Light a Candle Against Child Abuse
A good friend sent me this link: Light a Million Candles.com which is against child abuse. The don’t ask your address or for any donations – just that you light a candle and support their cause.
Real Simple
It’s a quiet Friday morning and we have time to loll around before we have to get ready for church. I am focused on writing a tough entry for my blog and Adventure Man is on the couch, paging through a magazine, Real Simple.
He starts reading from an article called “Is he driving you crazy?” which lists the top five complaints of women, and then men:
Women:
He’s not affectionate enough.
He doesn’t listen to me.
He doesn’t help around the house.
He raises his voice when we argue.
He never talks about tough issues.
Men:
She’s trying to control me.
She objects when I need time alone.
We don’t have enough sex.
She criticizes me.
She treats me like an idiot.
The whole article, with all the expert solutions, is available HERE.
Two of them cracked us up.
Her Complaint: He’s not affectionate enough
Expert: Even though your partner loves you, he might express his feelings differently. Generally speaking, “men feel closer when there’s sex. For women to feel affectionate, there has to be talk.”
His complaint: We don’t have enough sex
Expert: The impulse to get romantic declines for most couples but “men are more likely to feel an urge for sex,” says (expert). “Once women get going, they enjoy it but often they don’t have the same initial urge they might have had as teenagers.” So if he’s rushing you to bed, let him know that you’d like to cuddle and talk a bit first . . . If your needs are truly mis-matched, talk about how many “relations” you’ll have in your relationship. Ask “What’s your ideal range of frequency per week? If he says three to five, and you say one to three, then aim for an average of about three times.”
Here is what got us rolling with laughter – my husband is a consumate negotiator. It doesn’t matter what the reality would be, he would up the figure. So like he might say “30 times a week” knowing that half that would be twice a day. It wouldn’t matter that he really doesn’t want sex twice a day, he would have sealed a deal that guaranteed him sex twice a day IF he wanted it.
But he knows my tricks, too, and moments later he is showered, shaved, he smells wonderful AND . . . he is making the bed! He totally knows how to get what he wants.
Kuwait Couple and Police
This is a very strange report from the Daily Star. There was a similar report in the Thursday Kuwait Times, which claims there were two couples. Is there a police blotter where newspapers get their information, or do they use inside sources? The stories in each newspaper have different details, and sometimes the details vary significantly.
Culprits Freed, Cop Detained
In a very strange incident, the head investigator at Mubarak Al-Kabeer Police Station has ordered the detention of a first sergeant and released two persons who humiliated the policeman, reports Al-Anba daily.
A police source said the first sergeant arrested a 22 year old man and a 41 year old woman who were inside a car parked in the Abul Hasaniya at 2:00 in the morning, and asked them to hand over their identification documents but they refused to heed the policeman’s request.
The threatened to harm the first sergeant and dismiss him from service, but later handed over their IDs to another policeman who rushed to the area after receiving a call from the first sergeant.
The two persons were released and the policeman was detained but Director of the Security Directorate in Mubarak Al-Kabeer Brigadier Mostafa Khan and his assistant Brigadier Ibrahim Al-Tarrah ordered the immediate release of the first sergeant and referred the case to another investigator.
My comment: I cannot begin to figure out what happened in this story. It could be a hundred different things. The woman could be in the car with her son, escaping from an abusive husband. Or they could be unrelated and naked. There are endless possibilities in between those extremes. We don’t know.
The sergeant could be doing his duty and unjustly punished by superiors using wasta, or he could have exceeded his authority and been let to skate. We don’t know.
Stories like this in the papers mystify me. It all depends on the “police source” and his particular bias.
Kuwait Machine Gun?
From yesterday’s Kuwait Times.
Three Shot at by Teenagers
Two Kuwaiti citizens and a bedoon man were transferred to Jahra hospital after three teenagers shot them using a machine gun and ran away. The victims stressed they did not know why the assailants, who were travelling in a Japanese car, shot at them. The case is under investigation.
My comment: My husband, when I told him about this story, says that most people don’t know the difference between a machine gun and an automatic weapon, which can fire a series of shots in rapid succession. Somehow, the distinction fails to reassure me. Teenagers – children – with automatic weapons?? Where are these weapons coming from? How did they get their hands on them?
There has been a big to-do over Muna Al-Fuzai’s tongue-in-cheek article about Kuwait and subsequent defense of what she said.
