Competitive Family Values
Even within national cultures, there are family cultures. You don’t really think about it when you are a kid, you think all families are like your family. It isn’t until you get older that you understand just how unique – even quirky – your own family is.
In our family, we were bred to be competitive. We started early, with simple card games and board games. We swam on swimming teams, we competed for grades. Doing well, doing our best was expected of us.
And then, we turned around and did it to our own children!
We used to have big family reunions in a small town along the Oregon beach. We stayed in an old complex, where there were two large units that shared a deck, and then several small cabins. The very social parts of the family shared the two large units – my mom and dad, and her brother and his wife – and the rest of us had the cabins, one to each family, althought the kids roamed from cabin to cabin – our children have always had the freedom of belonging to one great tribe!
Daytimes would be full of adventures – not everyone doing the same thing, but smaller groups having dodge-boat competitions, groups going on shopping expeditions to nearby towns, hiking in the parks, having some beach time – jumping the amazingly high waves in the amazingly cold Pacific ocean.
Around 5, people would start to gather on the big deck in preparation for dinner. Dinner might come out of the kitchens, or we might order food in, but once dinner was out of the way, the BIG competitions would begin.
Every year there was a huge hearts tournament, and a Liar’s Dice tournement. The family took these very seriously, from oldest to youngest, everyone entered, everyone competed. We took it so seriously that we had trophies that would be engraved with the winner’s names and passed along from year to year. We took it so seriously that sometimes there would be injured feelings when someone lost. Everyone wanted to be the winner, and in a family full of people used to winning, feelings ran high.
Giving up needing to win all the time has been seriously hard. There are still times when I am in a situation where I feel the adrenelin start pumping and I have to stop myself and say “Do you want to win this battle or do you want to win the war?” i.e., like chess, sometimes you have to sacrifice a pawn to achieve a greater victory down the road. Do I need to win every arguement at the cost of losing a friend? Do I need to win at the cost of my community?
I also think needing to win takes its toll in one’s health – when I allow myself NOT to need to win all the time, I feel calmer, more serene, and happier. I can’t help but think that being calm, serene and happy are probably good things to be in terms of health. Competition gets your heart beating faster, pumping through the veins, but can also take it’s toll in bad eating, bad sleeping and bad exercise habits.
My parents did a good thing encouraging us to be our best, to seek personal excellence and to strive for personal achievements; I honor them for that. When it comes to winning, however, I want to stop and count the cost before I proceed full steam ahead.
What does your family value? What attributes did they encourage you to develop?
Widad Kawar’s Passion
Many years ago, in another life, I was honored to visit the collection of Widad Kawar in Amman, Jordan. I was so young, and so completely in awe of Widad, who had made it a life mission to collect traditional clothing of the area, Palestinian, which was her own heritage, and nomadic.
It was like being a little girl and getting to play dress up as we oooohed and aahhhed over these gorgeous old dresses and head dresses. I had no idea she had become an institution, until I began to research a style of hijab I had seen there which I found very elegant.
LIttle Diamond, these are for you. They are from several sources, including The Arab Heritage site on Widad Kawar which I urge you to peruse when you have a spare hour or half a day or . . . a lifetime. She has created a monumental body of work with her passion for preserving these fabulous textiles.
From Widad Kawar’s collection: North Jordan
Shows a little of the glitz – this one is from Salt, photo from Widad Kawar’s collection:
I love this photo. The woman has a plain version of the headdress, and is wearing a double dress . . . and her husband is holding her hand!
Blog Complaints
My family and friends outside Kuwait tell me I don’t publish enough Kuwait photos. These two are for you, and I will try to work on this. 😉 These are from a recent trip to the Al Kout mall in Fehaheel, just south of Kuwait.
Ladies leaving the Al Kout Mall
I think this mosque is one of the most beautiful I have seen:
Is this not one of the most beautiful Starbucks you have seen? It sits on overlooking a small marina. Greetings to all my Seattle friends.
Palestinian Embroidery
There is a richness in the textile heritage of this region, the clothing, the embellishments, the techniques . . . influences from Africa, from India, from Europe all meeting and blending in the most spectacular ways. This is textile heaven!
