Selfish Adults Damage Childhood
In a stunning and highly controversial report recently published in Britain, concludes that children’s lives in Britain have become “more difficult than in the past”, adding that “more young people are anxious and troubled”. Part of the controversy stems from the conclusions that part of what hurts children are working mothers, and fathers who leave their families.
Selfish adults ‘damage childhood’
By Mark Easton
BBC News Home Editor
The report says children’s lives are “more difficult than in the past”
The aggressive pursuit of personal success by adults is now the greatest threat to British children, a major independent report on childhood says.
It calls for a sea-change in social attitudes and policies to counter the damage done to children by society.
Family break-up, unprincipled advertising, too much competition in education and income inequality are mentioned as big contributing factors.
A panel of independent experts carried out the study over three years.
. . . . . . “Children with separate, single or step parents are 50% more likely to fail at school, have low esteem, be unpopular with other children and have behavioural difficulties, anxiety or depression,” it argues.
“Child-rearing is one of the most challenging tasks in life and ideally it requires two people,” the report concludes.
It also suggests that having many more working mothers has contributed to the damage done to children.
You can read the entire report on BBC News by clicking here.
This study is sure to cause a lot of dinner table conversations around the world – and Kuwait is no exception. Go read the report, so you can discuss it knowledgeably. 😉
I worked, and I wanted to work, while child rearing, but there was a lot of guilt attached. I needed to work, not so much for the money as for the stimulation, and I have a lot of empathy for mothers who find themselves in the same circumstances. I was really lucky – I was able to find professional positions with part time hours my entire working life, until it was no longer a consideration. I honestly don’t know that I would have been a better mother staying home. And yet, here I am years later, stunned and dismayed when I read this report, and still wondering if I was too selfish. The report says working mothers are selfish. The report says it really takes two parents to raise a happy child. The report says men shouldn’t leave their families. There enough guilt to go around to everyone. 😦
I’m interested in what you have to say; I ask only that you go read the article first.
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It doesn’t need scientists to discover that!
My parents got divorced when I was 20, and even as an older person I got affected by it!
Everyone wants attention and I think kids crave it even more. My family has around 13 kids under the age of 15, so I have been noticing the way they crave for attention. Jealousy between the kids is evident, especially when I give more attention to one more than the other.
I could write a whole book about this.
Oh, thank u thank u 🙂
I was listening to BBC radio on the drive from work today, and there was a debate between someone in their studio and another who was supposed to join them, but got stuck b/c of the freak snow and was on the phone instead.
I thought it was interesting and wanted to look it up but forgot to until I read your post 🙂
Boy, am I gonna have a field day with this report loool 🙂
Thanks again.
Matthew Taylor @ the RSA has an interesting piece in response on how we should reject authoritarian hierarchism. http://www.matthewtaylorsblog.com/thersa/foreign-workers-miserable-children-and-the-state-were-in/
I would say there is some truth in this. However, I would also say that I was a career mom for many years but when I was with my kids, I was completely with my kids. I listened to them, worked with them, took time off from work to do field trips with them and was otherwise very involved in thier daily lives as was my husband. What I see a lot of in family dynamics is the parents come home and still don’t have time for them. It really disturbs me in restaurants and airplanes and other public places that the parents don’t engage their children, don’t entertain them,or use that time to educate, just expect them to behave and be quiet. They pursue their own interests–conversation with adults, reading, etc and ignore the kids who misbehave and escalate trying to get any kind of attention. I don’t think it can all be laid to working moms or split families. I think it is also just bad parenting.
Studies are studies and can say many things. Being in the research business, I know how studies can be slanted to report what is desired by the sponsor. And how studies can conflict. To that note, there are multiple studies that conclude that, to quote one summary, “…parental employment is not a uniform condition with consistent effects on all children in all families. Income, race, and family structure as well as the special characteristics of the child and the supportive services available to the family seem to be far more important than whether their mothers work in determining how children develop.”
Of course, as you know, I am biased. And **shudder** to think of the consequences to Earthling had I been a Home-Mom. Balance, balance, balance. And you bet I also went on those field trips – even the week-long campouts. Momcat is right – its the parents who come home and ignore their children that cause most problems. Bad parenting. And yep, I know significant numbers of now-grown-kids with had stay-at-home moms who have more social issues than you can shake a stick at. Finally – the study cited in your blog is draconian and out of touch. Did you read the recommendations?! Only the Brits…LOL!
