Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

“I Make Three Times What She Makes and She Wants To Talk About Chore Charts?!”

The man in the next booth was pushing all my buttons. The truth is, we don’t want to hear about his personal life. I don’t want to hear about anyone’s personal lives unless it is me and one of my oldest bestest friends, and we keep our voices down. Private lives are PRIVATE!

He is talking with someone, maybe his co-worker, and his entire monologue is about his failing relationship with his wife. I really don’t want to hear this.

And then he says “I make three times what she makes, and she wants to talk about chore charts???” and please, I need a pat on the back, I didn’t say anything, I didn’t get up and clock him, I didn’t even blink. AdventureMan laughed, he knew I was choking mad on the inside.

It doesn’t matter what you make, big man. If you are both working, you share the household chores. You both live there. You clean up your own mess, you pick up your own dirty clothes and put them in the laundry basket. You rinse your own dishes. You change the baby, you drive your son to his soccer game. It’s called teamwork.

Sure, I totally get division of labor. What I don’t get is this attitude of entitlement; like the fifties are long gone and we all work and we all share the duties of home and children and making it all work out at the end of the day. It’s never giving 50% – 50% – It’s always giving at least 75% – 75%.

We call it the Well of Good Will. If we were perfect people we wouldn’t need it, but we are people who screw up. We need mercy. We need forgiveness. So you give a little extra every day and hope that on a day when you fall short, there is enough on deposit in the well of good will that you can get a pass on your shortcomings for today.

If you are having a problem with your primary relationship, have a straight talk with that person. It doesn’t do any good to bad-mouth your spouse to a co-worker, and it certainly is not amusing to those of us forced to overhear. Ugh.

January 3, 2014 - Posted by | Family Issues, Marriage, Pet Peeves, Privacy, Rants, Relationships, Women's Issues


  1. You know I think there are two things that are really sad about this: 1) The very idea that money is coming into play at this level of detail. It’s not a business partnership where this would be fair but a marriage and there should be a balance in terms of giving whether emotional or financial, but not a credit/debit Excel sheet!!!! 2) The second thing that I think is sad is “chore charts”. WTH? It makes me think the wife is just like him, except he’s talking money and she’s talking specific tasks. If Husband comes home at 9pm with black circles under his eyes, Wife can let him get away with not doing the dishes that night! And if Wife has spent the last week cleaning up late night baby vomit, Husband can let her have a few hours baby-free on a Saturday so she can go get pampered. I really don’t like how specific BOTH of them are being about roles. I imagine this would be quite a suffocating arrangement.

    Comment by Razan | January 6, 2014 | Reply

  2. You are right, Razan, it is not like account books and balances. It is a partnership, and there has to be a lot of give and take. I was also appalled that he would discuss his personal problems with his wife in public, and loudly, not caring who heard. It’s a small world; anyone could have been listening. It was both saddening and maddening.

    Comment by intlxpatr | January 6, 2014 | Reply

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