Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Changing Face of the Worlds Families

I excerpted this report from the Huffington Post; the story was focused on Canada and I edited to focus on family trends. You can read the entire article by clicking here.

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I had always assumed a two parent family provided the best support for a child. It never occurred to me there may be situations where the single-parent model could focus more resources on the child . . . It doesn’t matter what we believe; the face of families around the world is changing, and we will need to be dealing with the realities.

Marriage is a struggle. Raising children is a struggle. The more help, the better, I think!

The structure of families is changing worldwide, and based on a new report, some children are better off living with one parent than two.

According to the 2013 World Family Map report by non-profit research centre Child Trends, children living in two-parent families did better in school in higher-income countries, but children in lower-income regions did better with one parent.

“In some single parenting examples, resources were controlled by the mother of the household, ensuring these resources went to the well-being of children,” says Laura Lippman, senior program area director, education, and co-investigator of the World Family Map. “It suggests that some single-parent families may not benefit from a second parent who might be taking these resources away.”

Using 10 different data sources and partnering with universities around the world, Child Trends looked at the well-being of families in both low-income and high-income countries and the outcome on their children’s education. Based on the research, two-parent families are becoming less common, marriage rates are falling and a majority of children under 17 still live at home.

Significant Statistics From The Study

Two Parents vs. Single Parent:
DID YOU KNOW? Children in Asia and the Middle East under the age of 18 are more likely to live in two-parent families, compared to other regions in the world. Also, children are more likely to live with one or no parent in the Americas, Europe, Oceania, and Sub-Saharan Africa than other regions, according to the report.

Extended Family:
DID YOU KNOW? Living with extended family, which includes parents and other relatives outside the immediate family, is more common in Asia, the Middle East, South America, Sub-Saharan Africa and not any other part of the world.

Marriage:
DID YOU KNOW? Marriage rates are declining in many regions. Adults are most likely to be married in Africa, Asia and the Middle East.

Childbearing:
DID YOU KNOW? Childbearing rates are also declining, according to the report. The highest fertility rates are in Sub-Saharan Africa β€” a woman in Nigeria gives birth to an average of 5.5 children.

Living Together:
DID YOU KNOW? There have also been dramatic increases in cohabitation, divorce, and non-marital childbearing in the Americas, Europe, and Oceania over the last four decades, according to the report.

Population:
DID YOU KNOW? In the Americas and Oceania countries, women in these regions were having enough children for the population to replace itself from one generation to the next, or were slightly below these “replacement levels,” according to the report.

Non-Martial Childbearing:
DID YOU KNOW? In South America, over half of all children were born to unmarried mothers β€” Colombia had the highest rate at 85 per cent.

Poverty:
DID YOU KNOW? The report also looked extensively at rates of children and absolute poverty around the world. Absolute poverty was measured as the percentage of the population living below $1.25 a day. The report found Nigeria had the highest absolute poverty rate at 64 per cent.

Employment:
DID YOU KNOW? Between 45 and 97 per cent of parents polled were employed worldwide, and the highest employment rate was in Asia.

Family Life:
DID YOU KNOW? Between 31 per cent (in Russia) and 74 per cent (in Chile) of adults around the world are completely or very satisfied with their family life.

Household Work:
DID YOU KNOW? Approximately 55 per cent of couples in Russia and 88 per cent of couples in Philippines reported low levels of disagreement around household work.

Eating Together:
DID YOU KNOW? In Italy, 94 per cent of 15-year-old kids eat meals with their families regularly.

Family Structure:
DID YOU KNOW? In a majority of countries polled, respondents felt children were more likely to flourish in a home with a mother and a father. However, in Sweden, only 47 per cent of adults shared this belief compared to 99 per cent in Egypt, suggesting to World Family Map surveyors a more liberal attitude to changing family structures in certain countries.

January 21, 2013 Posted by | Africa, Community, Cultural, Family Issues, Generational, Living Conditions, Parenting, Social Issues, Women's Issues | Leave a comment

Horrifying Parenting

00WakullaManateeSign

After our boat trip, we took a walk to the diving platform to watch the manatees. When we lived in the Tampa/St. Pete/Safety Harbor area, we saw Manatees all the time, and it was heart breaking. They are big, stupid, clumsy animals who do no harm. They love to congregate where there is warm water on a cold winter’s night. Sadly, these slow moving sea cows are often hit and damaged by boaters; the blades of the motors scarring the manatees, often wounding them fatally. They have no defense against the casual, callous cruelty of the oblivious boater.

