“Generation of Spoiled Idiots”
I have a dear friend who sends me the most amazing things. This started my day with a howl of laughter:
I am embarrassed to tell you – I remember rotary phones. I even remember party lines, where you had to wait for your neighbor to finish his call before you could make your own, and you never knew who might be listening to your conversation. I remember planes that had large, beautiful lady’s lounges, with a seating area for nursing mothers. I remember when living in Germany was a huge problem to many young people who ran up huge phone bills, calling their families when they were lonely – no internet, no VOIP. I remember transistor radios, and Walkmen! LLLOOOLLLL!
Seattle Sunset
“Quick! Look! Look at the sunset!” AdventureMan pulls over. “Don’t you want a photo for your blog?”
We’ve both still got colds and I am tired. At this point, I just want to get home. But . . . he is right, it is a glorious sunset.
Yes, that is me holding the camera.
When we got to the airport to pick up our Seattle rental, the helpful, courteous man behind the counter asked if we would like a small SUV.
“For the same price?” I asked. Part of me remembered by May rental when I ended up paying $70 every time I filled the tank.
“Same price, small Jeep” he said with a smile, and handed me the folder.
When we got to the rental cars, it was not a small Jeep. It was a Jeep that looked like a Hummer. AdventureMan loaded all the bags in (it’s Christmas, remember? We are loaded with bags.) We get in the car and AdventureMan starts driving out of the parking garage.
“I don’t think I like this car.” I say.
If you are married, especially if you have been married for a long time, you can keep reading. You are the kinds of people who understand how much a marriage has to survive to endure.
“It’s too big. I can’t drive this car.” I say.
“What do you want to do?” AdventureMan says patiently, but any wife who has been married a long time knows that whatever happens next has to be quick and relatively painless.
“I want to see if we can get something I can drive, too.” I say.
“You want us to go back and park and get another car?” he says, to clairify.
“Yes.” I say, knowing he is very tired and I am walking a fine line here, but I HATE this car, it feels cramped and you can’t see all around, it is sort of squashed feeling.
I quickly go to the Fast Counter, and the man, God bless him, has a Rav4, just one, and I can have it at the same price.
“You don’t want the luxury car?” he asks me as I am signing the papers.
“It was supposed to be a SMALL Jeep.” I countered. “That is not a small Jeep.”
“No,” the counter guy said “You almost got our top of the line Jeep for the economy car price.”
“I don’t care,” I reply (not as rudely as it sounds) “I don’t like it.”
I take the new keys back to AdventureMan, who gamely pulls the bags out of the big huge luxury Jeep and loads them into the more modest Rav4.
It was a smart decision. We both enjoyed the Rav4, being a little high up, having space, but still being small enough to fit into the narrow, short Seattle parking spaces. Anyway, that’s the Rav4 in the photo with the sunset.
Aphorisms to get you through the day
Another gem in this morning’s e-mail from a wise and treasured mentor:
An APHORISM is a short, pointed sentence expressing a wise or clever observation or a general truth. Here are some “gems”.
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
13. No one ever says ‘It’s only a game.’ when their team is winning.
14. I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
19. After 50, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!
20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind, don’t matter
Thank You Every Day Heroes
You know how I feel – the firefighters and the police risk their lives every day to keep us safe. And you know I love I Can Has Cheezburger.com – so this is the best of both those worlds:
more animals
LOL@Stats
What happened is that two years ago I wrote a post called Halloween Warning and it got a little attention, but this year, people would Google “halloween” and then they would come to this blog entry.
It’s like how can you get all wrapped up in statistics when what happens is so random and unpredictable? On Halloween day, I got 3,172 hits. I’m a very limited blogger, I don’t have the kind of blog that attracts huge numbers – and while that may look like a huge number, it is discouraging when I know that I may never see a figure like that again.
My top all time posts are led by a picture of a birthday cake. I admit, it is a gorgeous cake, I spent a lot of time looking for just the right cake, but . . . my all time high?
There is nothing like blogging to keep you humble, and from taking yourself too seriously. 
Election Joke: Today, You Voted
A good friend sent this non-partisan joke just in time for election day:
While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by
A truck and dies.
His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the entrance.
‘Welcome to heaven,’ says St. Peter. ‘Before you settle in, it seems
There is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts,
You see, so we’re not sure what to do with you.’
‘No problem, just let me in,’ says the man.
‘Well, I’d like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we’ll do Is
have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you Can choose
where to spend eternity.’
‘Really, I’ve made up my mind. I want to be in heaven,’ says the
Senator.
‘I’m sorry, but we have our rules.’
And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes Down,
down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself In the middle
of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse And standing in
front of it are all his friends and other politicians Who had worked
with him.
Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him,
Shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while
Getting rich at the expense of the people.
They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar And
champagne.
Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who Has a
good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a Good time
that before he realizes it, it is time to go.
Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator
Rises…
The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St.
Peter
Is waiting for him.
‘Now it’s time to visit heaven.’
So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls
Moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a
Good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St.
Peter returns.
‘Well, then, you’ve spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now
Choose your eternity.’
