Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Sorry Jesus, I’m Packing Boxes

Our priest in the Anglican congregation is a truly inspired preacher. He knows how to get your attention, and then he tells you something really important.

Yesterday (Yes! I was listening!) he was talking about the importance in our spiritual life of community. While, in Christianity, we have a tradition of worshiping privately and in solitude, one of the things Jesus said over and over was to take care of one another, “feed my sheep”, that we are to be known to the outside world by the way we love one another, and the practice of that kind of brotherly love must be done in community. He gave one example, marriage, as an opportunity to show God how much you love him by loving and taking good care of your spouse, that we are to serve him by loving one another.

Pastor Andy gave the example of the Alcoholics Anonymous community, where they have buddies who can be called any time, night or day, when a crisis comes up and there is temptation to drink. He was saying we all need someone we know we can count on, and encouraged us to find spiritual buddies.

On the way out the door, I heard him ask the guy in front of me if he had plans for lunch. When we shook hands, he asked me the same question, and I laughed and said “Yes, I am packing boxes.”

As I was on my way home, it was like that old light bulb went on in my head and I thought “Oh no! That was a test!” Andy was just telling us we need to be part of a fellowship, we need to visit with one another in relaxed conditions, we need to know one another so we know who we can count on! It was as if Jesus invited me to lunch, and I said ‘Sorry, I have to pack boxes!’

I FLUNKED!

So I started beating myself up (in my mind) about flunking. The good thing is, as you pack boxes, it’s kind of like exercise, once you have two or three done, good endorphins kick in and you feel better about things. Eating lunch helps, too.

Andy Thompson, at the Anglican Church – St. Paul’s Kuwait – is smart, committed and hard working, and also a lot of fun. This post is for you, Andy, to show you that your sermons really do make a difference, even if you don’t see it, and that we take what you say home with us, and mull it over, and, hopefully, like a tiny seed planted, if we nurture it, it will bear fruit. 🙂

May 16, 2009 Posted by | Character, Community, ExPat Life, Interconnected, Kuwait, Marriage, Social Issues, Spiritual | 3 Comments

Light Haze Sunrise

At six in the morning, it is already almost 90°F / 32°C. WeatherUnderground says there is a “light haze.” I can’t imagine what they call a heavy haze. At least the light haze is white, not the orange of yesterday’s sandstorm, but there is still an awful lot of the “light haze.”

Wea15May09

Hamd’allah, I have air conditioning. I feel human again. The Alaska girl in me has it turned up to 72°F / 22°C, and I am comfortable.

It took me a long time to capture a glimpse of the sun, early this morning, through the “light haze.” Even as I write, the sun is a great big hazy ball, high in the May sky, oh-so-early on a Friday morning.

00Sunrise15May09

I happened to be up early this morning, and was shocked to see busses arriving and laborers – Moslem laborers, like from Pakistan and Afghanistan, getting off buses, carrying shovels and picks and tools to go to work. I thought all Moslems in Kuwait got to take Friday off. Guess I was wrong – and I so often am.

Have a sweet, quiet day, Kuwait. We will be praying for you, in our little church, and for your leadership and your upcoming election, this Friday morning. We wish you only the very best.

May 15, 2009 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Community, Cultural, ExPat Life, Kuwait, Living Conditions, sunrise series, Weather | Leave a comment

KTAA Exhibit Opens Tonight at Dar Al Cid

Thanks to my friends in the Kuwait Textile Arts Association for passing this along:

TextileArtsExhibit

May 13, 2009 Posted by | Arts & Handicrafts, Beauty, Community, ExPat Life, Kuwait, Public Art | 2 Comments

Living our Religion

Today’s reflection from Forward Day by Day is a tough one. In the Gulf, there is a tradition of thfadl and thfadli (the second is what you say to a woman) which means, literally, “you are to be preferred.” You are supposed to outwait the other, to allow the other to take precedence.

I have one Kuwaiti friend – you know who you are – who simply cannot be out-thfadle-d. She out-thfadle-s me every time. 🙂

But when I read this passage, and think of how I live in Kuwait, I find myself thinking “Guilty! Guilty as charged!”

When I see a long line in front of me at the health department, and someone comes and ushers me to the front, yes, I have gratefully taken advantage, taken preference over those who continue to wait. I have scowled when people try to shove their basket in front of me in the supermarket. And in traffic – when I “thfadl”, it has nothing to do with politeness and preference, and everything to do with sarcasm and frustration.

