Helpful Hint for Hairballs
When you have a long haired cat, you have to brush them often, to keep them from swallowing too much hair. Even with frequent brushing and combing, from time to time they need a little help digesting some of that indigestible stuff, and for that, veterinarians have devised a hairball gel that you (quoting loosely) put a large pearl sized drop on your finger and the cat will lick it off, because he loves the taste.
Yeh, right.
In the rare occurrence, it goes on to say, that a cat doesn’t like the taste, smear it on his paw and he will lick it off.
Something in my posture seems to give me away. The cat who normally sits and waits for me to come give him a pet or two runs as soon as he sees me coming with the hairball goo.
So today, oh so smart lady that I am, I saw him snoozing deeply, and I knew THIS was the time. And it was.
Helpful hint: when you put hairball goo on your cat’s paw, make sure you do it on the side or top of the paw, not on the bottom of the paw.
Once the cat starts running, there is hairball goo – EVERYWHERE.
Don’t do what I did. (scrubbing and scrubbing and seeing spots I’ve misssed.)
Mother’s Day from a Child’s Eyes
More than one friend sent this to me, and thank you ALL!
GOD MADE MOMS
Answers given by 2nd grade school children to the following questions:
Why did God make mothers?
1. She’s the only one who knows where the scotch tape is.
2. Mostly to clean the house.
3. To help us out of there when we were getting born.
How did God make mothers?
1. He used dirt, just like for the rest of us.
2. Magic plus super powers and a lot of stirring.
3. God made my Mom just the same like he made me. He just used bigger parts.
What ingredients are mothers made of ?
1. God makes mothers out of clouds and angel hair and everything nice in the world and one dab of mean.
2. They had to get their start from men’s bones. Then they mostly use string, I think.
Why did God give you your mother and not some other mom?
1. We’re related.
2. God knew she likes me a lot more than other people’s moms like me.
What kind of little girl was your mom?
1. My Mom has always been my mom and none of that other stuff.
2. I don’t know because I wasn’t there, but my guess would be pretty bossy.
3. They say she used to be nice.
What did mom need to know about dad before she married him?
1. His last name.
2. She had to know his background. Like is he a crook? Does he get drunk on beer?
3. Does he make at least $800 a year? Did he say NO to drugs and YES to chores?
Why did your mom marry your dad?
1. My dad makes the best spaghetti in the world. And my Mom eats a lot.
2. She got too old to do anything else with him.
3. My grandma says that Mom didn’t have her thinking cap on.
Who’s the boss at your house?
1. Mom doesn’t want to be boss, but she has to because dad’s such a goof ball.
2. Mom. You can tell by room inspection. She sees the stuff under the bed.
3. I guess Mom is, but only because she has a lot more to do than dad.
What’s the difference between moms & dads?
1. Moms work at work and work at home and dads just go to work at work.
2. Moms know how to talk to teachers without scaring them.
3. Dads are taller & stronger, but moms have all the real power ’cause that’s who you got to ask if you want to sleep over at your friend’s.
4. Moms have magic, they make you feel better without medicine.
What does your mom do in her spare time?
1. Mothers don’t do spare time.
2. To hear her tell it, she pays bills all day long.
What would it take to make your mom perfect?
1. On the inside she’s already perfect. Outside, I think some kind of plastic surgery.
2. Diet. You know, her hair. I’d diet, maybe blue.
If you could change one thing about your mom, what would it be?
1. She has this weird thing about me keeping my room clean. I’d get rid of that.
2. I’d make my mom smarter. Then she would know it was my sister who did it and not me.
3. I would like for her to get rid of those invisible eyes on the back of her head.
Scenes from Villa Moda
The sale continues at Villa Moda
“For you, Madame, this special Manolo . . .”
“Or this sweet gown?”
Big Girl Pants
I got an email this morning from a friend who learned I have taken on a leadership challenge.
“I could never do that. . .” she said.
She gave me a good laugh. We organized a group together, starting from scratch, in a previous life, and she was one of the very first to step up to the plate, to volunteer for a job I considered burdensome, but she has done it well for over three years now.
I grew up around the military. There were always these older women around, really together women, women who organized things, women who managed, women who were leaders. They were also totally intimidating women, and behind their backs we called them the “tough old birds,” not without admiration.
The turning point came for me in my early thirties, when I saw a job that needed doing, and I knew I could do it at least as well as it was being done, and probably better. I knew I had a lot of resources available to help me do the job, just needed some organizing. I took the project, did the job, and it all worked out great. I was not yet a tough old bird, but I knew I was now playing with the big girls.
