Qatar Women Want Dress Code to Maintain Cultural Norms
Every year around this time The Peninsula (Qatar) runs an article reminding other nationalities to respect Qattari values on modesty, and asking women to wear loose clothing, cover arms and shoulders and wear skirts at least to the knees. This year, there are comments about women wearing ‘indecent’ clothing around the hotel swimming pools, and calling for a national dress code with enforcement.
Qatari women lament disregard for norms
By Huda NV
DOHA: Dress code in any country is a very sensitive topic, for, while it protects the rights of many, it may hinder the rights of many others. When France issued ban on Hijab in public places, many Muslims who used the attire had to let it go. Same is the case in Saudi Arabia where all, including non-Muslims have to wear the abaya.
As of now, there is no strict ruling on dress code in Qatar except that it asks for modest dressing in public. The rules are with loose ends, according to some. With the on going development much have changed in dressing over the last 10 years.
Some Qatari women who spoke to The Peninsula said that due to the lack of awareness or mainly due to disregard for local norms, many people flout with the Qatari Penal Code that “prohibits wearing revealing indecent clothing”. Since no action is taken against the violators, rules or laws are being flouted with.
“The law asks one dress decent lyto protect oneself and the society as a whole. We are functioning in a society in various roles and at various levels. We go out, do what we need to do and go home, as other women do. But it pains to see many women bring with them negative influences into the community and dress in a way which is against the discipline of the community,” said Sheikha Al Naimi, a Qatari woman.
“We are not asking them to use hijab or abaya. We just want them to be modest, by which we mean covering the arms and shoulders, wearing skirts at least up to knee length, and wearing loose clothes. We are asking for respect not hindering their personal choices,” said Asma Abdullah.
RIGHTS?
So would not any law or dress code be against personal rights? Then, is not smoking or drinking a personal choice and a law banning these are against the so called rights, ask some.
“There are laws banning smoking and penalties for violating traffic rules, which are issued in public interest and these are strictly followed, for fear of heavy fines on violations. So a dress code is also needed for public security. We all have our own freedom, but in public we need to check the rights of public too. One’s freedom should not hinder other person’s rights and people should realise that rights come along with duties,” said Mariam Al Ali.
However some argued dressing in skimpy clothes is not freedom, but rather lack of self respect. “We would say the western idea of freedom and right is twisted and is not based on truth. For example, when it comes to dressing, the so called right is more or less like what men want to see,” said Tammy, a US expatriate.
“Our policy is you see what we want you to see rather than you decide what you need to see. We choose to whom we show our beauty. It is not for public attention,” one of the Qatari women said
THE WORRIES
One of the key problems, most of the Qatari women who spoke to The Peninsula, was on encroachment on their identity. “We are a minority in our own land; this does not mean we leave our identity. We are trying to pass it over to next generation and all these influences is a threat to our identity as Muslims, Arabs and Qataris,” Al Naimi said.
“All the expats come here for a reason, mainly financial, and hence they need to respect the culture here but now its more on destroying the society,” she laments. “Even in some schools and colleges, teachers dress badly. Even if it’s a girls-only school, it does not mean teachers show their body parts which we ourselves do not show to our children. Wearing translucent dress, shirts which are waist length and short skirts are in no way modest for a teacher,” said Al Ali
PROTECTING IDENTITY
Some Qatari women revealed the measures they take to ensure their children are not influenced by the changes. “My children have gone to the malls or shopping centers only few times. I want them to know what the Qatari identity is. They are not usually taken for shopping here. For their amusement and entertainment, I built a house away from Doha with all the amenities.
“So the question would be how will they learn to live in the society if they are kept isolated? Its just that we do not want these influences at very young age. After they get to know their roots, children will go out and understand the world,” said Asma.
“Earlier, when I was young, we used to go out to the beaches and enjoy as a family. But now we cannot take our children to the beaches as people wear indecent clothing even in public beaches,” said Sara Yousuf.
“Even some of the Qatari media post almost nude pictures, especially when it comes to movies. So we do censoring at home so that our children at young age do not have to distinguish between the right and wrong,” Sara said. “I would love to take my children to hotels here and enjoy time with them in the pool. But how can we do it when many are indecently dressed,” said a Qatari woman.