Today’s reading reminds me I still have a long road in front of me when it comes to learning to love my neighbor, and put others first.

Romans 12:1-21. Outdo one another in showing honor.

The Episcopal Church (and some other denominations, too) is vexed these days by rancorous disputes about authority and sex. Name-calling, smirking, and thinly veiled anger sometimes characterize church gatherings. The prevailing sentiment seems to be that we ourselves are faithful and true, but those others are faithless and false. We demean and dismiss other Christians. It’s hard to find a Christian today who outdoes others in showing honor (except honor shown to those lined up on one’s own side). Is it any wonder that many people outside the church want nothing to do with us?

I long for the day when we will approach those who differ from us and say: “I agree with almost nothing you are advocating. I see God, the world, and our faith through different lenses than you do. But I know that God loves us both and has sent his Son to forgive and redeem us both. I know that Christ lives within us both. Therefore I honor you and join you in prayer and in worshiping our common Lord. I shall remain silent today so that you may speak and I may learn from you. I thank God for you because I see Jesus when I look at you.”

May 13, 2009 Posted by | Character, Community, Cultural, ExPat Life, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Spiritual | 2 Comments

Moving Violation

You may have noticed I am not as engaged with the blog right now. Truth is, I have a lot on my mind. As with many expats, this summer will bring a move from Kuwait, and moves take a lot of energy, both mental, emotional and physical.

I do some of the packing myself, because having something to do helps me fight the sadness I feel about leaving, and also because the things that the packers don’t see, don’t disappear. I know that sounds cynical. 

This is my 30th move. In one of my early moves, two packers arrived with great big bags. It did occur to me that was rather odd, but I was a sweet and trusting young woman. When I arrived at the other end of the country missing two sterling silver cups engraved with my son’s name and the date of his birth, I started to get wiser about moving. To this day, it hurts me inside that someone would steal cups given to me to commemorate our son’s birth. It isn’t the cups. It’s that they were celebrating a very special event. It still hurts.

cheap-moving-boxes_006

 

The second illumination was arriving at my destination to discover my riding boots packed with my formal gowns. it wasn’t the dresses. It was that someone cared so little that my worn, dirty boots would be packed with those filmy, fantasy creations. It was almost hostile. I still remember it, and it has to be over 20 years ago.

One move, each piece of tupperware was wrapped individually. One salad bowl – plastic – was wrapped in one large box. Even though the government was paying for these moves, not me, it sent a strong message. Someone was stretching the square footage of the move. Now, I pack my own tupperware, and it easily ALL goes in one box, and no, not a lot of wrapping. 

One move, three boxes just never showed up, and they contained things of no value to anyone but me. 

I have a thing about putting too much value on things. I don’t want to miss things – I want to let them go. I am good at letting go of things I choose to let go of, and I find I am not at all good at letting go of things taken from me when I had no choice. 

And it’s a whole lot easier for me to focus on packing things, and thinking about things that have gone missing than to allow myself to experience the PAIN of all I leave behind every time I move, the sweet friendships, the church, the teams I play on, the sights, the smells. Sometimes I think all my photos are an attempt to hang on to something I know I will have to leave behind.

May 5, 2009 Posted by | Community, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships | 17 Comments

John Berendt and City of Falling Angels

When AdventureMan brought home City of Falling Angels for me, I thought it was another mystery by the author of the famous Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil. I had loved that book, full of unforgettable characters living in Savannah, Georgia, so I was a little puzzled with the immediacy and real-life feeling of this new mystery when I started it.

It’s set in Venice. The main “character” observes – much like Midnight in the Garden of Good and Evil – Venice, and its population. He arrives just after the horrendous fire that totally destroys La Fenice, the opera house, and we meet a wide variety of characters right off, experience the fire through their first hand experiences. We smell the smoke, we feel their horror as the fire grows, and spreads. We are depressed when the fireboats cannot quell the flames because the waters in the canal have been emptied, and are too low in the others.

I kept waiting for Commissario Guido Brunetti, Donna Leon’s Venetian detective, to show up.

I was about half way through the book when I realized – this wasn’t fiction. It was John Berendt living in Venice, meeting with and interviewing all these fabulously interesting people. Yeh, sometimes I am so SLOW!