Here, in Wakulla Springs, they are safe. The only boats allowed in the Springs areas have caged blades; they cannot hurt the manatees.

No, only people can hurt them.

As we were watching the manatee, there was a family there. I try not to judge parents; parenting is hard. I will just make some observations. It was 40 degrees F – not that far from freezing – and the two little girls were dressed in beach clothes and their feet were bare. They were running on the diving platform, while Mom was trying to take photos of the manatees with her iPhone, and dad was trying to keep the little ones rounded up. On the second level, two stories above the ground, one little girl, maybe four years old, runs out to the edge of the diving platform and her dad snatches her back, just in time, as mom continues trying to film the manatees. All this is their business, although I fear for little girls who are raised carelessly, it is not my business.

Then, the older little girl reached down in her pockets and pulled out handsfull of breadcrumbs, which she spread into the water WHILE HER PARENTS WATCHED. Did you not see the signs? Did you not hear the guides? We are not to feed the manatees anything! Bread and breadcrumbs are not a part of their diet! Parents, what are you using for brains? ? ?

No. I did not say anything; I don’t look for trouble. I write it in this blog, and then, God willing, I let it go.

December 29, 2012 Posted by | Adventure, Blogging, Cultural, Education, Environment, Family Issues, Living Conditions, Parenting | Leave a comment

Teachers’ Expectations Evoke Life-Changing Achievement

Yes, this is a long article from National Public Radio, but it’s important. I want you to read it, and if you have the time, go to the website – you can click on the blue type above – and listen to it yourself, because it is life changing for us, and for how we treat our children, too.

Do it at a time when you have time to listen. It caught me by surprise, but I was so enthralled, I stayed for the entire segment. Children with the greatest challenges can succeed, if they are nurtured and mentored. Any child can be a success; there are no losers. This is powerful stuff. πŸ™‚

by ALIX SPIEGEL
In my Morning Edition story today, I look at expectations β€” specifically, how teacher expectations can affect the performance of the children they teach.

The first psychologist to systematically study this was a Harvard professor named Robert Rosenthal, who in 1964 did a wonderful experiment at an elementary school south of San Francisco.

The idea was to figure out what would happen if teachers were told that certain kids in their class were destined to succeed, so Rosenthal took a normal IQ test and dressed it up as a different test.

“It was a standardized IQ test, Flanagan’s Test of General Ability,” he says. “But the cover we put on it, we had printed on every test booklet, said ‘Harvard Test of Inflected Acquisition.’ ”

Rosenthal told the teachers that this very special test from Harvard had the very special ability to predict which kids were about to be very special β€” that is, which kids were about to experience a dramatic growth in their IQ.

After the kids took the test, he then chose from every class several children totally at random. There was nothing at all to distinguish these kids from the other kids, but he told their teachers that the test predicted the kids were on the verge of an intense intellectual bloom.

As he followed the children over the next two years, Rosenthal discovered that the teachers’ expectations of these kids really did affect the students. “If teachers had been led to expect greater gains in IQ, then increasingly, those kids gained more IQ,” he says.

But just how do expectations influence IQ?

As Rosenthal did more research, he found that expectations affect teachers’ moment-to-moment interactions with the children they teach in a thousand almost invisible ways. Teachers give the students that they expect to succeed more time to answer questions, more specific feedback, and more approval: They consistently touch, nod and smile at those kids more.

“It’s not magic, it’s not mental telepathy,” Rosenthal says. “It’s very likely these thousands of different ways of treating people in small ways every day.”

So since expectations can change the performance of kids, how do we get teachers to have the right expectations? Is it possible to change bad expectations? That was the question that brought me to the Curry School of Education at the University of Virginia, where I met Robert Pianta.

Pianta, dean of the Curry School, has studied teachers for years, and one of the first things he told me when we sat down together was that it is truly hard for teachers to control their expectations.

“It’s really tough for anybody to police their own beliefs,” he said. “But think about being in a classroom with 25 kids. The demands on their thinking are so great.”

Still, people have tried. The traditional way, Pianta says, has been to sit teachers down and try to change their expectations through talking to them.

“For the most part, we’ve tried to convince them that the beliefs they have are wrong,” he says. “And we’ve done most of that convincing using information.”

But Pianta has a different idea of how to go about changing teachers’ expectations. He says it’s not effective to try to change their thoughts; the key is to train teachers in an entirely new set of behaviors.