Today I was trying to find an example of a traditional Jordanian head-dress so I could show Little Diamond but instead I found this blog Arabesque Rhapsody and her beautiful article on everyday Palestinian embroidery. When you look at these women, wearing dresses that took hours, days and months to create, it is a feast for the eyes.
Rare Case of Lying
In today’s Kuwait Times is an article I found utterly hilarious – WHAT WAS HE THINKING????
Exam Fraud Discovered
Kuwait: The director of a secondary school in Khaitan discovered a first of a kind cheating case wehre an unidentified young man sat for a Quran exam instead of one of the school students, reported Alam Alyawm, noting that being unable to identify the young man and suspecting him, the director requested an ID to verify his true identity.
Sources said that the examined young man confusingly showed a driving license belonging to the student he had substituted. Realizing his fraud had been discovered, the young man fled the school leaving his exam paper and driving license behind.
Upon contacting the real student, he told the police that his driving license had been missing and that he had lodged a report with the police in this regard. Further investigations are in progress.
Uh . . . yeh, I bet they are. 🙂
I am sorry, this just gives me such a giggle. Cheating on a Quran exam? ? ?
Before I wrote the above, I had to do a lot of thinking . . . like the bible, our book, does not say “thou shalt not lie” as one of the 10 commandments, neither is it one of the two great commandments in our New Testament (love the one true God before all others, love your neighbor as yourself), so what does the bible say about lying? Fortuntately for us, there is Google, and the internet, and you can click on What the Bible has to say about lying if you want the specifics. It reminded me that Satan is called “The Father of All Lies.” *shiver* That’s good enough for me.
There are several places in the bible, however, when even good people lie, like because they are scared or because they don’t want to face the wrath of God. One is Sarah, when the messengers tell her she is going to have a baby and she is something like 80 or 100 years old and she laughs, she can’t help it, Sarah laughs. And God says “Sarah! Are you laughing at me! I can do anything!” and Sarah lies and says “oh no, Lord, I wasn’t laughing.”
Since the Bible and the Quran spring from the same spiritual source, I am willing to bet the Quran also has a few things to say about lying and dishonesty, and fraud, and how you can’t fool Allah or cheat him.
Anyone out there willing to step up and educate us?
Dead Man Walking
An Irish joke:
Paddy’s wife bought a new line of expensive cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying the “miracle” products she asked, “Darling, honestly what age would you say I am?”
Looking over her carefully, Paddy replied, “Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair, eighteen; and your figure, twenty-five.”
“Oh, you flatterer!” she gushed.
“Hey, wait a minute!” Paddy interrupted. “I haven’t added them up yet.”
Al Qaeda Fed Up With Ground Zero Construction Delays
If I knew how to embed video replays in my blog, I wouldn’t have to make you click on Al Qaeda Fed Up with Ground Zero Construction Delay to watch a video interview with two critics of the Ground Zero construction so far, saying almost identical things, but with a twist, oh what a twist.
The video interview is hysterically funny. Give yourself a grin for the day. It’s from one of my favorite websites: The Onion.
Heat Lagging
The heat has hit me like a building crashing down around me. It changes everything I do. Somehow I don’t remember last year being so hot, but I know it was, and I think I just didn’t go out very often. Now that I am driving all over town, man, the heat KILLS me.
I just checked Weather Underground for Kuwait and the temperatures (Fahrenheit for my US readers) is going to be between 107 and 114 for the next five days. Kuwait DOES cool down at night more than Doha, but if you are outside after nine in the morning, you feel like a steak thrown into a hot frying pan to sear. It is sizzling hot!
I find myself trying to get everything done I need to get done early in the day. Sometimes when I get home, get the groceries put away – I need a NAP! I feel like I’ve run a marathon! It’s embarrassing to be so effected by the heat, but I am.
If I have had things going on and don’t get a nap, then by nine my head is nodding. I can be in the middle of a great book, a thrilling movie or a nail biting tv program . . . it doesn’t matter. Sleep calls me like a siren; I can’t resist, I crash. Around three in the morning, having had six hours of great sleep – Hey! here I am! wide awake!
