneath the fun, some little pinpricks of thought about human beings, the human condition, and our treatment of our world and one another that needle you long after you finish reading. Son, thanks, you chose a great book.
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