DRESSING WHEN ABROAD
Even when dress code is debated here, Qataris are much criticised for not abiding to the Qatari customs while abroad. “These are mainly people who are ashamed of their identity. Abaya or hijab is part of culture and our culture is based on Islam, which is same throughout the world. Hence, indecent dressing while abroad tarnishes the whole Qatari community. I have gone abroad, and even recently when I visited Thailand, I was wearing the exact costume – abaya — which I wear here. They should respect laws of other countries when abroad but at the same time try to protect their identity,” said Sara.
“I was educated in the US. I did face few problems but I knew the influences were coming from all directions and made sure I held on to my traditions,” said Asma.
THE CULPRITS
Majority of the Qatari women say that some of the Arab communities themselves are responsible for violating the dress code. “We feel that majority of the westerners and Asians know and understand us and respect the culture. People from sub-continent culturally they have their own modesty which is almost similar to ours. If these people are dressing badly it is because they think ‘if Arabs can do, why not we’,” says Al Ali.
“The sad part is that there are some Arab communities who mock themselves and us wearing skimpy dresses. Also some are so talented that they know how to dress exactly as Qataris and impersonate — they actually tarnish our image. They also talk indecently when faults are pointed out,” said Hessa Al Kuwari.
“Worse is when many dress indecent inside the abaya and pose as Qataris. The very purpose of abaya is to cover, but now it is turning into something that is used for showcasing the body,” Sara said.
SUGGESTIONS
1. Set up a new committee to establish and implement specific regulation with regard to dress code
2. Define exactly what modest dressing means
3. Malls should have individuals to warn people as they have people to keep out bachelors on family days.
4. While issuing visas, embassies should inform people about the dressing. They should also make strict rulings.
5. The existing laws on dresses should be activated by the authorities.
URGENT ACTION
Few of the women say there is an urgent need for a law or enforcement of existent regulations, as the situation is getting worse. “Over last three to four years, we are seeing women wearing very-short shorts in public places. I would ask what next? Will we have to see ladies in bikinis in malls in the next few years? It can happen if there is no enforcement,” said Sara.
“The identity change that we talked is not going to happen today or tomorrow. We will see the effect in some 10 to 20 years — majority of our people will not know what being an Arab or Qatari means. The values what we have will be lost,” Asma said. “We need development, but it should be framed in our identity. It’s not fair to cut our roots and establish on top of us,” she said.
The Peninsula
Operation Blue Shepherd
I was shocked to hear about this operation on National Public Radio this afternoon, and to know it was Pensacola. What got my attention was one of the police officers saying that they were shocked to capture so many local people; they had expected to attract predators from surrounding states, but not so many locals. Truly sad.
And kudos to all the men in blue and officers of the court who are putting away these people who would prey on children, taking them off the game board.
You can read the entire article yourself at the Pensacola News Journal:
25 men accused of setting up child sex encounters in Pensacola sting
Twenty-five men were arrested this month in Pensacola during a weeklong undercover operation in which suspects are accused of using the Internet to set up sexual encounters with children. The suspects came to meet the minors at a home in northeast Pensacola only to find a slew of law enforcement officials waiting for them.
The sting, called Operation Blue Shepherd, began June 20 with 30 officers from local, state and federal agencies participating, according to a Pensacola Police Department press release. The results were announced at a news conference this morning at PPD.
Pensacola Police Capt. Paul Kelly said officers used various social networking and E-commerce sites to respond to advertisements of a sexual nature and to place similar advertisements.
The suspects specifically described various sexual acts they were going to do with the male and female children, ages 12 to 14, with whom they believed they were talking. All of the suspects, except one who took a taxi, drove to the undercover house with the intent to perform these sexual acts with the children. Upon arrival, they were arrested and questioned.
Kelly said officers were surprised to find so many eager participants from the immediate Pensacola area.
“We expected to have more violators traveling from outside the area. What this tells me is that these violators do not have to travel far to find their victims. They are much closer to home than we imagined. Most of them were not reluctant or frightened to approach the door of a stranger’s house. They literally pulled up to the house and walked quickly to the door eager to meet the child,” Kelly said.