For years, Pianta and his colleagues at the Curry School have been collecting videotapes of teachers teaching. By analyzing these videos in minute ways, they’ve developed a good idea of which teaching behaviors are most effective. They can also see, Pianta tells me, how teacher expectations affect both their behaviors and classroom dynamics.

Pianta gives one very specific example: the belief that boys are disruptive and need to be managed.

“Say I’m a teacher and I ask a question in class, and a boy jumps up, sort of vociferously … ‘I know the answer! I know the answer! I know the answer!’ ” Pianta says.

“If I believe boys are disruptive and my job is control the classroom, then I’m going to respond with, ‘Johnny! You’re out of line here! We need you to sit down right now.’ ”

This, Pianta says, will likely make the boy frustrated and emotionally disengaged. He will then be likely to escalate his behavior, which will simply confirm the teacher’s beliefs about him, and the teacher and kid are stuck in an unproductive loop.

But if the teacher doesn’t carry those beliefs into the classroom, then the teacher is unlikely to see that behavior as threatening.

Instead it’s: ” ‘Johnny, tell me more about what you think is going on … But also, I want you to sit down quietly now as you tell that to me,’ ” Pianta says.

“Those two responses,” he says, “are dictated almost entirely by two different interpretations of the same behavior that are driven by two different sets of beliefs.”

To see if teachers’ beliefs would be changed by giving them a new set of teaching behaviors, Pianta and his colleagues recently did a study.

They took a group of teachers, assessed their beliefs about children, then gave a portion of them a standard pedagogy course, which included information about appropriate beliefs and expectations. Another portion got intense behavioral training, which taught them a whole new set of skills based on those appropriate beliefs and expectations.

For this training, the teachers videotaped their classes over a period of months and worked with personal coaches who watched those videos, then gave them recommendations about different behaviors to try.

After that intensive training, Pianta and his colleagues analyzed the beliefs of the teachers again. What he found was that the beliefs of the trained teachers had shifted way more than the beliefs of teachers given a standard informational course.

This is why Pianta thinks that to change beliefs, the best thing to do is change behaviors.

“It’s far more powerful to work from the outside in than the inside out if you want to change expectations,” he says.

In other words, if you want to change a mind, simply talking to it might not be enough.

7 Ways Teachers Can Change Their Expectations

Researcher Robert Pianta offered these suggestions for teachers who want to change their behavior toward problem students:

Watch how each student interacts. How do they prefer to engage? What do they seem to like to do? Observe so you can understand all they are capable of.

Listen. Try to understand what motivates them, what their goals are and how they view you, their classmates and the activities you assign them.

Engage. Talk with students about their individual interests. Don’t offer advice or opinions – just listen.

Experiment: Change how you react to challenging behaviors. Rather than responding quickly in the moment, take a breath. Realize that their behavior might just be a way of reaching out to you.

Meet: Each week, spend time with students outside of your role as “teacher.” Let the students choose a game or other nonacademic activity they’d like to do with you. Your job is to NOT teach but watch, listen and narrate what you see, focusing on students’ interests and what they do well. This type of activity is really important for students with whom you often feel in conflict or who you avoid.

Reach out: Know what your students like to do outside of school. Make it a project for them to tell you about it using some medium in which they feel comfortable: music, video, writing, etc. Find both individual and group time for them to share this with you. Watch and listen to how skilled, motivated and interested they can be. Now think about school through their eyes.

Reflect: Think back on your own best and worst teachers, bosses or supervisors. List five words for each that describe how you felt in your interactions with them. How did the best and the worst make you feel? What specifically did they do or say that made you feel that way? Now think about how your students would describe you. Jot down how they might describe you and why. How do your expectations or beliefs shape how they look at you? Are there parallels in your beliefs and their responses to you?

September 17, 2012 Posted by | Adventure, Bureaucracy, Character, Community, Education, Experiment, Family Issues, Parenting, Social Issues, Values | 4 Comments

Ten Shot While Kuwaiti Youngsters Are ‘Just Having Fun’

As AdventureMan and I read the Pensacola News Journal, we often wonder if we knew what we were getting into. Shootings in Pensacola are frequent. Killings, by gun, by beating, by knife – are equally frequent. Pensacola has one of the highest violent death rates per capita in the nation. Just this week a 72 year old man shot a preacher at his church because he thought the preacher was having an affair with his 69 year old wife. He then tried to enter the child care center where she was caring for small children, still with his loaded weapon. The paper quotes his wife as saying he has mental health issues.

What are people with mental health issues doing with loaded guns???

