Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Re-Igniting the Romance with Date Night

Good news – doing new and exciting things together help keeps a relationship fresh and intense. AdventureMan and I have always wanted to take dance lessons together, but have never had the time. I can hardly wait! Snorkeling in a new and exotic site . . . an African safari . . . trying a new restaurant, a new cuisine . . . finding new places to explore . . . novelty helps keep a marriage fresh and engaging.

From The New York Times. You can click this blue type to read the entire article.

Long-married couples often schedule a weekly “date night” — a regular evening out with friends or at a favorite restaurant to strengthen their marital bond.

But brain and behavior researchers say many couples are going about date night all wrong. Simply spending quality time together is probably not enough to prevent a relationship from getting stale.

Using laboratory studies, real-world experiments and even brain-scan data, scientists can now offer long-married couples a simple prescription for rekindling the romantic love that brought them together in the first place. The solution? Reinventing date night.

Rather than visiting the same familiar haunts and dining with the same old friends, couples need to tailor their date nights around new and different activities that they both enjoy, says Arthur Aron, a professor of social psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. The goal is to find ways to keep injecting novelty into the relationship. The activity can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or something a little more unusual or thrilling — like taking an art class or going to an amusement park.

The theory is based on brain science. New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine. These are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love, a time of exhilaration and obsessive thoughts about a new partner. (They are also the brain chemicals involved in drug addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorder.)

Most studies of love and marriage show that the decline of romantic love over time is inevitable. The butterflies of early romance quickly flutter away and are replaced by familiar, predictable feelings of long-term attachment.

. . . . . .

Dr. Aron cautions that novelty alone is probably not enough to save a marriage in crisis. But for couples who have a reasonably good but slightly dull relationship, novelty may help reignite old sparks.

And recent brain-scan studies show that romantic love really can last years into a marriage. Last week, at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology conference in Albuquerque, researchers presented brain-scan data on several men and women who had been married for 10 or more years. Interviews and questionnaires suggested they were still intensely in love with their partners. Brain scans confirmed it, showing increased brain activity associated with romantic love when the subjects saw pictures of their spouses.

It’s not clear why some couples are able to maintain romantic intensity even after years together. But the scientists believe regular injections of novelty and excitement most likely play a role.

April 15, 2009 Posted by | Adventure, Community, Family Issues, Health Issues, Interconnected, Living Conditions, Marriage, Mating Behavior, Social Issues | 5 Comments

Facebook Hurts your Grades?

From CNET News

Yes, researchers at Ohio State University have delved deep into the habit that is Facebook and concluded that those who express their membership regularly do worse in school tests.

In fact, they say, the majority of those who Facebook daily do worse by as much as one whole grade.

Aryn Karpinski, one of the Ohio State education department researchers, was quoted in the Times of London as saying: “Our study shows people who spend more time on Facebook spend less time studying. “Every generation has its distractions, but I think Facebook is a unique phenomenon.”

Ms. Karpinski will be presenting her findings this week at the annual meeting of the American Educational Research Association.

Some 68 percent of the Facebookers among the 219 young things questioned enjoyed a significantly lower GPA than those who eschewed friending and poking.

April 13, 2009 Posted by | Community, Education, Family Issues, Interconnected, Relationships, Social Issues | 13 Comments

William Dalrymple: The Age of Kali

Having read and loved In Xanadu: A Quest by William Dalrymple, and having received recommendations by friends who say they read ALL of William Dalrymple, I started on this second book, The Age of Kali. I didn’t like it, not one bit. I am proud to say I read it all the way to the end, because often if I don’t like a book, I will say to myself “I don’t need this!” and toss it, but I didn’t, I stuck with it. I am proud because it isn’t easy to stick with a book you don’t like, and I didn’t like this book.

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In Xanadu, Dalrymple was wryly funny, hilariously funny, and most of the humor was directed at himself. In The Age of Kali, there is nothing funny.

The Age of Kali is a series of interviews and adventures in India and Pakistan. The author did these interviews and took notes (some are published in slightly different forms as magazine articles) over a period of ten years and then strung them all together to form this book. There is little or no linkage from one to the other. They are grouped geographically.

Here is what I like and admire – this man achieves the most amazing interviews, many times just by asking the right person at the right time. He insinuates himself, asks easy questions, and then sticks in a hard question. He doesn’t seem to flinch from putting himself in danger, and he doesn’t stand on respect when asking his questions. I admire that he went difficult places, interviewed difficult people, and wrote the interviews up without fawning over the celebrity status of his interviewee.