Agencies participating in Operation Blue Shepherd were the State Attorney’s Office, Florida Department of Law Enforcement, Immigration and Customs Enforcement , Naval Criminal Investigative Service, Escambia County Sheriff’s Office, Santa Rosa County Sheriff’s Office, Okaloosa County Sheriff’s Office, Walton County Sheriff’s Office, Alachua County Sheriff’s Office, Gainesville Police Department, Fort Walton Beach Police Department, Tallahassee Police Department and the Federal Bureau of Investigation.
Thelma and Louise in Saudi Arabia
An editorial cartoon from my friend Grammy, in Texas, from today’s paper:
Freedom Greater Factor than Wealth in Happiness
Fascinating study, I found it today on AOL Health News
Freedom More Important to Happiness Than Wealth, Study Finds
Personal independence, autonomy trump money in data from more than 60 countries.
SUNDAY, June 19 (HealthDay News) — Personal independence and freedom are more important to people’s well-being than wealth, a new study concludes.
Researchers at the Victoria University of Wellington in New Zealand analyzed the findings of three studies that included a total of more than 420,000 people from 63 countries and spanned nearly 40 years.
Their key finding: “Money leads to autonomy, but it does not add to well-being or happiness.”
The studies looked at data from three different psychological tests familiar to therapists:
The General Health Questionnaire, which measures distress in terms of anxiety and insomnia, social problems, severe depression and physical symptoms of mental distress, such as unexplained headaches and stomach aches.
The Spielberger anxiety inventory, which evaluates how anxious respondents feel at a particular moment.
The Maslach Burnout Inventory, which screens for emotional exhaustion, depersonalization and lack of personal accomplishment.
The analysis revealed “a very consistent and robust finding that societal values of [freedom and autonomy] were the best predictors of well-being,” wrote psychologists Ronald Fischer and Diana Boer in an American Psychological Association release.
“Furthermore, if wealth was a significant predictor alone, this effect disappeared when individualism was entered,” they added.
“Our findings provide insight into well-being at the societal level,” the researchers concluded.
The study appears in the Journal of Personality and Social Psychology.
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie: Purple Hibiscus
A couple of years ago, when we had a great book club in Kuwait, I read Half of a Yellow Sun, by this author, and I was blown away. Some books you just read for entertainment, and some books have such a strong, compelling voice that it comes back to you, again and again, and you think about it for a long time.
So when Amazon.com recommended Purple Hibiscus, I bought it, along with The Thing Around Your Neck. Purple Hibiscus is the author’s first book, and The Thing Around Your Neck is her most recent. In 2009, I found an interview with her online; you can watch it by clicking here: An Interview with Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie. She is an enormously talented author.
When I read Half of a Yellow Sun, I became Igbo, growing up in Nigeria. While that story was told through many eyes, I was able to be a boy from the bush brought to the college campus to be a houseboy, I got to be a wife, her sister, her professor husband. We experienced the Biafran succession, the insanity of several regime changes in Nigeria, the total fog and waste of war, through the eyes of the Biafrans.
Reading Purple Hibiscus was a little different; the story is told through the eyes of a girl, Kambili, who lives in a very controlled environment. We know from the very beginning that things are not right in her wealthy, beautiful world. Her father and mother love her, take good care of her, feed her, clothe her – and that is just a part of a bigger picture. Her father has an idea of the way things should be; he attained his position and wealth through his education by the Catholic priests and he has a rigid idea of how everything must be done. Vary from his strictures, and you get beaten, or scalded, or you little finger is broken and disfigured.
Part of what makes this book so compelling is that while the environment is Nigeria, and, to us, exotic, the climate of abuse is the same everywhere. It’s a dirty little secret, even in the wealthiest of families, you keep your mouth shut to stay alive, and to protect your family’s image. Abuse is no stranger to rich or poor families, and can only stay alive because people stay silent.
Kambili, fifteen when we meet her, lives a tiny, small, scared life, following the weekly schedules her father prints out for her and her brother and posts over her desk. She hears her mother beaten over the smallest failure, imagined or real. Her mother miscarries twice due to these beatings, and her father tenderly cares for the mother whose miscarriage his beatings caused. It is crazy-world. Kambeli and her brother are expected to take first in every class; if they do not, they, too, pay a severe penalty.