My Southern friends ask me if we more strictly regulate guns, how will they protect themselves, that the ‘bad guys’ will still have guns. Right now, they can protect themselves, they also have the right to shoot to defend their property? I can’t answer. All I know for sure is that the more people who carry guns, the more likely guns are to be used when the instinct strikes, whether it is a real threat or a perceived threat.

And then – there are these Kuwaiti teens, shooting passers-by, and when arrested, still carrying the shotgun used, say that they were ‘just having fun.’

KUWAIT: Jahra detectives, in cooperation with criminal investigation detectives, have arrested two Kuwaiti 17-year-old juveniles on charges of misuse of a hunting gun, which resulted in the shooting and wounding of 10 people in Jahra area. Police received several reports of pedestrians being wounded after they were shot by unknown assailants. Following an investigation, the juveniles were arrested with the gun still in their possession. They confessed to the shootings, claiming they were only having a good time. The teens were sent to concerned authorities. Later, Ministry of Interior officials called upon citizens and expatriates to watch their children and prevent them from behaving in ways that might cause harm to others, as the parents could be held liable for their children’s acts.

By Hanan Al-Saadoun, Staff Writer
Kuwait Times

The link refers to ‘hunting gun misuse.’ Because they are Kuwaiti, and because they are young, they are unlikely to have any severe punishment. They are likely to be released into the custody of their parents. Where were these parents when their children wounded ten innocent people? What lesson do these young men, 17 years old, learn if they can shoot ten people and be charged with ‘misuse’ of a weapon?

The only good thing I can think of in this case is that these youngsters had so little self-discipline that they never learned to shoot straight, thus no one was killed. They weren’t just lacking in any compassion for their fellow human beings, they were also bad shots. (I’m from a hunting culture. That’s an insult.)

September 8, 2012 Posted by | Bureaucracy, Character, Civility, Community, Crime, Cross Cultural, Cultural, ExPat Life, Interconnected, Kuwait, Law and Order, Living Conditions, Parenting, Pensacola, Pet Peeves, Rants, Safety, Social Issues, Values | 4 Comments

Abstinence Only? Mississippi Has Highest Teen Pregnancy Rate Rate In the USA

Sex Education or Abstinence? Do you think there might be some connection between Mississippi’s highest state in the nation teen pregnancy rate and their policy of abstinence only? (For non-US people, ‘abstinence-only’ is code for NO SEX EDUCATION IN THE SCHOOLS. Some people think that teaching young people how sex works, and how to prevent pregnancy gives them ideas they might not try if you didn’t teach them about it or gives them tacit permission to engage in sex.)

From AOL News/ Reuters

* State has nation’s highest teen birth rate

* New law allows abstinence plus sex-ed teaching

* Studies show sex-ed works to prevent teen pregnancy

By Emily Le Coz

TUPELO, Miss., Aug 26 (Reuters) – Artasia Bobo, a 16-year-old Mississippi high school sophomore, was only 12 when she got pregnant and doesn’t recall receiving much in the way of sex education.

Holding her 3-year-old daughter, Annsley, after cheerleading practice recently, the honor-roll student said she’s now an advocate for comprehensive sex education offered as soon as possible.

“What I went through is nothing any girl would want to go through,” she said. “It changed my life. I love my daughter, but if I could go back in time, my life would be a whole lot different.”

Mississippi, the poorest U.S. state, has the nation’s highest teen pregnancy rate. Yet until this year, the state allowed schools to forgo sex education entirely.

That changed with a state law passed last year that mandated school districts adopt either abstinence-only or abstinence-plus sex education policies. Before the new law, any district that did teach sex education had to teach abstinence-only.

Under the new law, a majority of Mississippi’s public school districts this year adopted abstinence-only policies that avoid or downplay the issue of contraceptives.

Twenty other U.S. states and the District of Columbia also require sex education, according to the Guttmacher Institute, a New York-based non-profit organization focusing on sexual and reproductive rights.

After the law took effect at the beginning of July, 81 districts chose abstinence-only and 71 chose abstinence-plus, the state Department of Education reported. Mississippi kept no record of how many districts taught abstinence-only under the old law, department spokesman Jon Kalahar said.

“SERIOUS PROBLEM”

Mississippi reported 55 births per 1,000 teens aged 15 to 19 in 2010 – more than 60 percent above the U.S. average, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said in April.

The state also has one of the nation’s highest infant mortality rates and among the highest rates of chlamydia and gonorrhea infections among teens and young adults, according to the Mississippi Department of Health.