Guys: Stop talking and listen for a change. Yes, Kuwait is a wonderful place, she is not saying differently. She is Kuwaiti and she loves Kuwait. She has a right to say what she sees and hears, and she has taken a courageous and controversial stand. You don’t have to agree with her, and she still has a right to her opinion. Did you notice? Her column is OPINION.
You are also entitled to your opinion.
First – Take a deep breath. Ask your mother, your wife, your sister, your maid – how safe she feels taking a taxi alone at night – if that is even an option. Ask her if she is careful where she walks. Ask her about her experiences with the police. Ask her if she will go to any ATM, or only “safe” ones.
As I see it, Kuwait has a huge bachelor population, and few options for these bachelors. Women here know to travel in groups, to be watchful, and to be wary. There is a problem.
And it’s not women, it is also children. It’s unthinkable.
Couple this with weak regard for the law and weak enforcement of the law, and you will see that there is a problem.
And where did these kids get automatic weapons? ? ? These problems are all connected to weak law enforcement, lack of respect for the law and a sense of entitlement. Entitled to take an automatic and shoot people? ? Entitled to TAKE sex from someone smaller and weaker than you? ?
It’s not just lack of respect for the law, it’s the law of the jungle.
Appetizer Puffs
These little bite sized morsels are just cream puffs made small. When you take them out of the oven, you cut the tops off as soon as you can touch them, and pull out the dough pieces inside. When cool, and just before serving, you fill them with savory mixtures:
• grated Gouda cheese mixed with port wine and a little cream cheese
• chopped shrimp mixed with a little chopped celery and mayonnaise
• chopped ham and a tiny bit of mustard and mayonnaise
• crabmeat with a tiny bit of mayonnaise
• chopped up crisp bacon with a little horseradish and mayonnaise
• grated cheddar with finely chopped pimentos and a little mayonnaise
• chopped clams with sour cream
• Chopped and drained tomato, with tiny mozzarella and chopped basil
• Kuwait: flaked, cooked hammour w/tiny bit of sour cream and a little bit of “Kuwaiti spices”
• flaked, cooked tuna with a little aioli mayonnaise and cilantro
. . . . . use your own favorite combinations!
1 cup water
1/2 cup butter
1 cup flour
4 eggs
Heat oven to 400 degrees. Heat water and butter to strong rolling boil. Stir in flour, stir vigorously over low heat about one minute or until mixture forms a ball. (You’ll know it when you see it.)
Remove from heat, beat in eggs, one at a time, continue beating and beating until smooth. Drop dough by tiny spoonfulls 2” apart onto UNGREASED baking sheet. Bake 35 – 40 minutes or until puffed and golden. Cool away from drafts. Cut off tops, pull out filaments of dough.
Fill just before serving so they don’t get soggy. Remember to put the top back on! These are easy to make, easy to serve and even fun to make with children.
Additional options: You can also make these sweet, filling with Creme Chantilly (whip up cream, add a little SIFTED [yes, it matters] powdered sugar and a little vanilla) and still serve by fingers, or you can pour a little chocolate sauce over the top and serve in a bunch of three or four on a plate as profiteroles. The blessing of these puffs is their versatility!
Photo from all recipes.com
Exercise After Eating
From BBC Health News:
Exercising after meals can help promote weight loss by boosting hormones that suppress appetite, say UK scientists.
Thanks to these hormones, active people feel less hungry immediately after exercise, and this carries through to their next meal, experiments suggest.
Even when their meals were bigger, sporty people gained fewer calories overall because they burned off more.
The Surrey University and Imperial College London work is published in the Journal of Endocrinology.
Exercise may alter people’s appetite to help them lose weight
Twelve volunteers were fed the same breakfast.
An hour later, half of them worked out for an hour on an exercise bike while the other half sat quietly.
Both groups were left for another hour and then allowed to eat as much as they liked.
Unsurprisingly, people who exercised burned more calories than those who sat quietly, 492 kcal compared to 197 kcal.
And when given the chance to eat afterwards, people who had exercised tended to eat more, 913 kcal versus to 762 kcal.
However, when the amount of energy burned during exercise was taken into account, the sporty people took in fewer calories overall – 421 kcal compared to 565 kcal for the inactive group.
And levels of hormones called PYY, GLP-1 and PP, which tell the brain when the stomach is full, increased during and immediately after exercise.
Volunteers also said they felt less hungry during this time.
Researcher Dr Denise Robertson said: “In the past we have been concerned that, although exercise burns energy, people subsequently ate more after working out. This would cancel out any possible weight reduction effects of exercise.
“But our research shows that exercise may alter people’s appetite to help them lose weight and prevent further weight gain as part of a healthy, balanced lifestyle.”
