Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Wives, be subject to your husbands

This part of today’s reading, among my set and the things we discuss, is one of the most controversial. We can debate this for hours.

What does being subject mean? If we, as wives, are subject to our husband, just as our husbands are subject to God, does it mean we can’t argue? We can’t disagree?

I saw a husband say to a wife the other day “I forbid you.” I think this is more common in Gulf culture than in our culture. I am sorry, but the thought of a husband daring to say this to a wife in the west is unthinkable. What I have also noticed is that when a husband says “I forbid you” here, it is not the end, but the opening skirmish. 🙂

There is a lot of food for thought in this reading, and I publish it to give you insight into what we read, and because I suspect you have similar readings.

Colossians 3:18-4:18

18 Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. 19Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.

20 Children, obey your parents in everything, for this is your acceptable duty in the Lord. 21Fathers, do not provoke your children, or they may lose heart. 22Slaves, obey your earthly masters* in everything, not only while being watched and in order to please them, but wholeheartedly, fearing the Lord.* 23Whatever your task, put yourselves into it, as done for the Lord and not for your masters,* 24since you know that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward; you serve* the Lord Christ. 25For the wrongdoer will be paid back for whatever wrong has been done, and there is no partiality. 41Masters, treat your slaves justly and fairly, for you know that you also have a Master in heaven.

2 Devote yourselves to prayer, keeping alert in it with thanksgiving. 3At the same time pray for us as well that God will open to us a door for the word, that we may declare the mystery of Christ, for which I am in prison, 4so that I may reveal it clearly, as I should.

5 Conduct yourselves wisely towards outsiders, making the most of the time.* 6Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer everyone.

May 11, 2009 Posted by | Character, Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Relationships, Spiritual, Women's Issues | 5 Comments

Amazing Day

Yesterday turned out to be one of those days that surprise you. I didn’t have a lot of hope for the day, I started off feeling negative and thinking about cancelling appointments. My head has been a little stuffy, I have a mild cough, altogether, I am not in peak form.

I decided to keep my appointments, which required preparation, and the prep turned out better than I had expected. In fact, the entire day was full of unexpected blessings.

First – I know not all of Kuwait experienced it, but the storm! Lightning! Rain! Rain in late late April! Whoda thunk?

Then, the light – drama drama drama – dark dark clouds, but sunlight on the white-capped water, bringing out all the shades from turquoise through jade and lapiz into deep purple – oh, what joy! Last but not least, the wonderful breeze that kept everything from being hot and sticky – what a day! What I might have missed!

00amazingday

April 30, 2009 Posted by | Adventure, Beauty, ExPat Life, Kuwait, Living Conditions, Weather, Women's Issues | 10 Comments

Rola Dashti Tackles Sensitive Issues

“Why are you looking so sad?” AdventureMan asked me as we sat down to dinner.

(Sigh) “There are people in Kuwait who don’t believe change is possible, and there is a movement afoot to WITHHOLD their votes as a protest.”

“Why do you care? It’s not your country?”

We call it “falling on your sword,” when a person does something fatal to self, to career, to family or to country, choosing an issue and staking everything on it. Rarely does it pay. The world moves on, life goes on and you are left behind bleeding on your sword.

Withholding your vote gives more power to those who are good at stirring up the rabble with irrational and selfish issues. Those who get the votes are those who make grandiose – and general – promises, those who refuse to be held accountable.

If you are a person who cares deeply about Kuwait – Please, do not withhold your vote. Do the hard work of listening to the candidates, and exploring their reputations for truthfulness and accountability. Think beyond your own needs, think of the greater good of Kuwait.

This is from today’s Al Watan; a candidate tackling some very sensitive issues, bringing them out in the open.


Ghenwah Jabouri
Staff Writer Al Watan

KUWAIT: In pursuit of winning enough ballots to secure a seat in the National Assembly, Dr. Rola Dashti, who is believed to be a potential woman candidate, delivered an emotive speech Monday evening to announce her parliamentary agenda if elected.

