Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

“Because You Are a Good Man”

I am? That’s news to me . . . and to my husband, LOL!


My name is Umaru Abubakar am 85year of age please don't be offended
I work with Shell Petroleum plc, for 37year.
i lost my wife 3years ago with my daughter by bomb explosion by suicide bombers
But Thanks to Allah i have one child left his Name Is Mohammad
10years now.
Am contacting you because i strongly Believe you are send to me by
Almighty Allah who
Reveal to me your contact when i was sleeping saw your Name and your
Email because
There something very urgent and important that I want you to do for me
please do not
Ignore me i beg in name of Allah.
As my brother we serve one gods please attends to this issue because a
matter od life and death.
I retired from Shell Petroleum 2year ago and I have been paid my
Retirement fund compensation of $40.5million USD, and the money in a Bank
For over two year because am waiting for my only son to finish
Education but am worried
Because he is still a small boy of 10years to handle that amount of money,
for more than 8 months i been very sick spending money from hospitals
to different hospitals
Lately it resulted me stroke there nothing I can do an more am just
waiting Allah to call me.
I Umaru Abubakar , and my people here are very  greedy if i order my
Bank to release they money
to them my people will kill my only son to inherit the Fund with their
I know I will die any moment from now because I have suffer this for a
Very long time i have spent money from hospital to hospital so decide never
Please I want you to help me to take care of my son because its Almighty
Allah that said I should contact you because you are a good man please do
not ignore me because of Allah.
Please I like you to receive the fund from Italy Bank and take of my son,
Am waiting your response.
Umaru Abubakar

May 1, 2013 Posted by | Crime, Cultural, Fund Raising, Humor, Scams | , | 2 Comments

Our Large Donation Scam

I don’t know if you have noticed, but I don’t even bother posting most of these scam letters any more, because they all get to look alike. This one is a little different, and LOL, they mention the “only $153. fee” right up front for my $500,000 very large charitable sum that they want to send to me . . .

Peace Be Unto you

This is a personal email directed to you, Let me formally introduce myself
to you, my name is (Mr. Allen Large). I and my dear wife Violet won a
Jackpot Lottery of $11.3 million in July 2010 and have voluntarily
to donate the sum of $500,000.00 USD to you as part of our own charity
project to improve the lives of some individuals all over the world.

Kindly send your below details to Federal Express Ltd to
enable them effect the delivery of your valid Bank Draft of $500,000.00
USD to you immediately. The draft was deposited with Nigeria FedEx office
last week during my charity mission to Africa as i do not know when i return
to Canada as i am currently in Africa.

We have paid for the necessary delivery fee except that of the
Administrationand Handling charges which is $153 only. And this was
because we don’t know how soon you will be contacting FedEx.

Federal Express Ltd.
8201 Wuse Gariki Benin City, Nigeria NIGERIA
Dispatch Officer: Dr Peter Odigie
Direct E-mail:
Customer Service/Inquiries:
Phone: +2348051118515


*Your Full Names:
*Your Mobile Number:
*Your Delivery Address:

verify this by visiting the web pages below.

God bless you.
Kind Regards,
Mr/Mrs. Allen Violet Large.
Personal number: +1-425-409-0730

December 4, 2012 Posted by | Africa, Lies, Scams | | 2 Comments

Another Friend in Need

My friends ask my why I get so many of these. I don’t know why. 🙂

Hello My Dearest,

My Name is Miss Roselyn Kipkalya Kones, 24 Years Old Female and never married, I am writing this mail with tears and sorrow from my heart asking for your help at this time, I got your contact while searching for a trustworthy someone who will understand my present condition and come to my rescue here in the Mission Refuge Camp here in Burkina Faso. I have passed through pains and sorrowful moments since the death of my father.