Even my husband, born in the heat of the south, who gets cold easily, even my husband who never complains about the heat – told me this morning he hated the thought of having to walk today from here to there because of the heat. I can hear him wheezing a little at night. We no longer have the dust storm of earlier this week, but the residual dust has made breathing a little harder. I hear a lot of my friends wheezing mildly, too.
It’s just like jet lagging. I’ve got to get it under control, and I’m at a loss. I think most of my friends cope with the heat – by leaving! Others stay inside most of the summer – even the thought of meeting up with a friend for coffee during the day just seems like too much trouble, when I think of the hot hot hot walk from car to air conditioned mall or restaurant!
How do you cope with the heat?
Does your life change?
Do your hours change?
Black Magic Chocolate Cake
No, no, no sorcery involved in making this chocolate cake, althought you might think so when you taste it – it’s so good! The magic in this cake is using a lot of cocoa powder (not cocoa mix, which has milk and sugar added – cocoa powder, which is all chocolate) and some very strong coffee to boost the intensity of the flavor. Everything you need is available here in Kuwait.
This is the very best chocolate cake I have ever tasted. The batter seems thin when you make it up but it cooks to a very moist chocolate cake with a fine crumb. And best of all – it’s EASY!
1 3/4 cup all purpose flour
2 cups sugar
3/4 cup Hershey’s cocoa
2 teaspoons baking soda
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon salt
2 eggs
1 cup strong black coffee (secret ingredient!)
2 cups buttermilk or sour milk (In a pinch, 1 Tablespoon lemon juice plus milk to equal 1 cup, let stand 10 minutes)
1/2 cup vegetable oil
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
Combine dry ingredients in large mixer bowl. Add remaining ingredients – beat at medium speed 2 minutes. Batter will be thin. Pour into greased 9 x 13 pan and bake at 350 degrees (180 degrees Celcius) for 35 – 40 minutes. Cool completely and frost.
Black Magic Chocolate Icing
(makes about two cups)
1 stick butter, softened
2 2/3 cups powdered sugar
3/4 cup Hershey’s cocoa
1 teaspoon vanilla
1/4 t. salt
milk
Cream all together until smooth.To thin, use just a little milk at a time until you have the right consistency.
HINT: After you grease the baking pan, use cocoa instead of flour to sprinkle in pan, and shake really good until it adheres to the butter or Crisco you greased the pan with. This helps the whole cake release without those pesky stuck spots.
Pope Reinstates Islam Department
According to Catholic belief, the Pope, the head of the Catholic church, is infallible. When he downgraded the Council for Interreligious dialogue, and merged it with another office last year, many people thought he had made a big mistake.
So the re-instating of this department can be seen as an admission of the mistake.
I think this is a brave move. For the head of a religion larger than most nations to make a mistake, and then acknowledge the mistake, and even better – to correct a mistake – that takes a lot of moral courage. Bravo, Pope!
Here is the story, from BBC News:
Pope reinstates Islam department
The Pope has been repairing damaged relations with Muslims
Pope Benedict XVI has reversed a controversial decision he took a year ago to downgrade the Vatican department which deals with the Islamic world.
The Council for Interreligious Dialogue will be restored to its former position as a department in its own right.
It is not clear if the department’s former head, British archbishop Michael Fitzgerald, will also be reinstated.
His removal was seen as a sign the Pope was more interested in improving ties with other Christian denominations.
The BBC’s David Willey in Rome says that by reversing his decision, which was interpreted negatively in the Muslim world, the Pope has tacitly admitted that this was a mistake.
Relations between the Vatican and Muslims have deteriorated over the past year, particularly over remarks made by the pontiff during a visit to Germany last September, in which, some thought, he appeared to equate Islam with violence.
The Pope insisted his words had been taken out of context and that he meant no offence to the Muslim religion.
Merger reversal
In a rare about face, Vatican Secretary of State Cardinal Tarcisio Bertone told the Italian newspaper, La Stampa, that the Council for Interreligious Dialogue would again become “a dicastery in its own right”.
You can read the rest of the article here.
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