Spit for Brains
From today’s Kuwait Times:
Idiot Apprehended
A drug-user was caught thanks to his own stupidity after pulling over to gawp at a traffic accident scene on the Salmi Highway. Police at the scene were suspicious of his demeanor and asked to see his ID card. on producing it, police found a piece of hashish stuck to the back. He has been referred to the relevant authorities.
I am just quoting this. I don’t make this stuff up.
But did you notice – the Kuwait Times has made a major improvement; the police suspected the idiot’s demeanor. They used to say the police “suspected” the idiot, but did not say what drew their suspicions – this is a major breakthrough. Also, red handed was only used once, and it was used very cleverly:
Prostitutes, Punters arrested
Four Asian prostitutes and three of their customers were arrested ‘red handed’ when a vice squad team raided a brothel in Hawally. The officers acted after receiving a tip-off from an informer about the goings-on in the flat. The three customers confessed to paying KD10 each for the women’s services. All have been referred to the relevant authorities.
First, wooo hoo, Kuwait Times, for the ‘goings-on’ – the crime news has seriously taken a jump in the grammatical direction. 🙂 Second – 10KD??? It occurs to me that these women could be earning a lot more doing manicures and pedicures, and have a much less dangerous life at the same time.
Don’t Smear Amir
Ruling in anti-Amir smear May 27
KUWAIT CITY : The Criminal Court on Wednesday set May 27, 2009 to rule on State Security case number 114/2006 filed against a 20-year-old Kuwaiti man, identified as Mansour R., for insulting HH the Amir while talking on the phone.
During the session, the suspect’s lawyer, Attorney Ali Al-Rashidi, requested the court to acquit his client as he had no intention to insult the Amir. He argued there is no evidence to incriminate his client and requested the court to listen to the testimony of the defendant’s witnesses if the need arises.
Mansour, a student at the Public Authority for the Applied Education and Training (PAAET), has been charged with insulting the Amir.
During a previous session, Mansour denied the charge, saying he was talking to his friend, Mohamed, about somebody named ‘Sabah’, not the Amir.
By Moamen Al-Masri
Special to the <a href=”http://www.arabtimesonline.com/kuwaitnews/pagesdetails.asp?nid=31834&ccid=22″>Arab Times
Somali Pirate Code of Conduct
Ever since I was a kid, I found pirates interesting and exotic and adventurous. The truth is probably that those olden day pirates had bad teeth, scurvey – they had lived hard and fast and they probably aged quickly.
Of course, today we have Johnie Depp and the Pirates of the Caribbean series, which makes pirating look mostly like a lot of fun.
So a year or so ago, I wrote a post on the Somali pirates, and got an interesting response. It got me started looking more deeply into what is going on with the pirates there.

Yesterday, in the paper was an article about the Somali pirate code of conduct – with fines and punishments for infractions. I found a complete article in Newsweek, April 27.
What is bothering me now is that the one pirate captured by the US when it retook the captured US freighter (in the report filed by one BBC reporter) said he was just a frail teenager, a kid, and that the pirates had already agreed to surrender when they were blown out of the water. You could hear her attempting to control her rage.
I know it is a thorn in the side for all shippers and freighters and passenger ships who travel through waters anywhere near to Somalia. And yet . . . I kind of ask myself what the options are? Somalia is a for sure failed-nation. They haven’t been able to cobble together a government for over twenty years. Deadly, long lasting poisons have been dumped along their shoreline – and major industrial nations paid Somalis a pittance to dump their wastes there. Their coastline has been overfished. Families are starving, live is – or was – dismal.
I think it is pretty cool that they developed an enforceable – and enforced – code of conduct.
Here is the article from Newsweek:
It was a hit with the U.S. public, but president Obama’s decision to authorize the Pentagon to kill three Somali pirates who took an American sea captain hostage sent shudders through the world’s shipping and insurance industries. Because the pirates are motivated chiefly by money, maritime experts say, they have—at least until now—taken good care of the crews they hold captive. A document retrieved from a ship hijacked last year contained a “list of written rules” of conduct pirates had to follow, according to a maritime security expert who requested anonymity when discussing sensitive material. The document included a series of “punishments” to be imposed on any hijacker who struck a hostage.