Hmmm – touched a nerve here for me, huh? 😉
source: //www.eric.ed.gov/ERICWebPortal/custom/portlets/recordDetails/detailmini.jsp?_nfpb=true&_&ERICExtSearch_SearchValue_0=ED231727&ERICExtSearch_SearchType_0=no&accno=ED231727
Holy Smokes, Chirp! I have a friend with 12 children, and I can tell you in her family, every child gets attention, individually, both from parents and siblings. It is noisy, but it is also a lot of fun. There is no lost child.
Having had more time to think about this study, I am also thinking that women have always had WORK. Before we had help in the house, before we had refrigeration (it hasn’t been that long), shopping was daily, keeping the house clean and doing the laundry was enormously time consuming, and children died from ear infections. It’s not like life was prettier, or children happier, before women started leaving the house to work.
It’s that we are paying more attention, now, I think. And working to find ways to protect children from violence (although the majority of violence to most children come from their own parents) and to help them attain their potential. To nurture them to self-reliance, which is hard work.
I think I would have been seriously angry if my parents had divorced when I was 20, too.
Nasserbq – I really had to search to find it. It wasn’t on any of the news sites. It got my attention, too.
Thank you, Matthew.
Momcat – the question is, how do we become better parents? One thing I think is missing is that village that is supposed to help us raise our child – the grandparents are out roaming the world, aunts and uncles are spread over the globe (guilty!), and small town safety where people don’t even lock their doors is a thing of the past. How do we create a more supportive society?
You are right, Sparkle, studies are biased. I was shocked to hear this coming from BBC News, which is why I looked it up. The problem is – probably some of this is true. Where do we go from here? How do we raise children to be more civil – and happy – adults? (Oh by the way, for all our failures, we have GREAT kids!)
You know they mention sentimentalism and panic as being things that can make discussions of children’s issues more difficult. I hope I can enter the discussion without having to worry about these things. I want to ask this question and bear with me here: are children the most important thing in the world? I mean for you to be a decent human being is raising children well the most important thing in the world? At the risk of going against the grain, I would disagree with that belief. While parenting children as best as you can is your duty as a parent it is not THEE one thing that can make a terrible person of you and if you do raise your children excellently it definitely doesn’t make you an angel. It’s an accomplishment indeed but definitely doesn’t earn you the I’m Perfect Trophy. I am tempted to mention this good person/bad person issue because the report clearly passes judgment by using words like “selfish”. Now I believe a parent should make his/her child a priority and of course I would never condone abusing your children or ignoring them. But this all-day long (maybe all-life long) guilt that some parents carry in them if they try to find their happiness in things other than parenting is unreasonable, unnecessary, and frankly doesn’t seem healthy.
Of course, working mothers are not selfish. They only are doing their spawning a service by making them much more independent and self-reliant than sit-at-home mums would. There’s also an upside to working mothers : “work” as a change from the routine of feeding, bathing and washing the little monsters is a form of relaxation for young mothers who are able to cope much better after coming home from work.In short order, they don’t tire easily and as much with their babies once they have a life outside of their homes leading to much better mother and child bonding.
Again, it’s the quality of time versus the quantity issue.
First, 1001, You are a very courageous woman for speaking up on the side that parenting isn’t everything. Did you read that they want people to go through a ceremony on becoming parents and pledge to . . . I don’t know what, be great parents?
There has to be some balance. Many women aren’t happy staying at home, and are better moms for spending time outside the home, just as you said. While having two parents is good – what if those two parents are fighting all the time and hate each other – maybe some times divorce is even better for the children?
I know I chose to work. I really needed to work for my own reasons. I know it made me a more conscientious mother, rather than a resentful mother. but on the other hand, some of it was probably guilt, and maybe guilt isn’t such a bad motivator if it gets us to do the right thing.
So when you have children, what are the right things? What are your responsibilities? Just a few short years ago, children were seen as property. Children disappeared all the time, and no one even asked. . . inconvenient children, troublesome children . . just disappeared. There are still people who consider their children like possessions to be used to further their own ambitions and needs. . . how do we decide what is “right” and good in parenting?
Desert Rose – I know that tone! I know that voice! Spawn? Spawn?!! Other than that, I agree mostly with your conclusions, except that “quality time” sometimes gets sacrificed. . .
Sometimes selfish adults do damage childhood; their own as well as of their children. Beneath every man and woman there is a big child trapped somewhere inside,you know.By not planning their children, selfish adults can do serious harm to themselves & their off-spring if they are not emotionally and physically prepared for what it takes to bring a child into this world.