“It was obvious we had a serious problem in the state,” said Democratic state Representative Cecil Brown, who chaired the committee that championed the bill. “You can’t stick your head in the sand.”

Abstinence-only allows districts to teach about the benefits of avoiding sex until marriage, the consequences of bearing children out of wedlock and how to reject sexual advances. Such programs also teach that abstinence is the only certain way to avoid pregnancy and sexually transmitted diseases.

Although a discussion of condoms or contraceptives is allowed under this policy, it cannot include demonstrations of use and must present the risks and failure rates of such devices, the law states.

Abstinence-plus must include all those topics and can also teach about the causes and effects of sexually transmitted diseases and how to prevent them, according to the law.

“Before this year, not a single school district had adopted any policy on sex education,” said Jamie Holcomb Bardwell, director of programs for Women’s Fund of Mississippi. “The fact that 71 adopted abstinence-plus is one of the biggest victories for young people in Mississippi this year.”

Bardwell said she’s encouraged that many of the districts with the highest teen pregnancy rates adopted not only abstinence-plus policies, but also implemented sex education programs proven effective for changing teen behavior.

COMPREHENSIVE SEX EDUCATION

“Research shows that when young people have access to a curriculum that’s not abstinence-only … when it includes medically accurate information, they’re more likely to have lower pregnancy rates and lower sexually transmitted infection rates,” she said.

Studies published this year by the Guttmacher Institute show teens who received comprehensive sex education, including instruction on birth control, waited longer to have sex and had lower rates of pregnancy.

That might have been the case for Bobo, but such a course wasn’t offered when she got pregnant. Nor will it be offered this year, since her district chose an abstinence-only policy.

A statewide survey conducted in 2011 by the Social Science Research Center at Mississippi State University found most parents support comprehensive sex education in schools.

Among them is 40-year-old Renee Bobo, Artasia’s mother.

“They’re getting it from TV and from friends, anyway,” said Bobo, who works nights so she can care for her granddaughter while Artasia attends school. “They should get the straight facts from an informed instructor.”

The Lee County School District in northeast Mississippi adopted an abstinence-only program for the first time this year. Superintendent Jimmy Weeks said health classes had previously touched on the subject but this will be the district’s first dedicated sex-education class.

The school board picked abstinence-only because “we don’t want to come across as saying, ‘Hey, premarital sex is OK, let us show us how you do it without getting a disease,'” Weeks said.

Sixteen percent of Lee County births in 2010 were to teens, according to the Mississippi Department of Health. In Itawamba County, where Artasia attends school, the rate was 16.5 percent.

Coahoma County in the Mississippi delta, which at 23 percent had one of the state’s highest rates of births to teens, recently adopted an abstinence-plus program after four years of teaching abstinence-only, said Superintendent Pauline Rhodes.

“I’ve seen first-hand the devastation of children having children, and I have seen students on their way to a promising career have to drop out,” Rhodes said. “I’ve always felt that until we can get a handle on teen pregnancies, we will not be able to get a handle on juvenile delinquencies.” (Editing by David Adams and Jim Loney)

I believe abstinence can work – in a relationship where both people believe in abstinence. How do you apply abstinence to a multi-cultural society where religious, personal and moral values differ? Abstinence DOES prevent pregnancy – but even teenagers in the most virtuous families find the lure of sexual activity irresistible, and can end up pregnant. I like it that Mississippi is taking the pragmatic step of combining abstinence teaching AND sex education. Give them enough information to avoid bringing children into this world who are unwanted and born to parents not capable of parenting.

August 27, 2012 Posted by | Cultural, Education, Experiment, Faith, Family Issues, Financial Issues, Health Issues, Living Conditions, Mating Behavior, Parenting, Relationships, Social Issues, Values, Women's Issues | Leave a comment

“Are you Happy?”


(Thank you, AdventureMan, for this wonderful photo)

“Are you happy?” our little happy boy asked his Daddy, and burst into tears when his Daddy told him no, he was sad that his little boy was hitting his Mama.

It’s a funny age, two-and-a-half, discovering all the things you are able to do, no longer a baby. The happy little boy is learning to swim, and he loves running. He is in the midst of potty training. He gets to spend the night with his grandparents, and in August he will go to Cousin’s Camp! He is also not happy with limits – but then, who is? It’s a tough time to be a parent, or a grandparent, when this delightful little boy digs his heels in about an issue.

“The secret is to negotiate,” our son told AdventureMan over lunch. “You have to find a way that he can back down without losing. Distraction works, or a compromise that isn’t even a compromise.”

