Sweet Home Alabama – As You’ve NEVER Seen it
Courtesy of my friend, Momcat, who shares my quirky sense of humor:
ROCKING RUSSKIES
Written by To The Point News
Thursday, 06 March 2008
Prepare yourself for this one – maybe with a Stoli martini or two.
Back in the days of the Soviet Union, the Soviet Red Army had an official choir composed of male soldiers and musicians. It still exists. The Red Army Choir performs throughout Russia to this day.
Now consider the Finnish rock band called The Leningrad Cowboys. A little while ago, they held a concert in Russia, in which – to the screaming applause of Russkie teen-agers – they got the Red Army Choir to join them on stage for a performance of “Sweet Home Alabama.” In English. You couldn’t make this up.
We’re talking seriously off the wall here. Better have that Stoli ready when you watch it:
(Prepare to die, laughing!) DA! Da! Da!
Older Dog
This came in this morning’s e-mail:
An older, tired-looking dog wandered into my yard.
I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home and was well taken care of.
He calmly came over to me, I gave him a few pats on his head;
he then followed me into my house, slowly walked down the
hall, curled up in the corner and fell asleep.
An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out.
The next day he was back, greeted me in my yard, walked inside and resumed his spot in the hall and again slept for about an hour.
This continued off and on for several weeks.
Curious I pinned a note to his collar: ‘I would like to find out who the owner of this wonderful, sweet dog is
and ask if you are aware that almost every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap.’
The next day he arrived for his nap, with a different note pinned to his collar:
‘He lives in a home with 6 children, 2 under the age of 3 – he’s trying to catch up on his sleep.
Can I come with him tomorrow?’
Chris Rock: Hard to Make Fun of Obama
On this historic inaugural day – you’ve gotta keep a sense of humor. But making jokes about this President is not so easy, according to Chris Rock, a comedian I truly enjoy. Here is an excerpt from his interview with CNN, which you can read in whole by clicking on this blue type.
By Jacque Wilson
CNN
(CNN) — Chris Rock is best known for two things: being funny and being crass.
“If you’re the president you only have two jobs: peace and money,” Chris Rock said.
“This is what people come to see. I’m just doing my show,” the comedian said with a laugh.
He’s also known for his political commentary, but there’s one person he’s having a lot of trouble making fun of — president-elect Barack Obama.
This is apparent in his new DVD “Kill the Messenger,” which combines three shows from his international tour: New York; London, England; and Johannesburg, South Africa.
“It was a tour nobody wanted to do… because the general perception is that comedy doesn’t translate,” Rock said.
But thanks to the Internet, the world is a lot smaller than it was even 10 years ago. And people are digging the same jokes, he said, including ones about John McCain and Sarah Palin.
As the DVD readies for release on January 20, CNN talked with Rock about his lack of Obama jokes, Inauguration Day and why racism will never die. The following is an edited version of that interview:
CNN: I watched the special last night, and I noticed that you did a lot of jokes about John McCain — his age, his war hero story — but not so many about Barack Obama. Is it harder to make fun of Obama?
Chris Rock: He’s just one of those guys, you know, like Will Smith. There’s no Will Smith jokes. There’s no Brad Pitt jokes. You know, what are you going to say? “Ooh, you used to have sex with Jennifer Anniston. Now you have sex with Angelina Jolie. You’re such a loser.” What do you say? “Ooh, your movies are big. You make $20 million.” There’s nothing to say about Brad Pitt.
CNN: Why is Obama like that?
Rock: It’s like “Ooh, you’re young and virile and you’ve got a beautiful wife and kids. You’re the first African-American president.” You know, what do you say?
Chris Rock is irreverent and very very funny.
Hala February Starts in January
From Al Watan
KUWAIT: The festival of Hala February for 2009 will be held from Jan. 29 until Feb. 24, said the festival”s high committee Sunday.
The committee”s general coordinator Waleed AlـJassem told the press that the event would coincide with the third year of reign for His Highnes the Amir Sheikh Sabah AlـAhmad AlـSabah, affirming that the festival would focus on highlighting the nationalistic values among citizens.
An opening carnival, which last for three days, would illuminate this year”s celebrations, he revealed.
Head of the committee”s media team Waleed AlـSagobi said that families could enjoy the festival due to the fact that the event coincide with the spring break for schools, affirming that the festival would be supported by a strong media campaign. ـKUNA
Among a whole lot of other things, as part of my job for a non-profit, I once wrote press releases. As I learned the ropes, I also learned that the newspapers will print almost anything you provide them, as long as you have proven your credibility, and the information is “print ready.” One TV station did a weekly news item on articles I would send – it wasn’t rocket science.
I am so sorry to say this, but if you are having an event, it is worth your while to take advantage of this. If you provide news sources with an event schedule, guess what? They will print it! If they print it, people will come.
If you print it in English, even more people will come! Isn’t Kuwait looking for tourism? Is there now a Hala February website, with an event schedule in English? Wouldn’t that have been a perfect opportunity, if not to publish the schedule of events (hey, having the schedule ready one month in advance is not that hard) AND a website to go to for event additions.
I really try not to be critical. I really try not to be sarcastic. Forgive me.
Uncle Jay Explains the News (US) from 2008
Tongue-in-cheek funny . . . This came out mid-December, or I am sure there would also be a shot at more recent events . . .
The Most Memorable Present of 2008
You look, and all you see is a candle.