Dashti touched on sensitive and delicate issues which aroused the emotions of the audience, resulting in heated engagements later on in the evening.

Dashti mainly focused on family related issues, germane to women issues.

In an attempt to recoup the cynicism manifested by citizens toward parliament, Dashti urged the audience to not ponder on who is wrong or right.

“We need to move on; seeking to blame parliament, government, MPs, etc., is not going to serve us justice. We need to focus on developing Kuwait, rather then pointing our fingers at the wrongdoers, ” Dashti said.

She stressed that whether it was the parliament, the government, or the citizenship who committed the mistakes is not important; “what is important is that we learn from such mistakes.

“Individuals who have the cultural habituate of blaming, attacking and are cynical, do not want to move toward the future; rather, they want to travel back in time. Allow me to give you an example: last year, thirty percent of citizens in my constituency did not cast their ballot. These people are like you and me: their heart is burning for Kuwait, and they observed nothing positive, and they are in immense suffering.
“They gave up on hope and decided to ultimately not vote. Had half of them voted (nine thousand), ten people who would have succeeded in the Third Constituency elections would have determined a better fate for those that abstained from voting.” She further lamented that society should consider first and foremost Kuwait, and that the children, the youth and coming generations “deserve this.”

Dashti, further illustrating her point, noted: “For example, if soÙ€andÙ€soÙ€person does not vote, who is going to protect their rights and so forth?”

Dashti stressed that Kuwait is experiencing “tumultuous times” and that the country is on the verge of a major collapse.

“Kuwait cannot afford political arguments and political confrontations and commotions. It is in our hands to save Kuwait. If we take responsibility, vote and call on those who did not vote to cast their ballot, change might have a chance of survival.

“Hundreds of people did not cast their votes because they lost their confidence in parliament. However, many families are suffering, and so, it is pivotal to acquire each and every vote; we need to give back what Kuwait bestowed us with.

“We need to give a little back to those who lost their lives to protect Kuwait during the Iraqi invasion in 1990; many people lost their lives during the invasion who fought for our liberty. Women were raped and families were torn apart. We need to give back a little, we need to continue to believe, and fight for our children and future generations,” Dashti added.

“Does Kuwait not deserve for us to stand in the cue for fifteen minutes to cast our votes?”

Talking more about women”s issues, Dashti noted that there are many things that need to be considered where women’s issues are concerned.

“Women have many burdens that they shoulder; the divorced, the widowed, the one who is married to an expatriate, and housing for women, all are issues the Kuwaiti woman suffers from.”

She pointed out that not every family is living happily, “although this is something I would love to achieve.
“Today, the Kuwaiti family has to wait fifteen years for (government) housing. Where will the divorced woman go during this lengthy period?

“This woman could be my sister, my mother, or our daughter; where does she go?”

Dashti noted that the law stipulates that a woman who is over forty years of age and both of whose father and mother are deceased and is unassisted by a guardian “is entitled to receive a housing allowance.”

“However,” Dashti said challenging the law, “what about other women in a somewhat parallel situation where the father is deceased but is not receiving allowance from her guardian Ù€ what can she do? Shall the woman take her guardian to court to sue him?

“Why does the law in pursuit of helping women insist on punishing them, even insulting her?
“This law is one of many that are flawed and need to be amended,” Dashti stressed.

She further said that “neither Kuwait or the people of Kuwait can tolerate empty words and useless slogans. Today we need to put many things on the table and take action in tackling them.

“Let”s now have a look at the children of some Kuwaiti women who are married to expatriates: we need to look at their educational, health, and employment and social needs and treat them with justice, like other children are treated who have Kuwaiti fathers.

“This is their country, why are we abusing them? These are our cousins, our brothers and sisters, and have to be treated with equality when their mother is a citizen of the country.”

She further added that citizens have been “fooled” enough; “vote for someone who knows what they can do, someone who can save us from the financial burden.” Touching on an issue that has become central in campaigns, Dashti noted, “We should not allow people who do not understand finance to tamper with the budget.