LOL; that’s exactly what I did with him! My Mother used to say “You’re the mother! Just tell him he has to do it because you say so! Make him mind you!”

In our nomadic life, I needed a child who would cooperate. When you cooperate, two – or more – people have to cooperate, that means the parent, too. Our son grew up as a part of a team that had to operate together for the good of all. We still operate that way.

My generation did things differently; we explained, we negotiated, we compromised, we listened. I look at our son, and his cousins, and I feel enormously proud; we raised a generation of outstanding adults who are wonderful loving and compassionate parents to their children.

I am happy. AdventureMan is taking the Happy Little Boy to swim lessons this morning, then to the Naval Aviation Museum, which the Happy Little Boy LOVES! And the Happy Grandmother gets to quilt!

July 13, 2012 Posted by | Communication, Cultural, Family Issues, Parenting, Random Musings | Leave a comment

Emirates Women Seek Law Forcing Tourists to Dress Modestly

Qatari women have the same concerns in Qatar; this article from http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2012/07/06/emiratis-dress-code_n_1653446.html?utm_hp_ref=world:

ABU DHABI, United Arab Emirates — With the number of foreigners dwarfing that of locals in her hometown of Abu Dhabi, Asma al-Muhairi has become increasingly anxious at the prospect of her younger nieces abandoning their full-length black robes in favor of Western attire that seems to be everywhere she goes.

But it wasn’t until the 23-year-old marketing worker came face to face with two scantily-clad female foreigners at one of the many luxury shopping malls in the United Arab Emirates that she decided to take action.

“While going to a mall, I saw two ladies wearing … I can’t say even shorts. It was underwear,” said al-Muhairi, whose black abaya – a long garment worn by conservative Gulf women – is offset by a gold Versace watch and egg-shell blue handbag.

“Really, they were not shorts,” she said. “I was standing and thinking: `Why is this continuing? Why is it in the mall? I see families. I see kids around.'”

Failing to persuade the mall to intervene, al-Muhairi and another Emirati woman, Hanan al-Rayes, took to Twitter to air their concerns in May.

They were inundated with responses that prompted them to launch a Twitter campaign dubbed (at)UAEDressCode that aims to explore ways to combat the growing number of shoppers in low-cut dresses and hot pants.

As the campaign picked up steam, it also has served to symbolize the growing concerns among Emiratis, a tiny minority in their own country.

Emirati citizens account for a little more than 10 percent of the 8 million people living in the Gulf nation. Most of the population is made up of Asian, African and Middle Eastern guest workers, as well as Western expatriates living here temporarily.

The overall population more than doubled over the past decade as the country embarked on a building boom that transformed Dubai, up the coast from Abu Dhabi, into the Arabian Gulf’s financial hub and a popular tourist draw.

“I think in an increasingly tumultuous region and in an era of powerful and often intrusive globalizing forces, citizens of the UAE are increasingly concerned that their traditions and core values are being eroded,” said Christopher Davidson, an expert on Gulf affairs at Britain’s Durham University.

“In some senses, it is a grassroots reaction to authorities and leaders that have for many years done little to check this erosion,” he added. “We’ve seen reactions to alcohol, so now we are seeing a reaction to immodest dress.”

Jalal Bin Thaneya, an Emirati activist who has embraced the dress code campaign, said it is a way for Emiratis to show they are concerned about the loss of traditions.

“If we were the majority and had the same make up, things would be different,” Bin Thaneya said. “You wouldn’t need anything. You would see Emiratis everywhere and you would be afraid of offending them … Now, we’re a minority so you feel the need to reach out to an authority.”

As the number of foreigners has increased, so have the stories of them violating the UAE’s strict indecency code, which limits drinking to bars and nightclubs and bans public displays of affection. A drunken couple was caught having sex on the beach and another allegedly having sex in a taxi. A Pakistani was deported for flipping the middle finger at a motorist, and the courts are filled with cases of foreigners having sex out of wedlock.

Most Emiratis rarely come face-to-face with misbehaving foreigners.

The malls, however, are a different story.

They are one of the few places where everyone comes together to escape the brutal summer heat. The cultural clash is hard to ignore, as families of traditionally dressed Emiratis shop and relax in cafes alongside foreign women wearing tank tops, shorts and even transparent gowns over bikinis.

Most malls have policies in place that require “conservative” dress and encourage shoppers to avoid showing shoulders and knees, but few publicize them or enforce them. Police in Dubai, where the mall that al-Muhairi visited was located, didn’t respond to a request for comment. They told the Gulf News newspaper there is nothing they can do since there are no specific laws against immodest dress.