What I don’t like is that he doesn’t seem to like anybody very much. There are no funny anecdotes. By the end of the first interview, I began to get an impression that he doesn’t like India very much (and I believe that is NOT true, as he lives part-time in Delhi) and that India is not a place I want to visit. He interviews corrupt politicians, descendants of the moghuls, Benazir Bhutto – and her mother, Imran Khan (the cricket player) and many others. In each and every interview, he maintains a distance that tells us he doesn’t like these characters very much.

Here are some quotes from early in the book:

These days Bihar was much more famous for its violence, corruption and endemic caste-warfare. Indeed, things were now so bad that the criminals and the politicians of the state were said to be virtually interchangeable: no fewer than thirty-three of Bihar’s State Assembly MLAs had criminal records, and a figure like Dular Chand Yadav, who had a hundred cases of dacoity and fifty murder cases pending against him, could also be addressed as the Honorable Member for Barth.

As he interviews Bihar politician Laloo Prasad Yadav:

I asked Laloo about his childhood. He proved only too willing to talk about it. He lolled back against the side of the plane, his legs stretched over two seats.

‘My father was a small farmer,’ he began, scratching his balls with the unembarrassed thoroughness of a true yokel.

OK, that was funny. I had to read it aloud to AdventureMan. One of the things that still unnerves me living here is that the men are always touching themselves – something so totally forbidden in my culture as to be simply unthinkable.

In his section about Pakistan:

These people – the Pathans – have never been conquered, at least not since the time of Alexander the Great. They have seen off centuries of invaders – Persians, Arabs, Turks, Moghuls, Sikhs, British, Russians – and they retain the mixture of arrogance and suspicion that this history has produced in their character. History has also left them with a curious political status. Although most Pathans are technically within Pakistan, the writ of Pakistan law does not carry in to the heartland of their territories.

These segregated areas are in effect private tribal states, out of the control of the Pakistan government. They are an inheritance from the days of the Raj: the British were quite happy to let the Pathans act as a buffer zone on the edge of the Empire, and they did not try to extend their authority in to the hills. Where the British led, the modern Pakistani authorities have followed. Beyond the checkpoints on the edge of the Peshawar, tribal law – based on the institutions of the tribal council and the blood feud – rules unchallenged and unchanged since its origins long before the birth of Christ.

When I read this, I think of recent headlines about the problems Pakistan is having maintaining order, fighting the status of “failed-nation”, and the chaotic administration of tribal “justice.” The old ways have endured – but as we learned in Three Cups of Tea, there are villages where villagers are eager to have modern schools, eager to educate their daughters, and they, too, are victims of the fanatics who burn the schools and throw acid on women attending school.

The author is told, time and time again by Indian citizens, that India has entered The Age of Kali, “the lowest possible throw, an epoch of strife, corruption, darkness and disintegration.” The book reflects the darkness, corruption and disintegration the author found. I only wish there were some moments of relief, of lightness, hope or humor to encourage the reader on his/her way, but the documentation of this lowest throw was relentless.

April 8, 2009 Posted by | Books, Bureaucracy, Character, Community, Crime, Cross Cultural, Cultural, Law and Order, NonFiction, Pakistan, Poetry/Literature, Political Issues, Social Issues, Spiritual, Women's Issues | | 1 Comment

Diwaniyya Where No Candidates are Welcome

LOL, he is making his point in such a gentle and delightful way!

Staff Writer
From today’s Al Watan

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KUWAIT: Kuwait”s newspapers have been covering the opinions of various former MPs and candidates about the elections and their programs, but the real news and discussions are available in one Kuwait”s oldest traditions, the diwaniya.

Diwaniyas are frequently targeted by political hopefuls to discuss various issues of concern. However, not Bu Hamad”s diwaniya, a retired Kuwaiti customs official who worked at the Salmi and Abdali ports.

Bu Hamid says that that politics is no longer a concern of his after so much disappointment, so it is little wonder that in his own diwaniya in Bayan, Bu Hamid has a large poster clearly saying” “Welcome honorable guests and apologies for not receiving any candidates. May God bless Kuwait. Bu Hamid”s Diwaniya.”

One cannot ignore the sign and equally not be intrigued by its curious message.

Asked about the reasons behind his ban of candidates, Bu Hamid said that in the previous election he discussed an issue of traffic safety near his home, which many candidates promised to sort out.

