Three Years to Defeat Al Qaeda
I wish he wouldn’t say things like that. Robert Mueller told BBC News that he thinks we will see the end of Al Qaeda in three years.
To me, that is like waving a red flag in front of a bull. It’s a dare. I wish he would just go about defeating Al Qaeda in three years, and not talk about it until it’s done. Maybe it is superstitious; I prefer action to talk. When you talk about defeating someone, you might just be setting yourself up to eat humble pie.
The head of the FBI has said he believes the West can achieve victory over al-Qaeda within three-and-a-half years.
Robert Mueller described how his organisation is working closely with British intelligence to confront ever-more-complex plots.
Flanked by broad-shouldered security men with tell-tale bulges beneath their suits, the director of the FBI gave a rare public address in London.
As head of one of 16 US intelligence agencies, Mr Mueller is at the forefront of preventing a repeat of the September 11 attacks.
It was a task, he said, which could not be done without strategic partnerships with allies like Britain.
You can read the entire article HERE.
Warden Message
If this was a warden message, I didn’t get it. I get most of them. I found this in today’s Arab Times:
Terrorists may target Americans
Following is the full text of the Kuwait 2008 Crime & Safety Report released by the US State Department in March, 2008
Overall Crime and Safety Situation
The Department of State rates Kuwait as low threat for crime. The incidence of crime in Kuwait City remains low. The Government of Kuwait (GOK) maintains a high police profile, with large numbers of uniformed and plainclothes officers on the streets. Each district and governate has police stations operating under the direction of the Ministry of Interior (MOI) Directorate of Public Safety. Street crime does occur and incidents have been reported to the embassy’s Regional Security Office (RSO) recently that required monitoring and security notice dissemination.
Of particular concern are an alarming number of crimes involving individuals impersonating police officers and then assaulting victims, who are primarily third-country nationals (TCNs) and more susceptible to intimidation. The evolving modus operandi (MO) involves a male in plain clothes and an unmarked vehicle stopping a TCN, whether on foot or in a vehicle, asking for his ID, then demanding the person get into the impostor’s vehicle without any explanation of his offense or their destination. The TCN is then driven to a deserted area and assaulted.
The British Embassy released a Warden Notice about an assault that took place in February 2007 that did not involve a British national, but occurred in the Manghaf neighborhood where a large number of British citizens reside. In this case, a TCN was taken in broad daylight from a public area by a police impostor and assaulted, employing the aforementioned MO. A second Warden Notice from the British Embassy in March detailed an incident occurring behind the US Embassy Kuwait, at a shopping center in Mishref, where two young men believed to be local nationals forced a British male teenager into their vehicle late one evening and made sexual advances toward him. The victim escaped by throwing himself from the moving vehicle, where a passing Kuwaiti military vehicle offered assistance and returned him home safely. Based on a long-standing relationship of mutual cooperation and information-sharing, the Regional Security Office (RSO) at US Embassy Kuwait distributed security notices based on the British reports advising staff of these specific instances and included personal security guidance for all employees and their family members.
Violent crime is primarily confined within the TCN community, which comprises the majority of the manual labor force in Kuwait – approximately two-thirds of Kuwait’s residents. It is probable that a high percentage of crimes in the TCN community go unreported. The threat of immediate deportation looms large for many of these guest workers who generally prefer maintaining a low profile so as to avoid unwanted attention from the GOK.
Although several districts within Kuwait City are known to have higher incidences of crime, only one area (Jahra) remains generally off-limits to official embassy personnel. One factor contributing to the high rate of crime in Jahra is the inability of the police to enforce laws in areas where tribal customs take precedence. Known offenders regularly intimidate foreign guest workers, including workers employed by US companies and US military bases, by damaging vehicles, starting fires in trash cans and harassing them while they enter and exit their residences.
Harassment is not due to any affiliation to the United States or US military efforts; instead, it is generally due to criminalsbelieving they can act with impunity. Young Bedouin men who comprise the majority of these gangs are subject to their tribal mores first, but the tribal structure has proven ineffective in controlling these individuals which hinders the efforts of police to crack down on their illicit activities.
