“Can You Help Me Get to Bangladesh?”
I have a dilemma. I don’t know how to handle it.
I carry small bills with me, because I am often asked for money. I keep it so I always have money to give to the people who help me get groceries to my car, the people who deliver propane, people who give good service – I don’t mind. Part of the blessing of having work is the obligation to pass that blessing along to others. We know that God Almighty knows where there is real need, and he moves us to give where giving is needed; he gives us a little shove in our hearts.
Yesterday, a well dressed man with a steady job told me he wants to go home to Bangladesh to see his parents. Could I help him?
I understand about aging parents. I’ve made a few trips myself. I totally understand what it is like to be far away when crises strike. We have always had funds set aside for emergency trips, and, by the grace of God, we haven’t had to dip into those funds often.
“How can I help you?” I asked.
“I need money,” he responded.
Money for a ticket to Bangladesh – that’s not small change. Along with that thought is the thought that were I to “help” this man, word would get around, and I would have many people knocking on my door for serious help with funds.
I don’t think he wants the kind of help I could easily give – showing how to set up an account and contribute to it faithfully, letting the money accumulate until you reach your goal. I don’t think he wants to do what my parents did with me, and what we did with our son – matching funds. (You save up half and we will match your savings dollar for dollar.) He wants an outright big gift.
In our church, we sing a song that says “Freely, freely, you have received, Freely, freely give.” I’ve always believed that with all my heart, it is like a magnified spiritual Locard Exchange Principal especially for blessings; what you have received you give, and it comes back to you doubled, tripled, magnified.
We tend to give larger charitable donations to organizations that make the money work hard – Medicins Sans Frontiers, African schools, our church fund. I consider a ticket to Bangladesh a relatively large charitable donation, large especially for one individual, one individual who is well employed.
So I ask for your prayers for clear guidance. I am not feeling that shove in my heart.
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I totally agree with you.
We had a girl that used to come twice a week to clean the house. We were extremely nice to her so she used us by not cleaning very well until i lost my patience and got upset one day. Anyway then she saw that my sister was nicer so she asks her for help to go back to Sri lanka with her fiance beacuse her mother wasnt very nice to him, she asked for 500 KD. My sis told her how much is the ticket to Sri Lanka, she goes around 90 but i need to ship the furniture!! LOOL we let her go a few days later.
I may be generous too, but careful. So as generous as you are, you have to be careful too. Not everyone is what they seem to be, which I’m sure you know the aging cliche “Don’t judge a book by it’s cover” and yadda yadda.
If you try to feed a lion a small steak, he might want to have you also. My advice, don’t give him except a token amount (token means 10, 20KD and not 100 or 200KD) and just apologize.
I’ve had a lot of them ask for ticket money.
Ok… generousity is good bas using people is not! I know you are kind hearted bas we all have our share of trouble in this life time… YOu can help with what you can but this person has to accpet it & never show discontent.. it happened to me acually! I gave a guy money, he looks at it & went like: “That’s it!!” ” Give me 5KD”!!! I stared at him thinking WTF!! I opened my wallet to show him that what i gave him was the last penny I had!
OhOh – I am with you on this one.
I love to give and help, but this sounds, uhm, not right.
Like I said, I like to help, but I sure as heck don’t like the attitude that some people get once you helped them. Not all, but quite a few.
Nah, don’t let me go on with this, I just say, you are on the right path to decline this request.
Just my opinion.
i agree with the other comments,… you really dont know whether the guy is telling the truth or if you were tagged as a “mark”.
but just suposseing his sob story is the truth, consider this,…
if you did give him a way out, then what would he have learned? at best nothing, at worst,… certain people can be hustled and someone will always bail you out.
you did him a favour by saying no, and hopefully his struggle will lead to him to actually developing some character somewhere down the road with which he will be able to handle any future troubles.
my God told me this
لا يكلف الله نفسا الا وسعها
God does not oblige a soul with more than it can hold
give him ..got a lot money ..y not ?trust those poor people
I don’t know how relevant this quote is but … “Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today. Teach a man to fish; and you have fed him for a lifetime”
I feel that if you give him money then he will get used to the easy way out and never try to save his income for times like this. It might be a “one time thing” but you can never be sure.
And you also stated that he has a steady job.
It sounds really tough, My mind says do it(if I was in your position and had that much money), but my brain says NO….
I believe God tests us in tough times and going with the saying “We are here for a reason”…..
Helping people is nice but being used by people really isn’t!
The guy maybe in dire need but it just seems out-right nonsensical that you cover his trip back home.
I would probably just apologize to him and let him off with a 10 or 20 KD max.
Mmm this is really awkward. On one hand, I would happily use frequent flyer miles for almost anyone I know – but cash is different.
