Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Inheritance of Loss

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Most of the time, if I don’t like a book, I won’t even bother telling you about it. This book, The Inheritance of Loss, by Kiran Desai, is an exception for one reason – it IS worth reading.

Inheiritance of Loss showed up on the book club reading list for the year, and I ordered it. I read the cover when the book came, and it didn’t sound that good to me, so I read other books instead. The next time it came to mind was when a friend, reading the book, said she was having trouble with it, and asked me if I had started it. This friend is a READER, and a thinker. It caught my attention that she would have problems reading a book, so I decided to give it a try.

This is a very uncomfortable book. The characters live in the shadow of the Himalayan mountains. The most sympathetic character is a young orphaned girl, sent to live with her grandfather. With each chapter, we learn more about all the characters, how they came to be here, what they think, what their lives have looked like.

The author of this book has a very sour look on life. She has snotty things to say about every character. You can almost feel her peering around the corner, eyes slit with evil intent. She is that vicious neighbor who comes by and never says anything nice about anybody, and when you see her talking with your neighbor, you get the uneasy feeling she could be saying something mean about you, and she probably is.

The book covers a wide range of topics – Indian politics, Ghurka revolts, English colonization, Indian emigration to the US and UK, everyday vanities and pride in petty things, how people destroy their own lives, how people can be cruel to one another, oh it’s a great read (yes, that is sarcasm).

At the same time, this vicious unwelcome neighbor has a sharp eye for detail. You may not like what she is telling you, but you keep listening, because you can learn important tidbits of information from her. In my case, I learned a lot about how life is lived in a small mountain village in India, the struggles of illegals in America and how class lines are drawn, ever so finely, when people live together. I learned a lot about the legacy of colonialism, and the creep of globalization. This unwelcome neighbor has a sharp tongue, always complaining, and yet . . . some of her complaints have merit.

I don’t believe there was a single redeeming episode in the book. There was not a paragraph to feel good about. I am glad to be finished with the book – but, yes, I finished it, I didn’t just set it aside in disgust, or give it away without finishing.

Here is the reason I am telling you about this book – as uncomfortable as this book is to read, I have the feeling, upon finishing, that ideas and images from this book will stick with me for a long time. I have the feeling that it contributes to my greater understanding of how things work, how people think differently from other people, and on what levels we are very much the same.

Here is an excerpt from the book, at a time during which the Judge is a young Indian, studying in England:

The new boarding house boasted several rooms for rent, and here, among the other lodgers, he was to find his only friend in England: Bose.

They had similar inadequate clothes, similar forlornly empty rooms, similar poor native’s trunks. A look of recognition had passed between them at first sight, but also the assurance that they wouldn’t reveal one another’s secrets, not even to each other.

. . . Together they punted clumsily down the glaceed river to Grantchester and had tea among the jam sozzled wasps just as you were supposed to, enjoying themselves (but not really) as the heavy wasps fell from flight into their laps with a low battery buzz.

They had better luck in London, where they watched the changing of the guard at Buckingham Palace, avoided the other Indian students at Veeraswamy’s, ate shepherd’s pie instead, and agreed on the train home that Trafalgar Square was not quite up to British standards of hygiene – all those defecating pigeons, one of which had done a masala-colored doodle on Bose. It was Bose who showed Jemubhai what records to buy for his new gramophone: Caruso and Gigli. He also corrected his pronunciation: Jheelee, not Giggly. . . .

This it was that the judge eventually took revenge on his early confusions, his embarrassments gloved in something called “keeping up standards,” his accent behind a mask of a quiet. He found he began to be mistaken for something he wasn’t – a man of dignity. This accidental poise became more important than any other thing. He envied the English. He loathed Indians. He worked at being English with the passion of hatred and for what he would become, he would be despised by absolutely everyone, English and Indians both.

I consider this a review, and not particularly a recommendation. I read the book, I finished the book and I learned from the book. I didn’t like the book. I recommend it only as a challenge, for people who like to read and stretch their minds in new directions.