Residential crime remains low. There have been no reported break-ins at any official embassy residences within the past year, nor have any vehicles been stolen. A domestic employee of an embassy officer had her purse stolen from an individual on a motorbike outside of the officer’s residence. The perpetrator was later captured by police in the same neighborhood days after the attack. It is not uncommon for embassy staff and dependents to report suspicious persons in their neighborhoods to the RSO, but the majority of these instances have been resolved without any criminal or other hostile intent discovered.
There are no reports of petty thefts against the official American community in any of the popular outdoor markets or shopping malls frequented by tourists and Westerners living in Kuwait. However, the potential for such crime does exist. Individuals should remain aware of their surroundings at all time and assume that no venue is safe from crime. Additionally, vehicle break-ins, although rare, do occur if valuables are left in plain view. Visiting Americans are urged to take the same security precautions in Kuwait that they would practice in the United States. Hotel room doors should be locked and valuables should be stored in hotel safes when available. Visitors should instruct the hotel management not to divulge their room numbers over the telephone to any callers, but only to connect them to their room or to take a message.
Incidents of harassment and road rage, although infrequent, do occur and appear to be on the rise. Females have reported being occasionally accosted or harassed by Arab or South Asian males, particularly while driving alone in the morning or nighttime hours. In an incident involving an Embassy spouse in the fall of 2007, a local male harassed the spouse in a local shopping center, which prompted a security notice by the RSO and a Warden message by the Consular Affairs Section. Women who are the victim of harassment should immediately seek a public area and notify either store management or security personnel. Women should not travel home alone.
Male drivers using their personal vehicles forcefully to stop a female driver or attempting to gain the female’s attention for socializing purposes have been reported. Often this action is meant only to acquire a telephone number or arrange a date. However, reports of males impersonating police or military officers and utilizing his authority to command compliance from unsuspecting females have been increasing. Determining who is a legitimate police officer and who is an impostor is troublesome. In the reports received by the RSO, the individual initiating the contact was not wearing a uniform and was not driving in a clearly marked official GOK police or military vehicle.
Kuwaiti police have the authority to make traffic stops while in civilian clothes and driving in their personal vehicles but must identify themselves with their police ID, which has both Arabic and English writing on it. To ensure that the stopping officer is a legitimate police officer, individuals should remain in their own vehicles with the doors locked, lowering the window only enough to receive the person’s police identification. While checking the bona fides as best as possible, we advise staff to use their mobile phone to alert someone of their situation and if at all possible travel to their location. Tell the person you will agree only to follow him to a police station, and specify which one, keeping your mobile phone open so the person you called can hear the destination.
Lastly, relay the license plate number for the person’s vehicle to your colleague on the phone if at all possible. While Kuwait is in many ways a tolerant country, allowing women to drive, vote, and run for public office, Kuwait is still an Islamic country where conservative customs and dress are the norm. Potential harassment can be reduced if visitors dress conservatively and maintain a respectful demeanor and a low profile. Visitors should avoid confrontational situations, and move away from angry, threatening or aggressive persons, either on foot or in vehicles.
Incidents of vehicle pursuit, extremely aggressive and reckless driving, and vehicle gamesmanship, in which vehicles play a form of high-speed cat and mouse on the freeways, may force vehicles off the road or result in a collision with other vehicles. Speed is the most common cause of vehicle accidents in Kuwait. Apart from periodic storms, road conditions and weather are favorable in Kuwait. Drivers must remain defensive and alert to the hazards posed by others who neglect to yield in merges, cut across lanes to exit, drive aggressively and at excessive rates of speed, pass on shoulders and often operate without headlights at night.
Unexploded bombs, mines, and other ordnance from the 1991 Gulf War remain present in some desert areas in Kuwait. US Embassy Kuwait urges caution if traveling off paved surfaces outside of Kuwait City. A TCN worker was recently killed by unexploded ordinance located near a border checkpoint with Iraq. The unexploded ordinance exploded while the TCN was attempting to remove wiring from the device. Unexploded ordnance has also been discovered in piles of sand used at construction sites, including at Camp Arifjan, the largest US military base in the country.
