Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Barnes and Nobles: Paradise

We’d had guests, people we really like and admire, and now I was about to take them shopping. This kind of shopping is special. It is people-on-limited-budget shopping by people-who-may-never-visit-the-United-States-again and who have a lot of people hoping they will bring something back for them. We know this feeling – we’ve been those people on a limited budget who want to delight our family and friends with some exotic treasure.

I had a plan. Truthfully, I should know by now how it is going to work out, but I always plan bigger, just in case. This time, we started at TJ Maxx and The Dollar Store.

We park in a highly visible place. I know it sounds rude, but I escort them in, explain a few little things, then I go back to the car. I have a book with me, and Sudoku; they get to shop at their own pace without feeling like they are inconveniencing me. They have my phone number, and they know where the car is parked. Some groups come back and forth, many times, they bring packages, drop them, and head back again. This time, I didn’t see them, so after two hours, I went in and found them and told them this was their “one hour warning.” I had promised to have them back at their hotel by seven.

Almost on the minute one hour later, they came out, entered the car, and were so excited. One said she had finished all her shopping; she had something just right for everyone. The other said “Look! My friend wanted Bicycle cards! They had Bicycle cards!” They had found special gifts for all their friends and family, but the price was high. They had wanted to go to the Barnes and Noble store, but we had run out of time.

Deep sighs.

“It’s totally worth it,” the older one said, “I really really needed to have the peace of knowing my shopping was done. But . . . I’ve never seen the Barnes and Noble, only heard about it. Maybe I’ll have another chance at our next city . . . ”

I couldn’t bear it.

“The Barnes and Noble is only a short distance away,” I gave in, “I will take responsibility for getting you back late IF you promise me to only go in and look, just take a quick look, and come back out to the car.”

“Yes! Yes!” they both promised enthusiastically.

They were gone for twenty minutes. When they came back out, their faces were stunned. They got in the car, so silent I was afraid there was a problem.

The youngest leaned over, buried her head in her hands. She looked like she was going to be sick.

“What’s the matter?” I asked, alarmed.

“I almost feel sick,” she said. “So many books! We walked everywhere, but I stayed most of the time in the Business Management section; they had EVERYTHING. They had Who Moved My Cheese. Oh! They had so many good books, not the blah-blah-blah you get in textbooks, but the way they teach in parables, it’s so easy to understand their point. I can’t carry all the books I wanted to buy. I’m feeling shocked. All those books, right there where anyone can buy them! I want them all and I can’t have them.”

“You could order them, have them sent,” the older girl offered, and then remembered that no, she couldn’t have things sent in her country. She would never get them.

All the way to the hotel we had a great conversation about the flow of ideas, about censorship and the internet and cable television and Twitter, and how ideas flow more freely everywhere in the world, in spite of those who would try to restrict what their citizens might access. We also talked about freedom to travel – or the lack of freedom. We talked about families, caring for the elderly, and family responsibilities. We talked about what we’ve learned from one another, the truths travel teaches you about your prejudices and opinions, about others, and about yourself.

As I dropped them off, we all hugged, sadly realizing that we may never see one another again. Nonetheless, no regrets. Just the time I had with these two impressive young women was a great gift, and seeing the Barnes and Noble through their eyes – I will never again take a book shop for granted.

July 11, 2012 Posted by | Adventure, Arts & Handicrafts, Books, Community, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Interconnected, Pensacola, Shopping, Travel, Values, Work Related Issues | Leave a comment

Thunderstorm Season

It’s that time of year:

July 9, 2012 Posted by | Pensacola, Weather | Leave a comment

Emirates Women Seek Law Forcing Tourists to Dress Modestly

Qatari women have the same concerns in Qatar; this article from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/06/emiratis-dress-code_n_1653446.html?utm_hp_ref=world:

ABU DHABI, United Arab Emirates — With the number of foreigners dwarfing that of locals in her hometown of Abu Dhabi, Asma al-Muhairi has become increasingly anxious at the prospect of her younger nieces abandoning their full-length black robes in favor of Western attire that seems to be everywhere she goes.

But it wasn’t until the 23-year-old marketing worker came face to face with two scantily-clad female foreigners at one of the many luxury shopping malls in the United Arab Emirates that she decided to take action.

“While going to a mall, I saw two ladies wearing … I can’t say even shorts. It was underwear,” said al-Muhairi, whose black abaya – a long garment worn by conservative Gulf women – is offset by a gold Versace watch and egg-shell blue handbag.

