Cell Phone Etiquette: What do you think?
AdventureMan and I were having lunch yesterday and I saw a couple at another table, both on their cell phones. So, like they were sharing a meal, but not really sharing time with each other.
I’m not that big of a cell/mobile phone fan, although my son and my sister both have iPhones, which I look at with envy and think one day I will get one. I carry it because I think it would really be a bad thing in Kuwait to be in a car accident, not my fault, with our without a cell phone. I carry it so I can reach my husband in an emergency. But sometimes, yes, my bad, I forget it and don’t even miss it. Sometimes I stick it in my purse and remember two days later that it is still there.
Here is how I see it. If you are with another person – like if you and your best-friend-forever are having lunch, sharing your deep down secrets, how do you feel about them taking a phone call, one that really doesn’t matter? I totally understand if there are emergencies, or even if one of the children wants to ask something, but what about a full-blown conversation? Chat chat chat chat chat as if you don’t exist?
AdventureMan and I used to disagree about this. Now, if he gets a phone call and he thinks it can wait, he doesn’t answer. If he thinks it might be important, he answers but keeps it short. If we are in a large group and it is a crisis call, he will leave the group, and not subject us to be unwilling evesdroppers. I am very comfortable with this. if it is just the two of us and a tricky phone call comes in, I just pull out my Sudoku and work on a puzzle until he is free to rejoin me. It works for us.
I feel the same way about texting. Some people are very good at doing it so subtly that no one else knows; I don’t mind that. If you are in a meeting, however, and there is a speaker, don’t you think the right thing to do is to put away your phone and pay attention to the speaker? If you are with a friend, isn’t it rude to be texting all the time to someone else? What kind of message does that send about how much you value the relationship with me?
If you are texting while you are driving, how much attention are you paying to the road? I see you, half in my lane because you are trying to read the response!
I don’t like being accessible to the world 24/7. I think these mobile phones are supposed to be our servants, not our masters. I like seeing who is calling (if your number doesn’t show your name on my phone, I won’t be answering!) I like getting and sending messages. I just have a feeling there is a time and place for everything. If I have made plans to see you – I want you to pay attention to me!
Am I way out of whack on this?
There is a little voice telling me this is generational, that I am falling a little out of step with the modern way of doing things. So, you tell me. How do you see it?
Re-Igniting the Romance with Date Night
Good news – doing new and exciting things together help keeps a relationship fresh and intense. AdventureMan and I have always wanted to take dance lessons together, but have never had the time. I can hardly wait! Snorkeling in a new and exotic site . . . an African safari . . . trying a new restaurant, a new cuisine . . . finding new places to explore . . . novelty helps keep a marriage fresh and engaging.
From The New York Times. You can click this blue type to read the entire article.
Long-married couples often schedule a weekly “date night” — a regular evening out with friends or at a favorite restaurant to strengthen their marital bond.
But brain and behavior researchers say many couples are going about date night all wrong. Simply spending quality time together is probably not enough to prevent a relationship from getting stale.
Using laboratory studies, real-world experiments and even brain-scan data, scientists can now offer long-married couples a simple prescription for rekindling the romantic love that brought them together in the first place. The solution? Reinventing date night.
Rather than visiting the same familiar haunts and dining with the same old friends, couples need to tailor their date nights around new and different activities that they both enjoy, says Arthur Aron, a professor of social psychology at the State University of New York at Stony Brook. The goal is to find ways to keep injecting novelty into the relationship. The activity can be as simple as trying a new restaurant or something a little more unusual or thrilling — like taking an art class or going to an amusement park.
The theory is based on brain science. New experiences activate the brain’s reward system, flooding it with dopamine and norepinephrine. These are the same brain circuits that are ignited in early romantic love, a time of exhilaration and obsessive thoughts about a new partner. (They are also the brain chemicals involved in drug addiction and obsessive-compulsive disorder.)
Most studies of love and marriage show that the decline of romantic love over time is inevitable. The butterflies of early romance quickly flutter away and are replaced by familiar, predictable feelings of long-term attachment.