During the cooler months in Kuwait (October-March) Kuwaitis often travel to the desert to camp. Many of these campgrounds are located very close to the major roadways, but some Kuwaitis travel long distances to camp in isolated areas. Camping in established camp areas decreases the potential for coming into contact with unexploded ordnance. Visitors should avoid camping away from population centers. The US Embassy and the GOK have received threat information indicating official and private Americans may be targeted for terrorist attacks. Soft targets such as western hotels and restaurants can be considered vulnerable to terrorist attack, although many are making improvements to their perimeter and internal security. American citizens are advised to avoid apartment complexes where Americans or other Westerners are generally known to congregate in large numbers. We recommend that Americans maintain a low profile and vary routes and times for required travel to avoid predictable schedules.
Political Violence
For several years after the September 2001 on the US, Kuwait City experienced no major demonstrations or other related violence. During this time, Kuwait has remained a strong ally of the United States, even after the US military invasion into Iraq and the subsequent onset of insurgent violence began to reverberate throughout the region. In early 2006, the controversy over Danish cartoons of the Prophet Mohammed provoked several demonstrations in the country, but these remained peaceful and uneventful. However, when Israel attacked Lebanon in the summer of 2006, several large protests occurred, including two at the US Embassy. Demonstrators expressed an unprecedented amount of anti-US hostility during these protests. While there were no injuries or damage during the protests, the police were not prepaired for how quickly the second demonstration materialized and grew in number. Demonstrators numbering in the hundreds burned American and Israeli flags, while waving the yellow flag of Hezbollah and chanting “Death to Israel and Death to America.” Since the end of the summer 2006 war, there have been no major demonstrations in Kuwait City. While these events were isolated, they clearly illustrate how quickly certain events can evoke an emotional response even in a country not known for political demonstrations or violence.
The primary terrorist threat to US personnel in Kuwait comes from individuals with links to al-Qaeda and regional jihadist networks. In January 2005, Kuwaiti police and Special Forces attempted to arrest members of an indigenous terrorist organization known as the Peninsula Lions. In July 2004, Kuwaiti security forces arrested up to 20 individuals who were engaged in recruitment, training and financing of local youth or terrorist operations in Iraq and Kuwait. These arrests demonstrate the development of extremist elements in Kuwait. In 2002 and 2003, individuals were able to conduct lethal attacks against US military and civilian contractors in Kuwait. While there have been no lethal attacks in the last 12 months, the presence in Kuwait of a growing number of US military and contractor personnel in support of Operation Iraqi Freedom continues to make Kuwait a potential target.
Post-specific Concerns
American citizens traveling to Kuwait should be aware that possession of drugs and alcohol is illegal. Additionally, pornographic materials, weapons, and pork products are confiscated if discovered during customs checks at the airport. Customs authorities will x-ray and search luggage upon entry into the country. While in Kuwait, both women and men should dress conservatively at all times. Shorts and sleeveless shirts are discouraged from being worn in public.
Throughout Kuwait the chances of being involved in a motor vehicle accident are far greater than being a victim of criminal or terrorist act. Driving in Kuwait is hazardous. Embassy employees are briefed upon their arrival in Kuwait that driving is very dangerous in Kuwait. Night driving is particularly dangerous because many drivers do not turn on their headlights. A good general rule to follow while driving in Kuwait is to avoid driving in the number one (far left) lane on Kuwaiti highways, as this lane normally has the drivers traveling at the highest rate of speed. Number one-lane drivers are extremely aggressive and will flash heir headlights rapidly in order to encourage slower-moving drivers to change lanes. Drivers should so be prepared to see camels or other livestock near the side of major highways.
Tips on How to Avoid Becoming a Victim
Americans should maintain a low profile, vary routes and times for all travel to the extent possible, and treat mail and packages from unfamiliar sources with suspicion. All Americans are urged to be suspicious of unexpected visitors and to pay particular attention to suspicious vehicles. Any suspicious activities or vehicles should be reported to the local police as soon as possible. The neighborhoods of Khaitan and Farwaniya, located on the outskirts of Kuwait City International Airport, are recognized and identified as high-crime areas due to criminal elements operating drug, prostitution, gambling, and black market enterprises. These areas are largely populated by TCNs who are poorly paid and may turn to crime for financial gain. Incidences of rape, theft and murder are usually not directed at Americans and Western personnel but largely involves TCNs. Americans are urged to avoid this area altogether, especially at night.