My father was the Former Minister Kenyan road. And Assistant I Minister of Home Affairs Lorna Lobos had been on board the Cessna 210, Which Was headed to Kericho and crashed in a remote area Kalong’s called, in East Kenya. The plane crashed on the Tuesday 10th, June, 2008. You can read more about the crash-through the website below


After the burial of my father, my stepmother and uncle conspire and Sold my father’s property to an Italian Expert rate the shared Which Themselves Among the money and live nothing for me. One Faithful morning, I Open My father’s briefcase and found out the documents Which I Have huge amount of money deposited in one bank in Burkina Faso with my name As the next of kin. I Travelled to Burkina Faso with the documents to Withdraw the money for a Better Life So That I Can take care of myself and start a new life, on my arrival, the Bank Director Whom I met in person Told me that my father’s instruction to the bank Is That the money would only be release to me when I am married or present a trustee/Foreigner Who will help me and invest the money overseas. I am in search of honest and reliable person who will help me and stand as my trustee so That I will present him to the Bank for transfer of the money to His/her bank account overseas. I have chosen to contact you after my Prayers and I believe That You Will Not Betray my trust. I put my hope and my trust in you.

Though you may wonder why I am so soon Revealing myself to you Without Knowing You, well I will say That my mind convinces me that you May be the true person to help me. More so, I will like to disclose much to you if You Can helps me to relocate to your country because my stepmother Have assonate Threaten to kill me but God did not allow her to achieve her plans. The amount Deposited with my name is ($4.5 Million United State Dollars) and I Have Confirmed from the bank in Burkina Faso on my arrival,

You will also help me to place the money in a more profitable business venture in your Country. However, you will help by recommending a nice University in your country so That I can complete my studies. It is my intention to compensate you with 30% of the total money for your services and the balance shall be my capital in your establishment. As soon as I Receive Showing your positive response I will put your Interest Things into Action Immediately. In the light of the above, I will appreciate an Urgent message Indicating Your Ability and Willingness to handle this transaction sincerely with me.

Awaiting your Urgent response. Please do keep this only to your Self for now until the bank will transfer the Fund. I beg you Not to Disclose it till i come over because I am afraid of my wicked stepmother Who Threatened to kill me and Have the money alone, thank God Today That I am out from my country (KENYA) But now In (Burkina Faso ) These Where my father deposited money with my name as the next of Kin. I have the documents for the claims. Please find a place in your heart to read and understand my condition. Thanks and God bless.please reply through this email address (

Sincerely Yours,

Miss Roselyn Kipkalya.

May 20, 2012 Posted by | Lies, Scams | , | 2 Comments

“Please Keep This Very Secret . . . “

One of the things that makes me wonder is that very good people get taken in by messages like this. I wonder what part of – to paraphrase – you never knew him, but let’s pretend like you were his business partner and collect this fortune – seems like a good idea? Let’s lie to the bank administration and walk off with these funds? Let’s collect money that does not belong to us?

I urge you to call “Dr. David Morris” and tell him what you think. He gives his number at the end of the letter.

Please read I Do Not Come to You By Chance by Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani to better understand how the ‘419’ scams work. It is also a hilarious book.

Hello My Dear friend,

How are you doing together with your entire family, I hope all is well? Please carefully read and understand my reason of contacting you through this email. I am DR DAVID MORRIS, working in the department of adducting & accounting section ISLAMIC BANK OF AFRICA (ISBOA) Burkina Faso West Africa.

I am contacting you because of an abandoned sum of $15 Million US Dollars that was deposited by a late customer of this bank called MR SALIFF KATTAN. A very prominent man who was doing business transaction with our bank.

He was a citizen of JORDANES. He died in the year 2006 on a motor accident on his way travelling to a nearby city called Bobo Dioulasso together with the wife and their two children . The bank has no knowledge about his death, Upon this discovery that I decided to make this business proposal to you since the banking laws and guidelines here stipulate that if such funds remain unclaimed here after 5 years, the money will be transferred into the Central Bank Treasury as unclaimed fund.

My stand to contact you now is that, a foreigner has the legal right to put claim to such deposit followed by your will, proof your claim with the bank. Therefore, I want you to apply as his business partner to assist me so that I will be directing you on every steps we are going to be taken to make sure that the bank management believe really that you are his business partner.