It came with a tag that said “You can burn this candle any time you want.” We laughed until we cried.
When our son was seven, his class took a field trip to a Christmas Market in the German town where we lived. He had saved his money, and bought us Christmas presents there. One present he bought was wonderful – little beeswax candles.
We were delighted. They were beautiful, and they smelled so good! To honor him, we lit one right away.
Big mistake. When he walked into the room, his smiling face turned to utter horror!
“What are you doing??” he cried!
“We are burning your Christmas candle!” we said, proudly.
“No! No! You are not supposed to burn it!” he said, his eyes big and sorrowful! (Bad Mommy! Bad Daddy!)
We quickly snuffed the candle, and saved it, using it only for decoration for many years. I probably still have it, with our Christmas boxes, in storage.
We told this story when we were all together for Thanksgiving, and we all had a good laugh. The laugh was even better when we got this candle, with its note, telling us we could burn it any time we wanted. 🙂
“Generation of Spoiled Idiots”
I have a dear friend who sends me the most amazing things. This started my day with a howl of laughter:
I am embarrassed to tell you – I remember rotary phones. I even remember party lines, where you had to wait for your neighbor to finish his call before you could make your own, and you never knew who might be listening to your conversation. I remember planes that had large, beautiful lady’s lounges, with a seating area for nursing mothers. I remember when living in Germany was a huge problem to many young people who ran up huge phone bills, calling their families when they were lonely – no internet, no VOIP. I remember transistor radios, and Walkmen! LLLOOOLLLL!
Seattle Sunset
“Quick! Look! Look at the sunset!” AdventureMan pulls over. “Don’t you want a photo for your blog?”
We’ve both still got colds and I am tired. At this point, I just want to get home. But . . . he is right, it is a glorious sunset.
Yes, that is me holding the camera.
When we got to the airport to pick up our Seattle rental, the helpful, courteous man behind the counter asked if we would like a small SUV.
“For the same price?” I asked. Part of me remembered by May rental when I ended up paying $70 every time I filled the tank.
“Same price, small Jeep” he said with a smile, and handed me the folder.
When we got to the rental cars, it was not a small Jeep. It was a Jeep that looked like a Hummer. AdventureMan loaded all the bags in (it’s Christmas, remember? We are loaded with bags.) We get in the car and AdventureMan starts driving out of the parking garage.
“I don’t think I like this car.” I say.
If you are married, especially if you have been married for a long time, you can keep reading. You are the kinds of people who understand how much a marriage has to survive to endure.
“It’s too big. I can’t drive this car.” I say.
“What do you want to do?” AdventureMan says patiently, but any wife who has been married a long time knows that whatever happens next has to be quick and relatively painless.
“I want to see if we can get something I can drive, too.” I say.
“You want us to go back and park and get another car?” he says, to clairify.
“Yes.” I say, knowing he is very tired and I am walking a fine line here, but I HATE this car, it feels cramped and you can’t see all around, it is sort of squashed feeling.
I quickly go to the Fast Counter, and the man, God bless him, has a Rav4, just one, and I can have it at the same price.
“You don’t want the luxury car?” he asks me as I am signing the papers.
“It was supposed to be a SMALL Jeep.” I countered. “That is not a small Jeep.”
“No,” the counter guy said “You almost got our top of the line Jeep for the economy car price.”
“I don’t care,” I reply (not as rudely as it sounds) “I don’t like it.”
I take the new keys back to AdventureMan, who gamely pulls the bags out of the big huge luxury Jeep and loads them into the more modest Rav4.
It was a smart decision. We both enjoyed the Rav4, being a little high up, having space, but still being small enough to fit into the narrow, short Seattle parking spaces. Anyway, that’s the Rav4 in the photo with the sunset.
Aphorisms to get you through the day
Another gem in this morning’s e-mail from a wise and treasured mentor:
An APHORISM is a short, pointed sentence expressing a wise or clever observation or a general truth. Here are some “gems”.
1. The nicest thing about the future is that it always starts tomorrow.
2. Money will buy a fine dog, but only kindness will make him wag his tail.
3. If you don’t have a sense of humor, you probably don’t have any sense at all.
4. Seat belts are not as confining as wheelchairs.
5. A good time to keep your mouth shut is when you’re in deep water.
6. How come it takes so little time for a child who is afraid of the dark to become a teenager who wants to stay out all night?
7. Business conventions are important because they demonstrate how many people a company can operate without.
8. Why is it that at class reunions you feel younger than everyone else looks?
9. Scratch a cat and you will have a permanent job.
10. No one has more driving ambition than the boy who wants to buy a car.
11. There are no new sins; the old ones just get more publicity.
12. There are worse things than getting a call for a wrong number at 4 AM. It could be a right number.
13. No one ever says ‘It’s only a game.’ when their team is winning.
14. I’ve reached the age where the happy hour is a nap.
15. Be careful reading the fine print. There’s no way you’re going to like it.
16. The trouble with bucket seats is that not everybody has the same size bucket.
17. Do you realize that in about 40 years, we’ll have thousands of old ladies running around with tattoos? (And rap music will be the Golden Oldies!)
18. Money can’t buy happiness — but somehow it’s more comfortable to cry in a Corvette than in a Yugo.
19. After 50, if you don’t wake up aching in every joint, you are probably dead!!
20. Always be yourself because the people that matter don’t mind, and the ones who mind, don’t matter
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