The phrase I keep coming across now is “put on your big girl panties,” some add “and deal with it.” I’ve seen it in a couple ads, and in more than a couple blogs . . . it seems to be a phrase of the day. (Google it – you’ll see what I mean.) It means dealing with an situation that needs to be handled, even if unpleasant, even if you don’t want to. It means taking responsibility. It can mean you’ve taken a hit and have to keep going. Most of all, it means you’re at a higher level of performance than before, and you need to meet a new standard. I think it’s a hoot.
(It originates in toilet training, when a toddler goes from diapers to cloth pants, called “big-boy pants/ big-girl panties” and it means literally, you are now expected not to have any accidents, but to use the facilities just as big boys and big girls do.)
The elastic on my big girl panties is giving out. I’ve been wearing them for a while now. I have probably now reached the age when women are calling me tough old bird behind my back. When did that happen?
To all my faithful friends out there, friends who have been my friends for years and tens of years (you know who you are) I am proud of you, and more thankful for you that I can express. Aren’t there days when we wish we weren’t big girls? Aren’t there days when we just want to run and hide, and not take those responsibilities? Aren’t there times when you want to say “no! I can’t do that!”? You’ve helped me through all those days.
Thanks to your love and support, putting on big-girl panties hasn’t been so bad. And we’ve had a lot of laughs along the way. Thanks for being along for the ride.
Best Mother’s Day Story
In honor of the upcoming American Mother’s Day (I don’t know why we have it on a different day from the rest of the world) a friend sent this hysterical story, which I am sharing with you.
So, we had this great 10 year old cat named Jack who just recently
died. Jack was a great cat and the kids would carry him around and sit on
him and nothing ever bothered him. He used to hang out and nap all day long
on this mat in our bathroom.
Well we have 3 kids and at the time of this story they were 4 years
old, 3 years old and 1 year old. The middle one is Eli. Eli really loves
chapstick. LOVES it. He kept asking to use my chapstick and then losing
it. So finally one day I showed him where in the bathroom I keep my
chapstick and how he could use it whenever he wanted to but he needed to put
it right back in the drawer when he was done.
Last year on Mother’s Day, we were having the typical rush around
and try to get ready for Church with everyone crying and carrying on. My
two boys are fighting over the toy in the cereal box. I am trying to nurse
my little one at the same time I am putting on my make-up. Everything is a
mess and everyone has long forgotten that this is a wonderful day to honor
me and the amazing job that is motherhood.
We finally have the older one and and the baby loaded in the car and
I am looking for Eli. I have searched everywhere and I finally round the
corner to go into the bathroom. And there was Eli. He was applying my
chapstick very carefully to Jack’s . . . rear end. Eli looked right into my
eyes and said “chapped.” Now if you have a cat, you know that he is
right–their little butts do look pretty chapped. And, frankly, Jack didn’t
seem to mind.
And the only question to really ask at that point was whether it
was the FIRST time Eli had done that to the cat’s behind or the hundredth.
And THAT is my favorite Mother’s Day moment ever because it reminds
us that no matter how hard we try to civilize these glorious little
creatures, there will always be that day when you realize they’ve been using
your chapstick on the cat’s butt.
The Truth about Angels
A friend sent me this piece in the morning e-mail. I hadn’t seen it before, and I loved it. Hope you do, too.
I only know the names of two angels. Hark and Harold.
Gregory, 5
Everybody’s got it all wrong. Angels don’t wear halos anymore. I
forget why, but scientists are working on it.
Olive, 9
It’s not easy to become an angel! First, you die. Then you go to
heaven, then there’s still the flight training to go through. And
then you got to agree to wear those angel clothes.
Matthew, 9
Angels work for God and watch over kids when God has to go do
something else.
Mitchell, 7
My guardian angel helps me with math, but he’s not much good for
science.
Henry, 8
Angels don’t eat, but they drink milk from holy cows.
Jack, 6
Angels talk all the way while they’re flying you up to heaven. The
basic message is where you went wrong before you got dead.
Daniel, 9
When an angel gets mad, he takes a deep breath and counts to ten. And
when he lets out his breath, somewhere there’s a tornado.
Reagan, 10
Angels have a lot to do and they keep very busy. If you lose a tooth,
an angel comes in through your window and leaves money under your
pillow. Then when it gets cold, angels go north for the winter.
Sara, 6
Angels live in cloud houses made by God and his son, who’s a very
good carpenter.
Jared , 8
All angels are girls because they gotta wear dresses and boys didn’t
go for it.
