Groaners!
Oh! You’re going to love these! Thank you, Doha friend, for sending these. 🙂 AdventureMan and Daggero are going to love them!
GROANERS
1) King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of war
with the Hittites. His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates,
the most valuable diamond in the ancient world. Desperate, he went to
Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan. Croesus said, “I’ll give you
100,000 dinars for it.” But I paid a million dinars for it,” the King
protested. “Don’t you know who I am? I am the king!” Croesus replied, “When
you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are.”
2) Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. However, all the Swiss league records were unfortunately destroyed
in a fire, so we’ll never know for whom the Tells bowled.
3) A man rushed into a busy doctor’s office and shouted, “Doctor! I think
I’m shrinking!!” The doctor calmly responded, “Now, settle down. You’ll just
have to be a little patient.”
4) A marine biologist developed a race of genetically engineered dolphins
that could live forever if they were fed a steady diet of seagulls. One day,
his supply of the birds ran out so he had to go out and trap some more. On
the way back, he spied two lions asleep on the road. Afraid to wake them, he
gingerly stepped over them. Immediately, he was arrested and charged with
transporting gulls across sedate lions for immortal porpoises.
5) Back in the 1800’s the Tates Watch Company of Massachusetts wanted to
produce other products and, since they already made watch cases, they used
them to produce compasses. The new compasses were so bad that people often
ended up in Canada or Mexico rather than California. This, of course, is the
origin of the expression, “He who has a Tates is lost!”
6) A thief broke into the local police station and stole all the toilets and
urinals, leaving no clues. A spokesperson was quoted as saying, “We have
absolutely nothing to go on.”
7) An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine man.
After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin strip of
elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite off, chew, and
swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a month, the medicine man
returned to see how the chief was feeling. The chief shrugged and said, “The
thong is ended, but the malady lingers on.”
8) A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his name
missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining to the
local civic official who apologized profusely saying, “I must have taken
Leif off my census.”
9) There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deerskin, one slept on an
elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three became
pregnant, and the first two each had a baby boy. The one who slept on the
hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This goes to prove that the squaw of the
hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of the other two hides.
10) A skeptical anthropologist was cataloging South American folk remedies
with the assistance of a tribal brujo who indicated that the leaves of a
particular fern were a sure cure for any case of constipation. When the
anthropologist expressed his doubts, the brujo looked him in the eye and
said, “Let me tell you, with fronds like these, who needs enemas?”
A Modern Parable
Thank you, Anita!
A MODERN PARABLE . .
A Japanese company ( Toyota ) and an American company (Ford) decided to have a canoe race on the Missouri River. Both teams practiced long and hard to reach their peak performance before the race.
On the big day, the Japanese won by a mile.
The Americans, very discouraged and depressed, decided to investigate the reason for the crushing defeat. A management team made up of senior management was formed to investigate and recommend appropriate action.
Their conclusion was the Japanese had 8 people rowing and 1 person steering, while the American team had 8 people steering and 1 person rowing.
Feeling a deeper study was in order, American management hired a consulting company and paid them a large amount of money for a second opinion.
They advised, of course, that too many people were steering the boat, while not enough people were rowing.
Not sure of how to utilize that information, but wanting to prevent another loss to the Japanese, the rowing team’s management structure was totally reorganized to 4 steering supervisors, 3 area steering superintendents, and 1 assistant superintendent steering manager.
They also implemented a new performance system that would give the 1 person rowing the boat greater incentive to work harder. It was called the ‘Rowing Team Quality First Program,’ with meetings, dinners, and free pens for the rower There was discussion of getting new paddles, canoes, and other equipment, extra vacation days for practices and bonuses.
The next year the Japanese won by two miles.
Humiliated, the American management laid off the rower for poor performance, halted development of a new canoe, sold the paddles, and cancelled all capital investments for new equipment. The money saved was distributed to the Senior Executives as bonuses and the next year’s racing team was out-sourced to India.
Sadly, The End.
Here’s something else to think about:
Ford has spent the last thirty years moving all its factories out of the US, claiming they can’t make money paying American wages.
TOYOTA has spent the last thirty years building more than a dozen plants inside the US. The last quarter’s results:
TOYOTA makes 4 billion in profits while Ford racked up 9 billion in losses.
Ford folks are still scratching their heads.
Space Storm Alert: 90 Seconds from Catastrophe
A fascinating article from New Scientist passed along by Law and Order Man. Thanks for a very scary article. 😦
According to the NAS report, a severe space weather event in the US could induce ground currents that would knock out 300 key transformers within about 90 seconds, cutting off the power for more than 130 million people (see map). From that moment, the clock is ticking for America.