January 13, 2008 Posted by | Books, Bureaucracy, Communication, Community, Cooking, Cross Cultural, Fiction, Financial Issues, Friends & Friendship, Generational, Hygiene, India, Living Conditions, Local Lore, Marriage, Mating Behavior, Poetry/Literature, Political Issues, Relationships, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 10 Comments

Jambalaya

We had friends in for dinner last night, and it was perfect Jambalaya weather. Nights are cold, and you want something that will warm you up and “stick to your ribs.”

“What is this?” my Kuwaiti friend asked, and I told him it was machboos if it were made in New Orleans, which made him laugh.

Like machboos, the recipe is infinitely variable. A lot of times, you put in what you have. Here is what I used, and it was delicious!

1 chopped onion
1 chopped green (or red) sweet pepper

Sautee together in olive oil and a little butter for richness.

Sautee 2.5 cups of rice in more olive oil and butter with 1 Tablespoon Tony Cochere’s Cajun Seasoning (available at the Sultan Center)

Add five cups liquid, made up of 3 packets of tomato paste (like the small cans we use in the US) plus chicken broth plus any liquid from the shrimp), bring to a boil, turn down and let simmer for 40 minutes or until rice has absorbed most of the liquid)

Add:
1 or 2 chopped tomatoes, for texture and color
1 cup chopped artichoke hearts
1 cup chopped chicken
1 smoked beef sausage (in the US this might be pork) chopped into pieces, or you could use a packet of the “Little Smokies” you can find at Sultan Center), pre-cooked
1 lb (500 grams) great big Kuwaiti shrimp

Stir in and let sit five minutes to heat all ingredients and so flavors blend.

Serve! This feeds six people generously, and up to twelve if other dishes are also served – salads, vegetables, etc.

January 12, 2008 Posted by | Cooking, Cross Cultural, Entertainment, ExPat Life, Recipes | 7 Comments

Salary Belongs to Husband?

Muna al-Fuzai had a column yesterday in the Kuwait Times entitled Kuwaiti Women Accept Discrimination. (You can read the whole article by clicking on the blue type.)

In this article is one small paragraph that sends shivers down my spine:

A religious Islamic ruling was made recently to approve the husband’s right to take his wife’s salary because the time she spent outside was his own and thus he is entitled to take her salary, which she has worked so hard to earn.

It doesn’t sound to me as if it has the weight of law – like the first question I ask is:

β€’ “do all Islamic religious rulers believe this to be true, or is this one guy’s opinion?”

β€’ is it possible for this ruling to receive enough support to make it law?

β€’ if it becomes law in Kuwait, does this law apply to all people living in Kuwait, or just to Kuwaitis?

This, to me, is a very scary ruling.

I’ve been married to AdventureMan for a long time. We’ve always discussed finances together, and we’ve both agreed on how to allocate our money and salaries. Sharing is very different from my earnings being controlled by someone else, no discussion. Or maybe discussion, but not necessarily.

But I am not Kuwaiti. If you are working, have ever worked, or intend to work, how does this ruling strike you?

January 10, 2008 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Community, Cross Cultural, Education, Family Issues, Financial Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, News, Political Issues, Relationships, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 18 Comments

Tagged by This Lady

Some tags are silly, but fun. This one . . . someone took some time. These questions are genuinely thought provoking. Thanks for tagging me, Lady.