Shipping companies and insurers are far more likely to fork over large ransoms if they have confidence that their personnel and cargo will be released unharmed, and while the scourge of piracy has been disruptive, so far there have been virtually no casualties among innocent people. According to estimates, there were 111 pirate attacks off the Somali coast in 2008; 42 were successful, resulting in the capture of 815 seamen. As of last week, according to one estimate, all but 37 had been released, and two had died—one reportedly of illness. Experts say the rate of attacks has increased sharply this year, and “the more [authorities] shoot, the more the pirates will shoot back,” says Tom Wilson, a Somalia analyst for the British consulting firm Control Risks.
Protecting the 23,000 merchant vessels sailing annually near the Horn of Africa would require a naval fleet of at least 60 ships, according to U.S. government and private experts; the existing international antipiracy task force has about 20. And attacking the Somali coastal villages where the pirates are based could potentially radicalize generations of Somalis. “That would be a 19th-century solution,” says Neil Roberts, a marine insurance expert with Lloyd’s Market Association in London. Industry experts say the only solution to piracy is the creation of a viable Somali government back on dry land.
According to industry officials, ransom demands have ranged as high as $25 million—but in most cases they are negotiated down to about $2 million to $3 million, and insurers then pay out claims to the shipping companies. As hijackings have increased in frequency, pirates have become fussier about how their money gets delivered. Initially, said a shipping-industry source who also asked for anonymity, ransoms were often handed off to shady Somali expats in places like Kenya. After Kenyan authorities cracked down, the pirates began insisting on airdrops via parachute into the ocean near Somali coastal villages, where they have cash-counting machines ready. Until the U.S. opened fire, one of the pirates’ biggest headaches had been dealing with the sheer volume of money they’ve collected. Last year, according to an insurance-industry official, one pirate’s boat capsized because he had overloaded it with cash.
I found this on National Post dated April 30, 2009; it is a copy of what I had read in the newspaper:
MOGADISHU — A mobile tribunal, a system of fines and a code of conduct: the success of Somali pirates’ seajacking business relies on a structure that makes them one of the country’s best-organised armed forces.
A far cry from the image conveyed in films and novels of pirates as unruly swashbucklers, Somalia’s modern-day buccaneers form a paramilitary brotherhood in which a strict and complex system of rules and punishments is enforced.
They are organized in a multitude of small cells dotting the Indian Ocean and Gulf of Aden coastline. The two main land bases are the towns of Eyl, in the breakaway state of Puntland, and Harardhere, further south in Somalia.
“There are hundreds of small cells, linked to each other,” Hasan Shukri, a pirate based in Haradhere, told AFP in a phone interview.
“We talk every morning, exchange information on what is happening at sea and if there has been a hijacking, we make onshore preparations to send out reinforcement and escort the captured ship closer to the coast,” he explained.
Somali piracy started off two decades ago with a more noble goal of deterring illegal fishing, protecting the people’s resources and the nation’s sovereignty at a time when the state was collapsing.
While today’s pirates have morphed into a sophisticated criminal ring with international ramifications, they have been careful to retain as much popular prestige as possible and refrain from the violent methods of the warlords who made Somalia a by-word for lawlessness in the 1990s.
“I have never seen gangs that have rules like these. They avoid many of the things that are all too common with other militias,” said Mohamed Sheikh Issa, an elder in the Eyl region.
“They don’t rape, and they don’t rob the hostages and they don’t kill them. They just wait for the ransom and always try to do it peacefully,” he said.
Somalia’s complex system of clan justice is often rendered obsolete by the armed chaos that has prevailed in the country for two decades, but the pirates have adapted it effectively.