“Really, they were not shorts,” she said. “I was standing and thinking: `Why is this continuing? Why is it in the mall? I see families. I see kids around.'”

Failing to persuade the mall to intervene, al-Muhairi and another Emirati woman, Hanan al-Rayes, took to Twitter to air their concerns in May.

They were inundated with responses that prompted them to launch a Twitter campaign dubbed (at)UAEDressCode that aims to explore ways to combat the growing number of shoppers in low-cut dresses and hot pants.

As the campaign picked up steam, it also has served to symbolize the growing concerns among Emiratis, a tiny minority in their own country.

Emirati citizens account for a little more than 10 percent of the 8 million people living in the Gulf nation. Most of the population is made up of Asian, African and Middle Eastern guest workers, as well as Western expatriates living here temporarily.

The overall population more than doubled over the past decade as the country embarked on a building boom that transformed Dubai, up the coast from Abu Dhabi, into the Arabian Gulf’s financial hub and a popular tourist draw.

“I think in an increasingly tumultuous region and in an era of powerful and often intrusive globalizing forces, citizens of the UAE are increasingly concerned that their traditions and core values are being eroded,” said Christopher Davidson, an expert on Gulf affairs at Britain’s Durham University.

“In some senses, it is a grassroots reaction to authorities and leaders that have for many years done little to check this erosion,” he added. “We’ve seen reactions to alcohol, so now we are seeing a reaction to immodest dress.”

Jalal Bin Thaneya, an Emirati activist who has embraced the dress code campaign, said it is a way for Emiratis to show they are concerned about the loss of traditions.

“If we were the majority and had the same make up, things would be different,” Bin Thaneya said. “You wouldn’t need anything. You would see Emiratis everywhere and you would be afraid of offending them … Now, we’re a minority so you feel the need to reach out to an authority.”

As the number of foreigners has increased, so have the stories of them violating the UAE’s strict indecency code, which limits drinking to bars and nightclubs and bans public displays of affection. A drunken couple was caught having sex on the beach and another allegedly having sex in a taxi. A Pakistani was deported for flipping the middle finger at a motorist, and the courts are filled with cases of foreigners having sex out of wedlock.

Most Emiratis rarely come face-to-face with misbehaving foreigners.

The malls, however, are a different story.

They are one of the few places where everyone comes together to escape the brutal summer heat. The cultural clash is hard to ignore, as families of traditionally dressed Emiratis shop and relax in cafes alongside foreign women wearing tank tops, shorts and even transparent gowns over bikinis.

Most malls have policies in place that require “conservative” dress and encourage shoppers to avoid showing shoulders and knees, but few publicize them or enforce them. Police in Dubai, where the mall that al-Muhairi visited was located, didn’t respond to a request for comment. They told the Gulf News newspaper there is nothing they can do since there are no specific laws against immodest dress.

“People were seeing it for a long time but they didn’t say anything,” Bin Thaneya said. “You can’t go to the police for such stuff. There is no one to go to. You can’t go to the mall management. The mall security guard gets paid less than someone at McDonald’s. He isn’t going to do anything.”

Al-Muhairi’s campaign is just one of several over the years led by Emirati women who have tried in vain to enforce the dress code – handing out brochures, confronting foreigners. But hers has benefited from the growing popularity of social media as well as the Arab Spring popular uprisings, which has given Emiratis a sense they can speak out on some social issues.

The UAEDressCode feed has more than 3,300 followers with a lively discussion that includes plenty of support for a code but also concerns that it would unfairly target foreigners or create divisions between locals and foreigners. Unlike similar campaigns in Kuwait or Saudi Arabia, the impetus for a code has not come from Islamic hard-liners, but from moderate locals like al-Muhairi who love their Starbucks and Western movies but just want foreigners to respect local customs.

“We are not asking others to cover up like us. We are giving them freedom based on their beliefs and religion,” al-Muhairi said. “We are not judging and saying this shows she has other interests. We never want to judge. Do whatever you want and wear what you want but with limits. Just respect the public here.”

The campaign has caught the attention of the Federal National Council, which pledged last month to push for stronger measures to enforce the dress codes. That came after the country’s culture minister, Abdulrahman al-Owais, supported efforts to emphasize the conservative traditions of the UAE.

Members of a half-elected, half-appointed council have suggested a law could include warnings and fines but not jail time for offenders. But the FNC has no law-making powers, so any decision now rests with the UAE government.