*Do your closest friends have any nicknames for you? No. If they do, they don’t use it to my face! But when I have grandchildren, I am going to be called “Shisha.” I won’t tell you why, but it has nothing to do with smoking.
*What would your ex-(boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse) say about you in one sentence? “Life just isn’t the same without you.”
*What is the greatest achievement of your life so far? Staying married for years and years and years, and producing a son who is a successful adult. Sharing the triumphs of his graduation(s) and career and marriage with his father/ my husband.
*How should people think of sex in this, the 21st century? Often, and with joy.
*Where would you live if anywhere was possible? If anything were possible, I would live in a house with a view of the sea and mountains.
*Is there a religion that’s fulfilling for you and/or the masses? I am a Christian, and one who has come to believe that the ultimate truth will be a grand adventure. We all have glimpses, and we are limited. One day, we will see clearly, and not “through the glass, darkly.”
*What inspires awe in your life’s experience? People who create something out of nothing. People with vision who make things happen.
*What was/is your best pick-up line? The most interesting women don’t need a line; they are good listeners.
*What and when is the most potent emotion you’ve ever experienced and why? Anger. I am not an angry person, but once I knew I could kill to protect my son. On the very rare occasion when I get angry, my anger scares me, my primitive nature scares me.
*On what occasions do you act self-absorbed or just plain selfish? When I am tired past being able to sleep, or sick past being able to be gracious, or depressed beyond my ability to fight on. Then I need quiet, and rest, and miso soup, and to just curl into a ball until it’s passed.
*If someone assigned you a quest, or if you decided your own, what would you be looking to find? I would want to find the secret to helping us all just get along.
*If you had to choose between them, would you live in Hollywood, Washington D.C. or New York, and why? Oh please! Spare me. Neither!
*Who or what makes you feel “whole”? I feel whole when my spiritual life, my family life and my friend-life are all in order.
*Where is your greatest opportunity for change? I love living in places where my husband and I can walk. I feel the need for walking as exercise.
*What do you consider to be the greatest opportunity for humankind? To learn to live together, and to find a fair way to allocate resources.
*What surprises you about getting older? The betrayals of the body. Inside, you are still young!
*What or who makes you feel younger or rejuvenated? Walking, a good haircut, a great conversation.
*Where or when do you feel most alone? When my husband and I disagree.
*Where or how is society most ripe for change? When people are willing to step forward and take their part in making changes.
*Do you think of yourself as attractive to the opposite sex? πŸ˜‰
*When or where do you feel the most free? In Seatttle, on the west coast, women are about as close to being equal people as I have ever hoped to see. I feel most free there.
*What is the greatest memory of your life to date? The night I discovered my brain had not turned to jello during childbirth and child-raising. You can read about it here.
*Where and when did you find out who you really are? A female mentor laughed and said “you have no idea yet what you are capable of” and I was so shocked I decided to start finding out.
*How and when do you collect your thoughts and why? I take a bath. I wash off any defilement and pray for discernment.
*If someone told you when and where you would die, what would you do immediately after being told? I would thank God for the many many blessings he has given me, especially seeing our son dance at his wedding, and living happily, and for the years I have had with my husband, and the lively and exciting life we have had together, then I would make lunch dates with my dearest friends one-on-one, to say goodbye and thank them for their contributions to my life.
*What are the best parts of being in love? Learning how many many kinds of love their are, and that love is a verb, and a choice.
*What’s your favorite libation (a drink offered to a god)? I really like coffee! And ginger beer (it is not really beer)
*What “life philosophies” have you adopted since you’ve become an adult? Serve God first, live life so that you have no regrets, stay out of debt, invest for the future, life’s true riches are the blessings of the angels God sends you in family and friends and even brief moments of connection with others.
*How would you like to be remembered? I would love for people to say “Whoa! She was a pistol!” πŸ™‚

I TAG star blogger FONZY, Kuwait’s premier blogger Don Veto, sweet True Faith, Touche, who thinks outside the box, Chirp, because I want to know the answers, and a blogger I think is going to have a very interesting life, MirimtheMirim. I also tag my niece, Beiruti-blogger Little Diamond.

January 7, 2008 Posted by | Blogging, Community, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Health Issues, Humor, Marriage, Tag | 17 Comments

As It Snows . . .

Catching up with the news, I was looking at the Thursday Kuwait Times when I came across a photo. I am not going to print the photo in my blog, but if you want to look at it, or one like it, you can see it at Yahoo News, just click here on the blue type.

The photo of the execution, titled Iran hangs 13 on a single day is extraordinary enough. I don’t think we print those kind of photos in American newspapers. Maybe in the tabloids; these photos are considered disturbing. I know they disturb me. This one in the Kuwait Times has big white balls in it and the caption reads: QOM, Iran: Three Iranian drug traffickers hang limply from the nooses as it snows in a square in this central city yesterday.

