Grossing out the World
I admit it. I failed. I only got 5 out of 11. See how you can do:
http://www.fekids.com/img/kln/flash/DontGrossOutTheWorld.swf Dining Out in the World
Tests your knowledge of eating etiquette around the world. 🙂
Shifting Weather Patterns
Last week, we had our first days under 100°F/38°C.
Last night, AdventureMan shivered and moved close to me.
“I’m cold” he said pitifully, putting his cold feet up against me.
It’s OK. I’m used to it. He is often cold, and I radiate heat. We pile the covers up on him and I sleep with just a sheet. I can’t sleep if I am too hot.
“There’s another quilt out on the loveseat” I tell him, referring to a piece of furniture about twenty steps away.
“Will you go get it for me?” he asked, his voice quavering.
We’ve been married a long time. I’m on to his tricks.
“No,” I laughed, “If you want another blanket, you have to go get it.”
“I don’t want to leave the bed,” he complained, and snuggled closely to me to absorb my heat.
This morning, at 0700, it is not even 80°F. Wooo HOOOOOO! There is still some humidity, but the afternoons are balmy, and there are evenings you can sit outside and drink coffee. Wooo HOOOO, my favorite season – Outside Season!
Role Reversal?
“Oh AdventureMan, I was SO embarrased!”
I had just finished telling him how while doing a major grocery shopping, I got to the front of the check-out line and realized – I had the wrong basket! How could that be? Where had I picked up this basket?
I headed quickly back to the dairy area where I had desperately been looking for sour cream; the shelves empty and looking like Florida-when-a-hurricane-is-on-the-way. A very nice gentleman said “I think you have my basket” and I apologized profusely. He was very kind. He said “Your basket is over there,” and pointed, and he was exactly right, there it was.
AdventureMan laughed and said “You have really gone to extreme lengths to meet new men! Maybe I need to keep a better eye on you!”
I agreed.
“In fact,” I said, “We could go the whole route, and I could just stay secluded in our home, and at the end of your very long working day, after driving through the grid-locked-going-home-traffic in Doha, you could stop by the aisle-packed grocery store and do a major shopping for me!”
We both laughed. Isn’t going to happen.
Everything Old Comes New Again
I love the Sephora ads, even if they won’t mail anything to me in Qatar. I have to use all my points when I am back in the USA. I still love seeing what I am missing, and if I really really want something, I can usually find someplace to order it or someone to take a run to Sephora to get it for me, especially when I am getting low on just-the-right-shade-of-eyeshadow. And no, no, the Sephoras in Kuwait and Qatar don’t carry all the brands that a full-fledged Sephora in France or Germany or the USA will carry. No Urban Decay for sure.
But this – this has a familiar ring to it. When I was young, even a kid, I think there was some lipstick that made the same claim, you put it on and it turns the right color for you.
So how does it do that?
Starting Monday with a Blonde Joke
An old, blind cowboy
wanders into an all-girl biker bar by
mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders
some coffee.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to
the waiter: “Hey, you wanna’ hear a
blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep husky voice, the woman next to
him says: “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I
think it is only fair, given that you are blind,
that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a
baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman
with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and
a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a
professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister…., do you
still want to tell that joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his
head, and mutters,
“No, not if
I’m gonna have to explain it five
times.”
Myths about Contraception
Sometimes news articles are unintentionally humorous. I couldn’t help it – this statement:
Dr Annie Evans, Women’s Health Specialist at the Bristol Sexual Health Centre, said: “It is not surprising, given that Britain continues to have the highest unintended pregnancy rate in Europe.”
had me totally giggling. If you thought chicken skin would prevent contraception, you might have an unintended pregnancy, too! Hilarious. I thought as time passed, people would know more and more about these things. How can so many people NOT know?
Contraception myths ‘widespread’
By Sudeep Chand
Health reporter, BBC News
A UK survey has revealed that myths about contraception may be widespread.
One in five women said they had heard of kitchen items, including bread, cling film and even chicken skin, being used as alternative barrier methods.
Others had heard food items such as kebabs, Coca-cola or crisps could be used as oral contraceptives.
The survey questioned 1,000 women aged 18 to 50 and was carried out by market research company Opinion Health, sponsored by Bayer Schering Pharma.
Contraceptive myths have been around for thousands of years.
Ancient methods have varied from crocodile dung and honey before sex, to sea sponges and beeswax after.
Perhaps the most intoxicating was alcohol made from stewed beaver’s testicles.
However, it seems that a variety of unsafe and unproven methods might still exist in modern Britain.