“If there is a law, the behavior will be different,” said Hamad al-Rahoomi, an FNC member who compared a UAE dress code to laws in France that bans the niqab, in which a veil has only a slit exposing a woman’s eyes, or the new dress code at Royal Ascot in Britain that aims to limit provocative outfits.

“We don’t want to catch people. We just want people to think of the other parties,” al-Rahoomi said. “What I want is to go with my family in my country and not see something that is harming me.”

The Abu Dhabi police issued this week a booklet on dos and don’ts for tourists that will be available at the Abu Dhabi International Airport and hotels, according to The National newspaper. It advises tourists that public displays of affection including kissing are considered indecent and that they should wear “modest” clothing.

Tourists – some in skimpy summer dresses, others in shorts and T-shirts – defended their right to wear what they want, either because it is fashionable or keeps them cool in the summer heat. None of the 10 people interviewed in Dubai and Abu Dhabi knew about a mall dress code, nor were they advised their outfits violated it. Several said a dress code law would go too far.

“I think it’s ridiculous because most of the people in Dubai are tourists,” said Sarah, a 21-year-old tourist from Kenya wearing a short dress exposing her shoulders and legs. “I want to go somewhere where I would be comfortable in my own skin as a travel destination. I feel comfortable like this and this is how I will dress.”

July 7, 2012 Posted by | Civility, Community, Cross Cultural, Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Heritage, Living Conditions, Parenting, Social Issues, Travel, Values | 2 Comments

Not the Day We Expected – Even Better

LOL, as our Friday dawned with thunder and lightning, our day totally changed. We had thought we would rush to our water aerobics class, rush home, hand up our clothes, head out to meet friends for Italian food near Destin, and then come home.

With the thunder and lightning, however, we knew there couldn’t be a class, and so we had an unexpected holiday from exercise, sort of puttered around the house taking care of things that needed taking care of, and headed off to meet up with our friends. We had a great time, great conversations, and they mentioned – as have other friends – how much they enjoyed The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and that we really needed to see it. After long, fond farewells, we headed home, via the beach, which we always love. So far, it was a much cooler day, only reaching the 80’s as we drove along, due to the cloud cover.

AdventureMan suggested we look at the GulfBreeze4, a really fun little theatre we love to go to where they show a lot of foreign movies or quirky movies that didn’t make it to the big screen, and there it was, the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel, and we were just in time for the afternoon showing.

It is a delightful movie. It has a lot of fun moments, some sad moments, many very human moments. You know me, I especially love the cross-cultural moments, and the thought that people can grow and adapt – no matter what age. We really enjoyed the movie.

And, when we left, we just had to have Indian food. We stopped at Taste of India on the way home and had Talli. It was one of those nights when almost every table was taken, but they had room for us.

“How spicy?” our favorite waitress asked.

“Spicy,” we stated emphatically.

“Oh!” she exclaimed, “Indian spicy!” and we said “Yes!”

When it came, it tasted like being back in Kuwait, eating food my friends had prepared. Not dumbed down food. Good, strong spicy food. We couldn’t even eat it all; but we know how good it will taste tomorrow. We brought a lot of it home 🙂

So it wasn’t the day we expected, but we feel blessed by the day we had. Good friends, good conversation, lots of laughing, good movie and a good time at Taste of India. A great day altogether.

July 7, 2012 Posted by | Aging, Arts & Handicrafts, Circle of Life and Death, Community, Cross Cultural, Cultural, Eating Out, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Food, India, Living Conditions, Pensacola, Relationships, Travel | 2 Comments

Laugh and Live Longer?

Found this fascinating article today in AOL News/HuffPost.

Do those who laugh the most live the longest?

Possibly so, according to a new study in the journal Aging.

Researchers from Albert Einstein College of Medicine and Yeshiva University found that people who possess certain personality traits based in genetics may live longer lives — particularly those who are optimistic, laugh a lot and are easygoing.

The study was based on an analysis of 243 people with an average age of 97.6. These people were part of a bigger study, called the Longevity Genes Project at Albert Einstein College of Medicine, which examines 500 Ashkenazi Jews ages 95 and older (Ashkenazi Jews are genetically homogenous, researchers said), as well as 700 of their offspring.

“When I started working with centenarians, I thought we’d find that they survived so long in part because they were mean and ornery,” study researcher Dr. Nir Barzilai, M.D., director of Einstein’s Institute for Aging Research, said in a statement.