Abdi Garad, an Eyl-based commander who was involved in recent attacks on U.S. ships, explained that the pirates have a mountain hide-out where leaders can confer and where internal differences can be solved.
“We have an impregnable stronghold and when there is a disagreement among us, all the pirate bosses gather there,” he told AFP.
The secretive pirate retreat is a place called Bedey, a few miles from Eyl.
“We have a kind of mobile court that is based in Bedey. Any pirate who commits a crime is charged and punished quickly because we have no jails to detain them,” Mr. Garad said.
Some groups representing different clans farther south in the villages of Hobyo and Haradhere would disagree with Mr. Garad’s claim that Somalia’s pirates all answer to a single authority.
But while differences remain among various groups, the pirates’ first set of rules is precisely aimed at neutralizing rivalries, Mohamed Hidig Dhegey, a pirate from Puntland, explained.
“If any one of us shoots and kills another, he will automatically be executed and his body thrown to the sharks,” he said from the town of Garowe.
“If a pirate injures another, he is immediately discharged and the network is instructed to isolate him. If one aims a gun at another, he loses 5% of his share of the ransom,” Mr. Dhegey said.
Perhaps the most striking disciplinary feature of Somali “piratehood” is the alleged code of conduct pertaining to the treatment of captured crews.
“Anybody who is caught engaging in robbery on the ship will be punished and banished for weeks. Anyone shooting a hostage will immediately be shot,” said Ahmed Ilkacase.
“I was once caught taking a wallet from a hostage. I had to give it back and then 25,000 dollars were removed from my share of the ransom,” he said.
Following the release of the French yacht Le Ponant in April 2008, investigators found a copy of a “good conduct guide” on the deck which forbade sexual assault on women hostages.
As Ilkacase found out for himself, pirates breaking internal rules are punished. Conversely, those displaying the most bravery are rewarded with a bigger share of the ransom, called “saami sare” in Somali.
“The first pirate to board a hijacked ship is entitled to a luxurious car, or a house or a wife. He can also decide to take his bonus share in cash,” he explained.
Foreign military commanders leading the growing fleet of anti-piracy naval missions plying the region in a bid to protect one of the world’s busiest trade routes acknowledge that pirates are very organised.
“They are very well organized, have good communication systems and rules of engagement,” said Vice Admiral Gerard Valin, commander of the French joint forces in the Indian Ocean.
So far, nothing suggests that pirates are motivated by anything other than money and it is unclear whether the only hostage to have died during a hijacking was killed by pirates or the French commandos who freed his ship.
Some acts of mistreatment have been reported during the more than 60 hijackings recorded since the start of 2008, but pirates have generally spared their hostages to focus on speedy ransom negotiations.
With the Robin Hood element of piracy already largely obsolete, observers say the “gentleman kidnapper” spirit could also fast taper off as pirates start to prioritize riskier, high-value targets and face increasingly robust action from navies with enhanced legal elbow room.
They have warned that the much-bandied heroics of a U.S. crew who wrested back control of their ship and had their captain rescued by navy snipers who picked off three pirates could go down as the day pirates decided to leave their manners at home.
I used to read science fiction novels about a diplomat named Retief, I think they were by Keith Laumer. He would find himself in an alien environment with a horrible unsolvable problem and he would find a great solution, where everyone walked away OK. I wish there were a Retief who could negotiate a win/win out of this situation.
My Lucky Day
Woo Hooo on ME! Although I have never been in Nigeria, somehow someone there neglected to pay me my TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS! Yes! Yes! This is “online” with my dearest dreams! Someone wants to give me a lot of free money! Wooo HOOOO!
From: “Barrister Afred Mark”
Subject: FOREIGN PAYMENT INVESTIGATING UNIT.
Date: April 28, 2009 3:25:28 PM GMT+03:00
FEDERAL REPUBLIC OF NIGERIA
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA
TINUBU SQUARE LAGOS
FROM THE DESK OF:
AFRED MARK & ASSOCIATE’S
LEGAL ADVISER TO THE
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA (CBN).