Antonio, 9
My angel is my grandma who died last year. She got a big head start
on helping me while she was still down here on earth.
Katelynn, 9
Some of the angels are in charge of helping heal sick animals and
pets. And if they don’t make the animals get better, they help the
kid get over it.
Vicki, 8
What I don’t get about angels is why, when someone is in love, they
shoot arrows at them.
Sarah, 7
(Image courtesy fotosearch.
Another Adventure in Arabic
Pressed for time and more than a little desperate, I ran a quick brush through my tangled hair and threw on something that would pass for modest and made a run for the local co-op, desperately hoping they would have what I needed and I would not have to make a much longer trip to the Sultan Center.
Making a quick check in all the obvious places, I don’t see it. I NEED for it to be there, so I make a careful and methodical sweep, analyzing for anything that might be what I am looking for. No such luck.
Three co-op workers are in the aisle where I am looking, so one asks if they might help me. And I am betting they don’t speak English. I can figure out how to ask for almost all of it, and I grab a can and figure out a work-around.
“Ana ashuf al sukre al . . . “(and I point to a word on the can.)
“Aaaaahhhhh!” Beams one man. “BOWDER! Bowder sukre!”
Ah yes, of course. Why didn’t I think of that? Bowder sukre.
“Sah!” I agree.
“Aeyyn al bowder sukre?” he asks his co-worker, who steps immediately to the shelf I was just minutely examining, and pulls off a small bag of exactly what I need. The bags are on the shelf piled high, shelf to shelf, with only the bottom ends showing, right next to similar bags of powdered coconut. Next time I will know.
(It looks to me like there is another word for powder, starting with an “m”; anyone want to help me out?)
Humor in the Military
My friend Abdulaziz shares these with you. They had me weak from laughter.
“Aim towards the Enemy.” – Instruction printed on US Rocket Launcher
“When the pin is pulled, Mr. Grenade is not our friend.” – U.S. Army
“Cluster bombing from B-52s is very, very accurate. The bombs are guaranteed to always hit the ground.” – U.S.A.F. Ammo Troop
“If the enemy is in range, so are you.” – Infantry Journal
“A slipping gear could let your M203 grenade launcher fire when you least expect it. That would make you quite unpopular in what’s left of your unit.” – Army’s magazine of preventive maintenance
“It is generally inadvisable to eject directly over the area you just bombed.” – U.S. Air Force Manual
“Try to look unimportant; they may be low on ammo.” – Infantry Journal
“Tracers work both ways.” – U.S. Army Ordnance
“Five-second fuses only last three seconds.” – Infantry Journal
“Bravery is being the only one who knows you’re afraid.” – Col. David Hackworth
“If your attack is going too well, you’re probably walking into an ambush.” – Infantry Journal
“No combat-ready unit has ever passed inspection.” – Joe Gay
“Any ship can be a minesweeper … once.” – Anon
“Never tell the Platoon Sergeant you have nothing to do.” – Unknown Army Recruit
“Don’t draw fire; it irritates the people around you.” – Your Buddies
(And lastly)
“If you see a bomb technician running, try to keep up with him.” — U.S.A. Ammo Troop
Adventure Man was always suspicious of a soldier carrying a clipboard. Clipboards always make a person look busy and official, but actually the persons carrying them are usually goofing off.
When the Experts are WRONG
This started my morning with a big grin. A friend sent it to me, and I hope it delights you as it delighted me.
Below is a nice collection of quotes that turned out to be very wrong. Many of the quotes are from very famous and respectable people. Maybe we should stop underestimating ourselves so much?
* “Computers in the future may weigh no more than 1.5 tons.”
Popular Mechanics, forecasting the relentless march of science, 1949
* “I think there is a world market for maybe five computers.”
Thomas Watson, chairman of IBM, 1943
* “I have traveled the length and breadth of this country and talked with the best people, and I can assure you that data processing is a fad that won’t last out the year.”
The editor in charge of business books for Prentice Hall, 1957
* “But what … is it good for?”
Engineer at the Advanced Computing Systems Division of IBM, 1968, commenting on the microchip.
* “There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.”
Ken Olson, president, chairman and founder of Digital Equipment Corp., 1977
* “This ‘telephone’ has too many shortcomings to be seriously considered as a means of communication. The device is inherently of no value to us.”
Western Union internal memo, 1876.
* “The wireless music box has no imaginable commercial value. Who would pay for a message sent to nobody in particular?”
David Sarnoff’s associates in response to his urgings for investment in the radio
in the 1920s.