But I was hooked. I kept reading. The mystery is how did the fire at La Fenice start, who started it and why. In the end – and believe me this is not a spoiler, because this book is really only peripherally about the fire at La Fenice – people are convicted, but you are never really sure these are the right people, or if, indeed, there was really a crime, or if the crime was negligence – but how can negligence be a crime if it is part of the culture?

One thing Berent says that Donna Leon also implies – don’t go to Venice during tourist season! Go when tourists are not there – after carnival, when it is cold, when it is raining. Stay in Venice, and walk, off the paths the tourists on their one-day-in-Venice travel. Visit the small markets, drop in for a coffee where the locals are drinking, but most of all – walk. And walk. and walk.

This is not an exciting book. It will not hold you on the edge of your seat like some horror thriller, turning pages because you are afraid to turn out the lights. The horrors in this book are the gossip, the strivings of various people to enter into Venetian society, the cut-throat competition for invitations, and who gets the prime seats at the opening night at La Fenice.

On the other hand, I loved his attention to detail, the ease with which Berendt got people to talk to him, the clarity with which he captures their personalities. I loved his description of the interiors, and how he uses the voices of others to paint in a detailed picture of Venice today. I loved being inside the Venetian community, and hearing their innermost thoughts. This was a book I looked forward to at the end of a long day, it took me to another – and fascinating – world. I just wish Commissario Brunetti had showed up. 🙂

May 4, 2009 Posted by | Books, Bureaucracy, Community, Cultural, Detective/Mystery, ExPat Life, Italy, NonFiction | 4 Comments

Rola Dashti Tackles Sensitive Issues

“Why are you looking so sad?” AdventureMan asked me as we sat down to dinner.

(Sigh) “There are people in Kuwait who don’t believe change is possible, and there is a movement afoot to WITHHOLD their votes as a protest.”

“Why do you care? It’s not your country?”

We call it “falling on your sword,” when a person does something fatal to self, to career, to family or to country, choosing an issue and staking everything on it. Rarely does it pay. The world moves on, life goes on and you are left behind bleeding on your sword.

Withholding your vote gives more power to those who are good at stirring up the rabble with irrational and selfish issues. Those who get the votes are those who make grandiose – and general – promises, those who refuse to be held accountable.

If you are a person who cares deeply about Kuwait – Please, do not withhold your vote. Do the hard work of listening to the candidates, and exploring their reputations for truthfulness and accountability. Think beyond your own needs, think of the greater good of Kuwait.

This is from today’s Al Watan; a candidate tackling some very sensitive issues, bringing them out in the open.


Ghenwah Jabouri
Staff Writer Al Watan

KUWAIT: In pursuit of winning enough ballots to secure a seat in the National Assembly, Dr. Rola Dashti, who is believed to be a potential woman candidate, delivered an emotive speech Monday evening to announce her parliamentary agenda if elected.

Dashti touched on sensitive and delicate issues which aroused the emotions of the audience, resulting in heated engagements later on in the evening.

Dashti mainly focused on family related issues, germane to women issues.

In an attempt to recoup the cynicism manifested by citizens toward parliament, Dashti urged the audience to not ponder on who is wrong or right.

“We need to move on; seeking to blame parliament, government, MPs, etc., is not going to serve us justice. We need to focus on developing Kuwait, rather then pointing our fingers at the wrongdoers, ” Dashti said.

She stressed that whether it was the parliament, the government, or the citizenship who committed the mistakes is not important; “what is important is that we learn from such mistakes.

“Individuals who have the cultural habituate of blaming, attacking and are cynical, do not want to move toward the future; rather, they want to travel back in time. Allow me to give you an example: last year, thirty percent of citizens in my constituency did not cast their ballot. These people are like you and me: their heart is burning for Kuwait, and they observed nothing positive, and they are in immense suffering.
“They gave up on hope and decided to ultimately not vote. Had half of them voted (nine thousand), ten people who would have succeeded in the Third Constituency elections would have determined a better fate for those that abstained from voting.” She further lamented that society should consider first and foremost Kuwait, and that the children, the youth and coming generations “deserve this.”

Dashti, further illustrating her point, noted: “For example, if soÙ€andÙ€soÙ€person does not vote, who is going to protect their rights and so forth?”

Dashti stressed that Kuwait is experiencing “tumultuous times” and that the country is on the verge of a major collapse.

“Kuwait cannot afford political arguments and political confrontations and commotions. It is in our hands to save Kuwait. If we take responsibility, vote and call on those who did not vote to cast their ballot, change might have a chance of survival.