ATTENTION:
PAYMENT INVESTIGATING UNIT.
From the records of outstanding payment with the Federal Government of Nigeria, your name was discovered as next on the list of The outstanding beneficiaries who have not received their payments.
I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from my record in my file your outstanding payment is US$10.5, (Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars only)
Please re-confirm to me if this is Online with what you have in your record and also re-confirm to me the followings.
(1) Your full name.
(2) Phone, fax and mobile #.
3) company’s name,position and address.
4) profession, age and marital status.
5) Copy of int’l passport or any scanned identity to prove yourself.
As soon as this information are received, your payment will be made to
you in a certified bank draft from central bank of Nigeria and a copy
will be given to you for you to take to your bank and confirm it.
YOURS SINCERELY,
AFRED MARK.
LEGAL ADVISER TO THE
CENTRAL BANK OF NIGERIA (CBN).
What? What? It’s a scam? Oh! Oh, say it isn’t so!
Rape in Kuwait – the flip side
By now you know a lot about who I am – what I laugh at, what I treasure, and what makes me break out in a storm of fury. Rape is one of those issues; the sheer entitlement that goes with stripping another human of choice and violating flesh as if the victim were nothing more than a piece of meat, it energizes me to a white rage, whether the victim is man, woman or child.
And then . . . and then . . . there are very strange cases of reported rapes in Kuwait that I have a hard time imagining exactly what happened here. I am not being flip, in a flippant sense; I am perplexed. We sometimes get so little of the story, and once you have a key piece of information – which we often never have – things make sense.
This is from today’s Kuwait Times:
Minor Raped
Police said a minor girl told Salhiya police that while she was sitting on the beach, a young man approached her and told her that he belonged to a well-known family. He then took her to an apartment in Sharq where he raped her before returning her to the same area. Later, another man approached her and took her to another apartment and raped her as well. She provided police with their mobile phone numbers. The case is under investigation.
Does this not sound peculiar to you? For one thing, is she sitting alone on the beach? Does she know these men? She goes with them – alone? By choice? Twice, with two different men? They give her their phone numbers?? To me, there is a lot of information missing in this report. It sounds like a very strange case of rape. I almost wonder if the minor has a mental incapacity, but it doesn’t say that.
Man, Woman arrested
A police patrol traveling in Sulaibiya recently suspected a young man and woman as they were driving. (Note to self: remind Kuwait Times that you do not use “Police suspected. . ” without specifying which behavior they found suspicious) Police asked to see their civil IDs and discovered that the young woman had run away from home one month ago. During interrogation, she confessed that the man and his three friends had raped her several times in a flat. The case is under investigation.
The following one is not about rape (nor am I sure the above cases are about rape) but is a case that makes you go “hmm. . .. what??”
Runaway Woman
A Filipina woman recently told Sulaibikhat police that she abandoned her sponsor’s home in Bneid Al-Gar before going to her Pakistani friend’s flat in Doha. Two months later, the woman became pregnant. She then reported the matter to the police.
She went to the police and said “I am a runaway, and I am pregnant” knowing she will be charged with absconding AND with immorality, maybe adultery? Knowing she will go to jail? What, exactly, is she hoping to gain? What is she reporting?
The crime news is full of mysterious glimpses, and we rarely know the rest of the story.
William Dalrymple: The Age of Kali
Having read and loved In Xanadu: A Quest by William Dalrymple, and having received recommendations by friends who say they read ALL of William Dalrymple, I started on this second book, The Age of Kali. I didn’t like it, not one bit. I am proud to say I read it all the way to the end, because often if I don’t like a book, I will say to myself “I don’t need this!” and toss it, but I didn’t, I stuck with it. I am proud because it isn’t easy to stick with a book you don’t like, and I didn’t like this book.

In Xanadu, Dalrymple was wryly funny, hilariously funny, and most of the humor was directed at himself. In The Age of Kali, there is nothing funny.