First to go – immediately for some people – is drinkable water. Anyone living in a high-rise apartment, where water has to be pumped to reach them, would be cut off straight away. For the rest, drinking water will still come through the taps for maybe half a day. With no electricity to pump water from reservoirs, there is no more after that.
There is simply no electrically powered transport: no trains, underground or overground. Our just-in-time culture for delivery networks may represent the pinnacle of efficiency, but it means that supermarket shelves would empty very quickly – delivery trucks could only keep running until their tanks ran out of fuel, and there is no electricity to pump any more from the underground tanks at filling stations.
Back-up generators would run at pivotal sites – but only until their fuel ran out. For hospitals, that would mean about 72 hours of running a bare-bones, essential care only, service. After that, no more modern healthcare.
72 hours of healthcare remaining
The truly shocking finding is that this whole situation would not improve for months, maybe years: melted transformer hubs cannot be repaired, only replaced. “From the surveys I’ve done, you might have a few spare transformers around, but installing a new one takes a well-trained crew a week or more,” says Kappenman. “A major electrical utility might have one suitably trained crew, maybe two.”
Within a month, then, the handful of spare transformers would be used up. The rest will have to be built to order, something that can take up to 12 months.
Even when some systems are capable of receiving power again, there is no guarantee there will be any to deliver. Almost all natural gas and fuel pipelines require electricity to operate. Coal-fired power stations usually keep reserves to last 30 days, but with no transport systems running to bring more fuel, there will be no electricity in the second month.
You can read the entire, very scary article, by clicking NEW SCIENTIST
Al Kout Festival
Wooo HOOOO! An event we know about BEFORE it happens!
March 31 and April 1, 11am -7pm. American University of Kuwait, Salmiya Campus
The Arabian Heritage Project is proud to present “Al-Kout Festival”
(Old Kuwait Festival) an event being held to celebrate the grand opening of the
Arabian Heritage Project, a research, archival, and outreach center dedicated to
promoting and fostering the heritage of the Peninsula and related cultures.
Two days of celebration from 11 am till 7 pm at the American University Of
Kuwait campus in Salmiya. The event will include National Museum Exhibits, live
performances by Kuwaiti traditional bands (Bin Hussein and Mayouf), Sawt
musicians, Bedouin poetry, Kuwaiti History Game Show, distinguished live
Craftsmen, a Bazaar, old Kuwaiti cars, refreshments; basically a chance to
experience authentic Kuwaiti Tradition and Culture at its best.
The Festival opens at 11am, performances (Kuwaiti Sawt musicians, poetry,
Kuwaiti music piano recital, etc.) begin at noon. Sea bands begin at 5pm each
day.
Please note, parking is limited. Carpooling is advised.
Light Haze My Foot!
The sun is a mere light dot in the sky, small, impotent, far away and struggling to break through the “light haze.” The “light haze” is so think that I can only see a couple hundred meters off the shore, and my head is thick and it is harder to breathe this morning. I have a very bad feeling about this “light haze.”
Pecan Pie Muffins
A friend brought these to a meeting the other day. She made them in these really small tins, so one muffin was like three bites. They were SO rich, three bites was enough. . . . except that we couldn’t eat just one, they were SO delicious. Just five ingredients . . . a piece of cake!
Pecan Pie Muffins
SUBMITTED BY: prissycatÂ
Allrecipes.com
“It’s hard to believe there are only five ingredients in these wonderful little muffins! The brown sugar makes them taste like pecan pie.”
Original recipe yield 18 mini muffins
INGREDIENTS
• 1 cup packed light brown sugar
• 1/2 cup all-purpose flour
• 1 cup chopped pecans
• 2/3 cup butter, softened
• 2 eggs, beaten
DIRECTIONS
1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease and flour 18 mini muffin cups or line with paper muffin liners.
2. In a medium bowl, stir together brown sugar, flour and pecans. In a separate bowl beat the butter and eggs together until smooth, stir into the dry ingredients just until combined. Spoon the batter into the prepared muffin cups. Cups should be about 2/3 full.
3. Bake at 350 degrees F (175 degrees C) for 20 to 25 minutes. Cool on wire racks when done.
He he he – I challenge you. Try to eat just one!
St. Oscar Romero
I didn’t even know we had a St. Oscar Romero, so when it came up on my screen, this morning as I was doing my daily lectionary readings I took a little time to read about him.
What an incredible man – and a modern day saint, too, a man for our times:
OSCAR ROMERO
ARCHBISHOP OF SAN SALVADOR, AND THE MARTYRS OF EL SALVADOR
(24 March 1980)
Óscar Arnulfo Romero y Galdámez (August 15, 1917 – March 24, 1980), commonly known as Monseñor Romero, was a priest of the Roman Catholic Church in El Salvador. He later became prelate archbishop of San Salvador.