Just as the political climate in Nigeria starts to tremble and fall apart, so, too, does Kambili’s life, and in the falling apart, comes new ways of doing things, new perspectives, new risks and even learning to run, to laugh, to be ‘normal’ as other children are. She is blessed to have an aunt at the university, no where near so wealthy as her family but able to cajole her father into letting the children visit with her. The aunt, Ifeoma, laughs, and encourages her children to challenge other’s opinions respectfully, and who grows the very rare Purple Hibiscus. Her heart aches for Kambili and her brother, and she tries to give them space to figure things out for themselves, and to chose what they want for themselves.
It is a scary time in Nigeria, a time when men can come to the door and take someone away, and you don’t know if you will ever see them again, or how damaged they will be if they return. Kambili’s own life is full of a similar terror, but the terror is inflicted by someone who she loves, and who loves her.
I love the soul of an author who can write a book like this, a book that makes me feel like in another life I was a Nigerian. I can’t begin to think I know much about Nigeria now, but having read three books by Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie, I have the broad outlines of the divisions which traumatize and fracture Nigeria to this day. Even better, I understand how very different the cultural expectations are from our own, and how very similar we are as human beings.
This is a great read. It is inspirational. You might even learn something. You can find it on Amazon.com.
Jeannette Walls: The Glass Castle
The Glass Castle was a hugely popular best seller in the USA, and it must have been while I was gone. A part of me remembers reading a little bit about it and deciding it wasn’t my kind of book, but after reading Half Broke Horses, I had forgotten what the subject matter was and was excited to have another Jeannette Walls book I could read.
Big mistake. This book is nothing like Half Broke Horses.
Or maybe it is. Maybe what I loved about Half Broke Horses was the voice of an amazing woman, and maybe what kept me reading The Glass Castle is the voice of an amazing child who tells a heart breaking story. Or maybe it isn’t so heartbreaking, because the children survive. They are scarred and damaged, but never so damaged or loony or self-deceived as their parents.
I don’t like reading books about kids whose parents don’t take good care of them. Oprah chose a lot of those books in her book club. These books depress me. I cannot imagine how parents can be so self-absorbed, how they can take on the responsibilities of children and then not put those children first. How can they?
The Glass Castle stars the daughter of Lily Casey Smith, who is the mother of Jeannette Walls, and her husband, who is Jeannette’s father. The book opens with little three year old Jeannette proudly cooking up a hot dog. Her mother is busy painting and has told her to find something to eat. Her nightgown catches fire, and she is terribly burned. She spends a long time in the hospital, which ends with her father taking her out in a hurry, bundling her into the car, already loaded with her family, and “doing the skedaddle” which is leaving town just in front of the bill collectors.
This is her life. From time to time, their alcoholic Dad will take a job and bring home some of the paycheck (he drinks and gambles most of it) and when he won’t work, on rare occasion, their mother will take a teaching job, but the kids have to get her out of bed in the morning, have to grade her papers and make her lesson plans. Often there is not enough for the family to eat. They don’t stay in one place; they ‘skedaddle’ before they are evicted for non-payment of rent. They eat cold food – when they eat – because the parents didn’t pay the electric bill.
The Dad is smart, charming and cajoling, and when he is sober, the kids learn amazing things from him, and educated engineer. Unfortunately, he is not often sober. He chases after alcohol and he chases after women; the people in the towns where they live know it and the children learn to know it, too, to their constant humiliation. When he wheedles money off his kids, and promises to repay, he asks “Have I ever let you down?” The answer is so stunningly obvious as to be heartbreaking – Yes. Yes, again and again and again.
The Mother is equally irresponsible. One time, when the family is starving, she is in bed and occasionally goes under the covers, where Jeannette discovers her mother has a chocolate bar hidden that she can eat – while her children go hungry.