For further information
The main Embassy phone number is +965 259-1001. The Regional Security Officer can be reached by calling +965 259-1001 ext 1704. To contact Consular/American citizen services please call +965 259-1001 ext 1581. The Consular Section Chief can be reached by calling +965 259-1001 ext 1278. The Foreign Commercial Office can be reached by calling +965 259-1001 ext 1392.
The embassy’s working hours are Sunday – Thursday 8:00 am-4:30 pm. During this time, visa applications for travel to the Untied States are accepted. Personal interviews are required and appointment times are requested online. Interviews are conducted at the embassy Monday-Thursday from 8:00 am-12:00 pm. American Citizen Services operates Sunday-Thursday from 9:00 am-11:00 am and 1:00 pm-3:00 pm for routine services, and will generally see any American citizen for emergency services anytime during the workday. The section is closed Monday mornings.
Moses Learns to Delegate
When I was young, I never would have thought that I would join a bible study on the life of Moses that took a whole year. When I was young, I was a believer, but never dreamed I would really STUDY the word. One day a person invited me in, and I found myself learning things I never would have dreamed.
I remember learning this segment, from Exodus, which is part of the readings for day. Moses listened to his father-in-law, and he had to learn to delegate, so he wouldn’t be worn out:
Exodus 18:13-27
13 The next day Moses sat as judge for the people, while the people stood around him from morning until evening. 14When Moses’ father-in-law saw all that he was doing for the people, he said, ‘What is this that you are doing for the people? Why do you sit alone, while all the people stand around you from morning until evening?’ 15Moses said to his father-in-law, ‘Because the people come to me to inquire of God. 16When they have a dispute, they come to me and I decide between one person and another, and I make known to them the statutes and instructions of God.’ 17Moses” father-in-law said to him, ‘What you are doing is not good. 18You will surely wear yourself out, both you and these people with you. For the task is too heavy for you; you cannot do it alone. 19Now listen to me. I will give you counsel, and God be with you! You should represent the people before God, and you should bring their cases before God; 20teach them the statutes and instructions and make known to them the way they are to go and the things they are to do. 21You should also look for able men among all the people, men who fear God, are trustworthy, and hate dishonest gain; set such men over them as officers over thousands, hundreds, fifties and tens. 22Let them sit as judges for the people at all times; let them bring every important case to you, but decide every minor case themselves. So it will be easier for you, and they will bear the burden with you. 23If you do this, and God so commands you, then you will be able to endure, and all these people will go to their home in peace.’
24 So Moses listened to his father-in-law and did all that he had said. 25Moses chose able men from all Israel and appointed them as heads over the people, as officers over thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens. 26And they judged the people at all times; hard cases they brought to Moses, but any minor case they decided themselves. 27Then Moses let his father-in-law depart, and he went off to his own country.
Disability Awareness Day at Fenway
What a way to start your day. Watch what happens in Boston when the singer of the National Anthem gets the giggles:
Animal, Vegetable, Miracle: Kingsolver
A friend passed along a fascinating book by one of my favorite fiction authors, Barbara Kingsolver, who wrote the cross-culturally unforgetable Poisonwood Bible, and many other very readable books. This book is about how her family vowed to eat locally for one year. I haven’t finished it yet, this is not a book review, but I am trying to think how eating locally would apply in Kuwait.
We would have a year-round supply of fish, which I love. We would have spinach in December and January, and those wonderful Kuwaiti tomatoes in the Spring. Cilantro, green onions and mint are grown year round, too, I think, and we would have chickens and eggs and maybe some sheep – or does most of the sheep in Kuwait come from elsewhere? Pomgranates? Pistacios?
I need YOUR help. What would our diet look like in Kuwait if everything we ate were local? Which month would we be able to eat what? What could we preserve in some way – drying, canning, freezing – for future months?