. . . . . .
Dr. Aron cautions that novelty alone is probably not enough to save a marriage in crisis. But for couples who have a reasonably good but slightly dull relationship, novelty may help reignite old sparks.
And recent brain-scan studies show that romantic love really can last years into a marriage. Last week, at the Society for Personality and Social Psychology conference in Albuquerque, researchers presented brain-scan data on several men and women who had been married for 10 or more years. Interviews and questionnaires suggested they were still intensely in love with their partners. Brain scans confirmed it, showing increased brain activity associated with romantic love when the subjects saw pictures of their spouses.
It’s not clear why some couples are able to maintain romantic intensity even after years together. But the scientists believe regular injections of novelty and excitement most likely play a role.
Through the Eyes of AdventureMan
I’ve had some really smart friends in my life, and sometimes, those who are really really smart get confused about normal everyday things.
We had a wonderful friend, Bill. His wife was a high school teacher, and when he saw the sign “Aim High – Air Force!” on Ramstein Air Force Base, he said “Look, sweetie, there’s the high school!”
Another time, on Mother’s Day, we were sitting in church with Bill and his wife and my husband said to Bill “I really like your new Land’s End jacket!” and Bill said “How did you know it was from Land’s End?” and my husband said “Because you still have the label on the cuff.” We were all still crying from laughing so hard when the priest glared at the four of us (troublemakers!) as he processed down the aisle.
AdventureMan is a lot like that. He thinks differently. Driving along the Gulf Road the other day, he said “You wouldn’t think there was enough demand for models here that they would have a special school.”
Then he said “what’s up with that?”
We both started laughing, because to us, it looks like something called an “entrenchment tool” or shovel, and we use them when camping to make a temporary toilet, so it’s not exactly something we would mount on the back of our truck, all gleaming and shiny. But we may be thinking differently, and there may be a really good reason this is done that we don’t know about, so if any of you know why it would be a good idea to mount a shiny shovel, please share!
The other night AdventureMan couldn’t get his at-home wireless connection to work, he’d been trying for several nights and couldn’t get a signal. I moved the stack of books and papers directly behind his laptop, between him and the router, and voila! instant wireless connection. He is a really really really smart man, but just has a little problem with the small things. 😉
(He always looks to see if I have mentioned him in the blog)
Feast Day of John Donne
In church, on Friday, the speaker was discussing Lenten practices, and told us of a woman who seriously committed herself to Lent, but allowed herself respite on the feast days of the saints of the church. She has one coming up today – the feast of John Donne, a great priest, poet and thinker in the church.
His life is fascinating, and when he falls in love and secretly marries the daughter of the rich and powerful man for whom he works, he is imprisoned. When released, he began preaching, and ended up revered for his work with the church, and his fine writings.
He was also ahead of his times. Here is one of the essays/meditations best known in our culture; it is often read at funerals, and says, as many are saying now – we are all connected. What happens to my neighbor, happens to me. In this earthly world, we are connected in ways we don’t even understand, and it is our duty, as well as our own best interest, to look after our neighbor:
MEDITATION 17, BY JOHN DONNE
NUNC LENTO SONITU DICUNT, MORIERIS
[Now this bell tolling softly for another, says to me, Thou must
die.]
Perchance he for whom this bell tolls may be so ill as that he know not it tolls for him; and perchance I may think myself so much better than I am, as that they who are about me and see my state may have caused it to toll for me, and I know not that.
The church is catholic, universal, so are all her actions; all that she does, belongs to all. When she baptizes a child, that action concerns me; for that child is thereby connected to that body which is my head too, and ingrafted into that body whereof I am a member. And when she buries a man, that action concerns me: all mankind is of one author and is one volume; when one man dies, one chapter is not torn out of the book, but translated into a better language; and every chapter must be so translated. God employs several translators; some pieces are translated by age, some by sickness, some by war, some by justice; but God’s hand is in every translation, and his hand shall bind up all our scattered leaves again for that library where every book shall lie open to one another.
