Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

The Kindness of Strangers

Things have started off well in Pensacola. My second day in town, I made it to church, and discovered that the church is involved with gathering food for the poor, something I like doing, too. They are also celebrating the church in Jerusalem and the Middle East on Palm Sunday, which I find a sort of fortuitous omen, since here I am, coming in from the Middle East.

Monday, we bought the house. We really did buy it, even though it was me signing the papers. Now that I think of it, that’s the way it has been with just about every house we have bought – I have gone ahead to sign the papers and AdventureMan has followed later . . .

The previous owner of the house did some really kind, really generous things. He left a screen for the fireplace that is sort of Art Nouveau, my favorite period, and I really like it. It sounds like a small thing, but he put a full roll of toilet paper in every bathroom. He left all the instruction manuals for all the appliances, and left notes on the remotes, explaining which was which. I found all of this very kind, unexpectedly kind, and generous of spirit.

The contractors who are going to rewire and then restore the house are contractor nerds. You do know how much I like nerds, don’t you? Nerds are people who are probably ‘uncool’ because they have a fascination with something, and don’t care what you think about it. One of these guys is an electrician nerd, and the other is a general contractor nerd, and once they start talking, I (the customer) am almost irrelevant. These guys have listened to what I want, they know what I need, they have asked all the right questions, and then the two of them start talking in their own language (contractor language; it’s English but barely intelligible to folk like me) and they are trying as hard as they can to get AdventureMan and Qatteri Cat and me into the house as soon as possible. These are honest guys, who love the work they are doing, and I feel so blessed to have them in my life.

In fact, I met my realtor because she is married to the contractor guy. I found him on the internet when I needed some work done on my other Pensacola house. He had a valid license, and no complaints. When I interviewed him, my son and husband were also present, and we all agreed, some how we had lucked out. This man was straight forward, and honest. When he told us how much it would cost, we gulped, but he got all the work done on time, and on budget. How cool is that?

His wife spent hours and days and weeks with us, showing us huge numbers of houses, from the amazing to the disgusting. She said she would find the right house for us, and – she did! It is close to our son and his wife without being too close, it is close to church, close to shopping and not far at all from the glorious Pensacola beaches. Woo HOOO on her!

Yesterday, I bought the Rav4. It was so boring, so uneventful, I totally loved it. Who needs new car drama? The car is enough, I don’t want drama! These people were so good to me – they arranged for me to drop my car off near their dealership, which is about an hour from Pensacola (YES! YES, I would drive an hour for the kind of service I got – I got the car I wanted at almost the exact price I was willing to pay) and they picked me up, went through all the formalities, did not try to stick me with any extra charges, in fact I ended up paying $6 less than I thought. They demo’d the new features, handed me the keys and sent me off with a full tank of gas. It was a great way to buy a car, and I love my new car.

Today, I needed to buy book cases. The one rule of moving in is that it goes smoothly IF you have places to put things, which in our case means book cases. I use them for books, yes, but also for fabric storage, sometimes to display photos, sometimes to divide rooms, or to store sweaters and underclothes and things I want to be able to see where they are.

I knew where I had seem book cases at an amazing price, but they didn’t have six in the finish (maple) that I wanted, so a kind woman working there checked local inventories and sent me off to the next store, where they found the six, loaded them on a trolley and a strong young man loaded them into my car. When I tried to tip him, he gasped and pulled back and said “No! No! I’m not allowed to accept tips! I could get FIRED if I took a tip!”

This is not what I am used to!

All in all, people have been amazingly kind, and it seems to happen a lot.

There is one very funny thing I notice about myself, now four days in Pensacola. That is, I cannot go into a grocery store and come out with just what I went in for. The prices here are so GOOD! I keep thinking in Kuwaiti Dinars, or Qatari Riyals, and I think “I might never see tuna fish at that price again!” or “Look at the price on those eggs!” and even though the RATIONAL part of my brain keeps saying “Wait! Wait! You’re in the United States now!” the reality has not yet permeated my buying mode enough to restrain me. I have zero sales resistance. I really just need to stay out of the stores until I can build some resistance up.