“People were seeing it for a long time but they didn’t say anything,” Bin Thaneya said. “You can’t go to the police for such stuff. There is no one to go to. You can’t go to the mall management. The mall security guard gets paid less than someone at McDonald’s. He isn’t going to do anything.”

Al-Muhairi’s campaign is just one of several over the years led by Emirati women who have tried in vain to enforce the dress code – handing out brochures, confronting foreigners. But hers has benefited from the growing popularity of social media as well as the Arab Spring popular uprisings, which has given Emiratis a sense they can speak out on some social issues.

The UAEDressCode feed has more than 3,300 followers with a lively discussion that includes plenty of support for a code but also concerns that it would unfairly target foreigners or create divisions between locals and foreigners. Unlike similar campaigns in Kuwait or Saudi Arabia, the impetus for a code has not come from Islamic hard-liners, but from moderate locals like al-Muhairi who love their Starbucks and Western movies but just want foreigners to respect local customs.

“We are not asking others to cover up like us. We are giving them freedom based on their beliefs and religion,” al-Muhairi said. “We are not judging and saying this shows she has other interests. We never want to judge. Do whatever you want and wear what you want but with limits. Just respect the public here.”

The campaign has caught the attention of the Federal National Council, which pledged last month to push for stronger measures to enforce the dress codes. That came after the country’s culture minister, Abdulrahman al-Owais, supported efforts to emphasize the conservative traditions of the UAE.

Members of a half-elected, half-appointed council have suggested a law could include warnings and fines but not jail time for offenders. But the FNC has no law-making powers, so any decision now rests with the UAE government.

“If there is a law, the behavior will be different,” said Hamad al-Rahoomi, an FNC member who compared a UAE dress code to laws in France that bans the niqab, in which a veil has only a slit exposing a woman’s eyes, or the new dress code at Royal Ascot in Britain that aims to limit provocative outfits.

“We don’t want to catch people. We just want people to think of the other parties,” al-Rahoomi said. “What I want is to go with my family in my country and not see something that is harming me.”

The Abu Dhabi police issued this week a booklet on dos and don’ts for tourists that will be available at the Abu Dhabi International Airport and hotels, according to The National newspaper. It advises tourists that public displays of affection including kissing are considered indecent and that they should wear “modest” clothing.

Tourists – some in skimpy summer dresses, others in shorts and T-shirts – defended their right to wear what they want, either because it is fashionable or keeps them cool in the summer heat. None of the 10 people interviewed in Dubai and Abu Dhabi knew about a mall dress code, nor were they advised their outfits violated it. Several said a dress code law would go too far.

“I think it’s ridiculous because most of the people in Dubai are tourists,” said Sarah, a 21-year-old tourist from Kenya wearing a short dress exposing her shoulders and legs. “I want to go somewhere where I would be comfortable in my own skin as a travel destination. I feel comfortable like this and this is how I will dress.”

July 7, 2012 Posted by | Civility, Community, Cross Cultural, Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Heritage, Living Conditions, Parenting, Social Issues, Travel, Values | 2 Comments

She Cried

“I wanted to thank you,” I said to my son’s sixth grade teacher “I can’t imagine how hard it was to get 30 sixth graders to go through the paper-writing process, but I know my son learned from it and he will use the skills you taught him for many years to come. One day he will thank you in his heart, but I wanted to thank you now.”

It was one of those small expat military communities, where your child’s teacher also goes to the same church you go to and shops in the same commissary. We were at a church benefit, chatting before dinner.

She started crying.

She told me that every year, she teaches the sixth graders to write papers, and they hate it. She started with library research, making bibliography cards on little index cards, formal writing, footnotes and a formal bibliography at the end with a formal title page at the beginning.

I was the first one who had ever thanked her. She believed in what she was doing, but it was so hard, and she never got any positive feedback.

Imagine. Do you remember what sixth graders are like? This lady had courage, and persistence. She gave these students (in spite of themselves) a skill which would take them through the rest of high school and into college. They learned to do it right, so they never had to embarrass themselves by turning in an inferior, poorly-done paper. It was a great gift she gave these students – and no one thanked her.

Well, it would be a rare, very rare sixth grader who has the maturity to understand that while it was a difficult and demanding section in their school year, it was a tool in their tool box of life, a gift that just kept on giving.

Thank you. Thank you, all the teachers out there who knock themselves out to give our children (and grandchildren) the tools they need to be good students and good citizens.