“Nor should we allow individuals who are responsible in dealing with the financial budget to use the financial budget for personal gains.”

“Why should we follow those who damage our financial budget, and steal the money of the public? There is another option: choose someone who will protect the public financial budget and enhance the budget!”
Dashti further stated that there is an “internal bleeding” in the country and that she is not going to offer an “aspirin to silence your pain to only kill you” as a member of parliament.

“I will opt for a long term alternative and choose to cure you.”

During the question and answer session following her address, particularly passionate but enraged voices emerged, where some expressed their frustration with the old faces of parliament.

One woman said she was “fed up with the old faces and that it is about time new faces took over.”
She further said, “We have been deceived, fooled and cheated by the old MPs,” and stressed, “We are suffering and are in desperate need of MPs who will promote social and financial justice.
“Kuwait has hit a plateau and something”s got to give,” she noted.

Another woman made a remark about Dashti”s strong foreign accent.
She noted: “Society often criticizes you (Dashti) for speaking in a Lebanese accent.
“I don”t understand why you come under scrutiny for such a reason. After all, people have television at home and typically watch the satellite channels, all of which speak in foreign accents.”
The woman”s comment was understood to be a positive comment, where she welcomed Dashti”s candidacy and believes that the candidate will be a forceful vehicle towards righteous deeds toward society.

Another frustrated woman spoke about property and about people whose houses was taken from them by the banks. She said that she read an article in Al Watan newspaper that there are many withdrawn properties and houses for sale.

“The inheritors are crying blood and are traumatic, because their houses are being taken from them. Other citizens are staying in small apartments after they used to occupy villas,” she said.

Another woman who was virtually in tears pled to the people “to opt for change and choose new faces, even if the new members of parliament will do nothing.

“The former parliament has tormented and killed me; please, give your votes to new faces, in the name of God, please, vote for change.”

April 29, 2009 Posted by | Character, Community, Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Interconnected, Kuwait, Leadership, Living Conditions, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 7 Comments

“Let Her Get Fat” in Saudi Arabia

Sometimes, either you laugh, or you’re going to cry. This is from BBC News: Saudi Arabia

Saudis clamp down on women’s gyms

Saudi women are largely constrained to the home and single-sex environments

Many women-only sports clubs and gyms in Saudi Arabia face closure under a government clampdown on unlicensed premises, Saudi media have reported.

Women’s gyms have become popular in the ultra-conservative Muslim country where the sexes are heavily segregated.

But only clubs linked to medical groups can get licenses and others will be closed, the Arab News newspaper said.

Saudi women were reported to have launched an online campaign in protest called Let Her Get Fat.
Government departments are not allowed to issue licenses for commercial gyms and sports clubs for women, unlike facilities for men, the newspaper reported.

It quoted club manager Bader al-Shibani, who tried to open a women’s sports club along with the one he runs for men in Jeddah.

“I ran into a stone wall at every turn. Every department I visited denied that they had the authority to give permission to establish a women’s club,” he said.

Many clubs are registered as beauty salons, and offer fitness facilities and even exercise classes in addition, the newspaper said.

A spokesman for the Ministry of Municipal and Rural Affairs told the newspaper that commercial clubs do not have registration for the provision of sport and health services.

“It’s clear that one department is now taking the decision to put an end to the increasing number of unlicensed clubs,” lawyer and community activist Abdulaziz al-Qasim told Arab News.

A group of women launched an internet campaign in protest against the move, saying facilities linked to medical clinics were too expensive, and their health would suffer as a result of the closures.

Women in Saudi Arabia are banned from driving, must wear a head-to-toe cloak when out in public and must obtain permission from a male relative to work, travel, study or marry.

April 28, 2009 Posted by | Exercise, Health Issues, Saudi Arabia, Women's Issues | 11 Comments

Jodi Picoult: Handle With Care

I just finished the latest Jodi Picoult novel, Handle with Care. I was uncomfortable with it at the beginning, as I often am with Jodi Picould novels. She’s like that guest who brings up topics no one else brings up, and sometimes you wish she would stop, but the conversation gets rolling and everyone has an opinion, and the party would be much duller if she weren’t there.

