The Big Fight
AdventureMan and I had a big fight last night; I made it worse because I wouldn’t fight. It only made him angrier that I laughed and walked away.
Too much information? Sometimes, most of the time, a fight isn’t about what it seems to be about. When you have been married a LOOOONNNNGGGG time, you learn, thanks be to God.
AdventureMan is jet lagging, and working too hard. He takes all his responsibilities so seriously. He needed to go to sleep. And that is exactly what he did. Right after dinner, he fell asleep. The Qatteri Cat (he told me this morning) knew something was up and took two of his babies in to AdventureMan to make things better.
We were both up early this morning, laughing. He came up with a wonderful idea for date-night tonight, one of my favorite restaurants, and then . . . (if we can stay awake) we are going to watch this:
I know ya’ll have seen it, but we haven’t, and it just came out on DVD last week in the US.
Dubai Rape Case Update
Here is an update on the case where the 15 year old French boy was kidnapped, taken to the desert and raped, and then the accused said it was consensual. The parents took them to court – and two have now been convicted; the third has yet to be tried. The doctor who examined this boy told the boy he was a homosexual, that there were no signs of rape. The parents were outraged, and pursued the case.
You can read the entire BBC Story HERE.
Emiratis jailed for raping youth
A court in Dubai, in the UAE, has jailed two men for 15 years for the abduction and sexual assault of a 15-year-old French-Swiss boy.
The men, one of whom is HIV positive, took the teenager to the desert and raped him at knifepoint.
The victim’s mother, Veronique Robert, says the authorities lied about the defendant’s medical status to hide the fact that Aids is present in the UAE.
“Fifteen years is nothing for someone who knew he had Aids,” she said.
A lawyer for the family said they would appeal against what they saw as a too-lenient sentence. A juvenile court is trying a third suspect in the same case.
The defence had claimed the victim had consented to sex and had lied to the authorities.
Treatment missed
Ms Robert has been campaigning to change the law in the United Arab Emirates to recognise homosexual rape as a crime and for more openness about HIV and Aids.
Shuw’i: Night and Day
By day:
At false dawn:
I can only hope they are having a fantastic catch for the upcoming holidays; imagine, The Big Eid and Christmas falling in the same timeframe. How wonderful!
Surviving Family Functions
As my Mom and I were driving along, on our way to Thanksgiving dinner, we ended up having a surprising conversation about family Thanksgivings. I was telling her how I grew up hating Thanksgiving, that Dad and I always had a big fight because he was mad at me for taking a book along, I was meant to be interacting with the family.
I think parents forget how noisy and intimidating family events can be. I don’t know about your family, but in most families there are a few weird ducks, or maybe they get weirder when they all get together. Taking a book and finding a quiet place to read helped me survive these events. As I grew older, and got to know family members on an individual basis, quiet, one-on-one – I learned that there were several of them I actually liked a whole lot. There is one aunt who is probably my main role model, and one cousin who is one of those I would trust with my life secrets.
Mom doesn’t remember the fights, she doesn’t remember my taking a book. “Why would you?” she says in absolute incredulity. Mom never met a party she didn’t like – she is a very social being, to her very core. I still feel her hand at my back, slightly pushing me into the room with a big smile pasted on all our faces, saying “Mingle, girls, mingle!”
I love being a grown up. I love being able to say “no,” and I even love the growing grace to face situations I hate and get through them. I love meeting up with fellow introverts in other cultures and learning, that under the skin, we all face a lot of the same problems.
“Ach! Birthday parties!” exclaimed my German friend, a fellow Mac-user and graphics designer. “I would love to be you, to live somewhere else, and never have to attend another birthday party!” In my little village, where, by the grace of God, they included me in everything, I came to understand what she meant. On a person’s birthday, every woman in the village brings at least one cake, and oh man, these cakes are special. Most are loaded with cream, whipped, and imbued heavily with alcohol. Every person must take a slice of almost every cake (and my body doesn’t like all the fat in cream and rebels) and you sit for hours having the same conversation you had at the last birthday party. I was just an outsider in the village, not even a family member, and it was hard for me to say no. The force of tradition has so much weight!