What grain would we have? Let’s say keep the food “local” and give ourselves a 100 mile radius. What would we eat?
A Stroke of Luck
I have the most amazing friend. She thinks WAY outside the box. You would never know it to look at her, she looks just like you and me, but when she hands you a book, it turns out to be a book you will never forget. She forwarded me this yesterday, and I happened to get it at a time when I could take 20 minutes of my life to watch it.
This video from TED talks features brain scientist Jill Bolte Taylor, who describes having her own stroke, and observing herself, as a scientist, from the inside, as she experiences the stroke. It changed how I see things, in fact, it turned how I see strokes upside-down.
I hope you will take a few minutes to watch:
Hold Your Calls, Save Your Life
Actually – not a bad slogan. Pithy, personal, memorable.
Found this in yesterday’s Kuwait Times. Was it also in the Arabic language newspapers? Doesn’t say anything about the fine . . . . the newspaper announcement leads us to believe they are serious. The fine of 5KD (about $20) remains laughable. Nonetheless – if you use a mobile phone while driving, you will become a CRIMINAL after May 1! 😉
No one is going to hate this law more than AdventureMan. Sometimes he calls me when he is driving just to see if I will hang up on him. He tries to talk me into talking with him. I have always said I don’t want to hear his last words being “Oh ____!”
Travel Nerds
We are a bunch of travel and geography nerds in my family. Nothing makes us happier than jumping in a airplane, reaching an exotic location and driving, getting our feet on new ground, seeing new things, learning new ways. We all have cameras glued to our hands and laptops stuffed in backpacks.
All my married life, people have looked at me with pity and tole me how they can’t believe I live with such uncertainty, never knowing where I will be in the next year – even the next few months. What I tell them is this – the truth is, we ALL never know. We ALL never know when something will happen that will change our lives dramatically, forever. We live day to day, not thinking about all the things that can happen. If we think too much about them, we might go crazy.
I consider myself blessed. I was created with a restless spirit, a spirit for new experiences and new ways of thinking. I was given a life where all those things became my daily bread.
What is fun for me is watching the next generation of young adults discovering their own lives, who they are meant to be.
My nephew, at Google Earth took his love of geography to new heights. He works in a place he loves, doing work he loves. He wrote to me yesterday, to tell me about a new game being played, a grown-up version of the old “Where in the World is Carmen Sandiego.” (one of the earliest computer games for kids) He has published a really really hard one on the Google team LatLong blog (as he says, he has the home court advantage in this game!) and he refers us to another blog, Where on GoogleEarth? where there are a series of contests to see if you can identify landmarks, special places, from the sky.
Here, for example, is the photo from contest #22 – and people have to write in telling what it is. Can YOU tell what it is? 🙂
Bullying and 19 Minutes; Jodi Picoult
When my blogging friend Chirp makes a recommendation, I have learned to order the book and read it. She reads books that make you think! The latest book is Jodi Picoult’s 19 Minutes, a book about a kid who is sensitive and kind and funny, and plays by the rules – he is good at sharing, and listening and all the things we try to teach our children to be good at.
He gets bullied. From the time he starts school, he is bullied physically and mentally and emotionally. He does the right thing – he reports it. The schools do nothing, or so little that it only makes things worse for him. Pushed too far, one day snaps, he goes ballistic. He walks into the school and shoots 19 of his classmates.
One problem is access to weapons. Literally, physically teenagers have not yet developed the judgement areas of the brain. I am guessing in males it takes even longer, and I only guess that because of all the traffic fatalities and physical damage adolescent boys inflict upon themselves – and their victims. Maybe it is that fatal combination of poor judgement and testosterone that pushes them too far. Access to weapons – guns, knives, fast cars – makes them even more lethal.
Before I wrote this review, however, I had to do a lot of thinking. This book is about bullying, and even as adults we come across bullies. Our household helpers are terrified of the police – those who are here to protect us. The police use their position to try to bully phone numbers out of pretty Kuwaiti girls, and to exact sexual favors from the Asian domestics. Not all police are bullies, but if a person has that tendency, the position allows him/her to use that power wrongly.