As therefore the bell that rings to a sermon calls not upon the preacher only, but upon the congregation to come, so this bell calls us all; but how much more me, who am brought so near the door by this sickness.
There was a contention as far as a suit (in which piety and dignity, religion and estimation, were mingled) which of the religious orders should ring to prayers first in the morning; and it was determined that they should ring first that rose earliest. If we understand aright the dignity of this bell that tolls for our evening prayer, we would be glad to make it ours by rising early, in that application, that it might be ours as well as his whose indeed it is. The bell doth toll for him that thinks it doth; and though it intermit again, yet from that minute that that occasion wrought upon him, he is united to God. Who casts not up his eye to the sun when it rises? but who takes off his eye from a comet when that breaks out? Who bends not his ear to any bell which upon eny occasion rings? but who can remove it from that bell which is passing a piece of himself out of this world?
No man is an island, entire of itself; every man is a piece of the continent, a part of the main. If a clod be washed away by the sea, Europe is the less, as well as if a promentory were, as well as if a manor of thy friend’s or of thine own were. Any man’s death dimishes me because I am involved in mankind, and therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls; it tolls for thee.
Neither can we call this a begging of misery or a borrowing of misery, as though we were not miserable enough of ourselves but must fetch in more from the next house, in taking upon us the misery of our neighbors. Truly it were an excusable covetousness if we did; for affliction is a treasure, and scarcely any man hath enough of it. No man hath affliction enough that is not matured and ripened by it and made fit for God by that affliction. If a man carry treasure in bullion, or in a wedge of gold, and have none coined into current money, his treasure will not defray him as he travels. Tribulation is treaure in the nature of it, but it is not current money in the use of it, except we get nearer and nearer our home, heaven, by it. Another man may be sick too, and sick unto death, and this affliction may lie in his bowels as gold in a mine and be no use to him; but this bell that tells me of his affliction digs out and applies that gold to me, if by this consideration of another’s danger I take mine own into contemplation and so secure myself by making my recourse to my God, who is our only security.
You can read his history and learn more about him here: John Donne.
QC Misses AdventureMan
When AdventureMan goes out the door, the Qatteri Cat doesn’t alway realize he is gone for a few minutes. Then I hear him crying, crying as he runs in to our bed, grabs his teddy-bear-baby and takes it to the door. He cries for a few minutes, and then leaves the baby there.
He is always sad when AdventureMan leaves. He sleeps a lot, just waiting for him to come home. He knows when it is about time. I always know when he is nearby because suddenly Qatteri Cat is on full alert, ears straight up, eyes big – and he jumps down and runs to the door, even before the key is in the lock.
Hurry home, AdventureMan!
Sunrise, Sunset
Better late than never:
Sunrise, March 6, 2009
This was a great day to be outside, visiting with friends, walking along the Corniche – just a great day to be outside. The end of the day was rosy:
And here is the beautiful marriage song from Fiddler on the Roof, also called Sunrise, Sunset:
Compulsory premarital tests
From today’s Kuwait Times
KUWAIT: The Ministry of Health is preparing a draft law to make premarital blood tests compulsory for Kuwaiti citizens. It plans to refer the draft law to the Cabinet’s Fatwa and Legislative Department, which will then review it and suggest necessary amendments, reported Al-Rai. An official said that the committee would follow the standard procedure before referring it to Dr Ibraheem Al-Abdalhadi, the Ministry of Health’s Undersecretary, who in turn will refer it to the Minister of Health Roudhan Al-Roudhan. It will adopt the law immediately after different aspects of the law are approved by the department.
Does not clarify what the pre-marital tests will test for. I assume HIV/Aids, STDs . . . but will it also test genetic incompatibility?
The Wedding at Cana
This is one of my favorite readings in the Gospels, for all it’s humanity. Some scholars theorize that the wedding was close family – from living here, I had to eliminate all the European paintings which show the men and women celebrating together – I am guessing the wedding feast would be more like the ones held here; men and women celebrating separately.
