Everything Old Comes New Again
I love the Sephora ads, even if they won’t mail anything to me in Qatar. I have to use all my points when I am back in the USA. I still love seeing what I am missing, and if I really really want something, I can usually find someplace to order it or someone to take a run to Sephora to get it for me, especially when I am getting low on just-the-right-shade-of-eyeshadow. And no, no, the Sephoras in Kuwait and Qatar don’t carry all the brands that a full-fledged Sephora in France or Germany or the USA will carry. No Urban Decay for sure.
But this – this has a familiar ring to it. When I was young, even a kid, I think there was some lipstick that made the same claim, you put it on and it turns the right color for you.
So how does it do that?
Starting Monday with a Blonde Joke
An old, blind cowboy
wanders into an all-girl biker bar by
mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders
some coffee.
After sitting there for a while, he yells to
the waiter: “Hey, you wanna’ hear a
blonde joke?”
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep husky voice, the woman next to
him says: “Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I
think it is only fair, given that you are blind,
that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a
baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I’m a 6 foot tall, 175 pound blonde woman
with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and
a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a
professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Mister…., do you
still want to tell that joke?”
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his
head, and mutters,
“No, not if
I’m gonna have to explain it five
times.”
Myths about Contraception
Sometimes news articles are unintentionally humorous. I couldn’t help it – this statement:
Dr Annie Evans, Women’s Health Specialist at the Bristol Sexual Health Centre, said: “It is not surprising, given that Britain continues to have the highest unintended pregnancy rate in Europe.”
had me totally giggling. If you thought chicken skin would prevent contraception, you might have an unintended pregnancy, too! Hilarious. I thought as time passed, people would know more and more about these things. How can so many people NOT know?
Contraception myths ‘widespread’
By Sudeep Chand
Health reporter, BBC News
A UK survey has revealed that myths about contraception may be widespread.
One in five women said they had heard of kitchen items, including bread, cling film and even chicken skin, being used as alternative barrier methods.
Others had heard food items such as kebabs, Coca-cola or crisps could be used as oral contraceptives.
The survey questioned 1,000 women aged 18 to 50 and was carried out by market research company Opinion Health, sponsored by Bayer Schering Pharma.
Contraceptive myths have been around for thousands of years.
Ancient methods have varied from crocodile dung and honey before sex, to sea sponges and beeswax after.
Perhaps the most intoxicating was alcohol made from stewed beaver’s testicles.
However, it seems that a variety of unsafe and unproven methods might still exist in modern Britain.
Dr Annie Evans, Women’s Health Specialist at the Bristol Sexual Health Centre, said: “It is not surprising, given that Britain continues to have the highest unintended pregnancy rate in Europe.”
Other myths surround the use of oral contraceptive pills. One in 10 of the women questioned believed that it always takes a number of years to regain fertility after discontinuation of the pill. Others believed that the pill could protect them against HIV.
Professor Steve Field, Chairman of the Royal College of General Practitioners, commented: “This is alarming but not surprising.
“I’ve had complications with patients over the years that have concerned me.
“The more we can put appropriate information to the public about the availability of different methods of contraception, about their advantages and disadvantages, the better.
“It is important that access to advice is made as easily as possible for all ages.”
Family Jokes
To wile away those last few minutes before breaking the fast, and divert your attention, here are a few jokes I got in my mail today, family kind of jokes that made me smile:
While I sat in the reception area of my doctor’s office, a woman rolled an elderly man
in a wheelchair into the room. As she went to the receptionist’s desk, the man sat there,
alone and silent. J ust as I was thinking I should make small talk with him, a little boy slipped
off his mother’s lap and walked over to the wheelchair. Placing his hand on the man’s,
he said, ‘I know how you feel. My mom makes me ride in the stroller too.’.
As I was nursing my baby, my cousin’s six-year-old daughter, Krissy,
came into the room. Never having seen anyone breast feed before, she was
intrigued and full of all kinds of questions about what I was doing. After
mulling over my answers, she remarked, ‘My mom has some of those, but I don’t
think she knows how to use them.’
*****
Out bicycling one day with my eight-year-old granddaughter, Carolyn,
I got a little wistful. ‘In ten years,’ I said, ‘you’ll want to be with your
friends and you won’t go walking, biking, and swimming with me like you do now.
Carolyn shrugged. ‘In ten years you’ll be too old to do all those things
anyway.’
******
Working as a pediatric nurse, I had the difficult assignment of giving
immunization shots to children. One day I entered the examining room to give
four-year-old Lizzie her needle. ‘No, no, no!’ she screamed. ‘Lizzie,’ scolded
her mother, ‘that’s not polite behavior.’ With that, the girl yelled even
louder, ‘No, thank you! No, thank you!
******
On the way back from a Cub Scout meeting, my grandson asked my son the question.
‘Dad, I know that babies come from mommies’ tummies, but how do they get there
in the first place?’ he asked innocently. After my son hemmed and hawed awhile,
my grandson finally spoke up in disgust. ‘You don’t have to make something up,
Dad. It’s OK if you don’t know the answer.’