The Age of Kali is a series of interviews and adventures in India and Pakistan. The author did these interviews and took notes (some are published in slightly different forms as magazine articles) over a period of ten years and then strung them all together to form this book. There is little or no linkage from one to the other. They are grouped geographically.
Here is what I like and admire – this man achieves the most amazing interviews, many times just by asking the right person at the right time. He insinuates himself, asks easy questions, and then sticks in a hard question. He doesn’t seem to flinch from putting himself in danger, and he doesn’t stand on respect when asking his questions. I admire that he went difficult places, interviewed difficult people, and wrote the interviews up without fawning over the celebrity status of his interviewee.
What I don’t like is that he doesn’t seem to like anybody very much. There are no funny anecdotes. By the end of the first interview, I began to get an impression that he doesn’t like India very much (and I believe that is NOT true, as he lives part-time in Delhi) and that India is not a place I want to visit. He interviews corrupt politicians, descendants of the moghuls, Benazir Bhutto – and her mother, Imran Khan (the cricket player) and many others. In each and every interview, he maintains a distance that tells us he doesn’t like these characters very much.
Here are some quotes from early in the book:
These days Bihar was much more famous for its violence, corruption and endemic caste-warfare. Indeed, things were now so bad that the criminals and the politicians of the state were said to be virtually interchangeable: no fewer than thirty-three of Bihar’s State Assembly MLAs had criminal records, and a figure like Dular Chand Yadav, who had a hundred cases of dacoity and fifty murder cases pending against him, could also be addressed as the Honorable Member for Barth.
As he interviews Bihar politician Laloo Prasad Yadav:
I asked Laloo about his childhood. He proved only too willing to talk about it. He lolled back against the side of the plane, his legs stretched over two seats.
‘My father was a small farmer,’ he began, scratching his balls with the unembarrassed thoroughness of a true yokel.
OK, that was funny. I had to read it aloud to AdventureMan. One of the things that still unnerves me living here is that the men are always touching themselves – something so totally forbidden in my culture as to be simply unthinkable.
In his section about Pakistan:
These people – the Pathans – have never been conquered, at least not since the time of Alexander the Great. They have seen off centuries of invaders – Persians, Arabs, Turks, Moghuls, Sikhs, British, Russians – and they retain the mixture of arrogance and suspicion that this history has produced in their character. History has also left them with a curious political status. Although most Pathans are technically within Pakistan, the writ of Pakistan law does not carry in to the heartland of their territories.
These segregated areas are in effect private tribal states, out of the control of the Pakistan government. They are an inheritance from the days of the Raj: the British were quite happy to let the Pathans act as a buffer zone on the edge of the Empire, and they did not try to extend their authority in to the hills. Where the British led, the modern Pakistani authorities have followed. Beyond the checkpoints on the edge of the Peshawar, tribal law – based on the institutions of the tribal council and the blood feud – rules unchallenged and unchanged since its origins long before the birth of Christ.
When I read this, I think of recent headlines about the problems Pakistan is having maintaining order, fighting the status of “failed-nation”, and the chaotic administration of tribal “justice.” The old ways have endured – but as we learned in Three Cups of Tea, there are villages where villagers are eager to have modern schools, eager to educate their daughters, and they, too, are victims of the fanatics who burn the schools and throw acid on women attending school.
The author is told, time and time again by Indian citizens, that India has entered The Age of Kali, “the lowest possible throw, an epoch of strife, corruption, darkness and disintegration.” The book reflects the darkness, corruption and disintegration the author found. I only wish there were some moments of relief, of lightness, hope or humor to encourage the reader on his/her way, but the documentation of this lowest throw was relentless.
Cursing Around the Neighborhood
Staff writer Al Watan Law and Order:
KUWAIT: A police patrol car is reported to have been badly damaged in Shuwaikh’s residential area while security forces were chasing an unidentified man believed to be a drug addict. It has been gathered that the chase was prompted by a tipÙ€off received by police that an unruly person was cursing around the area.
