That’s Very Different!
A grin today from the FAIL Blog. This one had me helpless with the giggles.
Even some English speakers have problems with why this is funny – the word they meant to use on the news captioning was “evacuating.” The word they used has a very different meaning.
The Cat and the Table
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When I saw this today, on ICHC, I just had to laugh.
Our son has a cat. Our son has a sprayer. The cat gets on the table, where he knows he is not supposed to be. Our son yells “Gordon! Get off the table!” and Gordon settles down. Our son jumps up and gets the sprayer, and Gordon watches. Our son sprays. And sprays. And sprays. If you get right up close to Gordon and spray under his tail, he will get up slowly, annoyed, and saunter off the table. He takes his time. He wants you to know you are annoying, but you don’t scare him. He wants you to know that you are NOT the boss of him.
Normally, Gordon is just the nicest cat you could ever hope to meet. He just has a thing about the dining room table.
Come Back!
Law n’ Order Man! EnviroGirl! Come back! Come to Kuwait! We’ll make it worth your while!
Actually, in Kuwait, “coming soon” does not actually mean coming soon. There was a restaurant “coming soon” at The Palms, and we waited. And waited. The sign was up for months, and the restaurant never came!
We’ve heard there is also a Borders Books coming to The Avenues Mall – but we aren’t holding our breaths!
Flea Infestation
Here’s the problem. Life doesn’t come with an instruction manual. OK, OK, we have our holy books, and they give us character guidelines. I am talking about specifics here, when life hands you those lemons, how do you make lemonade? Specifically!
When we move to Florida, we thought we were in Paradise. We had a house with a big pool, surrounded by shady trees, families of racoons, beautiful gardens – what’s not to like?
Paradise came with chamaeleons, lizards, cockroaches, even in the best houses. And fleas. We had to learn how to deal with them.
During our first and only flea infestation, at first we blamed the cats. Being a terrible mother, I asked my son to help, and he went into the walk in shower (No! Not naked! He was wearing swimming trunks!) to bathe the cats with anti-flea shampoo. I would get the cat trapped, put the cat in the shower, he would shampoo them, let one out and I would hand him the next one. Both cats loved him the best; he had chosen them from the litter.
When I saw this photo on LOLCATS, I really had to laugh.
see more crazy cat pics
Just so you will know, the solution is to take the cats to the vet and have them treated for fleas professionally. While the cats are at the vets, pour 20 Mule Team Borax over all your carpets and in all your upholstered furniture, let it stand overnight, and vacuum it all up. After you vacuum, bring the cats back. It really works. The borax creates a saline environment in which the fleas (and cockroaches) can’t survive, but it doesn’t hurt pets.
Election Year Joke #2
Thank you – you know who you are – for starting my day with a laugh-out-loud election year joke:
A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his
herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.
The driver, a young man in aArmani suit, Gucci shoes,RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, ‘If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, Will you give me a calf?’
Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, ‘Sure, Why not?’
The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebookcomputer,connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resoluti on photo.
The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany ..
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilotthat the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email o n his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, ‘You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.’
‘That’s right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves,’ says Bud.
He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.
Then Bud says to the young man, ‘Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my ca lf?’
The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, ‘Okay, why not?’
‘You’re a Congressman for the U.S. Government’, says Bud.
‘Wow! That’s correct,’ says the yuppie, ‘but how did you guess that?’
‘No guessing required.’ answered the cowboy. ‘You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew,to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don’t know a thing about cows…this is a
Herd of sheep. . . .
Now give me back my dog.
Hold Your Calls, Save Your Life
Actually – not a bad slogan. Pithy, personal, memorable.
Found this in yesterday’s Kuwait Times. Was it also in the Arabic language newspapers? Doesn’t say anything about the fine . . . . the newspaper announcement leads us to believe they are serious. The fine of 5KD (about $20) remains laughable. Nonetheless – if you use a mobile phone while driving, you will become a CRIMINAL after May 1! 😉
No one is going to hate this law more than AdventureMan. Sometimes he calls me when he is driving just to see if I will hang up on him. He tries to talk me into talking with him. I have always said I don’t want to hear his last words being “Oh ____!”
I know this feeling!
see more crazy cat pics
Go For the Bloat
It is breathtaking in its audacity. In a report from CondeNastPortfolio.com we learn of a reverse approach by Carl Jrs. / Hardee’s – going full out towards mega-caloric burgers.