“But when we assessed the personalities of these 243 centenarians, we found qualities that clearly reflect a positive attitude towards life,” he said. “Most were outgoing, optimistic and easygoing. They considered laughter an important part of life and had a large social network. They expressed emotions openly rather than bottling them up.”

The researchers also found that the study participants scored lower on tests for neurotic personality and scored higher on tests for conscientiousness, compared with comparable scores for the U.S. population.

Last year, a study in the journal Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences showed that older people who are happy have a 35 percent lower risk of dying over a five-year period than unhappy people. That study included 3,853 people ages 52 to 79.

“The happiness could be a marker of some other aspect of people’s lives which is particularly important for health,” study researcher Andrew Steptoe, a professor at University College, London, told The Telegraph. “For example, happiness is quite strongly linked to good social relationships, and maybe it is things like that that are accounting for the link between happiness and health.”

July 6, 2012 Posted by | Aging, Character, Health Issues, Humor, Living Conditions, Statistics | Leave a comment

Angry Summer Storm

KKKRRRRREEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!

BBBBBOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMMMMM rumble. . . rumble. . . rumble . . rumble

I was almost awake even before AdventureMan said “It’s raining hard; do you want to go turn off the water?”

You know how marriages are, you get so in places you specialize. When we first moved here, I got up early on the hot summer mornings and watered. We have a watering system that costs a fortune to water-in all our low-water landscaping . . .

I gave up. The summer heat defeated me, and AdventureMan is now the gardener – and the yard is beautiful. We have vines on the back fence, butterfly gardens in several locations, bee attractors, hummingbird attractors . . . he takes good care of the yard.

But he doesn’t “get” the watering system, and so I go down and turn the switch from on to off.

This storm is a strong and powerful storm, but not serious. The sky is still light – it’s six in the morning – and I suspect it will be all over by time to go to water aerobics. Its already fading in intensity – and moving off. 🙂

July 6, 2012 Posted by | Cultural, Family Issues, Financial Issues, Florida, Gardens, Living Conditions, Marriage, Pensacola, Weather | Leave a comment

She Cried

“I wanted to thank you,” I said to my son’s sixth grade teacher “I can’t imagine how hard it was to get 30 sixth graders to go through the paper-writing process, but I know my son learned from it and he will use the skills you taught him for many years to come. One day he will thank you in his heart, but I wanted to thank you now.”

It was one of those small expat military communities, where your child’s teacher also goes to the same church you go to and shops in the same commissary. We were at a church benefit, chatting before dinner.

She started crying.

She told me that every year, she teaches the sixth graders to write papers, and they hate it. She started with library research, making bibliography cards on little index cards, formal writing, footnotes and a formal bibliography at the end with a formal title page at the beginning.

I was the first one who had ever thanked her. She believed in what she was doing, but it was so hard, and she never got any positive feedback.

Imagine. Do you remember what sixth graders are like? This lady had courage, and persistence. She gave these students (in spite of themselves) a skill which would take them through the rest of high school and into college. They learned to do it right, so they never had to embarrass themselves by turning in an inferior, poorly-done paper. It was a great gift she gave these students – and no one thanked her.

Well, it would be a rare, very rare sixth grader who has the maturity to understand that while it was a difficult and demanding section in their school year, it was a tool in their tool box of life, a gift that just kept on giving.

Thank you. Thank you, all the teachers out there who knock themselves out to give our children (and grandchildren) the tools they need to be good students and good citizens.

July 5, 2012 Posted by | Arts & Handicrafts, Biography, Bureaucracy, Character, Community, Cultural, Education, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Germany, Interconnected, Leadership, Living Conditions, Parenting, Relationships, Values, Work Related Issues | 2 Comments

Kuwait Mode On a Hot Day in Pensacola

Hot Kuwait Sun 8 July 08

“On any given day in Kuwait, this would not have even registered on our ‘so-what’ scale” AdventureMan responded when I commented on the particularly bad driving we had experienced on our way back from the commissary. People were weaving, people were taking right-of-way-not-their-own and people were taking stupid chances.

What is it about heat that makes people crazy?

I wonder if any one has done a study to find out which crimes go up in very hot temperatures, if any?

I’m in my Kuwait mode these days; if there is anything I need to do outside the house, I do it early in the morning (occasionally, early morning is even pleasant) or after the sun has gone down. The rest of the day, I stay out of the sun and in the air conditioning as best I can. I always have projects, quilts to sew 🙂 and books to read, not to mention a floor to scrub and a dishwasher to unload, plenty to keep me busy inside.