Reportedly, as police officers approached the man’s vehicle he was asked to pull over, but he failed to comply. The security forces accordingly engaged him in a chase which caused the patrol car to crash. The chase is reported to have ended in Jiwan area where the suspect was eventually arrested. He has been since referred to the concerned authorities for further action.
This is Kuwait. I honestly have no idea whether this man was believed to be a drug addict because he was “cursing” around the neighborhood, or “cruising” around the neighborhood. This is Kuwait – it could be either!
56,660 Kuwait Car Accidents: 2008
This is a totally breathtaking statistic. Kuwait just isn’t that big. That is more than one thousand car accidents, every week, in Kuwait.
We had three accidents in front of my house this morning. One included a school bus. Thank God, there were no children on board.
I would love to see a statistical breakdown on age groups, nationality, whether speed was involved, and whether the person was using a mobilephone while driving when the accident occurred.
One of my readers reported she had been in a car accident shortly after her arrival in country. A car going too fast rear-ended them. In almost every country in the world, if someone hits you from behind, they are charged, immediately, with following too closely and inattentive driving. You are supposed to be driving carefully enough to anticipate the car in front of you slowing down. Here, after six months, and several trips to the police station, it was determined that her husband was at fault. Unbelievable.
She adds that thanks be to God, no harm came to the infant traveling in the front seat of the car that hit them, on his mother’s lap, or they would have been liable for that, too. Unbelievable.
56,660 car accidents in 2008 alone
Staff Writer Al Watan
KUWAIT: Head of the Traffic Safety Department Bader AlÙ€Matar has warned that the number of annual traffic accidents is on the rise. An estimated 56,660 car accidents and 410 cases of accident related fatalities occurred in 2008. AlÙ€Matar added that the United Nations reports that car accidents claim more than 1,300,000 fatalities around the world each year, most of whom are young men.
Dumbest Thief of the Month
from today’s BBC News. I don’t think anyone will ever beat the Kuwait idiot who ended up in the bed next to the cop who had been chasing him, and told him he broke his leg running from a cop! That still makes me laugh every time I think about it.
‘Dumb’ thief picks police summit
A man in the US state of Pennsylvania accused of a robbery at a narcotics police convention has been described as probably the state’s dumbest criminal.
Retired police chief John Comparetto was attending the meeting of 300 officers when he was allegedly held up at gunpoint in the men’s toilets.
He handed over money and a phone but then he and some colleagues gave chase as the suspect tried to flee in a taxi.
They arrested a 19-year-old man over the incident near Harrisburg.
‘Retired police chief John Comparetto says he was held up at gunpoint
Mr Comparetto was wearing an ankle holster with a gun, and when told to drop his trousers, he managed to conceal his weapon.
He described the suspect as “probably the dumbest criminal in Pennsylvania”.
The Associated Press news agency reported that when a journalist asked the suspect for comment as he was led from court, he said: “I’m smooth.”
Driver – and His Father – Obstruct Police
Don’t you wonder what happens next? Do they ever find out who the people are who are blocking them? I can see the whole thing happening in my mind – blocking the police!!
Driver arrested after obstructing onÙ€duty police
Staff Writer Al Watan
KUWAIT: While police were organizing traffic at the second crossÙ€section in Jahra, they spotted two juveniles joyÙ€riding nearby. They reported the incident to another police patrol which went to investigate the case. The two cars, upon being flagged down by the police patrol, immediately drove off and a police chase ensued.
The police patrol initially found it difficult to corner them due to wedding party, but as they were closing in a car of a German make impeded them.
Police repeatedly instructed him to clear from the route but the driver persistently blocked them. The officers approached the man to investigate the matter, but he refused to cooperate. Police asked for his identification, but the driver and the passenger, who was the driver”s father, refused to present identification. The two were arrested in place of the joyÙ€riders and taken into police custody.