My Kuwaiti friends also occasionally confide their impatience with expectations that you will show up regularly and stay – maybe at grandma’s every Friday for the mid-day meal, maybe there are a whole bunch of weddings all at once and you end up attending several nights in a row and feeling like something the cat dragged in the next day . . . I think every culture has these expectations, and every culture has those who thrive in a social environment and those who – like me – don’t.
Oh, if you saw me now, you would THINK I am in my element. I have learned how to fake it! My social Mother’s training has paid off; I LOOK fluent in social events. Underneath, however, I am the same old person who does best one-on-one.
AOL Healthy Living (you can read it HERE has published a list of tactics for surviving the inevitable family / group functions you can’t avoid.
1. Expectations
Holidays are all about expectations. Will mom love my gift? I hope we do a group sing-along. You want the holidays to be perfect, but cut down the fantasy. Instead, think about what you want to get out of it all — relaxed Thanksgiving with your in-laws or a New Year’s Eve that doesn’t end with a hangover.
2. Arrive Late, Leave Early
The traditional seven hour marathon — drinks, dinner, presents, television — is too much “together time” for most families. Shortening the party can make a dramatic difference. And if you’re in for a sleepover, take breaks from the crowd. It’s as simple as walking around the block or crawling into bed early with a good book.
3. Don’t Drink too much
Many people use the holiday as an excuse to eat, drink and be merry to excess. Rarely a good idea around family. Alcohol, in fact, can be a real serious problem in a lot of households. When the drinking gets out of hand, all the old animosities come out to play, and hostile, regrettable or embarrassing things are said — or worse.
4. Presents
You spend hours selecting the perfect present for your sister and she hands you … a candle. And a re-gift at that. Newsflash: Not everyone’s as thoughtful as you are. The best solution here is to discuss gift-giving — how much to spend, what you’d like — with her and the rest of the clan beforehand.
5. Don’t Get Sucked into the Craziness
Holidays can cause otherwise sane adults to revert to their worst childhood selves. And that’s not accounting for dad’s sarcasm and mom’s incessant pleading. If you find yourself falling into the same old roles, do (or say) something to derail that train. Don’t get sucked into the craziness again.
6. Focus on the NOW
Your big bro was mom’s favorite. Okay, but after 30-odd years, that’s not going to change. Focus on the now. You’ll have a much better time if you practice forgiveness and try to accept family members as they are, even if they don’t live up to all your expectations.
7. Seek Out Those You Love
Your relatives spend the holidays in the mall. That’s not for you. Rather than sulk, seek out the people you really love and miss, and ask them for a little face time. Also, urge your host to set smaller tables so you could sit with your favorite cousin without listening to your uncle bluster on all night.
8. Things Won’t be Perfect
Don’t deny it: You’re thinking you have to be an ideal daughter in-law and hostess; make the consummate green bean casserole and buy the best gifts. Not gonna happen. Stop trying to be perfect and comparing yourself to others, and realize that all you can do is try your best.
9. Focus on the Positive
In the end, think about exactly what you’re celebrating here. Joy. Caring. Sharing. Think about your family gatherings as if you were in church, synagogue or a mosque. You wouldn’t be bickering with or judging others, right? Okay, maybe you would. But let’s keep that on the DL — at least while you’re all together.
And I would add one more – 10. If you are one of the more social types who LOVE family gatherings, have a little pity on the introverts, who find large gatherings a little overwhelming! Try to get a little one-on-one time with them, try to have some opportunities for quiet conversations.
Discovering the truth about St. Nicholas
There is a most wonderful website that is a perfect place to explore on this, the Feast of St. Nicholas. It is called The St. Nicholas Center and it has the stories, and all kinds of art work depicting the life and works of St. Nicholas of Bari.
No, the St. Nicholas that we all think of, the big roly-poly guy with eight tiny reindeer – he’s a modern creation. The real St. Nicholas is revered for his generousity, his love of giving, his loving protection of children, and his care for sailors and those at sea. He is believed to have lived in what was a part of Greece, and is now Turkey.
One of the things I love the best about this good man is that he did his good deeds in secret, not wanting any earthly reward. You can read more about him The Legends of St. Nicholas, HERE. In the last photo, he even looks Greek, or Turkish, or . . . Arab!