The author’s voice is never self pitying, she just lays it all out and leaves us to draw our own conclusions. Each child escapes the family as soon as possible; the children plan and save their money to get out, first sending off the oldest sister, then Jeannette, then the son. They all head for New York, where they find work and support themselves. Like bad pennies, Mom and Dad show up in New York, cadge meals and money and join the ranks of the homeless in New York, going from food pantry to soup kitchen, and diving dumpsters for their worldly needs.
This is not a feel good novel. The good part about it is that children can survive this kind of criminal neglect, and become a successful author as Jeannette Walls has done. I am so glad I read Half Broke Horses first, because her grandmother is such an admirable character, whereas her parents are scum and I just felt so angry when I read the matter-of-fact descriptions of their behavior that I was glad they were not where I could get my hands on them.
I don’t know any parents as bad as Rose Mary and Rex Walls, but I know I believe this – if you choose to marry, and if you choose to have children, know that children require time, and love, and energy, and patience. Know that if you have grand ambitions, or an addiction, or a character flaw, you won’t be able to provide for your children’s physical, emotional and spiritual needs, unless you are willing to sacrifice your own needs and wants. While the children in the book loved their parents, they recognized that their parents were sadly lacking in the parenting roles. The way these children were neglected will make me remember this book for a long time.
Would I recommend it? Yes. It is a gripping book, at times even horrifyingly humorous, as when Jeannette figures out how to find lunch food in the garbage cans when all the other kids have finished eating. It is not a feel-good book. It is a horrifying indictment of self-absorbed, neglectful parents, parents you will love to hate.
If I sound a little overwrought, it’s because I worked with the homeless. We were able to help many, but I also ran into families like this family, families who would prefer not taking any help if it meant they had to play by the rules, you know, rules like “you have to take care of your children.” We had all kinds of classes and forums and mentors to help with learning skills, like feeding children well on a small budget, learning to discipline, simple skills, survival skills.
The problem is that these skills require self-discipline, and many of the parents would rather not take help than have to exercise self-discipline. I saw women who would sacrifice their children for their current boyfriend, a woman who was severely angry with her daughter for reporting a family member had molested her, a man who didn’t want to take a job that would ‘tie him down’ when his family was starving. I saw this, with my own eyes, and there is no way you can MAKE people take good care of their children. You have to ask if the children are better off with these parents, or ‘in the system.’ Not a pretty choice.
This book, too, is on Amazon.com. Reading it is like watching a disaster on CNN. You don’t want to believe it is happening and you can’t look away.
Jeannette Walls: Half Broke Horses
About a month ago, I picked this up off the stack of “Read Me’s” . . . ummm . . . errr . . . one of the stacks of “Read Me’s.” (If there is some sort of emoticon for mild embarrassment, insert it here; one of my fatal flaws is acquiring book I WANT to read and having more books than I have time to read.)
I think Amazon recommended Half Broke Horses to me, and I didn’t know why. They keep track of what I buy and make recommendations, which over the many years I have been using Amazon.com to buy books has become more and more relevant to the kinds of things I actually buy and read. So I bought Half Broke Horses, and another one recommended by the same author, then put them in the stack. It is only because I had read whatever I put on top of them that I ended up reading.
I casually started reading, without a lot of anticipation. The first chapter starts off in the early early days of our country, in the wilds of West Texas, as a girl and her younger brother and sister are out checking the cows, who suddenly go crazy, even jumping over fences which under almost every circumstance successfully pen them in. The young girl recognized something strange was going on and figured it was a flash flood coming, got her siblings up in the tree and keeps them awake all night, as the flood hits, hoping the tree will hold and not wash away.
What is your first thought, reading that? Mine was – Where are her parents?? No one is out searching for them?
The next day, the flood recedes enough for them to make their way home back to a primitive dwelling hollowed out in the high side of a riverbank, dirt floors, dirt crumbling down on them, dark, small, smokey. Yes, there is a mother and a father, and they love their children, but these are very different times. These are hard times, where there is no grocery store, no nearby doctor, where babies die and children have fatal accidents all the time. Life can be short and brutal. The kids have some schooling, mostly at home, they learn to read and write and add and subtract, so they can keep track of home related business. They also work hard, every child has work around the ranch that needs doing, and work comes first or the family won’t survive.