“Hundreds of people did not cast their votes because they lost their confidence in parliament. However, many families are suffering, and so, it is pivotal to acquire each and every vote; we need to give back what Kuwait bestowed us with.

“We need to give a little back to those who lost their lives to protect Kuwait during the Iraqi invasion in 1990; many people lost their lives during the invasion who fought for our liberty. Women were raped and families were torn apart. We need to give back a little, we need to continue to believe, and fight for our children and future generations,” Dashti added.

“Does Kuwait not deserve for us to stand in the cue for fifteen minutes to cast our votes?”

Talking more about women”s issues, Dashti noted that there are many things that need to be considered where women’s issues are concerned.

“Women have many burdens that they shoulder; the divorced, the widowed, the one who is married to an expatriate, and housing for women, all are issues the Kuwaiti woman suffers from.”

She pointed out that not every family is living happily, “although this is something I would love to achieve.
“Today, the Kuwaiti family has to wait fifteen years for (government) housing. Where will the divorced woman go during this lengthy period?

“This woman could be my sister, my mother, or our daughter; where does she go?”

Dashti noted that the law stipulates that a woman who is over forty years of age and both of whose father and mother are deceased and is unassisted by a guardian “is entitled to receive a housing allowance.”

“However,” Dashti said challenging the law, “what about other women in a somewhat parallel situation where the father is deceased but is not receiving allowance from her guardian Ù€ what can she do? Shall the woman take her guardian to court to sue him?

“Why does the law in pursuit of helping women insist on punishing them, even insulting her?
“This law is one of many that are flawed and need to be amended,” Dashti stressed.

She further said that “neither Kuwait or the people of Kuwait can tolerate empty words and useless slogans. Today we need to put many things on the table and take action in tackling them.

“Let”s now have a look at the children of some Kuwaiti women who are married to expatriates: we need to look at their educational, health, and employment and social needs and treat them with justice, like other children are treated who have Kuwaiti fathers.

“This is their country, why are we abusing them? These are our cousins, our brothers and sisters, and have to be treated with equality when their mother is a citizen of the country.”

She further added that citizens have been “fooled” enough; “vote for someone who knows what they can do, someone who can save us from the financial burden.” Touching on an issue that has become central in campaigns, Dashti noted, “We should not allow people who do not understand finance to tamper with the budget.

“Nor should we allow individuals who are responsible in dealing with the financial budget to use the financial budget for personal gains.”

“Why should we follow those who damage our financial budget, and steal the money of the public? There is another option: choose someone who will protect the public financial budget and enhance the budget!”
Dashti further stated that there is an “internal bleeding” in the country and that she is not going to offer an “aspirin to silence your pain to only kill you” as a member of parliament.

“I will opt for a long term alternative and choose to cure you.”

During the question and answer session following her address, particularly passionate but enraged voices emerged, where some expressed their frustration with the old faces of parliament.

One woman said she was “fed up with the old faces and that it is about time new faces took over.”
She further said, “We have been deceived, fooled and cheated by the old MPs,” and stressed, “We are suffering and are in desperate need of MPs who will promote social and financial justice.
“Kuwait has hit a plateau and something”s got to give,” she noted.

Another woman made a remark about Dashti”s strong foreign accent.
She noted: “Society often criticizes you (Dashti) for speaking in a Lebanese accent.
“I don”t understand why you come under scrutiny for such a reason. After all, people have television at home and typically watch the satellite channels, all of which speak in foreign accents.”
The woman”s comment was understood to be a positive comment, where she welcomed Dashti”s candidacy and believes that the candidate will be a forceful vehicle towards righteous deeds toward society.

Another frustrated woman spoke about property and about people whose houses was taken from them by the banks. She said that she read an article in Al Watan newspaper that there are many withdrawn properties and houses for sale.

“The inheritors are crying blood and are traumatic, because their houses are being taken from them. Other citizens are staying in small apartments after they used to occupy villas,” she said.

Another woman who was virtually in tears pled to the people “to opt for change and choose new faces, even if the new members of parliament will do nothing.

“The former parliament has tormented and killed me; please, give your votes to new faces, in the name of God, please, vote for change.”

April 29, 2009 Posted by | Character, Community, Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Interconnected, Kuwait, Leadership, Living Conditions, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 7 Comments

Free Speech in Fiji

It was prime drive time in Kuwait, and I almost laughed so hard that I might have been a danger on the road. A brief news article on BBC News featured the national leader in Fiji saying “free speech is nothing but trouble.” The news reporter was saying that the only real news in Fiji right now is from the bloggers. Here is a fragment of an article on BBC April 15th:

Free speech ‘trouble’

In an interview with Radio New Zealand, Mr Bainimarama said he was determined to carry out what he described as reforms.