She’s also the friend you would go to if you had an embarrassing problem you couldn’t discuss with anyone else. We all need that kind of friend, an honest sounding board, not afraid to deal with the grit and grime of everyday life.

I know the reason her books make me uncomfortable is that sometimes I see things I don’t like about myself in her characters.

picoult

The subject of the book is a disease called osteogenesis imperfecta (OI), and Willow, the youngest daughter, has Type III, which means she was born with broken bones, her bones would break if you picked her up wrong, changed her diaper the wrong way, even if she rolled over. Her bones were brittle, and the slightest thing could cause a break. She is also very smart, and a delightful character.

Picoult takes us inside many heads – the mother, Charlotte, a former pastry chef (Picoult includes some of her very best recipes, YUMMMM), Sean, the fiercely loving father, Amelia, a troubled pre-teen who hides her bulemia and cutting, and Marin, the lawyer, searching for her own birth mother. When Charlotte files a wrongful birth suit against her best friend – and obstetrician – Piper, her life starts to fall apart. It’s hard to believe things could get worse than having a child whose bones break all the time, but things definitely get worse.

What I hated about Charlotte, who has learned to anticipate her damaged child’s needs, is seeing myself through her eyes. Frequently, she shows us our insensitivity to the disabled, how we patronize, how we are oblivious to the simplest needs. Charlotte is a little angry at the world, so protective that she bites back scathing words to outsiders – or doesn’t. People without disabilities – visible disabilities, we all have disabilities, don’t we, just some are visible and some are not? – can be so smug, so unaware of the hardships others face. I cringe when I read this book. I see myself, and I don’t like what I see.

I admire Jodi Picoult. I will read just about anything she has written, because of the courage she has to tackle the most sensitive subjects. This is not a comfortable book to read, but it is a worthwhile book to read.

April 28, 2009 Posted by | Books, Character, Community, Family Issues, Fiction, Health Issues, Marriage, Relationships, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 2 Comments

Walnuts Help Protect Against Breast Cancer

Walnuts may prevent breast cancer
You can read the entire report on BBC Health News

Walnuts have been linked to heart disease prevention

Eating walnuts may help to reduce the risk of developing breast cancer, research suggests.
The nuts contain ingredients such as omega-3 fatty acids, antioxidants and phytosterols that may all reduce the risk of the disease.

Mice fed the human equivalent of two ounces (56.7g) of walnuts per day developed fewer and smaller tumours.

The US study was presented to the American Association for Cancer Research annual meeting.

Researcher Dr Elaine Hardman, of Marshall University School of Medicine, said although the study was carried out in mice, the beneficial effect of walnuts was likely to apply to humans too.

She said: “We know that a healthy diet overall prevents all manner of chronic diseases.”

“It is clear that walnuts contribute to a healthy diet that can reduce breast cancer.”

Previous research has suggested eating walnuts at the end of a meal may help cut the damage that fatty food can do to the arteries.

It is thought that the nuts are rich in compounds that reduce hardening of the arteries, and keep them flexible.

In the latest study mice were either fed a standard diet, or the walnut-based diet.

The animals fed walnuts developed fewer tumours, and those that did arise took longer to develop and were smaller.

Molecular analysis showed that omega-3 fatty acids played a key role – but other parts of the walnut contributed as well.

I remember reading another study where walnuts made veins more flexible and were helpful against heart disease. It isn’t any hardship, in this part of the world, eating fresh walnuts – they taste so GOOD!

April 24, 2009 Posted by | Experiment, Health Issues, News, Women's Issues | 1 Comment

Pregnant? Exercise Helps Baby

I have a sweet niece, pregnant with her second child, and when I see her toddler doing “down-facing-Dog” I know that she is doing yoga through her second pregnancy. 🙂 She has always been fit – and Sporty.

