First Winter Weather Coming
From Weather Underground:
AdventureMan will be pulling out his long underwear, LOL!
Water Bed
This is a furniture store in Germany, where the sign says “Do Not Get On the Bed” LLOOLLL!
In Honor of the Instruction Challenged
In case you needed further proof that the human race is doomed through stupidity, here are some actual label instructions on consumer goods.
On Tesco’s Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom) —
‘Do not turn upside down.’
On Sainsbury’s peanuts —
‘Warning: contains nuts.’
On Boot’s Children Cough Medicine —
‘Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication.’
On Marks &Spencer Bread Pudding —
‘Product will be hot after heating.’
(…and you thought????…)
On a Sears hairdryer —
Do not use while sleeping.
On a bag of Fritos —
You could be a winner! No purchase necessary.
Details inside.
(the shoplifter special?)
On a bar of Dial soap —
‘Directions: Use like regular soap.’
On some Swanson frozen dinners —
‘Serving suggestion: Defrost.’
On packaging for a Rowenta iron —
‘Do not iron clothes on body.’
On Nytol Sleep Aid —
‘Warning: May cause drowsiness.’
On most brands of Christmas lights —
‘For indoor or outdoor use only.’
On a Japanese food processor —
‘Not to be used for the other use.’
On an American Airlines packet of nuts —
‘Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts.’
On a child’s Superman costume —
‘Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly.’
(I don’t blame the company. I blame the parents for this one.)
On a Swedish chainsaw —
‘Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals.’
****Blessed are the cracked: for it is they who let in the light*****
How One Church Handles Cell Phone Interruptions
LLLOOOOOLLLLLLL! A church with a sense of humor! Thank you, Kit Kat!
FBI Sending Me a LOT of Money! Or Arresting Me?
Would the real FBI blind-copy me on something of this nature? Would they have sent it from an e-mail address that looks like this:
Fb.Info FbteamC@carrot.ocn.ne.jp
LLLLOOOOLLLLLLLLL! I needed a good laugh for today.
Special Agent in Charge
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Intelligence Field Unit
El Paso Federal Justice Center
660 South Mesa Hills Drive
El Paso, TX 79912 USA
URGENT ATTENTION
I am special agent Mark A. Morgan, from the Intelligence Unit of the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI). We just intercepted/confiscated one (1) Trunk Box at the Dallas/Fort Worth International Airport Texas. We are on the verge of moving this consignment to the bureau headquarters. However, we scanned the said box and found out that it contained a total of USD$10.5M. Investigation carried out on the Diplomat who accompanied this box into the United States, revealed that he was to make the delivery of the fund to your residence, as these fund are entitled to you, been Contract/Inheritance over due payments. The funds were from the office of the Dr. (Mrs.) Ngozi Okonjo-Iweala Minister of Finance, Federal Republic of Nigeria.
Furthermore, after cross checking all the information we found in the box backing you up as the beneficiary of the funds, it became known to us that one of the documents is missing. This document is very important and until we get the document, the box will be temporarily confiscated pending when you will provide it. The much needed document is the Diplomatic Immunity Seal of Delivery Certificate (DISDC). This document will protect you from going against the US Patriot Act Section 314a and Section 314b. This delivery will be tagged A Diplomatic Transit Payment (D.T.P) once you get the document.
You are therefore required to get back to me on this email (officefdagnt@gmail.com) within 72 hours so that I will guide you on how to get the much needed document. Failure to comply with this directive may lead to the permanent confiscation of the funds and possible arrest. We may also get the Financial Action Task Force on Money Laundering (FATF) involved if do not follow our instructions. You are also advised not to get in contact with any Bank in Africa, Europe or any other institution, as your fund are here now in the United States of America.
Agent Mark A. Morgan
Special Agent in Charge
Federal Bureau of Investigation
Intelligence Field Unit
El Paso Federal Justice Center
660 South Mesa Hills Drive
El Paso, TX 79912 USA
Email:officefdagnt@gmail.com
Confidentiality Notice: This communication and its attachments may contain non-public, confidential or legally privileged information. The unlawful interception, use or disclosure of such information is prohibited. If you are not the intended recipient, or have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by reply email and delete all copies of this communication and attachments without reading or saving them.
PARAPROSDOKIANS
PARAPROSDOKIANS are figures of speech in which the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected; frequently humorous.
1. Where there’s a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hearr them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we’d both be wrong.
5. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.
6. War does not determine who is right – only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8.They begin the evening news with ‘Good Evening,’ then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.
9. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
10. Buses stop in bus stations. Trains stop in train stations. On my desk is a work station.
11. I thought I wanted a career. Turns out I just wanted paychecks.
12. In filling out an application, where it says, ‘In case
of emergency, notify:’ I put ‘DOCTOR.’
13. I didn’t say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
14. Women will never be equal to men until they can walk down the street with a bald head and a beer gut, and still think they are sexy.
15. A clear conscience is the sign of a fuzzy memory.
16. You do not need a parachute to skydive.
You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
17. Money can’t buy happiness, but it sure makes misery
easier to live with.
18. There’s a fine line between cuddling and holding someone down so they can’t get away.
19. I used to be indecisive. Now I’m not so sure.
20. You’re never too old to learn something stupid.
21. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and
call whatever you hit the target.(Sounds like a work strategy)
22. Nostalgia isn’t what it used to be.
23. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
24. Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian
any more than standing in a garage makes you a car.
25. Where there’s a will, there are relatives.
And my favorite that I’m “resembling” more & more……
I’m supposed to respect my elders, but its getting
harder and harder for me to find one now.
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Early Voting in Florida
Here There and Everywhere 