I remember cutting out a similar one from a paper in Saudi Arabia when I lived there. It didn’t have a photo, but the article was about the Taliban hanging of a convicted man in the stadium in Kabul. It stated the man was wearing a blue sharwal khamis. There was no mention of why this man was hung, of what he was convicted.

The Yahoo version of the same hanging of 13 states: Three Iranian drug traffickers hang limply from the nooses after being executed in a square.

To me, the mention of snow falling as people are executed, of the executed man seems . . . maybe poetic? Maybe some way of softening the horror? I don’t know. It’s not something we would do. Bad news is left bare, without a lot of dressing it up. I would love to get your input on this. For me, it’s a different way of thinking.

January 6, 2008 Posted by | Community, Crime, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Local Lore, News, Photos, Political Issues, Random Musings, Saudi Arabia, Weather | , | 7 Comments

Insha’allah

One of the best things about moving between cultures as often as I have is that I get a chance to learn how much I don’t know. One of the things I have learned living in the Middle Eastern countries was how little I knew about my own religion. Knowing how little I knew sent me into a bible-study program that I look forward to resuming one day when I am living back in the US, or someplace that offers it – Bible Study Fellowship. They do an in-depth study of different books, or sections, of the bible, very serious, and you learn so much.

Apart from that, the church with which I affiliate, the Episcopal Church, has daily readings – I’ve mentioned this before – you can see them yourself by clicking on The Lectionary over in my Blogroll, and then going to the Daily Office Readings and clicking on the right week. Once there, you have to click on the day of the week, and it will take you to the readings for today.

One of the readings for today, the New Testament reading, made me smile:

James 4:13-17,5:7-11

13 Come now, you who say, β€˜Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a town and spend a year there, doing business and making money.’
14 Yet you do not even know what tomorrow will bring. What is your life? For you are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.
15 Instead you ought to say, β€˜If the Lord wishes, we will live and do this or that.’
16 As it is, you boast in your arrogance; all such boasting is evil.
17 Anyone, then, who knows the right thing to do and fails to do it, commits sin.

7 Be patient, therefore, beloved,* until the coming of the Lord. The farmer waits for the precious crop from the earth, being patient with it until it receives the early and the late rains.
8 You also must be patient. Strengthen your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is near.*
9 Beloved,* do not grumble against one another, so that you may not be judged. See, the Judge is standing at the doors!
10 As an example of suffering and patience, beloved,* take the prophets who spoke in the name of the Lord.
11 Indeed we call blessed those who showed endurance. You have heard of the endurance of Job, and you have seen the purpose of the Lord, how the Lord is compassionate and merciful.

In the first section, verse 15 tells us that we should be like good Moslems, never saying we are going to do something without adding “if God wills it,” or (big grin) in Arabic, “Insha’allah.” How often we hear Westerners saying “None of this ‘Insha’allah!’ I want you to DO it, dammit!” I never looked twice at this verse until I had lived in the Middle East.

In the second part, there is a message just meant for me, maybe not for you, in verse 9. It tells me not to grumble against another person, of I will be judged by the same standard. Hmmmm, now there’s a scary thought!

December 31, 2007 Posted by | Blogroll, Community, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Humor, Relationships, Spiritual | 9 Comments

Christian vs Christian

This is just purely sad. You can read the whole story at BBC World News.

Unholy dust-up at Nativity church

Members of rival Christian orders have traded blows at the Church of the Nativity in Bethlehem, with four people reported wounded in the fray. Greek Orthodox and Armenian Apostolic priests were sweeping up at the church following the Christmas rites of the Western churches earlier in the week.

Reports say some Orthodox faithful encroached on the Armenian section, prompting pitched battles with brooms.

Intense rivalries at the jointly-run church can set off vicious feuds.

The basilica, built over the grotto in the West Bank town that is the reputed birthplace of Jesus Christ is shared by Roman Catholic, Greek Orthodox and Armenian religious authorities.