My heart goes out to those in the eastern USA, hit by storms, hit by electrical outages and hit by the extreme heat. At least in Pensacola we have a sea breeze which keeps things bearable most of the time.

July 5, 2012 Posted by | Cultural, ExPat Life, Health Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Pensacola, Shopping, Weather | 4 Comments

Rules for Thank You Notes

My son’s sweet wife challenged me to do a blog entry on Thank You notes, so I think I will do it today, when everyone is out playing in the sun, BBQ’ing with family and friends, and not indoors reading blogs. 🙂

Thank you notes are a specialty of mine. Mom taught us the necessity of thank you notes when we were little; I think I remember we couldn’t play with something at Christmas or Birthday until we had written our thank you notes. We didn’t like it, but we got used to it.

As I grew older, I realized how much I liked getting thank you notes. I noticed that I liked them best when they were personal. When I worked for charitable organizations, I discovered that writing a good thank you note could 1) make a person happy they had given a good donation 2) increase the probability that they would donate again and 3) increase the likelihood that they would increase the size of their donation, as well as continuing to donate. All those are good things when you are raising money for a good cause.

I also discovered that I was likelier to be considered for a highly-sought-after position by writing a good thank you note. Every edge counts in a competitive job market. Thank you notes give you a big edge – out of 100 applicants, very few will take the time to write that note.

Many believe that hand-written notes have gone the way of the dodo, but they still exist, and they still are welcome.

I noticed that both of my parents became less likely to use their computers as they aged; one day computers will have greater voice recognition capabilities, but until then, the keyboards are difficult for older fingers, and the screens are difficult for aging eyes. The elderly love a hand written note, something they can hold in their hand, something they can pull out and read again and again, something they can share with a visitor.

So: Rules for thank you notes

1. A late thank you note is better than no thank you note. It doesn’t matter how late.

2. An earlier thank you note is better than a later thank you note.

3. You can write thank you notes more than once for the same item. For example, if ten years later, you pull out that Waterford bowl you got for your wedding, and have used for special occasions ever since, you can take a minute to write a note telling the giver how much your enjoyment of that bowl has been over the years, and he or she will be delighted to hear it again!

4. A handwritten note is better than an e-mail thanks, and an e-mail thanks is better than no thanks at all. Many people do e-mail thanks these days, like “thanks for dinner last night, we had a great time” etc. If you are REALLY thankful, hand write that note.

Here is a template for a sweet but short Thank You note:

Dear (name),

(Thank you so much) for the (wonderful) (fascinating) (beautiful)(lovely) (ITEM). We are (blown away) (delighted) (honored) (so grateful) (amazed) that you would think of us at this time.

(One personal line like:

“John says he can imagine us using this (X) for years to come!”
“We can see the sweet thoughtfulness you put into choosing something so right for us.”
“So-and-So says she is wearing it to school tomorrow!”
“You must have spent hours making that! We are amazed at the time and effort you must have put into it/them”)

Again, many thanks for thinking of us and sending such a nice gift.

No-No’s

(Under NO circumstances can you say:

“Why on earth did you think we would like that??”
“That doesn’t look like me at all!”
“It’s horrible! Unspeakably horrible!”

And then you sign. It helps to have little sets of notecards, not too large, so you don’t feel like you have to fill the whole thing. If you have kids, have them draw or paint a picture to enclose. Or send a photo. Put a stamp on and post it. Yes, the old fashioned way. If you don’t have the address, get it. Sometimes you can even find addresses online. You know, Google it. 🙂

So I challenge YOU. Try it. When you receive a gift, write a quick thank you and mail it off. If you think about someone with gratitude, write them a short note to tell them. You can even e-mail a thankful thought, it’s better than not sending anything, even if it is not a handwritten note.

July 4, 2012 Posted by | Aging, Arts & Handicrafts, Character, Civility, Cultural, Experiment, Marketing, Tools, Values, Work Related Issues | 2 Comments

HSBC Bank Bahrain

On no! There is a problem with my non-existent bank account at HSBC Bahrain! (Note to self: If I ever decide to become a scammer, surely I can do better than this):

Dear, Suspicious activity has been detected on this account.

For your protection we are restricting access to account sensitive features.

We implore you to click myaccount to verify your information

Thank you.

HSBC BAHRAIN

Code: yw2w9

July 4, 2012 Posted by | Blogging, Crime, ExPat Life, Financial Issues, Scams | 2 Comments