Shutting Down
Yes, I’ve been busy. Yes, it involves movers, and bureaucracy, and parties, and the normal getting-ready-for-summer activities.
But the reason I’m not blogging a lot is that I’ve been shutting down, emotionally.
Here is a truth about me. I handle bad situations by shutting down. If I feel too much, I just get overwhelmed and don’t function. When I was packing boxes – and sighing – I could only pack a couple boxes and I would have to go lie down. It wasn’t physical so much as emotionally draining, packing up a life. I can’t really even begin to think about starting up a new one; I just need to get through finishing up this one.
So I just pack away all my grief with my household goods. Honestly, it works for me. I probably appear cold and unfeeling. The unfeeling part is true – I can make myself not feel, or at least postpone the feeling part. It gets me through the tough parts. I think it helps me survive. You go on automatic pilot. You go through the motions. You are only half there.
For me, the hardest part is being around people. Keeping all the feelings shut away is hard work! It’s exhausting! Or maybe it’s the scorching heat, but I come home and cannot stay awake, I have to take a nap. I wake up feeling better. I read late into the night – late for me. It’s OK, when I count up the nap sleeping with my night sleeping, I am getting enough sleep.
I have a very few good friends who know exactly where I am emotionally, and they shield me. We talk as if life were not going to change drastically, and for us, it won’t, there will still be the e-mails and visits. When I make a good friend, she/he is a friend for life. They don’t ask too much of me right now, but they are there to protect me when I need it. They are getting me through the tough times, and these are tough times.
When I get to Doha, I will start feeling again. I will allow the grief to seep in slowly, I will cry a little when no one is around to see, and slowly, slowly, as I grieve, I will also be engaging in a new life – slowly, slowly.
The Qatteri Cat is going through the same thing. He has built himself a little hidey-hole back in my old project room / Little Diamond’s room. He crawls into a pile of pillows and comforter until he is invisible, safe, warm, and sleeps. When he is awake, it is too depressing for him – his territory has changed so dramatically, none of the old reliable places are there.
So we comfort one another.
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Here There and Everywhere 
I don’t know what to say to you Lady Sunrise
let it be
it’s all for the best
and enshallah gonna be alright :*
I feel your pain. I do the same. I find myself wandering from room to room without direction.
Hey Intlxpatr!
I can relate. I guess I have been somewhat of the same thing for quite some time now! I hope your move is uneventful and safe. I hope you find a wonderful new home and friends abound. I hope you find happiness and peace.
For me, I always find solace in the saying of our prophet, peace be upon him, who said, “Be in this world like a stranger/traveler.” It is a loose translation, but I feel like it suits me and my personality. 🙂
Best wishes, and write when it suits you, don’t feel compelled right now!
Things will be fine, all for the better i guess! you have this spark in you to light up a place wherever you go, bring in the cheer and smile and joy. So theyre sure to follow you wherever you go. 🙂
As others have said, can relate so well to the muffling the feelings phase! Am sure wont last long, it never does! 😉
😦 good luck! Just know that you will be missed in Kuwait .. a lot! and I know how that feels.. generally in the process of packing i start having weird emotionally draining dreams because I’m trying so hard not to be emotional in my waking hours lol..
My friend, I feel for you–always did the same thing. You have my prayers–and the hope that we will see each other soon! On another note, my new s-in-l called me “Mom”!
you remind me of myself. when I don’t feel like packing I’d clean the toilet and do the laundry just to avoid my fears of leaving lol.
moving on is never easy in fact it’s very stressful, but hopefully it will go smoothly. like you said you’ll get the hang of it over time, you have us. we’re here to support you anytime. all for the best intlxpatr, did I spell it right 🙂
The human body is clearly God’s greatest creation. It is both incredibly resilient and fragile at the same time. Hopefully you see from others having the same response that the shut down is common. Like our autoimmune system to a virus it is our minds way of protecting itself as is the need to sleep.
As with your other online friends know that we care for you as a kindred spirit and that our hopes and prayers are with you during this transition. May God continue to bless you as much as you have blessed us.
bj
Intlxpatr
OMG
you have been packing for the last month and a half . I thought you were living in a small house not the Mahraja Palace .
Last thing , did AdventureMan get his plastic fantastic electical palm tree to take with him to Qatar ????
Just think of all the wonderful things you can blog about in your new home
and hopefully you will photograph many new sunrises to share with us.
(Sings…It’s a small world after all….)
I am glad we have the internet… somehow I dont feel it would be the same with you leaving Kuwait 😦 No more sunrise pics 😦
You guys have all been so kind, and I can tell you that reading your comments here really helped.
Thank you, Someday! I know it will be fine, but leaving good friends, good people – that’s the hard part.
Q8Dutchie – I know you truly do feel the same pain. And it’s painful even when you are going to a GOOD place!
Thank you, Carly, I can understand the feeling you describe, and I love your quote.
Thank you, Onlooker, and on a bad day I am going to come back and read your comment and feel better. 🙂
cixousianpanic – you totally nailed it, bad dreams, fearing the one forgotten critical detail, packing gasps . . . it’s like final exams.
Thank you, Momcat, and Mabruk, Alf Mabruk, which means congratulations, a thousand congratulations on your family event. 🙂
Yes, Pearls, yes, clean the toilets, even wash the dishes, or read a book a night, anything to ESCAPE the reality! And at the same time, try to get all the details taken care of. More than mildly schitzophrenic (LOL, did I spell that right???)
Thank you, BJ, and most of all, thank you for your prayers. 🙂
Daggero – I could only pack a little a day, I would get so overwhelmed and depressed. I’m better now, thank you for your amazement and concern and LLOOLL you remembered the palm tree! Please, Daggero, SSSHHHHHHHHH! Don’t remind him!
You are SO positive, Lady J. Qatar is a wonderful place, and it does not have the same freedoms guaranteed in Q8. 🙂 Blogging as I do would be more problematic . . . I shall have to see how it works for me.
Oh Ansam, you are SO dear. Thank you.
I had tears, I was not be able to read all the comments.
You will be in my heart for ever, You are so special. It is not easy to see you leave Kuwait, But Qatar is not far , better than Seattle !!!. I will visit you. Lots of love. see you on sunday
Hayfa, I will take that as a promise. 🙂 You are one of my shields. May God richly bless you and your family.
Well, it’s only like an hour’s flight to Qatar no? By my intricate calculations, this means it’s also an hour’s flight back to Kuwait (if we ignore Einstein’s relativity for a while.)
I hop over to Bahrain like every couple of weeks or so now, so your friends aren’t exactly that far off. It’s a Jazeera flight away 😉
And as for checking out blogs, well, the speed of light might be a showstopping factor since you’ll have to wait an additional 23 milliseconds now to get to a Kuwaiti webpage. For me, that’s just unacceptable.
Cheer up! Please? I’ll write funnier posts, I promise.
Where are you moving?
BoJacob, you know I love your posts. Honestly, reading the Kuwait blogs is one of those things that makes me realize how alike we all are. I have cousins like you, and many of the others. I still remember your traffic circle accident post as one of the funniest posts I have read, ever.
Oh yes! My first visitors have already booked tickets and rooms in my new villa. 🙂 I am feeling so much happier. 🙂
Mabruk, mabruk on your change of status. May God bless you and your family and shower you with abundance. 🙂
Church Bells – Doha, Qatar (there is also a Doha in Kuwait, so I have to specify!)