He defended the introduction of emergency regulations that include an edict that the local Fijian media publishes only positive news, saying Fiji does not need free and open public discussion about current issues.

“That was how we ended up with what we came up with in the last couple of days,” he told Radio New Zealand.

“The circumstances have changed. We [the government] now decide what needs to be done for our country, for the reforms that need to be put in place for us to have a better Fiji,” he said.

Fiji’s Court of Appeal ruled last Thursday that the Bainimarama regime, in power since staging a 2006 coup, was illegal under the country’s 1997 constitution.

In response, the country’s ailing President Josefa Iloilo sacked the judges, dissolved the constitution and reappointed Mr Bainimarama, who then said there would be no democratic elections until 2014.

April 28, 2009 Posted by | Blogging, Bureaucracy, Community, Cultural, Experiment, Free Speech, Interconnected, Leadership, Living Conditions, Social Issues | Leave a comment

Jodi Picoult: Handle With Care

I just finished the latest Jodi Picoult novel, Handle with Care. I was uncomfortable with it at the beginning, as I often am with Jodi Picould novels. She’s like that guest who brings up topics no one else brings up, and sometimes you wish she would stop, but the conversation gets rolling and everyone has an opinion, and the party would be much duller if she weren’t there.

She’s also the friend you would go to if you had an embarrassing problem you couldn’t discuss with anyone else. We all need that kind of friend, an honest sounding board, not afraid to deal with the grit and grime of everyday life.

I know the reason her books make me uncomfortable is that sometimes I see things I don’t like about myself in her characters.

picoult

The subject of the book is a disease called osteogenesis imperfecta (OI), and Willow, the youngest daughter, has Type III, which means she was born with broken bones, her bones would break if you picked her up wrong, changed her diaper the wrong way, even if she rolled over. Her bones were brittle, and the slightest thing could cause a break. She is also very smart, and a delightful character.

Picoult takes us inside many heads – the mother, Charlotte, a former pastry chef (Picoult includes some of her very best recipes, YUMMMM), Sean, the fiercely loving father, Amelia, a troubled pre-teen who hides her bulemia and cutting, and Marin, the lawyer, searching for her own birth mother. When Charlotte files a wrongful birth suit against her best friend – and obstetrician – Piper, her life starts to fall apart. It’s hard to believe things could get worse than having a child whose bones break all the time, but things definitely get worse.

What I hated about Charlotte, who has learned to anticipate her damaged child’s needs, is seeing myself through her eyes. Frequently, she shows us our insensitivity to the disabled, how we patronize, how we are oblivious to the simplest needs. Charlotte is a little angry at the world, so protective that she bites back scathing words to outsiders – or doesn’t. People without disabilities – visible disabilities, we all have disabilities, don’t we, just some are visible and some are not? – can be so smug, so unaware of the hardships others face. I cringe when I read this book. I see myself, and I don’t like what I see.

I admire Jodi Picoult. I will read just about anything she has written, because of the courage she has to tackle the most sensitive subjects. This is not a comfortable book to read, but it is a worthwhile book to read.

April 28, 2009 Posted by | Books, Character, Community, Family Issues, Fiction, Health Issues, Marriage, Relationships, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 2 Comments

Income Tax Blessing

You didn’t think those words could all be used in the same sentence, did you? AdventureMan and I have to pay something called “quarterly estimated taxes” and this year, I guess because our investment income went seriously down, we overpaid our taxes. I know, I know, that doesn’t sound like good news to you, but it sure beats the pit-in-the-stomach of learning that you owe more to Uncle Sam. We overpaid, and we will go ahead and apply it to next year’s taxes and hope that everything works out well next year, too.

We used to talk to my father about ways he could pay less tax on his income and savings. He would look at us and say “But the government was always good to me!” (he worked for the government) “They paid my salary! They pay my retirement! They help pay my medical bills! Why would I not want to pay them taxes?”

It was an extraordinary attitude; I have never forgotten it.

April 28, 2009 Posted by | Biography, Bureaucracy, Character, Community, Cultural, Family Issues, Living Conditions, Random Musings, Relationships, Social Issues | 5 Comments