There are many many more images of St. Nicholas at the website above. What I love about them is that they are a far cry from that fat guy who thinks Christmas is all about getting what you want. St. Nicholas understands that the joy is in the GIVING.
Have your own secret St. Nicholas celebration – do something nice for someone and DON’T TELL ANYONE! 😉 Happy, Happy St. Nicholas Day!
Winter Storm at Taqueria Guaymas
“I think you had better drive me to the airport,” Adventure Man said as the flakes came down more thickly and stuck.
I just laughed.
“The time to have driven to the airport was this morning,” I replied. “Have you even packed?”
(I knew he hadn’t!)
“The snow is coming down too hard right now. It’s supposed to be better in the morning.”
As the snow came down, harder and thicker, he tried to call all the airport shuttle companies, but they were all fully booked – or not answering.
“How about one last Mexican dinner?” he asked.
We went to one of our favorite hands-down authentic Mexican restaurant, Taqueria Guaymas. Adventure Man had a combo, which you will see photographed below, and I had the shrimp with garlic, but I was so hungry I just ate them and forgot to take their picture!
(This is not taken during the snow-storm)
Can you read the menu? It is the honest-to-God real thing:
Adventure Man’s Chili Colorado combo, and look at that salsa – very limey, lots of cilantro, and hot peppers – oh WOW:
Lutefisk Dinner
Do you listen to Prairie Home Companion? Have you ever heard Garrison Kieler talk about Norwegians and lutefisk?
Wikipedia gives the following definition, and if you want to see a photo or know how to prepare it, you can check on the blue Wikipedia above:
Lutefisk (lutfisk) (pronounced [lʉːtəfɪsk] in Norway, [lʉːtfɪsk] in Sweden and the Swedish-speaking areas in Finland) is a traditional dish of the Nordic countries made from stockfish (air-dried whitefish) and soda lye (lut). In Sweden, it is called lutfisk, while in Finland it is known as lipeäkala. Its name literally means “lye fish”, owing to the fact that it is made with caustic soda or potash lye.
As I was googling lutefisk, I actually found a place you can order it at Walleyedirect.com and it will look like this:
You probably won’t want to. Lutefisk is what poor immigrant Norwegians used to eat through the long winters. It is cod that has been soaked in lye and then dried to preserve it. It is also incredibly smelly. If you are at all sensitive to smell, you will probably not even be able to be in the same room with lutefisk.
Why am I telling you all this? Some people find lutefisk a rare delicacy; it brings back nostalgic memories of the good old days. Only in communities with pockets of heavy Scandinavian decent will you find signs on bulletin boards like this:
Not Your Kuwait Book Store
Killing time waiting for Adventure Man to arrive. I always save Barnes and Noble for a special treat. If I go too soon, my bag is full of books, and no room for anything else. B&N is my incentive to get all my business taken care of – my special reward.
I love the bestseller, new hardcover and new paperback sections, where I can get a quick overview of what is hot.
Gregory Maguire’s Wicked is out in a new paperback format; while it first came out about ten years ago, it is as delightful now as it was then. It is the Wizard of Oz story, retold from the point of view of the Wicked Witch of the West, a radical reformer who got bad press. It was also made into a Broadway musical that ran for years. Well worth bringing out for a new generation of readers.
Warden Notice Kuwait
Normally, the warden notices are so oblique you can hardly glean anything of use from them, or they refer to incidents that are old, although there are recent aggravations that cause problems. This one is unusual for its clarity.
My niece in Beirut says she is glad to get the Kuwait ones, because the AmEmb in Beirut hardly sends anything at all, and it is never timely!
The Embassy would like to highlight two recent incidents in Kuwait and recommend how to handle similar situations:
Incident 1 – Recently, an American spouse was at the Carrefour store at the Avenues Mall when she was harassed by an Arab male making inappropriate comments. The spouse departed the store to avoid the harassment and was followed by the man to her vehicle who tried to enter it. The spouse was not hurt during the attempted vehicle entry and the she departed the area.
Recommended action: In a case as this, attempt to contact the store management or security personnel or go to an area where there are cashiers or other patrons. Do not go to a location where there are no other people (the parking garage) or lead the individual to your vehicle.