Palestinian police formed a human cordon to separate the battling dark-robed and bearded priests and deacons, said to number about 80, so that cleaning could continue.

Read the rest of the story here.

December 28, 2007 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Cross Cultural, Living Conditions, Middle East, News, Social Issues, Spiritual | , | 5 Comments

Christmas in Kuwait

There are Christmas trees in Kuwait, in the malls, in the stores, and Santa and his reindeer are everywhere. I can remember other Christmases – in Saudi Arabia, in Jordan, in Tunisia, in Qatar – when you never knew if this was a year when Christmas would be allowed or not.

For my family and friends not in Kuwait, you would be amazed what you can find here. I am just showing a tiny bit of what you can find these days in Kuwait:

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December 19, 2007 Posted by | Arts & Handicrafts, Christmas, Community, Cross Cultural, Entertainment, ExPat Life, Kuwait, Shopping | 16 Comments

“Marionette . . . or Moron?”

This was sent by a good friend, 8 minutes by Keith Olbermann, ending with “Mr. Bush, you are a bold-faced liar.” This is from his December 6th broadcast.

December 16, 2007 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Communication, Crime, Cross Cultural, Customer Service, Financial Issues, Language, Leadership, Political Issues, Relationships | 1 Comment

Magnificent Concert

There isn’t much I ask of AdventureMan, he is busy supporting us and feathering our nest for retirement. When I ask, he is such a sweetie. I had asked about last night – there was a very special concert I wanted to hear. He took me, even though he had an early flight out this morning and hadn’t packed, hadn’t even picked up his shirts from the cleaners.

It was so totally worth it.

The Al Ahmadi singers did their “Holiday” concert at the SAS/ Al Hashemi Ballroom. It was wonderul, and moving, and a great way to get into the spirit of the Christmas season. I love that ballroom, it has so much character, even though the outer reception area smells a little moldy – what can you expect, right on the sea like that? The place is clean, and has an amazingly elegant feel, with it’s fabulously intricate wood parquet floors, it’s ship-light inspired chandeliers, it’s coffered ceilings, it’s heavy wood staircases to the upper deck/balcony. It has a great ambience.

Thanks be to God, in Kuwait, the Al Ahmadi singers can even sing excerpts from The Messiah, have readings about the meaning of Christmas, and celebrate the birth of the tiny baby Jesus. Can you see my great big grin? Even the memory makes me happy.

The orchestra supporting the chorus, under the direction of Joanna Kowalla, was also amazing. Very very good. Lucky Al Ahmadi singers, with such a great director, Richard L. Bushman. The soprano soloist, Vernica Grmusa, took our breath away with her excellence. The alto soloist, Jessica Olson, had a couple of really fun numbers, composed by the concert conductor’s wife, Harriet Petherick Bushman.

It was just the evening I needed, exquisite music, performed with spirit and excellence, in an atmosphere of joy. It was a total wow.

Just a couple reminders to people who may not have a lot of experience with attending concerts:

1) Turn off your cell phone. It is selfish and rude for you to be talking on your phone. I don’t care if your friend is lost, I don’t care. The conductor is making the SECOND announcement now about turning off cell phones; he means YOU. Everyone around you is glaring – can’t you see? Turn off your cell phone.

2) If you are late, and if they allow you in anyway (in most places you have to wait until an intermission or pause) enter discretely and find seats quickly and SIT DOWN. The key word here is discrete. Most of us are excited about the concert and eager to hear the music. Your grand entrance is lost on us. We don’t care how good you look, we just want you to sit down. Waving to all your friends, attracting attention to yourself makes us want to kill something – watch out. It might be YOU.

In spite of my complaints, above, the concert was so overwhelmingly good that even these minor rudenesses didn’t spoil the overall joy of an evening particularly well spent. Bravo, Brava, Al Ahmadi Singers, orchestra and soloists!
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December 15, 2007 Posted by | Arts & Handicrafts, Christmas, Communication, Community, Cross Cultural, Entertainment, Events, ExPat Life, Friends & Friendship, Kuwait, Music, Spiritual | 3 Comments