* “The concept is interesting and well-formed, but in order to earn better than a ‘C,’ the idea must be feasible.”
A Yale University management professor in response to Fred Smith’s paper proposing reliable overnight delivery service. Smith went on to found Federal Express Corp.
* “Who the hell wants to hear actors talk?”
H.M. Warner, Warner Brothers, 1927.
* “I’m just glad it’ll be Clark Gable who’s falling on his face and not Gary Cooper.”
Gary Cooper on his decision not to take the leading role in “Gone With The Wind.”
* “A cookie store is a bad idea. Besides, the market research reports say America likes crispy cookies, not soft and chewy cookies like you make.”
Response to Debbi Fields’ idea of starting Mrs. Fields’ Cookies.
* “We don’t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.”
Decca Recording Co. rejecting the Beatles, 1962.
* “Heavier-than-air flying machines are impossible.”
Lord Kelvin, president, Royal Society, 1895.
* “If I had thought about it, I wouldn’t have done the experiment. The literature was full of examples that said you can’t do this.”
Spencer Silver on the work that led to the unique adhesives for 3-M “Post-It” Notepads.
* “So we went to Atari and said, ‘Hey, we’ve got this amazing thing, even built with some of your parts, and what do you think about funding us? Or we’ll give it to you. We just want to do it. Pay our salary, we’ll come work for you.’ And
they said, ‘No.’ So then we went to Hewlett-Packard, and they said, ‘Hey, we don’t need you. You haven’t got through college yet.’”
Apple Computer Inc. founder Steve Jobs on attempts to get Atari and H-P interested in his and Steve Wozniak’s personal computer.
* “Professor Goddard does not know the relation between action and reaction and the need to have something better than a vacuum against which to react. He seems to lack the basic knowledge ladled out daily in high schools.”
1921 New York Times editorial about Robert Goddard’s revolutionary rocket work.
* “You want to have consistent and uniform muscle development across all of your muscles? It can’t be done. It’s just a fact of life. You just have to accept inconsistent muscle development as an unalterable condition of weight training.”
Response to Arthur Jones, who solved the “unsolvable” problem by inventing Nautilus.
* “Drill for oil? You mean drill into the ground to try and find oil? You’re crazy.”
Drillers who Edwin L. Drake tried to enlist to his project to drill for oil in 1859.
* “The bomb will never go off. I speak as an expert in explosives.”
Admiral William Leahy, US Atomic Bomb Project.
* “This fellow Charles Lindbergh will never make it. He’s doomed.”
Harry Guggenheim, millionaire aviation enthusiast.
* “Stocks have reached what looks like a permanently high plateau.”
Irving Fisher, Professor of Economics, Yale University, 1929.
* “Airplanes are interesting toys but of no military value.”
Marechal Ferdinand Foch, Professor of Strategy, Ecole Superieure de Guerre.
* “Man will never reach the moon regardless of all future scientific advances.”
Dr. Lee DeForest, inventor of the vacuum tube and father of television.
* “Louis Pastueur’s theory of germs is ridiculous fiction.”
Pierre Pachet, Professor of Physiology at Toulouse, 1872
* “The abdomen, the chest, and the brain will forever be shut from the intrusion of the wise and humane surgeon.”
Sir John Eric Ericksen, British surgeon, appointed Surgeon-Extraordinary to Queen Victoria, 1873
A Lot of Bull
Humor interests me – why do we find some things funny? In the US, we have an entire genre of jokes that have to do with big city/educated/city living people who get taken advantage of by the “ole country boy.” I always find them funny. And, I wonder if these jokes are funny in every culture? Here is one from jokes to go.
A big-city lawyer was representing the railroad in a lawsuit filed
by an old rancher. The rancher’s prize bull was missing from
the section through which the railroad passed. The rancher only
wanted to be paid the fair value of the bull.
The case was scheduled to be tried before the justice of the
peace in the back room of the general store. The city-slicker
attorney for the railroad immediately cornered the rancher and
tried to get him to settle out of court.
He did his best selling job, and finally the rancher agreed to
take half of what he was asking.
After the rancher had signed the release and took the check,
the young lawyer couldn’t resist gloating a little over his
success, telling the rancher, “You are really a country hick, old
man, but I put one over on you in there. I couldn’t have won the
case. The engineer was asleep and the fireman was in the
caboose when the train went through your ranch that morning. I
didn’t have one witness to put on the stand. I bluffed you!”
The old rancher replied, “Well, I’ll tell you young feller, I was a
little worried about winning that case myself, because that
durned bull came home this morning.”
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