As an archbishop, he witnessed numerous violations of human rights and began a ministry speaking out on behalf of the poor and victims of the country’s civil war. His brand of political activism was denounced by the hierarchy of the Roman Catholic Church and the government of El Salvador. In 1980, he was assassinated by gunshot while consecrating the Eucharist during mass. His death finally provoked international outcry for human rights reform in El Salvador.
In 1997, a cause for beatification and canonization into sainthood was opened for Romero and Pope John Paul II bestowed upon him the title of Servant of God. The process continues. He is considered the unofficial patron saint of the Americas and El Salvador and is often referred to as “San Romero” in El Salvador. Outside of Catholicism Romero is honored by other religious denominations of Christendom, like the Church of England through its Common Worship. He is one of the ten 20th-century martyrs from across the world who are depicted in statues above the Great West Door of Westminster Abbey, London.
You don’t have to be perfect to be a saint, in fact in the reading for today, St. Paul writes that “22 For I delight in the law of God in my inmost self, 23 but I see in my members another law at war with the law of my mind, making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will rescue me from this body of death? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord!
So then, with my mind I am a slave to the law of God, but with my flesh I am a slave to the law of sin.
We cannot, in our own strength do right all the time, even if we want to choose rightly. Oscar Romero may not have been perfect (because none of us are, it’s not like I know anything scandalous about him) but he dedicated himself to righting a major wrong he saw in society, and his persistence and dedication ended up causing his death.
Closed Circuit TV in all Kuwait Schools
From today’s Al Watan:
CCTV cameras to be in place next school year
Staff Writer
KUWAIT: Former Minister of Education and Minister of Higher Education Dr. Nouriya AlÙ€Subaih has confirmed that the ministry is finalizing the installation of CCTV cameras on school campuses and is expected to be fully and completely implemented by the beginning of the next school year.
AlÙ€Subaih”s statement came during a press conference organized by the Teachers Society for its 38th Educational Conference, which was held under the title ”Excellent Training, Future in the Making”.
The minister stressed that all steps are being taken to provide students with a proper and adequate education and that their safety and security are equally prioritized.
She made reference to the recent abuse incidents in local schools and pointed out that contrary to popular belief, school incidents have taken place in the past with the only difference being that they were never reported to police and the press “because they were dealt with and tackled by the school management then.”
She recalled how when she was herself a teacher school problems were dealt with privately and discretely due to the sensitive nature of the problems.
AlÙ€Subaih further pointed out that acquiring the correct specifications and right CCTV cameras to do the job adequately and comprehensively “requires careful consideration to check the right models types, otherwise we would have gone to the local market,” adding that there were some models which the ministry had acquired but due to poor quality was later decided to be dropped.
For his part, Teachers Union Director Ayed AlÙ€Sahli said that teachers play an essential role in education and upbringing and that “the idea of training fits perfectly with the requirements of this noble profession to ensure that teachers make the children they teach more useful and productive.
“There is a need for training while teaching and great consideration is being put into the latest training programs with an eye to the future, so that teachers” skills and abilities are enhanced adequately,” he remarked.
Last updated on Tuesday 24/3/2009
Blush Pink Dawn 24 Mar 09
It was one of those hushed, still mornings; once again the water is smooth as glass and the sky is just preparing to receive the sun, all glow-y and blushing, but without the presence of the awaited guest:
This morning’s temperature at 0630 was the expected high temperature back in January. It is still fresh, but it won’t be for long.
Have a great day, Kuwait!
Diary of a Six Day Bahama Cruise
In yesterday’s e-mail, thank you old friend!
Diary of a Six Day Bahamas Cruise
DEAR DIARY … DAY ONE
My husband and I are all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I’ve packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I’m really excited.
DEAR DIARY .. DAY TWO
We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. My husband spent most of the day gambling. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.
DEAR DIARY … DAY THREE
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffle boarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited us to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman. My husband spent more time gambling.
DEAR DIARY … DAY FOUR
Went to the ship’s casino … did OK .. won about $80. My husband wanted to stay and gamble more. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my husband.
DEAR DIARY … DAY FIVE
Went back to the pool today and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman. He again asked me to visit him for the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn’t let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled. My husband spent most of the night gambling.
DEAR DIARY … DAY SIX-
My husband spent most of the day gambling.
I saved 1600 lives today …. twice !!!!
Just to be perfectly clear – this is a JOKE! It is not me, Intlxpatr, that went on the cruise. It is a joke!
Recent Comments
intlxpatr on Yellowstone: Old Faithful to C… Michelle on Yellowstone: Old Faithful to C… Cathy on No Grown-Ups in Charge intlxpatr on Waiting for Snow intlxpatr on Waiting for Snow Wikipedia Donate Button
Amazina
Early Voting in Florida
Here There and Everywhere 