At the end of every day I get to come home to my son and his wife and their little baby son, and life is sweet, except that we all wish AdventureMan would hurry and come and join us. And bring the Qateri Cat!

March 24, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Bureaucracy, Character, Civility, Community, Cross Cultural, Customer Service, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Financial Issues, Florida, Food, Generational, Living Conditions, Marriage, Qatteri Cat, Shopping, Social Issues, Values, Work Related Issues | 5 Comments

Thing Younger, Act Younger, BE Younger

A couple of my friends and I were trying to figure out why we were friends. What goes into making friendships? One thing that surprised us was that we tended to choose people with some risk-taking behaviors – people who look ‘normal’ and conservative on the outside, but are thinking outside-the-box on the inside. They are thinking all the time, observing and analyzing and making choices that set them aside from others. For one thing, here we are, all living in Qatar – and that is a choice. Our lifestyles are a choice.

Most of my friends are a lot of fun – you would like them. And it might take you a while to figure out we are all total nerds, very uncool people. One of the very coolest sent me this. On the inside, this woman is into EVERYTHING! On the outside, she obeys the conventions. On the inside, she is thinking all the time. 🙂

This study, from BBC News Magazine is amazing. But don’t believe me! Listen to the broadcast! See the movie! Imagine yourself 20 years younger (please! not those of you in your 20’s!) and start acting YOUNGER!

In 1979 psychologist Ellen Langer carried out an experiment to find if changing thought patterns could slow ageing. But the full story of the extraordinary experiment has been hidden until now.

How much control do you have over how you will age?

Many people would laugh at the idea that people could influence the state of their health in old age by positive thinking. A way of mitigating ageing is a holy grail for the pharmaceutical and cosmetics industry, but an experiment by Harvard psychologist Ellen Langer three decades ago could hold significant clues.

Prof Langer has spent her entire career investigating the power our mind has over our health. Conventional medicine is frequently accused of treating them as separate entities.

“Everybody knows in some way that our minds affect our physical being, but I don’t think people are aware of just how profound the effect actually is,” she says.
In 1979, Prof Langer conducted a ground-breaking experiment – the results of which are only now being fully revealed.

Prof Langer recruited a group of elderly men all in their late 70s or 80s for what she described as a “week of reminiscence”. They were not told they were taking part in a study into ageing, an experiment that would transport them 20 years back in time.

The psychologist wanted to know if she could put the mind back 20 years would the body show any changes.

The men were split into two groups. They would both be spending a week at a retreat outside of Boston.

Ellen Langer in 1979 and today
But while the first group, the control, really would be reminiscing about life in the 50s, the other half would be in a timewarp. Surrounded by props from the 50s the experimental group would be asked to act as if it was actually 1959.

They watched films, listened to music from the time and had discussions about Castro marching on Havana and the latest Nasa satellite launch – all in the present tense.

Dr Langer believed she could reconnect their minds with their younger and more vigorous selves by placing them in an environment connected with their own past lives.

And she was determined to remove any prompt for them to behave as anything but healthy individuals. The retreat was not equipped with rails or any gadgets that would help older people. Right from the off she was determined to ensure they looked after themselves.

One man discarded his walking stick

When they got off the bus at the retreat, Prof Langer did not help the men carry their suitcases in. “I told them they could move them an inch at a time, they could unpack them right at the bus and take up a shirt at a time.”

The men were entirely immersed in an era when they were 20 years younger.

Understandably, Prof Langer herself had doubts. “You have to understand, when these people came to see if they could be in the study and they were walking down the hall to get to my office, they looked like they were on their last legs, so much so that I said to my students ‘why are we doing this? It’s too risky’.”

But soon the men were making their own meals. They were making their own choices. They weren’t being treated as incompetent or sick.

Pretty soon she could see a difference. Over the days, Prof Langer began to notice that they were walking faster and their confidence had improved. By the final morning one man had even decided he could do without his walking stick.

As they waited for the bus to return them to Boston, Prof Langer asked one of the men if he would like to play a game of catch, within a few minutes it had turned into an impromptu game of “touch” American football.

The experiment took the men back to 1959

Obviously this kind of anecdotal evidence does not count for much in a study.