Dr Annie Evans, Women’s Health Specialist at the Bristol Sexual Health Centre, said: “It is not surprising, given that Britain continues to have the highest unintended pregnancy rate in Europe.”
Other myths surround the use of oral contraceptive pills. One in 10 of the women questioned believed that it always takes a number of years to regain fertility after discontinuation of the pill. Others believed that the pill could protect them against HIV.
Professor Steve Field, Chairman of the Royal College of General Practitioners, commented: “This is alarming but not surprising.
“I’ve had complications with patients over the years that have concerned me.
“The more we can put appropriate information to the public about the availability of different methods of contraception, about their advantages and disadvantages, the better.
“It is important that access to advice is made as easily as possible for all ages.”
Family Jokes
To wile away those last few minutes before breaking the fast, and divert your attention, here are a few jokes I got in my mail today, family kind of jokes that made me smile:
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor’s office, a woman rolled an elderly man
in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist’s desk, the man sat there,
alone and silent. J ust as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped
off his mother’s lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man’s,
he said, ‘I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.’.
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin’s six-year-old daughter, Krissy,
came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was
intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After
mulling over my answers, she remarked, ‘My mom has some of those, but I don’t
think she knows how to use them.’
*****
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn,
I got a little wistful. ‘In ten years,’ I said, ‘you’ll want to be with your
friends and you won’t go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.
Carolyn shrugged. ‘In ten years you’ll be too old to do all those things
anyway.’
******
Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving
immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give
four-year-old Lizzie her needle. ‘No, no, no!’ she screamed. ‘Lizzie,’ scolded
her mother, ‘that’s not polite behavior.’ With that, the girl yelled even
louder, ‘No, thank you! No, thank you!
******
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question.
‘Dad, I know that babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there
in the first place?’ he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile,
my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. ‘You don’t have to make something up,
Dad. It’s OK if you don’t know the answer.’
*****
Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down
and broke the news to him. ‘I’m going to be away for a long time,’ I told him.
‘I’m going to Iraq .’ ‘Why?’ he asked. ‘Don’t you know there’s a war going
on over there?’
*****
Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with
cancer, AIDS and blood diseases. One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne
Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table,
suspecting the young patients wouldn’t know that Newman was a famous movie star,
explained, ‘That’s the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you’ve seen his
picture on his salad dressing bottle?’ Blank stares. ‘Well, you’ve probably seen
his face on his lemonade carton.’ An eight-year-old girl perked up. ‘How long
was he missing?’
*****
God’s Problem Now.
His wife’s grave side service was just barely finished, when there was a massive
clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even
more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor
and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s there.
Breakfast at Claire’s
There are two main streets in the little town I call home, Edmonds, Washington, just north of Seattle. One street is called Main Street (no surprise!) and it ends at the dock where the ferry loads up passengers and cars to go over to Kingston, so it is called the Kingston ferry. Just up the street from the ferry dock – and it is UP, Seattle is full of hills – is Claire’s Pantry.
I don’t remember a time when Claire’s wasn’t there. I remember going to the same place for seafood buffets; but maybe it wasn’t Claire’s at that time. Mostly we go to Claire’s for breakfast.
They have everything. Mom opens the menu and says “I am NOT going to have Eggs Benedict this time” and scans through the huge variety of pancakes and omelets and breakfast specials.
I already know what I want. Not Eggs Benedict. CRAB Benedict.
Mom sighs and closes the menu. When the waitress comes, she orders.
“I’ll have the Eggs Benedict, please.”
LLLOOOLLLLL!
I only took one photo because her Eggs Benedict looked just exactly like my Crab Benedict.
And before you ask – NO! No! We didn’t eat it all! We could never eat it all! Mom took half home in a box, and I just ate the eggs and crab and a little bit of the hash browns and left the rest. It was too much and too rich!
Joke for Women
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his
parents began to yell and scream, ‘Where did you get that truck???!!!’
He calmly told them, ‘I bought it today.’
‘With what money?’ demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet
Avalanche cost.
‘Well,’ said the boy, ‘this one cost me just fifteen dollars.’ So the
parents began to yell even louder. ‘Who would sell a truck like that for
fifteen dollars?’ they said.
‘It was the lady up the street,’ said the boy. I don’t know her name –
they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I
wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars.’
‘Oh my Goodness!,’ moaned the mother, ‘she must be a child abuser. Who knows
what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going
on.’ So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady
lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new
Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘this morning I got a phone call from my husband.. (I
thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off
to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn’t intend to come back)
He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new
Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money.
So I did.’
(Are women good or what?)
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