And bullying doesn’t stop with graduation from high school. We are seeing the same kinds of behavior at universities – Virginia Tech – and in the workplace – “going postal” and GMAC just to name two. People who are bullied sometimes turn, they go out in a blaze of glory.
I’ve been bullied. People who are raised to have good manners are often victims of those who are willing to overstep the boundaries. We make excuses for them – we say they are oblivious. I am beginning to think that many a bully is NOT oblivious, but has learned to push to get his or her own way.
With men, the bullying is more physical, and it’s all about jockying for position – number one in the pecking order, the next promotion, the boss’s golf partner, etc. If you think women are gossips – you oughta hear the men! When I hear men “bantering” it’s all about who’s got the “biggest.” Or maybe, the devil whispers in my ear, it’s about who can make you THINK his is the biggest.
With women, in my experience, most of the bullies are physically bigger. They are women who – literally – throw their weight around. They are women who will interrupt anyone and override their suggestion with a loud voice. They are women who have temper tantrums, and hurt feelings, who go from person to person forming alliances that dissolve with the next disagreement. That’s the sad truth – a bully wants his or her own way – all the time. Once you go against them, you have to watch your back.
Picoult has done her homework. Bullies are often likeable enough people! A bully carries his/own burden, however – and that is a desperate need for popularity. You can see this in animal behavior; once a creature has achieved dominance, it takes enormous energy to maintain that position, so much energy that the rest of your life shrinks as your focus must be on maintaining dominance.
The UK, Canada, and the US all have websites about bullying, trying to put a stop to it in the schools. What do they define as bullying?
People calling you names
Making things up to get you into trouble
Hitting, pinching, biting, pushing and shoving
Taking things away from you
Damaging your belongings
Stealing your money
Taking your friends away from you
Posting insulting messages on the internet or by IM (cyberbullying)
Spreading rumours
Threats and intimidation
Making silent or abusive phone calls
Sending you offensive phone texts
Bullies can also frighten you so that you don’t want to go to school, so that you pretend to be ill to avoid them
What can people with manners do against a bully?
In general, the first thing to do is tell an adult – it doesn’t have to be your parents. Additonal suggestions suggest creating your own support network – create a wide network of friends. Join interest groups, in our out of school.
When our son was bullied in school, he worked hard and earned a black belt in karate, and then went on to earn further degrees, and to teach karate – while still in high school. Just knowing that he had a lethal skill made him walk differently, made the bullies afraid to target him. He went to a magnet school, where there was a high degree of chaos, and he sought out and made friends with the biggest people he could find. He used his head. He made it through. Of all his accomplishments, one of the things that made us most proud of him was his ability to stick it out and to prevail.
I worked in a high school. My office was a safe haven for many kids, kids who found high school dynamics pure hell. Most of them were emotionally years ahead of the crowds roaming the hallways, the cruel kids, for whom high school will probably be the highlight of their lives.
“You’re going to love being an adult,” I would tell them. “Hang in there. For them, this may be as good as it gets, but your life is going to get better and better.”
Geeks don’t always get a lot of respect. The two guys that graduated high school at the bottom of the class with my son already had a flourishing computer networking business going. If you haven’t noticed, most of the people who are making it big financially are people who have learned how to use their heads.
I have learned something else. You can beat a bully at his or her own game. Bullies usually rely on instilling fear in others, but rarely do they do their homework.
Choose your battles. Bullying hurts everyone. If you see someone being bullied and you can do something about it then and there, stand up for the person being bullied. All you have to do is say “that’s not funny, just stop.” Many times bullies are so shocked at being challenged, they will stop! If your judgement tells you it would be unsafe to say anything, quickly tell an adult, a supervisor, a manager, what you have seen.
If a bully is trying to push through something you believe is wrong, you can quietly discuss things one on one with others, and make a plan. You can call for a vote! You can quietly stand up to a bully. You can tell a bully “it’s my turn to talk” and they have to shut up! (When you do this, you have to be very careful to listen when the bully is speaking so that everyone knows it really IS your turn to talk.) You can use a little gentle humor – bullies usually only like humor when it is aimed at someone else. They haven’t a clue what to do when it is aimed at them!