But Prof Langer took physiological measurements both before and after the week and found the men improved across the board. Their gait, dexterity, arthritis, speed of movement, cognitive abilities and their memory was all measurably improved.

Their blood pressure dropped and, even more surprisingly, their eyesight and hearing got better. Both groups showed improvements, but the experimental group improved the most.

Think younger, feel younger?
Prof Langer believes that by encouraging the men’s minds to think younger their bodies followed and actually became “younger”.

She first published the scientific data in 1981 but she left out many of the more colourful stories. As a young academic, she feared this might taint the experiment and affect the acceptance of the results.

Now after over 30 years of research into the connection between the mind and the body and with the confidence and conviction of a Harvard professor, she feels she has a fuller story to tell.

“My own view of ageing is that one can, not the rare person but the average person, live a very full life, without infirmity, without loss of memory that is debilitating, without many of the things we fear.”

Richard Wiseman, professor of public understanding of psychology at the University of Hertfordshire, thinks the results of Prof Langer’s experiments are fascinating but the big question is what’s causing them. “I think there could be multiple things going on here and the question is which explanations really hold water.

Why some people age faster than others is mysterious
“Part of it could be self perception, for example if you get people to smile they feel happier. The same could be going on here, by getting people to act younger they feel younger.”

Prof Weisman believes another factor could be motivational, the men are simply trying harder by the end of the week, or it could be similar to hypnotism, where people do better on memory tests because they are told they have a better memory.

Whatever the cause he believes there is a place for the type of positive thinking shown in the study.

“If you take something like heart disease positive thinking can have a role, because while it won’t heal your heart on its own, positive thinking will feed into positive actions like healthy eating or exercise which will help.”

In any event there is likely to be more interest in the 1979 experiment. The retelling of the study has been snapped up by Jennifer Aniston’s new production company, with Aniston tipped to play Prof Langer.

(FIND OUT MORE
Horizon: Don’t Grow Old is available via iPlayer and will be repeated at 0250GMT on BBC One on Tuesday 9 February)

February 27, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Aging, Character, Doha, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Friends & Friendship, Generational, Health Issues, Interconnected, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Qatar, Relationships, Social Issues, Statistics | 3 Comments

Change of Plans

When we were planning this trip, it all sounded so simple . . . greet the grandbaby, buy a house, quick, fly to Seattle, fly back to Pensacola, kiss the grandbaby and fly to Doha to pack.

Not quite the way it turned out. When we got here, the grandbaby was 11 days overdue. We got to be here for the birth. While our son and his wife labored, we went out with the world’s most wonderful real estate lady and actually, we did find a house.

Three years ago, we found a house. When I talked with the mortgage people, I said “We just finished paying off a mortgage with you; isn’t there some kind of short-cut you could do with me?” and they did something called “fast track” with me, and it was so easy I can’t even remember the paperwork; I think I filled it out on my computer – online – and that was it. My son handled the closing. It was so easy.

Things have really changed. This will be our third mortgage with the same company, but you would think we are potential deadbeats. We have high credit scores, an impeccable payment record – I would think they would want to have us as customers! It’s like pulling teeth. Papers don’t get to us. Additional verifications are required. Appraisers actually enter the house and verify square footage.

Between chasing paper and soothing the newborn, my life has been very full. It doesn’t sound very exciting, when I tell you about it, but here is the truth – I know I am exactly where I am supposed to be right now. It’s an amazing feeling.

Today, I spent a lot of time with the baby. At some point, I realized I wasn’t going to make it to Seattle this trip, and it’s OK. I can go to Seattle later. For right now, I have enough on my plate.

I had forgotten, too, how chaotic life with a newborn can be. His needs take precedence, and sometimes we all run around trying to guess what those needs might be, simple as they are . . . clean diaper? swaddling / soothing to sleep? Mother’s milk? Today was a really good day, where he took the diaper changes with grace, dropped right off to sleep after every meal, and was keenly alert for maybe a half hour after feeding before napping. He loves patterns and fabrics. I am having SO MUCH FUN!