“I had previously asked candidates who became MPs later to set up speed bumps and traffic lights in front of my diwaniya which overlooks the highway in Bayan, which is notorious for traffic accidents.

“None had carried out their promise after they became MPs. They were only seeking their own interests and the interests of their close circle,” he explained.

“They are good for nothing. They are good for nothing,” he declared.

Bu Hamid expressed his amazement at the MPs whom he has voted for since the 1960’s that continually failed to meet the public’s demands. He is now “fed up with them and their tactics,” adding that when candidates need the voters they are available, “but the minute they become MPs they hardly recognize voters or even bother to meet them, as if they don”t remember them.”

He therefore decided to keep away from candidates and their campaigns.

“I will not cast my vote. I will never vote for any candidate. I have been casting my vote since 1960 and I have seen nothing from them.”

Last updated on Monday 6/4/2009

April 6, 2009 Posted by | Humor, Kuwait, Lies, Living Conditions, Political Issues, Relationships, Social Issues | Leave a comment

Having Sisters Make People Happy

This is from todays BBC Health News; you can read the entire article by clicking on the blue type.

(Here’s to you, Sparkle and Big Diamond! I am so glad I have you for sisters!)

Sisters spread happiness while brothers breed distress, experts believe.

Researchers quizzed 571 people aged 17 to 25 about their lives and found those who grew up with sisters were more likely to be happy and balanced.

The Ulster University team said having daughters in a family made people more open and willing to discuss feelings.

They said the influence of girls was particularly important after distressing family events such as marital break-ups.

. . .

Lead researcher Professor Tony Cassidy said:”Sisters appear to encourage more open communication and cohesion in families.

“However, brothers seemed to have the alternative effect.

“Emotional expression is fundamental to good psychological health and having sisters promotes this in families.”

April 2, 2009 Posted by | Community, Family Issues, Friends & Friendship, Interconnected, Living Conditions, Social Issues | 13 Comments

Over 45’s Risking Sexual Infections

This is from BBC News but similar news is coming out of the USA – one of the fastest rising rates of STD’s is in the nursing homes and rehabilitation facilities, among the elderly.

Many over-45s ‘ignore STI risks’

STI rates have been increasing among people over 45

Many middle-aged people are continuing to take an irresponsible attitude to their sexual health, say experts.

The Royal Pharmaceutical Society of Great Britain polled over 2,000 adults.

Nearly a fifth of those polled aged 45 to 54 said they had had unprotected sex with someone other than a long-term partner in the past five years.

There is a misconception that their risk of catching a sexually transmitted infection (STI) is “next to nothing”, says the RPSGB.

Sexually transmitted infections have doubled in under a decade in people over 45 and have been rising at a faster rate than in the young, recent figures from the Health Protection Agency show.

Older people are increasingly likely to be single or undergoing relationship changes and are less likely to consistently use condoms, perhaps because the risk of pregnancy no longer exists, experts have observed.

The RPSGB’s survey of 2,258 UK adults – half who were aged 45 plus – found older generations were flippant about the risks of catching an STI.

April 2, 2009 Posted by | Aging, Character, Community, Family Issues, Health Issues, Hygiene, Interconnected, Mating Behavior, Social Issues | Leave a comment

Driver – and His Father – Obstruct Police

Don’t you wonder what happens next? Do they ever find out who the people are who are blocking them? I can see the whole thing happening in my mind – blocking the police!!


Driver arrested after obstructing onـduty police
Staff Writer Al Watan

KUWAIT: While police were organizing traffic at the second crossـsection in Jahra, they spotted two juveniles joyـriding nearby. They reported the incident to another police patrol which went to investigate the case. The two cars, upon being flagged down by the police patrol, immediately drove off and a police chase ensued.

The police patrol initially found it difficult to corner them due to wedding party, but as they were closing in a car of a German make impeded them.

Police repeatedly instructed him to clear from the route but the driver persistently blocked them. The officers approached the man to investigate the matter, but he refused to cooperate. Police asked for his identification, but the driver and the passenger, who was the driver”s father, refused to present identification. The two were arrested in place of the joyـriders and taken into police custody.

March 27, 2009 Posted by | Crime, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Kuwait, Law and Order, Random Musings, Social Issues | 7 Comments

Kuwait imposes fee on public toilets?