Going along with the “teach a man to fish” principle, can you offer to help by offering to hire him for odd jobs? Maybe he’s good with computers and could update your system, or he has a scanner and could scan some old photos into a digital photo “album” or cd (stocking stuffer:D?), or he could do errands – drive across town to pick up QC’s special cat food, deal with the annoying change-of-paper-air-ticket-at-the-airport procedure, etc.
The role of patron is really rewarding when you can give to institutions, but with individual people I think it fosters distrust, or at least awkwardness. Helping people is great – but I think you need to listen to the pricks of disquiet – they’re spurring you to help him in a manner that makes you feel good, not uncomfortable!
You have all given such thoughtful input, and I thank you. I am still not entirely sure how I will handle this request, but meanwhile, he has made several other requests more easily fulfilled “Take my picture!” “Print five copies, please!” These I am comfortable with.
I guess I was taken aback that someone who has a job – not a bad job – would ask for such a large gift. From your experiences, I am learning this happens. And what’s the worst that can happen? I say no, and he doesn’t have a ticket, no change. What does he have to lose by asking?
I really really appreciate all the time and effort you have taken to respond, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Elijah – No!!! Really?? To ship the furniture??? LLLLOOOOOLLLLLLL!
Thank you, R, I’m glad to know you’ve been asked, too. I know you are a generous sort.
Chika!! He said it wasn’t enough??? What NERVE!!!!
Thank you, Rainmountain.
As usual, Skunk, you make very good points.
Thank you, Error. And thank you for putting in in Arabic, too!
Shaden – thank you for your input.
Chirp – I think you and R and Skunk have hit the nail on the head as to why I am uncomfortable. It doesn’t solve the problem. And the problem is bigger than I can solve.
Joel, I agree, with all my heart I believe we are here for a reason.
Kinan – good advice, thank you.
Little Diamond – I don’t think I want to spend too much time in company with this person, but I like the idea of having work that could be done in exchange for pay . . .and I guess as “patron” I have always preferred to be less visible! Like INVISIBLE!
Btw, my Damascus post is up 😀
Thought you’d want to know!
My friends, visit Kinan’s blog and watch his gorgeous Damascus slide show. Total WOW.
[…] “Can You Help Me Get to Bangladesh?”Money for a ticket to Bangladesh – that’s not small change. Along with that thought is the thought that were I to “help” this man, word would get around, and I would have many people knocking on my door for serious help with funds. … […]
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Mmmmm. You know the answer but aren’t comfortable with it or the situation; otherwise you wouldn’t have even asked for input. God gave us brains to handle when then heart is conflicted. But always listen to your gut!
If you feel guilty about denying this man’s request, perhaps it would make you feel better to donate the same amount of money to a charity that you feel would make better use of it.
Sparkle – Now I am REALLY confused! My gut is gurgling, my heart is beating madly and my brain is fuzzy – they aren’t making any sense!
Cozy – You have hit the nail on the head. I see all those in want around me, and I feel guilty for having more. I am happy to share, and at the same time, I know I haven’t got the resources to solve all the problems of proverty. I have pretty much decided to give him something. . . but at the same time, I am reluctant only because I don’t believe he would keep it quiet, I think he will tell his friends and they will also come to me. It opens up a Pandora’s box.
I think, Pandora’s Box is already open since a while.
You know, I thought about this yesterday for a while.
How much Tip do you usually give wherever you come from?
I tend, if I switch it over to my currency, to give more here than at home, because 200 Fils for example don’t sound much.
And that’s where it starts. If you give a Taxi driver the price that any other person (Indian, Pakistani and whatever) pays, they look at you all mean. If you give him a bit more (like 500 Fils instead of 200), it’s still not enough.
If you start using the same Taxi driver all the time, he starts to play a game with you. He starts being late, he starts not to come, etc.
I’m sure, it’s not all of them, it’s just an example.
It starts small and gets bigger – and the box is already open…..
Evening, Seattle Mama!
” Can you help me get to Bangladesh?”
I’d have thought the likely question coming from a Bangladeshi would be –
” Can you help me get to mainland Europe or New York City(illegally)?”
Rainmountain – in the restaurants where I am from, a tip of 20% is standard, even if “service” is already on the bill. Most people working as waiters and waitresses live on their tips, and need our generousity to pay the rent. Some people tip less.
And you are right – the games have already begun. Ugh!
Beautiful Liar – you know, you’re right. People used to ask for visas all the time. I think this guy just wants to go to Bangladesh for a visit, and wants me to foot the bill. I am betting that since he is making some money, he wants to get married. And, from his point of view, what’s the harm in asking?
I am in problem. i need some money.