A part of our life is ending, the nomadic part. AdventureMan and I have had a lot of fun, once our son got through college and law school, we were on our own again, living in Europe, living in Saudi Arabia, Kuwait and Qatar – we have had a great adventure. We travelled to Botswana, Namibia, Zambia (several times), South Africa, Kenya, Tanzania and spent a wonderful week on Mnemba Island off the coast of Zanzibar. We have wonderful friends, mostly from churches and interest groups. I would think, knowing us, that we would be sad leaving all this, but instead, we are racing toward our new future, being more settled, being near our son and his family, and his wife’s great big family. 🙂

For one thing, the world has changed. With e-mail and VOIP phones and people who jump on a plane at the drop of a hat, we expect to stay in touch with those we love and treasure. We expect they will come see us. It’s kind of fun settling in a place with white sandy beaches that everyone wants to come visit. 🙂 Cooler than Kuwait and Qatar in the summer time, too! Nice warm winters, well, not this winter, brrrrrrrrrrrr!

Thought you might want to see a photo of my little darling grandson:

February 25, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Africa, Aging, Community, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Florida, France, Friends & Friendship, Generational, Geography / Maps, Germany, Kenya, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Marriage, Moving, Qatar, Relationships, Saudi Arabia, Seattle, Travel | 7 Comments

Anxiety and Me

Anxiety and me – we go a long way back.

I am greatly familiar with anxiety . . . it is almost genetic. Maybe I was born of a family of worriers, people who looked for all the worst possibilities, and then ruined a perfectly good day by focusing on things that might – or might not – ever happen.

Today’s reading from Forward Day by Day was just what I needed now, with a tiny newborn grandson who is coughing, and a house inspection which shows some things that need to be done, and a moving process about to take place, and an earth-shaking retirement . . . if you are the praying kind, I would ask for your prayers for peace of mind, strength in service and courage in the face of adversities and challenges.

FRIDAY, February 19
Philippians 4:1-9. Do not worry about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanks-giving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Beloved, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is pleasing…if there is any excellence and if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.

Anxiety is a kind of fear–not of God, but of the unknown future. It is unreality. We draw the unreal future into the present and proceed to stab ourselves with it.

How passionately Jesus strove to overcome our delusion of crossing bridges before we come to them! Imagine an able and loving father whose children ran about in panic lest next year they might not have food to eat or clothes to wear.

Anxiety is a symptom. The disease is mis¬trust of our heavenly Father. The cure is to look around and see what he has done for us already and to thank him for it. How many lovely things, how much to praise him for! If anything is needed, ask: and then leave it to God. If he doesn’t give it, so much the better. It wasn’t needed. What God always will give–if we trust him–is his peace, the best gift. (1946)

PRAY for the Diocese of Bath and Wells (Canterbury, England)

Ps 95 & 31 * 35; Ezekiel 18:1-4, 25-32; John 17:9-19

February 19, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Financial Issues, Generational, Health Issues, Humor, Living Conditions, Moving, Spiritual | 3 Comments

Family Gathering

Last night was fun. New baby is settling in, sleeping more, figuring out how his new world works.

Last night, another set of grandparents visited (lucky baby has three sets of grandparents!) and while other grammy held the baby, our son and his wife were able to get away for about an hour to run errands, I cooked up a very simple dinner, and when son and DIL came home, we all ate – very simply.

There is nothing like having a newborn baby in the house to help set priorities. Babies needs come first. Feeding is totally the job of the new mother in this case, we can all help with just about everything else – changing diapers, holding baby, doing laundry, cooking meals, cleaning up . . . but life becomes very simple. There is nothing so wonderful as the sound of a baby sleeping!

I am off to church this morning – on a Sunday!

We had about one minute of snow on Friday, and zero accumulation. Big fat flakes hit the windshield and melted. So much for the Pensacola snow day. Today it is cool, but clear and sunny, another gorgeous day in Pensacola.

February 14, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Family Issues, Florida, Friends & Friendship, Generational, Interconnected, Living Conditions | 2 Comments

Life Intrudes

Yes, I am sorry. I left you with no indication that I wouldn’t be able to blog for a while, but – as it does for you – life intrudes. AdventureMan and I are on a GREAT adventure, a baby was born, and thus we became Grandma and Grandpa! We didn’t intend to be here for the birth, but babies have their own schedules, and we got here in time to spend time with our son and his wife AND to be able to see our new grandson before he was even an hour old.

