Charity?
Today I found this in my spam. Again, folks, this is satire, not a recommendation that you “support me and send more and more money.” It is so straightforward and so manipulative and so fraudulent that it gave me a good laugh:
I WANT FINANCIAL HELP FROM ALL WORLD
DEAR SIR/MADAM,
I’M A INDIAN POOR AND LONG DISEASE MAN MY FINANCIAL CONDITION IS VERY POOR
MY LIFE DEPEND ON THE CREDIT SYSTEM BUT AT PRESENT ANY PERSON DON’T PAY ANY
MONEY SO I’M VERY STRESS AND SAD I’M ALONE IN THE WORLD. ANY BODY DOES’T HELP ME.
I WANT HELP FROM MONEY/DONATE MONEY. SO I APPEAL TO ALL WORLD PLEASE YOU HELP ME FROM
MONEY /DONATE MONEY YOU SEND ME CHEQUE/DEMAND DRAFT/MONEY TRANSFFER AT MY A/C NO.
9648 AT UNION BANK OF INDIA.
I’M GLAD TO YOURS ALL LIFE. YOU SUPPORT ME AND SEND MORE & MORE MONEY AT MY
A/C. NO. 9648. MY A/C BAL. IS $5 ONLY.
MY BANK ADD:
UNION BANK OF INDIA(SAVING A/C NO.9648)
PURANI MANDI, RAIWALA
DISTT: SAHARANPUR
STATE : U.P. PIN CODE- 247001
COUNTRY: INDIA
PH NO. 0091-132-9758559422
WWW.UNIONBANKOFINDIA.COM
THANKING YOU
Yours truly,
AYAZUDDIN
Motorcycle Moments
A non-food related entry while killing time before Iftaar 🙂 As the weather cools, even slightly, we are seeing more cyclists hitting the roads. Be safe out there.
There are some very very clever people on U-Tube:
Leader of the Pack
From that all time need-for-speed movie, Top Gun:
Business Bad Surprise
A young executive was leaving the office late one evening when he found the CEO standing in front of a shredder with a piece of paper in his hand.
“Listen,” said the CEO, “this is a very sensitive and important document here, and my secretary has gone for the night. Can you make this thing work?”
“Certainly,” said the young executive. He turned the machine on, inserted the paper, and pressed the start button.
“Excellent, excellent!” said the CEO as his paper disappeared inside the machine.
“I just need one copy.”
Ignoble Awards 2007
Pioneering research into a “gay bomb” that makes enemy troops “sexually irresistible” to each other has scooped one of this year’s Ig Nobel Prizes.
Other winners included work on treating hamster jetlag with impotency drugs, extracting vanilla from cow dung, and the side-effects of sword swallowing.
The awards, founded in 1991, mark achievements that “first make people laugh, and then make them think”.
The prize ceremony took place at Harvard University, US.
Genuine Nobel Laureates handed out the much-coveted awards to the winners, who took away no cash, but instead received a handmade prize, a certificate, and, of course, the glory of such an illustrious win.
You can read the entire article, with all the awards at BBC News.
Manly Cosmetics
I vacated my bathroom for houseguests recently, and as I was moving my toiletries back in, with wry amusement I noticed how many face creams I have. Creams for eyes, creams for lips, creams for night, creams for going out into the sun, creams for after having gone out into the sun, creams for day, creams for “noticable reductions in wrinkles in 7 days or less.”
(The problem is, seven days later when I am looking for a noticable reduction, I can’t really tell if it is working or not. I look, but I am wondering what I might have looked like if I HADN’T used the cream? I don’t know!)
And I was thinking about men, who have skin, too. Particularly I was thinking about Adventure Man, and what would it take for him to feel comfortable using a skin cream?
First – it would have to have a very manly name. None of this Homme stuff, it would have to imply that this is a product a RUGGED man would use. Like Manly Lather. “Lather” is a word that goes with men, like barbers lather up your face before they shave you. Women use foam, men use LATHER.
Another name I thought might work would be Extreme Unction because manly men like flying near that edge of the envelope, it’s a testosterone thing, and unction means anointing, like with an oil. If you are Catholic, you receive extreme unction just before dying, or before people think you are about to die, so even unction has an extreme connotation.
Maybe Braveheart? Maybe Rock?
Help me out here.
If you are a guy, (please, keep it clean) what kind of names would allow you to use a face cream with dignity?
If you are a gal (and rolling on the floor laughing) what names can you think of that would encourage a guy to actually USE a face cream?
Have fun with this!
Laughter is the Best Weapon
I just heard this quote on Good Morning America as they are discussing how Hilary Clinton laughs to disarm her critics and opponents:
The human race has only one really effective weapon and that is laughter. Mark Twain.
Good old Mark Twain! That cagey old cynic said some great things. I found this wonderful web page: Brainy Quotes: Mark Twain
Here are some that I just love. Take a look and see what YOU like.
Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.
What a wee little part of a person’s life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.
We have the best government that money can buy.
To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.
There is no distinctly American criminal class – except Congress.
There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.
The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.
Man was made at the end of the week’s work when God was tired.
It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.
It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.
In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.
Good breeding consists in concealing how much we think of ourselves and how little we think of the other person.
Giving up smoking is the easiest thing in the world. I know because I’ve done it thousands of times.
Anger is an acid that can do more harm to the vessel in which it is stored than to anything on which it is poured.
A lie can travel half way around the world while the truth is putting on its shoes.
At Iftaar
You are breaking your fast, and we are king of the road! What’s not to love about Ramadan? You get all the spiritual rewards of fasting and praying, you get friends and family. We get the brief miracle of clear roads, available parking spaces and uncrowded malls. What’s not to love about this arrangement?
This is the road in front of us just as you are sitting down for Futoor:
Qatteri Cat Wants a Drink of Water
The Qatteri Cat loves FRESH water. (We know we spoil him.) This is how he tells us he wants it FRESH.
Lexiograms
My friend KitKat is on a roll. She knows how much I love words and puns and groaners (jokes so bad they make you groan because you don’t see ’em coming). Thank you, KitKat!
Lexiograms
1. A bicycle can’t stand alone because it is two-tired.
2. What’s the definition of a will? It’s a dead giveaway.
3. Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
4. She had a boyfriend with a wooden leg, but broke it off.
5. A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.
6. If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
7. With her marriage she got a new name and a dress.
8. When a clock is hungry, it goes back four seconds.
9. The man who fell into an upholstery machine is fully recovered.
10. A grenade thrown into a kitchen in France would result in Linoleum Blownapart.
11. He often broke into song because he couldn’t find the key.
12. A lot of money is tainted. ‘Taint yours and ‘taint mine.
13. A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
14. He had a photographic memory that was never developed.
15. Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
16. When you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
17. Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.
18. When an actress saw her first strands of gray hair, she thought she’d dye.
19. Bakers trade bread recipes on a knead-to-know basis.
20. Marathon runners with bad footwear suffer the agony of defeat.
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