The heroine, Lily Casey Smith, is a real person, the grandmother of the author, Jeannette Walls. This is called a true-life novel. From all the stories she heard about her grandmother growing up, and from knowing her grandmother, and from all the legends about her grandmother she was able to verify, she built a skeleton, and then filled it in with conversations and even a few events that she had to imagine.
Lily Casey left her family at 15 to ride her horse 25 days across Texas to take a teaching job in a one-room schoolhouse. (My jaw dropped, too!) After several years of teaching, she goes to Chicago to become educated and licensed as a teacher, marries, annuls the marriage, returns home, finds a teaching job, races horses, marries again, has children, has a huge ranch, loses the huge ranch, manages a huge ranch . . . her story is bigger than life, but so is the person of her grandmother, who never falls apart, but looks life in the eye and copes with it. Better than coping, she dominates.
Her major opponents are tough economic times, and dramatic and devastating weather conditions. Rain can fail to fall for months, cattle can die in an unexpected cold snap. At the best of times, you have enough to eat and a roof over your head.
I never wanted the book to end, and, in a sense, it didn’t. Jeannette Walls big best seller, The Glass Castle, takes up with just a little overlap where Half Broke Horses leaves off.
Here is what I loved: I loved the voice of Lily Casey Smith. She’s the kind of woman I want for a friend. She’s smart. She has a sense of how things work in the world. She experiences tragedies, but she doesn’t let them hurt her self-confidence. She can be beaten, but she always gets up again. She’s a problem solver. She never once lets being a woman get in the way of being the person she was born to be. She overcomes. She doesn’t sugar coat; she tells it as she sees it. And you know you can count on what she says to be the truth as she believes it. I truly hated for this book to end.
You can find this book at Amazon.com used under a dollar to new hardcover around $15. It is worth every cent.
Saudi Women Drive Today
From today’s BBC News:
Saudi Arabia women drive cars in protest at ban
Women in Saudi Arabia have been openly driving cars in defiance of an official ban on female drivers in the ultra-conservative kingdom.
The direct action has been organised on social network sites, where women have been posting images and videos of themselves behind the wheel.
The Women2Drive Facebook page said the direct action would continue until a royal decree reversed the ban.
Last month, a woman was arrested after uploading a video of herself driving.
Manal al-Sherif was accused of “besmirching the kingdom’s reputation abroad and stirring up public opinion”, but was released after 10 days having promised not to drive again.
“All that we need is to run our errands without depending on drivers,” said one woman in the first film posted in the early hours of Friday morning.
The film showed the unnamed woman talking as she drove to a supermarket and parking.
We can’t move around without a male”
Maha al-Qahtani
Female driver
“It is not out of love for driving or traffic or the experience. All this is about is that if I wanted to go to work, I can go. If I needed something I can go and get it.
“I think that society is ready to welcome us.”
Another protester said she drove around the streets of Riyadh for 45 minutes “to make a point”.
“I took it directly to the streets of the capital,” said Maha al-Qahtani, a computer specialist at the Ministry of Education.
Religious fatwa
On Twitter, Mrs Qahtani described the route she had taken around the city with her husband, saying: “I decided that the car for today is mine.”
Her husband said she was carrying her essential belongings with her and was “ready to go to prison without fear”, AFP news agency reported.
One woman who asked not to be named told the BBC driving was often considered to be “something really minor”.
The ban is one of a number of restrictions Saudi women face in daily life
“It’s not one of your major rights. But we tell them that even if you give us all the basic and big rights, that you are claiming are more important than driving, we can’t enjoy practising those rights because the mobility is not there.
“We can’t move around without a male.”
The motoring ban is not enforced by law, but is a religious fatwa imposed by conservative Muslim clerics. It is one of a number of severe restrictions on women in the country.
Supporters of the ban say it protects women and relieves them of the obligation to driver, while also preventing them from leaving home unescorted or travelling with an unrelated male.
But the men and women behind the campaign – emboldened by uprisings across the Middle East and Arab world – say they hope the ban will be lifted and that other reforms will follow.
Amnesty International has said the Saudi authorities “must stop treating women as second-class citizens”, describing the ban as “an immense barrier to their freedom of movement”.