This post is dedicated to Mark, at 2:48 the b-side who is on a quest in Kuwait for the ultimate burger. I am afraid he is going to – literally – eat his heart out.
It was a patriotic statement that went a bit too far afield: an attempt to create the “ultimate picnic burger.” Called the Fourth of July Burger, it was tested last summer at seven locations by the West Coast fast-food chain Carl’s Jr. and consisted of a huge beef patty topped with pickles, ketchup, mustard, potato chips, and a hot dog. Stacked high and loaded with fat and calories, it was the food equivalent of the national anthem played through a sousaphone, a perfect distillation of a peculiarly American form of balls-out, postmodern gluttony that, at least outwardly, we’re all supposed to be ashamed of right now.
Yet for all its pomp and glory, it didn’t quite work. When John Koncki, director of product development for Carl’s Jr., talks about it now, he comes across a little wistful. It tasted really good, he says, but the name and the concept proved too much for the testers. “Sometimes,” the earnest Koncki says, “some of the sandwiches are so unique that consumers can’t wrap their heads around them.”
The uniqueness isn’t the only thing that’s hard to get your head around. During the past few years, CKE Restaurants, the parent company of Carl’s Jr. and Hardee’s, has employed an audacious go-for-bloat approach that defies just about everything you’ve come to assume about the business of modern fast food. (See nutrition data for CKE franchises and other fast-food chains.) In an age when other chains have been forced to at least pretend that they care about the health of their customers and have started offering packets of apples and things sprinkled with walnuts and yogurt, Hardee’s and Carl’s Jr. are purposely running in the opposite direction, unapologetically creating an arsenal of higher-priced, high-fat, high-calorie monstrosities—pioneering avant-garde concepts such as “meat as a condiment” and “fast-food porn”—and putting the message out to increasingly receptive consumers with ads that are often as controversial as the burgers themselves.
You can read the rest of this article, and similar articles, by clicking HERE.
Election Year Joke
Lord Have Mercy
An old country preacher had a teenage son, and it was getting time the boy should give some thought to choosing a profession.
Like many young men, the boy didn’t really know what he wanted to do, and he didn’t seem to concerned about it.
One day, while the boy was away to school, his father decided to try an experiment. He went into the boy’s room and placed on his study table four objects.
A bible
A silver dollar
A bottle of whisky
And a playboy magazine.
‘I’ll just hide behind the door’, the old preacher said to himself.
‘When he comes home from school this afternoon, ‘I’ll see which object he picks up.
If it’s the bible, he’s going to be a preacher like me and what a blessing that would be!
If he picks up the dollar, he’s going to be a business man, and that would be okay, too.
But if he picks up the bottle. he’s going to be a no-good drunkard, and Lord, what a shame that would be.
And worst of all if he picks up that magazine he’s going to be a skirt-chasing bum.
The old man waited anxiously, and soon heard his son’s foot-steps as he entered the house whistling and headed for his room.
The boy tossed his books on the bed, and as he turned to leave the room he spotted the objects on the table.
With curiosity in his eye, he walked over to inspect them.
Finally, he picked up the Bible and placed it under his arm.
He picked up the silver dollar and dropped into his pocket.
He uncorked the bottle and took a big drink while he admired this months centerfold.
‘Lord have mercy.’ the old preacher disgustedly whispered.
‘He’s gonna run for Congress.’
Kuwait Driver’s License
“oh, I can’t,” I was telling my friend, “I have to go get my driver’s license today.”
“I had a funny thing happen,” she responded. “When I went, I didn’t understand the guy too well and he said something like ‘how long do you want it for?’ and I said ‘three years’ and I got one for three years!”
“You’re kidding!” I said. “I’ve been having to go every year!”
It doesn’t make sense, but you just never know in Kuwait. Every year for two years now I have had to go get my eyes tested and get a new license. But you never know, maybe her company has some other agreement, and she gets a three year license. Some things you just can’t worry too much about or it will drive you crazy.
So I went and took the 30 second eye test and later that same day my husband brought home my new driver’s license – good for TEN years.
If I had known I was going to get a ten year driver’s license, I sure would have made sure they used a better photo than the one my sponsor provided them. AAAARRRRGGGHHH.
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