Incident 2 – An American observed what appeared to be an Arab male harassing females walking. The American stopped his car to assist the women, which enraged the Arab male, who then chased him with his vehicle. The American was cut off by the Arab male, at which time the American exited his vehicle to engage in conversation. The Arab male reversed his vehicle and drove over the American, breaking his leg.
Recommended Action: Although the American acted with a great degree of chivalry, there is no upside to getting involved in a situation like this. It is better to report the behavior and location to the authorities, stay in your vehicle, get a license plate number and physical description of the vehicle and driver, and never attempt to engage the other party.
Here are several best practices you can use to help stay safe while living in Kuwait:
♂ Keep your car windows closed and doors locked when driving, and always leave room to maneuver your vehicle in traffic, not allowing yourself to be blocked in.
♂ Always let someone know your travel plans if you are traveling alone, including what time you expect to return and how they can reach you.
♂ Carry your cell phone and keep it where it is quickly available (do not use it while driving).
♂ Have several contact numbers pre-programmed into your phone so you can call in the event of an emergency. Dial 777 for Kuwaiti police and emergency services.
♂ If confronted by a stranger while driving, remain in your vehicle; this will provide a considerable
level of safety and mobility.
♂ If you believe you are being followed, DO NOT DRIVE TO YOUR HOME; go to a safe area such as a police station or a public area such as a mall. Make noise and draw attention to yourself to ward off suspicious persons. On your next trip to a place you go frequently, take note of where you might go if you were being followed. Playing the “what if” game could save your life and will give you something to do while sitting in traffic.
♂ If someone approaches you claiming to be a police officer, ask for identification. Even when shown ID, remain vigilant.
♂ If told to go with someone to a police station, insist on going in your own car and following the officer. Use your mobile phone to call someone and tell them to meet you at the station; also provide the police car license number to your contact, especially if it is an unmarked vehicle.
It is important to remember most criminal or terrorist activity begins with some type of surveillance. This surveillance may last a few seconds (purse snatching) or months (planning an attack on a building).
Pay attention to your surroundings at all times, especially when entering/exiting your vehicle. Mentally record license plate numbers and physical descriptions of suspicious persons or vehicles, and use your camera phone or digital camera if possible to document suspicious persons or vehicles in Kuwait. Common sense will go a long way to keep you safe.
If a situation does not seem right, attempt to get away and call for help. Your personal security takes priority, but if you are safely able to record information of harassing or suspicious individuals, this can greatly aid investigative efforts.
Ken Follett and World Without End
Oprah has just chosen the predecessor to this book, Pillars of the Earth, as her monthly book club choice. I am so glad! Ken Follett and I have a very mixed relationship; I used to think he was brilliant, and then he wrote one book that just disgusted me so much I stopped reading him altogether until he wrote Pillars of the Earth, which has to do with the building of the very first cathedrals in Europe. It was one of those books that you hated to have it end, and you remember years later.
World Without End follows up Pillars of the Earth. We follow the lives of several people we meet as they are children, and we discover that their lives are intertwined in intricate ways. Two of the characters, Caris and Merthin, love one another from childhood, and we wonder throughout the book if they will ever find a way to be together. Merthin is a builder, descending from the main character of Pillars of the Earth, and shares his way of being able to look at problems from a new perspective and build in new ways based on stepping outside the box to solve problems.
Ken Follett is good at describing the lives of his characters in the 1300s, as farmers try to survive the rainy summers and crop damage, as laborors become independant from the abuses of feudal overlords, as the plague strikes rich and poor alike, as spiritual leaders cope with the demands of daily life and needs. We learn about the living conditions in England in the 1300’s, we learn about the early trade guilds and merchant guilds, we learn how disasters can be an impetus for social and political change, we learn how women used what little control they had over their own lives to their advantage. World Without End is a book rich in texture, sensually layered and visually vivid.
I have a strong feeling that people are pretty much people, and that we haven’t changed too much over the centuries. We HAVE made some advances, we have carved out rule of law, and ways for communities and nations to function together in relative peace, but I still feel that some of the interactions between men and women have a feeling that is too modern. I could be wrong. A few of the the scenes just didn’t ring true to me; it was as if modern people were transposed back to the 1300’s and thinking in modern ways, and it just seemed . . . well, I guess anachronistic!
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