The last mass protest against the ban took place in 1980, when a group of 47 women were arrested for driving and severely punished – many subsequently lost their jobs.
The women were angered that female US soldiers based in the kingdom after the war with Kuwait could drive freely while they could not.
Elderly Women Prime Targets for Cons
Found this fascinating article this morning on AOL News/finance There was a time when I worked with transitional homeless people, helping them to find ways to re-enter the mainstream. A percentage of them didn’t want to enter the mainstream, they didn’t like rules, and they were looking for an easier way. One of the paths was by being part of the elder-worker force. I would watch them take a job and then work their way into a position of dominance in an elderly person’s life. Partly, the elderly were lonely, and thrived on the new attention, and interpreted it as caring.
Then would come the sob stories. School starting and not enough money to buy shoes and books for the children. A broken-down car, and funds needed to get it fixed so she can get to her job. Once it starts, it never ends.
The key to prevention is staying engaged with friends, neighbors and family who are paying attention, and can give perspective to this new relationship. The one question I asked is “if there were not money involved, would this relationship exist?”
Elder Abuse: How to Protect Grandma From Con Men and Thieves
By Sheryl Nance-Nash Posted 9:00AM 06/03/11 Retirement, People, MetLife
See full article from DailyFinance: http://srph.it/lXHooJ
Who would pick the pocket of your grandma or grandpa? Apparently, any number of people. Older Americans are losing $2.9 billion annually to elder financial abuse, a 12% increase from the $2.6 billion estimated in 2008, according to The MetLife Study of Elder Financial Abuse: Crimes of Occasion, Desperation, and Predation Against America’s Elders, released Wednesday.
According to the study, 51% of these abusers are strangers, but 34% of the perpetrators were family, friends and neighbors. As for “trusted advisers,” exploitation from the business sector accounted for 12% of reported cases. Medicare and Medicaid fraud accounts for 4% of reported cases. As a subset, the percentage of robberies and crimes classified as “scams perpetrated by strangers” increased from 9% to 28% from 2008 to 2010.
Who’s on the top of the target list? Women. The study, produced by the MetLife (MET) Mature Market Institute in collaboration with the National Committee for the Prevention of Elder Abuse and the Center for Gerontology at Virginia Polytechnic Institute, shows women were nearly twice as likely to be victims of elder financial abuse as men.
Also prime for the picking were people between the ages of 80 and 89 who lived alone and required some help with either health care or home maintenance. Primarily, men were the menace: Nearly 60% of perpetrators were males, mostly between ages 30 and 59.
Predators lie in wait, watching: In the most common scenarios, strangers targeted victims who were out shopping, driving or managing the financial affairs, and often looked for particular flags of vulnerability like handicapped tags on cars, canes or displays of confusion. Crimes included cons, purse snatchings and associated physical assaults.
But that even those closest to an elderly person can give in to temptation or desperation. In cases involving a person known to the victim, trusted helpers like caretakers, handymen, friends, “sweethearts,” children, lawyers and others seized upon opportunities to forge checks, steal credit cards, pilfer bank accounts, transfer assets and generally decimate elders’ finances, the study revealed. The holidays apparently bring out the worst in people: At that time of year, overall dollar losses due to family and friends were higher than any other category.
Married to the Con Job
People can get quite creative with abuse. One unusual method — caregivers secretly marrying their elderly charges, says Susan Slater-Jansen, an attorney at Kurzman Eisenberg Corbin & Lever.
There have been numerous lawsuits over cases in which a caregiver married a mentally incapacitated older patient and the patient’s family didn’t learn about it until after the patient had died. Once a person is dead, it’s too late — in all but three states, you can’t void a marriage if one spouse has died, says Slater-Jansen. To help lower the odds of such a thing happening to your parent, adult children should make sure they receive duplicate monthly statements from all bank and brokerage accounts; install nanny cams; carefully and thoroughly check references for all caregivers; visit parents often, both while the caregiver is there and when they are not; and discuss with your parents the treatment they are receiving from caregivers.
If you discover such a fraudulent marriage has taken place, act quickly to get it annulled.