LOL – there are public toilets in Kuwait? Where? Women always memorize which buildings have public restrooms, but aren’t those owned by the buildings? And holy smokes, what do we do if we don’t have small change left after all our shopping??? Men are more . . . umm. . . err. . . flexible, but women need privacy, i.e. restrooms!

TRAIN your cleaners! Give them proper supplies! Hold their supervisors responsible for their inspection and maintenance of standards! This is called ACCOUNTABILITY.

Charging for use of public restrooms will impose, at the very least, inconvenience for women, and most likely, embarrassment for those who don’t have the money, at the very worst times, like when you have seven children with you and three of them need to use the toilets. Charging fees for usage? Bad idea.

Municipality to impose fees on public toilets
Staff Writer From this morning’s Al Watan

KUWAIT: Kuwait is seriously mulling over the notion of imposing nominal fees for using public toilets.

Mohammad AlـAmri, the Convener of the Cleansing Committee at Kuwait Municipality, stated that the fee is aimed at providing better sanitary services along the lines that are implemented in certain neighboring countries. The official also noted that the current cleaning contracts are scheduled to expire in November 2010.

In a related development, the outgoing Minister of State for Municipal Affairs and Minister of Public Works Dr Fadhil Safar disclosed that Kuwait Municipality is currently working on a proposal to implement a new mechanism in keeping track with the performance of cleaning companies to ensure that the garbage is disposed off at the assigned dumpsites. He added that the system has been already implemented in the Kuwait City Governorate and is expected to be applied in all other governorates soon.

Last updated on Thursday 26/3/2009

March 26, 2009 Posted by | Building, Bureaucracy, ExPat Life, Financial Issues, Health Issues, Hygiene, Kuwait, News, Shopping, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 11 Comments

First Kuwaiti Policewomen Graduate

Wooo HOOO on you, Kuwaiti policewomen! It is always hard to be in the vanguard, you take the criticisms, you take the disbelieving stares, and you handle questions, even from your own families. It’s always tough to be out front – to be a leader.

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First group of policewomen graduate
From today’s Al Watan

KUWAIT: His Highness the Amir and Supreme Commander of the Armed Forces Sheikh Sabah AlـAhmad AlـSabah has attended on Wednesday the graduation ceremony of the 35th batch of military cadets, the 20th batch of specialized officers and the first batch of female cadets at the Support Authority Institute of the Saad AlـAbdullah Academy for Security Sciences.

The ceremony witnessed the graduation of the first batch of policewomen in the country. His Highness the Amir who arrived at the academy at 10:30 a.m. was warmly received by the Minister of Interior Lieutenant General Sheikh Jaber AlـKhalid AlـSabah, as well as other senior police officers.

The ceremony was also attended by His Highness the Crown Prince Sheikh Nawaf AlـAhmad AlـSabah, Vice President of the National Guards Corps Sheikh Mishaal
AlـAhmad AlـSabah, His Highness the Prime Minister Sheikh Nasser AlـMohammed AlـSabah, First Deputy Prime Minister and Minister of State for Defense Sheikh Jaber AlـMubarak AlـSabah, as well as other members of the ruling family, senior statesmen and members of the families of the graduating cadets.

Representatives of the 35th batch of military cadets then handed over the national flag to the representatives of the 36th batch. The Assistant Director General of the Academy for Education and Training Affairs Brigadier Dr. Waleed Khalaf BinـSalama read the ministerial decrees before inducting the new male and female police officers into the police force.

His Highness the Amir handed the graduates awards and certificates in appreciation for their efforts and then received the shield of the academy, that is dedicated to him, from Major General Yousef Mubarak AlـMedhahka. ـKUNA

Last updated on Thursday 26/3/2009

March 26, 2009 Posted by | Adventure, Character, ExPat Life, Kuwait, Law and Order, Leadership, Living Conditions, Social Issues, Women's Issues | Leave a comment

A Modern Parable

Thank you, Anita!

A MODERN PARABLE . .

A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.

On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.

The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.

Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.

Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.

They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.

Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team’s management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents, and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.

They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the ‘Rowing Team Quality First Program,’ with meetings, dinners, and free pens for the rower There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes, and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.

The next year the Japanese won by two miles.

Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year’s racing team was out-sourced to India.

Sadly, The End.

Here’s something else to think about:
Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US, claiming they can’t make money paying American wages.

TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US. The last quarter’s results:

TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.

Ford folks are still scratching their heads.

March 25, 2009 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Character, Community, Cross Cultural, Financial Issues, Interconnected, Joke, Leadership, Social Issues | 3 Comments