If it is annoying, but not something worth fighting over, let the bully get his or her own way. They usually end up shooting themselves in the foot, self-destructing. The adult bully ends up driving people away, and then wondering why he/she has no friends?
Living your own life well is your best revenge!
Thank you, Chirp, for another book that really made me think!
No Whining!
The other day AdventureMan and I happened to be in the same room and the TV happened to be on and a woman on one of the morning shows (shown in the afternoon in Kuwait) was talking about how to make your kids stop whining.
“I don’t remember (our son) ever whining,” I said, “do you remember him whining?”
“When he was very little, sometimes he would get fussy,” AdventureMan replied.
“Yeh, but fussy is different, when you are little and overtired, or have an ear infection or are hungry – even we get fussy!” I laughed.
I do remember a few awful times when, after standing in a long line in the military commissary on a payday I finally got to the checkout stand just as my son was totally losing it, having to get a month’s worth of groceries paid for and packed while he was screaming bloody murder and the groceries are being packed and people are looking at me like I am a criminal because I can’t feed him there in front of everyone. As soon as I could get him to the car, I could nurse him, but meanwhile, I was hostage to his relentless desparate wailing. Is their any sound as compelling as a wailing baby?
But that is to be expected when you have a baby; babies sometimes have to wail.
But whining?
I was lucky, I was able to be a stay-at-home mom when my son was little. We spent a lot of time together. I could usually distract him, I could usually put him down for a nap if he was tired, I could usually schedule myself to be around to feed him when he needed feeding. I remember ear-infection fussing, and teething fussing, but I don’t remember any whining.
AdventureMan said I wouldn’t put up with whining, not from him, not from our son.
Our son had a lot of expectations on him. AdventureMan was an officer, and we had obligations. (What? You thought only Kuwaitis had expectations and obligations?) Sometimes, when our son would rather be playing, he had to attend an event, or an official function, and he had to behave, because he was his father’s son, and his behavior would reflect on his father. When he would rather be wearing a sweatsuit and trainers, he had to wear dress pants and a dress shirt and tie, and dress shoes. If he complained, I would say “you don’t have to like it, you just have to do it. I don’t like it either!”
I had two tools.
First, as soon as he could talk, I taught him to say “can we negotiate?”
Most of the time, we can find a way to make a bad situation better. Often, he had great suggestions, like “can we go to La Gondola and have a pizza afterwards, and can I invite Michael to go with us?” Whatever gets you through what you don’t want to do, I would think to myself, and agree. Occasionally, but not often, there were non-negotiables, like moves, and then, you just have to grit your teeth and get through it.
Second, I used incentives. Some people might call them bribes, but here is how it worked.
I knew it was in his best interest to get good grades, and that it was my responsibility to help him learn how to get those grades. On the first day of school, I would take him to the toy store and he could pick out what he wanted to work for. We would set goals for each class; we would write down those goals and post them on the refrigerator. At the end of the semester, when those goals were met, he got his prize. The hardest hardest part for me was NOT giving him a prize when the goal was not met, but encouraging him that I know he will get the prize next time. I think it was harder on me NOT giving in than on him, not getting the reward.
My Mother thought I was spoiling him because we would negociate. “You are the mother,” she would say. “You are the boss.”
“Yes, Mom,” I would respond, “but I NEED for him to cooperate. I need for him to feel like he has some choice.” It was just a generational difference.
Now I am getting to see a new generation having their babies. My niece taught her baby basic sign language, and continues to teach him more as time goes on. Even pre-verbal, he has ways of telling her he is hungry, thirsty, wants to be picked up, etc. What an amazing and wonderful idea, what control it gives a baby to be able to express these basic desires, to communicate needs and wants. I am in awe of these young mothers and the care with which they are raising their babies.
Kuwait is blessed to have a blog written by young mothers for other young mothers, full of great ideas. Many of the ideas I THINK are great, but because some are written in Arabic, and my vocabulary and grammar are not that strong, i can’t really read them. That blog is Organic Kuwait; they even have books published for children explaining Ramadan and Hajj in age-appropriate language. Makes me wish I were a young mother again! 🙂
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Early Voting in Florida