Who ever thinks the thrills in life are over once you hit ‘grown-up’ is SO wrong. Life just keeps getting better and better, and is full of thrills – if you have the eyes to see, and the ears to hear, and the heart to know a miracle when you see one.

Every new baby is a miracle. We can’t make them happen – or not happen – by wishing. Babies, each and every one, are a miracle.

Photos? This was a mixed up trip. We have been on the run ever since we hit the ground. I have photos, but I left my card-reader in Doha. As soon as I can hit a store, I will show you a photo of the newest prince. 😉

Thanks for your patience with me.

February 9, 2010 Posted by | Adventure, Aging, Beauty, Biography, Blogging, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Florida, Friends & Friendship, Generational, Living Conditions, Relationships | 12 Comments

First Things First

“I have some WONDERFUL news for you!” I gushed to AdventureMan when he picked up the call, “I found a third of the last fruitcake in the refrigerator!” I knew he thought he has finished off the fruit cake and that we didn’t have any more.

Pause. Pause. Pause.

“Hello? Hello? Are you there, AdventureMan.”

AdventureMan comes on, his work-a-day brisk, official self.

“When you start a conversation with ‘I have some wonderful news for you'” he says, “the next words out of your mouth really need to be that I am a grandfather.”

LLLLLLOOOOOLLLLLL.

I can’t make that happen any faster than it is going to happen. Baby grandson is now almost a week overdue, and we are waiting, waiting, waiting for him to show up. This is an eagerly awaited arrival.

I guess he is also happy about the fruitcake, but he really wants a grandson! 🙂

February 3, 2010 Posted by | Aging, Biography, Character, Communication, Community, Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Florida, Generational, Interconnected, Living Conditions, Marriage, Relationships | 3 Comments

Qatar’s ‘Manly Women’

Thank you, Little Diamond, who sent this article from The Economist as an update to blog entry on cross dressing based on a tiny article in the Gulf Times

CROSS-DRESSING is on the rise among young Qataris. The local press says that more tradition-minded locals are upset by the growing number of young women affecting a masculine style of dress, baggy trousers, short hair and deep voices. These women, who call themselves boyat, which translates as both tomboy and transsexual (and is derived from the English word boy), are being seen in schools and on university campuses where some are said to harass their straiter-laced sisters.

In an episode of a talk show on Qatari television, called Lakom al Karar (The Decision is Yours), a leading academic said that the “manly women” phenomenon was part of a “foreign trend” brought into Qatar and the Gulf by globalisation. Foreign teachers, the internet and satellite television have been blamed. So have foreign housemaids, for badly influencing children in their care.

The studio audience was divided over how to respond. Some called for the death penalty for cross-dressers, while others favoured medical treatment. A rehabilitation centre for Qatari boyat has been set up, but a local report says that as many as 70% of them refuse to give up their “abnormal behaviour”.

It is not just Qataris who are rattled. A year ago the ministry of social affairs in the United Arab Emirates (UAE) launched a campaign against “masculine women”. The project, entitled “Excuse me, I’m a girl”, involved workshops, lectures and television programmes, stressing the virtues of femininity and raising awareness of the presumed dangers of women looking like men. An emirates’ foundation is helping to fund a research project on “gender identity disorder among Emirati youth”.

One official describes the “deviant behaviour” of the boyat as a “menace” to society. But others sound less fazed. An American university lecturer in the region says the short hair and gym shoes worn by these young women would look perfectly normal on an American campus. That is just what unnerves the traditionalists.

Why do you think these girls dress and act like men? Why would a girl do that?

I think girls do that – in any country – for a reason. If privileges and freedoms are heavily weighted in favor of males, perhaps there is no great mystery as to why some females would prefer to be males. It makes sense to me. Girls aren’t stupid. They can see who is getting all the goodies. My guess it is less a gender issue than a values issue.

On the other hand, when – and if – things are more equal, there is less motivation to be other than what we were created to be.