Disaster – there isn’t enough wine for the guests. Mary goes to her son and tells him “there isn’t enough wine.” He responds with “Mom! I’m not ready!” I imagine her giving him a long, level look and then turning to the servants and saying “Do whatever he tells you to do.” She is his Mom, after all. And, ready or not, he honors his Mom, and the wine is good.
The Wedding at Cana
John 2:1-12
2 On the third day there was a wedding in Cana of Galilee, and the mother of Jesus was there. 2 Jesus and his disciples had also been invited to the wedding. 3 When the wine gave out, the mother of Jesus said to him, ‘They have no wine.’ 4 And Jesus said to her, ‘Woman, what concern is that to you and to me? My hour has not yet come.’ 5 His mother said to the servants, ‘Do whatever he tells you.’ 6 Now standing there were six stone water-jars for the Jewish rites of purification, each holding twenty or thirty gallons. 7 Jesus said to them, ‘Fill the jars with water.’ And they filled them up to the brim. 8 He said to them, ‘Now draw some out, and take it to the chief steward.’ So they took it. 9 When the steward tasted the water that had become wine, and did not know where it came from (though the servants who had drawn the water knew), the steward called the bridegroom 10 and said to him, ‘Everyone serves the good wine first, and then the inferior wine after the guests have become drunk. But you have kept the good wine until now.’ 11 Jesus did this, the first of his signs, in Cana of Galilee, and revealed his glory; and his disciples believed in him.
12 After this he went down to Capernaum with his mother, his brothers, and his disciples; and they remained there for a few days.
NonStomped Roses
Thanks be to God for a sweet husband. He knows I love white roses, and that’s what he got me, with one mischievous red red rose stuck right in the middle. 😉
There is a shop in Kuwait we love, Au Nom de la Rose, where the flowers are always fresh, and beautiful, and put together naturally. AdventureMan says on Valentine’s Day, they were SO busy, but that the man in front of him, holding a bouquet, was trying to get a discount.
(whine! whine! whine!) said the man in front of him.
“Sir! This is not Mubarakiyya! This is fixed price! And you have already paid, why are you asking now for a discount?” said the polite but very very busy and professional manager. LOL!
We asked the manager how she liked working in Kuwait. (I am telling you this because her response was so totally unexpected, and delightful.)
“I LOVE working here!” she said. “The woman I work for, who owns the store, is wonderful to work for. I love my job, and she trusts me.”
She also gets paid a decent wage, and she gets paid on time. This is one of the happiest women I have met in Kuwait.
Au Nom de la Rose has more than one location, but the one we go to is next to Chocolat, next to Tumbleweeds, in that stretch of stores and restaurants near Bida’a circle. Expensive. Worth every fils. 🙂
No sunrise today. I can’t even see the sea. Whatever this is socking us in today – fog? sand? it is not orange, but it is THICK.
Qatteri Cat Gets Crazy
A windy night plays havok with getting a good night’s sleep, if you have a cat. It is just the way God made cats – any little strange noise and watch what happens – their ears go straight up, their eyes go on high alert and their posture is ready-for-action.
We had one cat, a cat born wild in Tunisia, and on a windy night in Germany, she would make us totally crazy. “I must go out! I must go out!” she would cry as the wind blew leaves fluttering across the patio and tree branches made strange motions in the shadows. I would struggle half-awake down the stairs, let her out the patio door, and 15 minutes later she would be crying down under my window “I’ve made a big mistake! It’s cold out here! Please come down and let me in!” and I would struggle down the stairs and let her in and tell her to settle down, that I wasn’t going to let her out again.
Her little brain can’t remember all that. An hour later, she would forget “cold” and was crazy with desire to be out where all the action was, once again. And the cycle continued. She had me trained. I was her door opener.
The Qatteri Cat doesn’t go out, but he gets wound up by the wind, as any cat will. AdventureMan calmed him down last night, and he curled up and went back to sleep. Guess AdventureMan will always be the favorite with the Qatteri Cat.
This is what Weather Underground Kuwait calls a “light haze.”
My windows are streaked with dust and humidity.
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