From BBC Health News

Exercise during pregnancy can be good for the developing baby as well as for the mother, research suggests.
A team from the Kansas City University of Medicine and Biosciences suggest it is linked to better foetal heart health and nervous system development.

The findings from their pilot study of 26 women are being presented to the American Physiological Society’s conference in New York.

A UK expert said pregnant women should discuss exercise levels with their GP.

The researchers wanted to see if maternal exercise had cardiovascular benefits for the foetus.

They also wanted to see if foetuses whose mothers exercised had increased breathing movements compared to non-exercise exposed foetuses.

Foetal breathing is a “practice” movement where a baby developing in the womb gets ready to breathe after it is born.

It is also a sign of how well the respiratory system and central nervous system are developing.

Moderate exercise
The scientists used a non-invasive device to measure the magnetic fields produced by the electrical activity of maternal and foetal heart rates.

It was also able to pick up foetal movements including breathing, body movements, hiccups and sucking.
The women studied were aged between 20 and 35 and were checked between the 36th and 38th weeks of pregnancy.

They were classed as exercisers if they did moderate intensity aerobic exercise such as moderate to vigorous walking, stationary bicycling and running for at least 30 minutes, three times per week. Most were doing more.
The researchers then compared them with pregnant women who did not exercise regularly.

Dr Linda May, who led the study, said: “Foetal breathing movement and the nervous system were more mature in babies exposed to exercise.”

She said further research was needed, both to look at more pregnancies and to evaluate the health of babies once they had been born.

But she said understanding more about how to improve the development babies’ nervous system could aid understanding of cot death.

“Some researchers think it has to do with something being wrong in the central nervous system, which affects respiration.

“Babies aren’t able to wake up and breath for themselves if they need to.”

She said this study had shown the babies of women who exercised had a more mature respiratory system, suggesting they would fare better after birth.

You can read the rest of the article HERE

April 21, 2009 Posted by | Exercise, News, Women's Issues | 2 Comments

Kuwait Parliament is Male Territory?

Ghenwah Jabouri
Staff Writer (from today’s Al Watan: you can read the entire article by clicking here)

KUWAIT: Citizens have dynamically noted that they are cynical about women becoming Members of Parliament, stressing that “Parliament is territorial to the male candidate.” Moreover, various opinions state that women are far from ready to steer Kuwait to higher places. However, will the next Parliament, witness women figures finally taking the oath, in spite of the fact that people still do not trust women? After all, the National Assembly in Kuwait, has been male dominant since its establishment in 1962, and has always been subject to scrutiny, enquiry and has been dissolved several times constitutionally and unconstitutionally. Moreover, the rage, bickering and lack of communication between members of Parliament and government officials is becoming more and more frequent, ultimately, infusing citizens with melancholy toward their government.

Will women succeed where men have failed is a question that is highly anticipated, but time can only prove if women are able to persuade voters that they can make that change.

April 21, 2009 Posted by | Kuwait, Living Conditions, News, Political Issues, Women's Issues | 6 Comments

Kuwaiti Men and the Women’s Vote

What is not to love about Kuwaiti men? Most of the Kuwaiti men I know are strong proponents of the Kuwaiti woman, sometimes, just as in my own country, the men are stronger proponents of women’s rights than the women are. Saw this editorial cartoon last week and intended to publish it, but somewhere, it got lost. No longer.

Kudos on you, Ahmed. Great cartoon!

00voteforwomen

April 11, 2009 Posted by | Kuwait, News, Political Issues, Women's Issues | 9 Comments

William Dalrymple: The Age of Kali

Having read and loved In Xanadu: A Quest by William Dalrymple, and having received recommendations by friends who say they read ALL of William Dalrymple, I started on this second book, The Age of Kali. I didn’t like it, not one bit. I am proud to say I read it all the way to the end, because often if I don’t like a book, I will say to myself “I don’t need this!” and toss it, but I didn’t, I stuck with it. I am proud because it isn’t easy to stick with a book you don’t like, and I didn’t like this book.

age-of-kali

In Xanadu, Dalrymple was wryly funny, hilariously funny, and most of the humor was directed at himself. In The Age of Kali, there is nothing funny.