I had some young local friends who told me that they were taking Tai Kwan Do, but quit when a neighbor told their mother that it might threaten their virginity. It broke my heart. The martial arts give grace and confidence to young women. There are a lot of ways a hymen can be broken; I have never heard of it happening while training in Tai Kwan Do. These young, vibrant girls have fewer and fewer activities that they are encouraged to do, and end up staying home or strolling endlessly at the local malls. Aaarrgh!

Dads – teach your daughters to hunt! Teach them to fish! Teach them to swim, to throw a softball, to kick a football. Take them camping in the desert, and let them run freely. Teach them chess, and how to win. Give them the gift of physical and intellectual activity, give them the understanding that sports, employment and power are equally accessible for all sexes, and you won’t be having problems with girls who yearn for the freedoms and privileges of being male.

January 30, 2010 Posted by | Character, Cross Cultural, Doha, Education, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Generational, Living Conditions, Qatar, Social Issues, Values, Women's Issues | 12 Comments

‘Glimmer of Hope’ in Doha Abduction Case

‘Glimmer of hope’ in custody battle
From the Qatar Gulf Times

British mother Rebecca Jones has described the decision by a Qatari judge to bring her son to court as a “glimmer of hope” in her ongoing battle to regain custody of Adam, saying that the judge’s decision that the boy’s attendance is necessary feels like her first victory in the case.

“I’m thrilled that Adam will be given the opportunity to tell the court how he wants to come home to his Mummy, Daddy and little sister, and that the court will have the chance to see how he is suffering,” she told Gulf Times yesterday.

Jones, who claimed that her son was kidnapped when she was “tricked” into visiting the country in October last year, is particularly worried about the mental and physical state of her son, saying that he had been ill in recent weeks because of the stress surrounding the current situation.

However, the most recent ruling in the case has given her some hope that she may be reunited with him on a permanent basis in the not too distant future.
Earlier this week a judge ruled that Jones’ appeal will be held on February 11, and that both Adam and his 77-year-old grandmother who was originally awarded custody of him, should attend the court hearing.

Jones is also fighting a court case to increase her visitation rights with her son, something that will be decided on February 3.

She is hoping to be awarded more time with Adam, as well as the ability to spend time with him outside of the house in which he is currently living.

“He seems to be ill because of stress and has been physically sick recently,” she claimed, adding “he is very upset and very nervous on each visit – the second I walk through the door he asks me when he can come home.”

Another major concern for Jones is the educational aspect of her son’s life as it will shortly be the fifth month that he has gone without attending school.

But for now, Jones is just looking forward to the court hearing in which her son will finally be given a voice. “I truly believe that the court will do the right thing,” she added.

January 19, 2010 Posted by | Aging, Bureaucracy, Community, Cultural, Doha, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Generational, Health Issues, Law and Order, Living Conditions, Marriage, News, Qatar, Women's Issues | Leave a comment

Chinese Parents Abort Females; Men Can’t Find Mates

There is a part of me that thinks “What were you thinking??”

Of course, you know by now if you’ve been reading Here There and Everywhere that I don’t hate men, and also that I see RED when women are undervalued because they are women and not men. Equal rights, equal pay for equal work, equal citizenship – my battles to fight.

So what happens when poor people are told they can have only one child, and they all abort their female children – or they disappear shortly after birth – and only little boys who can grow up to take care of their parents are born?

Dearth of Women to Leave 24M Chinese Men Unwed

From AOL News Sphere where you can read this entire article by clicking on this blue type
Terence Neilan
Sphere

(Jan. 11) — More than 24 million Chinese men of marrying age could find themselves without a woman to wed by 2020, and a Chinese proclivity to abort female fetuses is a major contributing factor, a major study has found.

Gender imbalance among newborns is the most serious demographic problem facing the country’s population of 1.3 billion, the study by the government-backed Chinese Academy of Social Sciences says.

“Sex-specific abortions remained extremely commonplace,” the academy said, “especially in rural areas,” where the cultural preference for boys over girls is strongest.

January 13, 2010 Posted by | Family Issues, Financial Issues, Generational, Living Conditions, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 14 Comments