July 5, 2012 Posted by | Arts & Handicrafts, Biography, Bureaucracy, Character, Community, Cultural, Education, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Germany, Interconnected, Leadership, Living Conditions, Parenting, Relationships, Values, Work Related Issues | 2 Comments

Survey Shows Teens Hide True Internet Usage From Parents

This from a REUTERS news story posted on AOL News / Huffpost

It’s a parent’s worst nightmare.

By Gianna Palmer

NEW YORK (Reuters) – More and more teenagers are hiding their online activity from their parents, according to a U.S. survey of teen internet behavior released on Monday.

The survey, sponsored by the online security company McAfee, found that 70 percent of teens had hidden their online behavior from their parents in 2012, up from 45 percent of teens in 2010, when McAfee conducted the same survey.

“There’s a lot more to do on the Internet today, which ultimately means there’s a lot more to hide,” said McAfee spokesman Robert Siciliano.

Siciliano cited the explosion of social media and the wider availability of ad-supported pornography as two factors that have led teens to hide their online habits. The increased popularity of phones with Internet capabilities also means that teens have more opportunities to hide their online habits, he said.

“They have full Internet access wherever they are at this point,” Siciliano said.

The survey found that 43 percent of teens have accessed simulated violence online, 36 percent have read about sex online, and 32 percent went online to see nude photos or pornography.

The survey reported that teens use a variety of tactics to avoid being monitored by their parents. Over half of teens surveyed said that they had cleared their browser history, while 46 percent had closed or minimized browser windows when a parent walked into the room. Other strategies for keeping online habits from parents included hiding or deleting instant messages or videos and using a computer they knew their parents wouldn’t check.

Meanwhile, the survey found that 73.5 percent of parents trust their teens not to access age-inappropriate content online. Nearly one quarter of the surveyed parents (23 percent) reported that they are not monitoring their children’s online behaviors because they are overwhelmed by technology.

Siciliano said that is no excuse.

“Parents can put their foot down and they can get educated,” he said.

“They can learn about the technology at hand. They can learn about their children’s lives,” Siciliano said.

Many of the parents surveyed were already doing just that, with 49 percent of parents using parental controls and 44 percent obtaining their children’s email and social network passwords. Additionally, three in four parents said they’ve had a conversation about online safety with their kids.

The results were drawn from a nationwide online survey completed by 1,004 teens aged 13-17 and 1,013 parents, conducted May 4-29 by TRU of Chicago, a youth research company. Its margin of error was plus or minus 3 percent.

(Editing by Barbara Goldberg and Eric Walsh)

June 26, 2012 Posted by | Adventure, Community, Family Issues, Lies, Living Conditions, Parenting, Relationships, Values | Leave a comment

Jesmyn Ward and Salvage the Bones

You are fifteen, poor, black, and motherless as this book opens. Dad drinks, and isn’t around much. You are the only girl in a family of brothers. Having sex is no big deal, and there is one guy you really like, Manny.

Your oldest brother’s pit bull is having puppies, and you are having trouble with throwing up most of what you eat, especially every morning. Dad says a hurricane is coming, but he’s said that before, no big deal.

As this book opens, it has the feel of a myth of the nightmare kind. We know, because we have the benefit of hindsight, that the impending storm, Katrina, will be catastrophic. The Batiste family has already suffered a catastrophic storm with the death of their Mama, just after the birth of her last child. Throughout the book, we watch these children suffer the daily absence of their mother, raising one another, squabbling, but tenderly looking after one another.

If someone had told me about this book, I don’t think I would have wanted to read it. Amazon.com kept telling me I needed to read it, so finally, I did. From the opening page, I was in a world utterly alien from my own, and yet a world I could understand and inhabit. There are worse things than being poor, and one of them is heartless. This family has heart; they are loyal to one another, they look after one another and they sacrifice for one another. For all the violence – and there is a lot of violence – there is also beauty.

There is the familial love, and there is the love between Skeet, the oldest brother, and his dog, China. There is friendship, and good people who give you refuge in the aftermath of the storm. There is the stunning numbness of surviving the worst hurricane ever.

Jesmyn West has a deft touch, with the language, with the interweaving of the Medea myth, with non-verbal communication, with the complexities of families and love. This is a book worth reading.

May 15, 2012 Posted by | Books, Circle of Life and Death, Community, Cultural, Family Issues, Fiction, Hurricanes, Interconnected, Living Conditions, Mating Behavior, Parenting, Relationships, Weather | Leave a comment