My comment: We keep hoping we can lose the weight with no sweat, but it seems like everywhere we turn, the secret seems to be . . . eat less . . . exercise more. You can read the rest of the story HERE.
Parking Wall of Shame
At the Al Manshar Mall, where there are only about forty spaces for a huge mall:
Some Misery Unavoidable
Accepting the bad times could make for a happy marriage
From BBC Health News
The key to a happy relationship could be accepting that some miserable times are unavoidable, experts say.
Therapists from California State University, Northridge and Virginia Tech say accepting these problems is better than striving for perfection.
And they blame cultural fairytales and modern love stories for perpetuating the myth that enjoying a perfect relationship is possible.
The report was published in the Journal of Marital and Family Therapy.
The authors, Dr Diane Gehart and Dr Eric McCollum say it is a “myth that, with enough effort we can achieve a state without suffering.”
And they say healthcare professionals may not be helping the situation.
“The field of mental health perpetuates this myth with the very concept of “mental health,” which implies a state without suffering,” they say.
Potentially damaging
But this belief can eventually cause people to believe that with enough effort they can eliminate suffering.
And experts say this is an unrealistic aim in relationships, and striving to achieve it can lead people to feel they have failed.
Jan Parker of the Association of Family Therapy said: “The authors are right to point out that the pursuit of relationship nirvana can be potentially damaging.”
She said it was important to explore what people mean by a happy and healthy relationship, because nobody’s life or relationship can be in a permanent state of happiness – there will always be more difficult times.
She said couples need to build strengths, such as understanding, in their relationships to help them cope in these hard times and appreciate the good times.
Mrs Nadine Field, a consultant psychologist, said it was a “fantasy” that any relationship could be perfect and that striving for such an impossible state could lead to bitter disappointment.
She said this disappointment could then cause people to focus on the negative aspects of a relationship, and lead to more disappointment and resentment.
She said: “People need to try to understand their partners through communication, rather than demanding perfection of them.”
Read the rest of the article here.
Competitive Family Values
Even within national cultures, there are family cultures. You don’t really think about it when you are a kid, you think all families are like your family. It isn’t until you get older that you understand just how unique – even quirky – your own family is.
In our family, we were bred to be competitive. We started early, with simple card games and board games. We swam on swimming teams, we competed for grades. Doing well, doing our best was expected of us.
And then, we turned around and did it to our own children!
We used to have big family reunions in a small town along the Oregon beach. We stayed in an old complex, where there were two large units that shared a deck, and then several small cabins. The very social parts of the family shared the two large units – my mom and dad, and her brother and his wife – and the rest of us had the cabins, one to each family, althought the kids roamed from cabin to cabin – our children have always had the freedom of belonging to one great tribe!
Daytimes would be full of adventures – not everyone doing the same thing, but smaller groups having dodge-boat competitions, groups going on shopping expeditions to nearby towns, hiking in the parks, having some beach time – jumping the amazingly high waves in the amazingly cold Pacific ocean.
Around 5, people would start to gather on the big deck in preparation for dinner. Dinner might come out of the kitchens, or we might order food in, but once dinner was out of the way, the BIG competitions would begin.
Every year there was a huge hearts tournament, and a Liar’s Dice tournement. The family took these very seriously, from oldest to youngest, everyone entered, everyone competed. We took it so seriously that we had trophies that would be engraved with the winner’s names and passed along from year to year. We took it so seriously that sometimes there would be injured feelings when someone lost. Everyone wanted to be the winner, and in a family full of people used to winning, feelings ran high.
Giving up needing to win all the time has been seriously hard. There are still times when I am in a situation where I feel the adrenelin start pumping and I have to stop myself and say “Do you want to win this battle or do you want to win the war?” i.e., like chess, sometimes you have to sacrifice a pawn to achieve a greater victory down the road. Do I need to win every arguement at the cost of losing a friend? Do I need to win at the cost of my community?
I also think needing to win takes its toll in one’s health – when I allow myself NOT to need to win all the time, I feel calmer, more serene, and happier. I can’t help but think that being calm, serene and happy are probably good things to be in terms of health. Competition gets your heart beating faster, pumping through the veins, but can also take it’s toll in bad eating, bad sleeping and bad exercise habits.
My parents did a good thing encouraging us to be our best, to seek personal excellence and to strive for personal achievements; I honor them for that. When it comes to winning, however, I want to stop and count the cost before I proceed full steam ahead.
What does your family value? What attributes did they encourage you to develop?
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