This transaction is going to be a successful transaction because, a foreigner Is compulsorily needed to present himself or herself as the business partner to this deceased bank customer since the fund depositor was a foreigner, I therefore, desperately need your assistance to claim and receive this huge sum of money into your account after applying to our bank with my directive and the application I will send to you as his business partner for the smooth processing of the fund to you.

For the assistance in this transaction as my partner, you will be entitled to 40% of the total fund in respect of the provision of your bank account and the assistance you are to render on the process. 55% would be for me as the originator and initiator of the transaction, and the rest 5% will be used to off-set any minor expenses which may arise during the process of transferring the fund into your account by our bank I and my entire family will leave here immediately to your country in order to share the profits and we also invest part of my own share over there, as soon as the fund is transferred into your account.

Please Endeavour to keep this transaction very secret and highly confidential because I will lose my work here as bank staff, where the bank authority here finds out that you and I are collaborating in this “Special Deal”.. Please also be rest-assured that this business is 100% risk-free, and all the information and data’s you will need to make successful claim of this fund in the bank here are fully ready with me here.

Note Well: Please urgently confirm your willingness and interest to assist me by calling my private number immedaitely you have receive this mail for little discussion on how we are going to move ahead.

Call me for more clarifications +226 78 05 73 10

November 16, 2011 Posted by | Africa, Crime, Cultural, Lies, Scams, Values, Work Related Issues | | Leave a comment

Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani: I Do Not Come to You by Chance

This book, the first novel from Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani, is hilarious, with moments of pathos, and a fresh point of view. recommended it to me as I was busy buying books by author Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie; I thought ‘OK, I’ll read a series of Nigerian books as part of my summer reading.

Young Kingsley Ibe is the family’s first born male, and with that status goes many privileges – and responsibilities. After graduating with a Masters in Chemical Engineering, he has no success in his search for a job with an oil company in Nigeria, and consequently loses the love of his life, Ola, to another who has secure employment.

Worse, his retired father has a stroke, and the family discovers that with all the fees required, they haven’t enough for his continued care, so Kingsley must approach his uncle, Boniface Mbamalu, more familiarly known as Cash Daddy, for funds to transfer his father to a long term care facility, and, later, for his father’s funeral.

Serious Kingsley’s eyes nearly pop as he sees the life his uncle is living, cars, women, designer watches, shoes, suits and all the trappings of new wealth. Soon, his uncle makes a convincing case for Kingsley coming to work for him, the better to help out his family of mother, brothers and sister, now that he is the senior male in the family.

Kingsley discovers he has a gift for the work – which is writing 419s, those scam letters which I frequently publish in this column. I loved being on the inside, learning how strong possibility e-mail addresses are netted, how response e-mails are massaged – not unlike fund raising techniques by charitable organizations in the US. Kingsley’s education helps him achieve enormous financial success in a very short time – but he finds that all the cash and designer goods in the word do not solve his problems nor make him happy.

I learned a lot about how successful many of these scammers are, and how the money made is spread throughout the Nigerian communities. The author takes a balanced view, balancing the way the cash makes life easier for people – a lot of people, because the rich man has many obligations to his community, balanced against the disgust, and sick fear felt by his religious mother and aunt, and his one time girlfriend, when they learn the work he is doing. They are disappointed that a man of such promise has sunk to making so much money in a dishonest way. The book also does not deal sympathetically with those who have given or lost money to the scammers, nor, in my opinion, does the ending satisfy.

This is one of the funniest parts of the book – a group of Nigerian scammers is about to meet with a representative of a major US investment firm. He thinks he will be meeting with the Nigerian Minister of Transportation to discuss building a new airport; the reality is that Cash Daddy, in disguise, will be pretending to be the minister. Kingsley protests that Cash Daddy looks nothing like the minister, and Cash Daddy responds:

“Let me tell you something . . . Me, I really like these oyibo people. They’re very very nice people. See how they came and showed us that the ground where we’ve been dancing Atilogwu has crude oil under it. If not for them, we might never have found out. But Kings,” he dragged in his dangling foot and sat up in the tub, “white man doesn’t understand black man’s face. Do you know tht I can give you my passport to travel with . . . Even if your nose is ten times bigger than my own, they won’t even notice?”