The Age of Kali is a series of interviews and adventures in India and Pakistan. The author did these interviews and took notes (some are published in slightly different forms as magazine articles) over a period of ten years and then strung them all together to form this book. There is little or no linkage from one to the other. They are grouped geographically.

Here is what I like and admire – this man achieves the most amazing interviews, many times just by asking the right person at the right time. He insinuates himself, asks easy questions, and then sticks in a hard question. He doesn’t seem to flinch from putting himself in danger, and he doesn’t stand on respect when asking his questions. I admire that he went difficult places, interviewed difficult people, and wrote the interviews up without fawning over the celebrity status of his interviewee.

What I don’t like is that he doesn’t seem to like anybody very much. There are no funny anecdotes. By the end of the first interview, I began to get an impression that he doesn’t like India very much (and I believe that is NOT true, as he lives part-time in Delhi) and that India is not a place I want to visit. He interviews corrupt politicians, descendants of the moghuls, Benazir Bhutto – and her mother, Imran Khan (the cricket player) and many others. In each and every interview, he maintains a distance that tells us he doesn’t like these characters very much.

Here are some quotes from early in the book:

These days Bihar was much more famous for its violence, corruption and endemic caste-warfare. Indeed, things were now so bad that the criminals and the politicians of the state were said to be virtually interchangeable: no fewer than thirty-three of Bihar’s State Assembly MLAs had criminal records, and a figure like Dular Chand Yadav, who had a hundred cases of dacoity and fifty murder cases pending against him, could also be addressed as the Honorable Member for Barth.

As he interviews Bihar politician Laloo Prasad Yadav:

I asked Laloo about his childhood. He proved only too willing to talk about it. He lolled back against the side of the plane, his legs stretched over two seats.

‘My father was a small farmer,’ he began, scratching his balls with the unembarrassed thoroughness of a true yokel.

OK, that was funny. I had to read it aloud to AdventureMan. One of the things that still unnerves me living here is that the men are always touching themselves – something so totally forbidden in my culture as to be simply unthinkable.

In his section about Pakistan:

These people – the Pathans – have never been conquered, at least not since the time of Alexander the Great. They have seen off centuries of invaders – Persians, Arabs, Turks, Moghuls, Sikhs, British, Russians – and they retain the mixture of arrogance and suspicion that this history has produced in their character. History has also left them with a curious political status. Although most Pathans are technically within Pakistan, the writ of Pakistan law does not carry in to the heartland of their territories.

These segregated areas are in effect private tribal states, out of the control of the Pakistan government. They are an inheritance from the days of the Raj: the British were quite happy to let the Pathans act as a buffer zone on the edge of the Empire, and they did not try to extend their authority in to the hills. Where the British led, the modern Pakistani authorities have followed. Beyond the checkpoints on the edge of the Peshawar, tribal law – based on the institutions of the tribal council and the blood feud – rules unchallenged and unchanged since its origins long before the birth of Christ.

When I read this, I think of recent headlines about the problems Pakistan is having maintaining order, fighting the status of “failed-nation”, and the chaotic administration of tribal “justice.” The old ways have endured – but as we learned in Three Cups of Tea, there are villages where villagers are eager to have modern schools, eager to educate their daughters, and they, too, are victims of the fanatics who burn the schools and throw acid on women attending school.

The author is told, time and time again by Indian citizens, that India has entered The Age of Kali, “the lowest possible throw, an epoch of strife, corruption, darkness and disintegration.” The book reflects the darkness, corruption and disintegration the author found. I only wish there were some moments of relief, of lightness, hope or humor to encourage the reader on his/her way, but the documentation of this lowest throw was relentless.

April 8, 2009 Posted by | Books, Bureaucracy, Character, Community, Crime, Cross Cultural, Cultural, Law and Order, NonFiction, Pakistan, Poetry/Literature, Political Issues, Social Issues, Spiritual, Women's Issues | | 1 Comment