The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: ‘Well, I would Never
have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I
would be better off in hell.’
So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, Down
to hell.
Now the doors of the elevator open and he’s in the middle of a Barren
land covered with waste and garbage.
He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and
Putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.
The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder.
‘I don’t understand,’ stammers the senator. ‘Yesterday I was here And
there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and Caviar,
drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there’s just a
wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable.
What happened?’
The devil looks at him, smiles and says, ‘Yesterday we were
campaigning.. .
Today you voted.’
Happy Halloween
This is from the New Yorker
We love their cartoons. This one, unfortunately, is more true than funny.
Why Dogs Hate Halloween
A friend sent me a very long e-mail this morning, full of photos like these. I am only sharing these with you at the end of the work day because I don’t want your boss to hear you laughing out loud: 🙂
Can you imagine? Have they no pride, no dignity? A dog will be a good sport and will go along with just about anything. A cat will scratch your eyes out if you are even thinking about it! LLOOLL
Idiot Awards 2008
I love these; I love these the most because they are true, there are loads and loads of genuine idiots out there. Please, be careful reading these at the office; they are guaranteed to make you laugh out loud.
I have a nominee for the Kuwait idiot award. Policeman breaks his leg chasing a drug dealer, who jumped from the second floor balcony. Policeman jumps, too. In the hospital, time passes slowly and policeman and his roommate get to chatting. Policeman asks him how he broke his leg and the guy tells him he was running from a policeman and jumped off a balcony. Policeman had his phone with him and his roommate was cuffed in no time. What are the odds? 🙂
Idiot Number One of 2008
I am a medical student currently doing a rotation in toxicology at the poison control center. Today, this woman called in very upset because she caught her little daughter eating ants. I quickly reassured her that the ants are not harmful and there would be no need to bring her daughter into the hospital. She calmed down and at the end of the conversation happened to mention that she gave her daughter some ant poison to eat in order to kill the ants.
I told her that she better bring her daughter in to the emergency room right away.
Here’s your sign, lady. Wear it with pride.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Two of 2008
Early this year, some Boeing employees on the airfield decided to steal a life raft from one of the 747s. They were successful in getting it out of the plane and home. Shortly after they took it for a float on the river, they noticed a Coast Guard helicopter coming toward them. It turned out that the chopper was homing in on the emergency locater beacon that activated when the raft was inflated. They are no longer employed at Boeing.
Here’s your sign, guys. Don’t get it wet; the paint might run.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Three of 2008
A man, wanting to rob a downtown Bank of America, walked into the Branch and wrote this, ‘Put all your muny in this bag.’ While standing in line, waiting to give his note to the teller, he began to worry that someone had seen him write the note and might call the police before he reached the teller’s window. So he left the Bank of America and crossed the street to the Wells Fargo Bank. After waiting a few minutes in line, he handed his note to the Wells Fargo teller. She read it and, surmising from his spelling errors that he wasn’t the brightest light in the harbor, told him that she could not accept his stickup note because it was written on a Bank of America deposit slip and that he would either have to fill out a Wells Fargo deposit slip or go back to Bank of America.
Looking somewhat defeated, the man said, ‘OK’ and left.He was arrested a few minutes later, as he was waiting in line back at Bank of America.
Don’t bother with this guy’s sign. He probably couldn’t read it anyway.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Four of 2008
A motorist was unknowingly caught in an automated speed trap that; measured his speed using radar and photographed his car. He later received in the mail a ticket for $40 and a photo of his car. Instead of payment, he sent the police department a photograph of $40.
several days later, he received a letter from the police that contained another picture, this time of handcuffs. He immediately mailed in his $40.
Wise guy……..
But you still get a sign
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Five of 2008
A guy walked into a little corner store with a shotgun and demanded all of the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier put the cash in a bag, the robber saw a bottle of Scotch that he wanted behind the counter on the shelf. He told the cashier to put it in the bag as well, but the cashier refused and said, ‘Because I don’t believe you are over 21.’ The robber said he was, but the clerk still refused to give it to him because she didn’t believe him. At this point, the robber took his driver’s license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
The clerk looked it over and agreed that the man was in fact over 21 and she put the Scotch in the bag. The robber then ran from the store with his loot. The cashier promptly called the police and gave the name and address of the robber that he got off the license. They arrested the robber two hours later.
This guy definitely needs a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Six of 2008
A pair of Michigan robbers entered a record shop nervously waving revolvers.
The first one shouted, ‘Nobody move!’ When his partner moved, the startled first bandit shot him.
This guy doesn’t even deserve a sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Seven of 2008
Arkansas : Seems this guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided that he’d just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run.
So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back knocking him unconscious. It seems the liquor store window was made of Plexi-Glass.The whole event was caught on videotape.
Yep, here’s your sign.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Idiot Number Eight of 2008
I live in a semi-rural area. ( Weyauwega , Wisconsin ) We recently had a new neighbor call the local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer Crossing sign on our road.
The reason: ‘Too many deer are being hit by cars out here! – I don’t think this is a good place for them to be crossing anymore.’
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