After the parent dies, heirs can sue to recover money from the “spouse.” More and more, courts have found ways to deny spouses if the marriage was fraudulent, says Slater-Jansen.
“The most flagrant abuse is perpetrated on the elder by the hired caregiver, neighbor, or ‘new’ friend,” warns Karen Maarse Fitzgerald, a principal in her own elder law practice. “A simple power of attorney signed by the elder can give to the “agent” broad and sweeping powers over the elder’s life savings. I have seen bank accounts drained within days, the money and perpetrator vanishing to another country.”
Protection Yourself and Your Relatives
The worst forms of elder abuse go beyond money: There can be physical abuse and sexual violence as well. “The vigilance of friends and family can help protect elders from those who are predatory, which may, unfortunately, include strangers or even other loved ones,” said Sandra Timmermann, Ed.D., director of the MetLife Mature Market Institute, in a prepared statement.
What can the elderly do to protect themselves? Among the guidance offered by the report’s authors:
“Stay active and engage with others; socialize with your family members and friends. Avoid isolation, as it can lead to loneliness, depression, and make you more vulnerable to financial abuse or exploitation.”
“Use direct deposit for Social Security and other payments to prevent mail theft. Sign your own checks whenever possible.”
“Stay organized and keep important papers and legal documents in a safe, secure location.”
“Review your legal documents (i.e., wills, trusts, and power of attorney), as well as other important documents (i.e., insurance policies) at least annually, to make certain they continue to represent your wishes.”
Ted Sarenski, who chairs the American Institute of Certified Public Accountants’ Elder Planning Task Force, would add to that list. His tips:
Subscribe to national and state Do Not Call lists;
Keep Social Security cards in a safe place;
Remove mail promptly from the mailbox;
Shred all confidential and financial information prior to discarding.
“Consider allowing the bank to send a duplicate copy of your bank statement to a trusted family member,” advises attorney Andrew Stoltmann, who has a large client base of seniors. “Usually, most financial elder exploitation cases are only reported or discovered six to 12 months after the initial losses have occurred.”
Elders whose sight is failing are at even greater risk because they may rely upon the very person who is stealing from them to ensure that their financial transactions are in order, says Stoltmann. “An independent pair of eyes that is able to review bank statements every 30 days will be able to catch suspicious activities in the early stages and cut it off. This is crucial.”
Advance Planning Can Help Dodge Dangers
When you are the responsible caregiver, know too, that your prudence can go a long way in preventing financial abuse.
Have some tough conversations. You need to know whether there is a will or a durable power of attorney, and where such documents are. Does your parent have a living will? If so, does it give you clarity about what your loved one’s wishes are? A health care power of attorney would permit a trusted individual make medical decisions if your elderly relative was unable to.
It’s important not to wait until the eleventh hour to have these talks. Ideally, those documents should be drawn up when your relative is of sound mind and body. It’s not a bad idea either, to have a trusted adviser, not only know where the documents are kept, but be able to get to them if needed.
Beware of the appearance on the scene of the “trusted new friend.” If mom and dad have a neighbor, caregiver or other outsider who is suddenly their best pal, running errands, going to the bank, and generally being around all the time when they never were before, it can be a warning sign that someone is taking advantage, warns Sarenski.
“Elder financial abuse invariably results in losses of human rights and dignity,” said Karen A. Roberto, Ph.D., director of the Center for Gerontology, at Virginia Polytechnic Institute. ” Despite growing public awareness from a parade of high-profile financial abuse victims, it remains under reported, under-recognized, and under-prosecuted. The 2010 Passage of the Elder Justice Act may bring more attention and resources to this crime leading to prevention among the expanding older population.”
The bottom line, says Maarse Fitzgerald: “Protect elders from isolation, which allows the perpetrators to take control of our elder’s lives.”
See full article from DailyFinance: http://srph.it/lXHooJ
Recent Comments
Catherine on Donna Leon Crossing Cultu… intlxpatr on Ignoring the Law thani on Ignoring the Law Anon. on British Soldier Kidnapped, Esc… Reeva Mills on Cahors to Bordeaux, Preparing… Wikipedia Donate Button
Amazina
Early Voting in Florida
Here There and Everywhere 