It was a fascinating book. I understand better now why 419 scams work. (419 is the section of the Nigerian criminal code making scam e-mails a crime; thus the crime is called ‘a 419’) There are some very funny and very insightful moments in the book. It is no where near the level of literature that you experience with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, but there is more humor, and the book shows a more modern day Nigeria. Not a bad summer read, but not great literature.

June 18, 2011 Posted by | Africa, Books, Character, Community, Crime, Cross Cultural, Cultural, Financial Issues, Fund Raising, Humor, Living Conditions, Scams, Work Related Issues | , , | 2 Comments

My new friend Gifty

My new friend seems to think I am a guy who can help her out in her distress. I just don’t get a couple things . . . why did her important father deposit all this money in her name in a bank in Burkino Faso?


Honestly I am glad that you honour my mail,how are you today? My name is Gifty Kipkalya Kone,from Kenya 24 years old and a daughter of the former Kenyan road minister late Mr Kipkalya Kones who died on Tuesday 10th June 2008 along the Cessna 210 plane crash which was heading to Kericho in a remote area called Kajong’a, in western Kenya as You can read more on the crash below:

Although this mail might come to you as a surprise because we haven’t meet before but please consider it as a divine wish and accept it with a better understanding, I believe you will look into my condition and listen to my cry and consider me to be like your own sister or close friend. Ernestly i am writing this mail with tears and sorrow from my heart due to the condition i find myself after the passing away of my parent and nothwithstanding the whole tragic made me feel mallested and rejected without any cause simply because my mum had died earlier and i am from a polygamous family. Thereafter the funeral of my dad, my stepmother and my uncle with their african mentality conspired and sold off my father’s properties worth millions of dollar to an italian expertrate and shared the money among themselves living me with nothing.

One faithful morning as i tried to open my father’s briefcase,i found an important documents with which he had deposited some money in my name as the next of kin at the African development bank,Burkina Faso. I travelled down to Burkina Faso to withdraw some of the money but the Bank Director whom I met in person highlited me on my father’s instruction to the bank concerning the money and how it should be withdrawn that only on the account that i am married or i should present to the bank an honest, responsible and worthy trustee whom will assist me in reclaiming the fund and transfer it into his account for an investment as i finish up my education. In my search for a reliable person i have found you a man i can count on. I believe that you will not betray my trust on you but rather take me as your own sister or close friend because right now i am suffering terribuly here in Burkina faso in the refugee camp as i have no body to rescue me from this strange situation in a foreign land.

I have chosen to contact you after my prayers and i was convinced that you will be the true one to rescue me from this trouble,I have the money confirmed in the bank $7.2 million in their records as unclaimed bill in my father account and i have the death certifictae and the deposit certificate of the fund stating as proof of my geneuity. I shall compensate you with 30% of the whole money in as much as you could help me make the transfer of this money into your account successfully. I wait upon your positive response showing your interest and ability to carry out this transaction and in the light of the above i shall appreciate your urgent message indicating your willingness to help me with all your mind to achieve this successfully. Thanks and God bless you as i look forward to seeing your reply.

Miss Gifty Kipkalya

May 15, 2010 Posted by | Uncategorized | | 4 Comments

Me and the FBI

Got this e-mail today from the FBI (yeh, right.)

Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI)
Anti-Terrorist And Monitory Crime Division.
Federal Bureau Of Investigation.
J.Edgar.Hoover Building Washington Dc

Attn: Beneficiary,

This is to Officially inform you that it has come to our notice and we have
thoroughly Investigated with the help of our Intelligence Monitoring Network
System that you are having an illegal Transaction with Impostors claiming to be
Prof. Charles C. Soludo of the Central Bank Of Nigeria, Mr. Patrick Aziza, Mr
Frank Nweke, Dr. Philip Mogan, none officials of Oceanic Bank, Zenith Banks,
Barr. Derrick Smith, kelvin Young of HSBC, Ben of FedEx, Ibrahim Sule,Larry
Christopher, Dr. Usman Shamsuddeen, Dr. Philip Mogan, Paul Adim, Puppy Scammers are impostors claiming to be the Federal Bureau Of Investigation. During our Investigation, we noticed that the reason why you have not received your payment is because you have not fulfilled your Financial Obligation given to you in
respect of your Contract/Inheritance Payment.

Therefore, we have contacted the Federal Ministry Of Finance on your behalf and
they have brought a solution to your problem by coordinating your payment in
total USD$11,000.000.00 in an ATM CARD which you can use to withdraw money from any ATM MACHINE CENTER anywhere in the world with a maximum of $4000 to $5000 United States Dollars daily. You now have the lawful right to claim your fund in an ATM CARD.

Since the Federal Bureau of Investigation is involved in this transaction, you
have to be rest assured for this is 100% risk free it is our duty to protect the
American Citizens. All I want you to do is to contact the ATM CARD CENTER via
email for their requirements to proceed and procure your Approval Slip on your
behalf which will cost you $110.00 only and note that your Approval Slip which
contains details of the agent who will process your transaction.
NAME: Mr. Kelvin Williams
Telephone: +2348191213677

Do contact Mr Mr. Kelvin Williams of the ATM PAYMENT CENTER with your details:


So your files would be updated after which he will send the payment
information’s which you’ll use in making payment of $110.00 via Western Union
Money Transfer or Money Gram Transfer for the procurement of your Approval Slip
after which the delivery of your ATM CARD will be effected to your designated
home address without any further delay.We order you get back to this office
after you have contacted the ATM SWIFT CARD CENTER and we do await your response so we can move on with our Investigation and make sure your ATM SWIFT CARD gets to you.

Thanks and hope to read from you soon.


Note: Do disregard any email you get from any impostors or offices claiming to
be in possession of your ATM CARD, you are hereby advice only to be in contact
with Mr. Kelvin Williams of the ATM CARD CENTER who is the rightful person to
deal with in regards to your ATM CARD PAYMENT and forward any emails you get
from impostors to this office so we could act upon and commence investigation.


Bad grammar, bad word choices, gives you away every time, scammers!

December 21, 2009 Posted by | Counter-terrorism, Crime, Financial Issues, Law and Order | , , | 10 Comments

My Lucky Day

Woo Hooo on ME! Although I have never been in Nigeria, somehow someone there neglected to pay me my TEN MILLION FIVE HUNDRED THOUSAND DOLLARS! Yes! Yes! This is “online” with my dearest dreams! Someone wants to give me a lot of free money! Wooo HOOOO!

From: “Barrister Afred Mark”
Date: April 28, 2009 3:25:28 PM GMT+03:00




From the records of outstanding payment with the Federal Government of Nigeria, your name was discovered as next on the list of The outstanding beneficiaries who have not received their payments.

I wish to inform you that your payment is being processed and will be released to you as soon as you respond to this letter. Also note that from my record in my file your outstanding payment is US$10.5, (Ten Million Five Hundred Thousand United States Dollars only)

Please re-confirm to me if this is Online with what you have in your record and also re-confirm to me the followings.

(1) Your full name.
(2) Phone, fax and mobile #.
3) company’s name,position and address.
4) profession, age and marital status.
5) Copy of int’l passport or any scanned identity to prove yourself.
As soon as this information are received, your payment will be made to
you in a certified bank draft from central bank of Nigeria and a copy
will be given to you for you to take to your bank and confirm it.


What? What? It’s a scam? Oh! Oh, say it isn’t so!

April 29, 2009 Posted by | Africa, Communication, Crime, Financial Issues | , , , | 2 Comments