*****
Just before I was deployed to Iraq , I sat my eight-year-old son down
and broke the news to him. ‘I’m going to be away for a long time,’ I told him.
‘I’m going to Iraq .’ ‘Why?’ he asked. ‘Don’t you know there’s a war going
on over there?’
*****
Paul Newman founded the Hole in the Wall Gang Camp for children stricken with
cancer, AIDS and blood diseases. One afternoon he and his wife, Joanne
Woodward, stopped by to have lunch with the kids. A counselor at a nearby table,
suspecting the young patients wouldn’t know that Newman was a famous movie star,
explained, ‘That’s the man who made this camp possible. Maybe you’ve seen his
picture on his salad dressing bottle?’ Blank stares. ‘Well, you’ve probably seen
his face on his lemonade carton.’ An eight-year-old girl perked up. ‘How long
was he missing?’
*****
God’s Problem Now.
His wife’s grave side service was just barely finished, when there was a massive
clap of thunder, followed by a tremendous bolt of lightning, accompanied by even
more thunder rumbling in the distance. The little old man looked at the pastor
and calmly said, ‘Well, she’s there.
Breakfast at Claire’s
There are two main streets in the little town I call home, Edmonds, Washington, just north of Seattle. One street is called Main Street (no surprise!) and it ends at the dock where the ferry loads up passengers and cars to go over to Kingston, so it is called the Kingston ferry. Just up the street from the ferry dock – and it is UP, Seattle is full of hills – is Claire’s Pantry.
I don’t remember a time when Claire’s wasn’t there. I remember going to the same place for seafood buffets; but maybe it wasn’t Claire’s at that time. Mostly we go to Claire’s for breakfast.
They have everything. Mom opens the menu and says “I am NOT going to have Eggs Benedict this time” and scans through the huge variety of pancakes and omelets and breakfast specials.
I already know what I want. Not Eggs Benedict. CRAB Benedict.
Mom sighs and closes the menu. When the waitress comes, she orders.
“I’ll have the Eggs Benedict, please.”
LLLOOOLLLLL!
I only took one photo because her Eggs Benedict looked just exactly like my Crab Benedict.
And before you ask – NO! No! We didn’t eat it all! We could never eat it all! Mom took half home in a box, and I just ate the eggs and crab and a little bit of the hash browns and left the rest. It was too much and too rich!
Joke for Women
A sixteen year-old boy came home with a new Chevrolet Avalanche and his
parents began to yell and scream, ‘Where did you get that truck???!!!’
He calmly told them, ‘I bought it today.’
‘With what money?’ demanded his parents. They knew what a Chevrolet
Avalanche cost.
‘Well,’ said the boy, ‘this one cost me just fifteen dollars.’ So the
parents began to yell even louder. ‘Who would sell a truck like that for
fifteen dollars?’ they said.
‘It was the lady up the street,’ said the boy. I don’t know her name –
they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me if I
wanted to buy a Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars.’
‘Oh my Goodness!,’ moaned the mother, ‘she must be a child abuser. Who knows
what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what’s going
on.’ So the boy’s father walked up the street to the house where the lady
lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias!
He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a new
Chevrolet Avalanche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘this morning I got a phone call from my husband.. (I
thought he was on a business trip, but learned from a friend he had run off
to Hawaii with his mistress and really doesn’t intend to come back)
He claimed he was stranded and needed cash, and asked me to sell his new
Chevrolet Avalanche and send him the money.
So I did.’
(Are women good or what?)
Casper’s A Taste of the South
We had decided on one restaurant, an Italian restaurant we both like, and were on our way, when Mom thought of another restaurant we might like to try, but it was on the way, so we could look at it and decide whether we wanted to eat there or go on to the Italian one.
This is very normal for our family. Our son used to call it “bait and switch” because we would say “Hey! Do you want to go to Tortilla Gonzales?” and he would say “Yeah!” and we would all jump in the car and then on the causeway, AdventureMan would say “You know I really have a taste for Chinese . . . would anyone prefer Chinese?” and I would jump in and say “We’re really close to that sushi place we all love!” and then our son would have to rein us in “NO! You said we were going to Tortilla Gonzales!”
Once he went away to college, we switched all the time. Later, we learned that now he and his wife do the old switch-a-roo, too – family culture is a hard thing to shake.
So we are en route and Mom suddenly shouts “RIBS!” and I say “What??” and she said “We just passed a rib place!” We were at a stop light. “Mom,” I asked, “Do you want to go to that rib place?”
Silence.
Silence.
I pull into the U-turn lane and complain “You’ve got to start dealing with me directly; if you want to go to the rib place, you have to say so!” The complete irony being that I was already making the U-turn, which is what she wanted me to do. . . . Family culture being a hard thing to shake . . .
But as we pulled into the already crowded parking lot, the smell was absolutely divine. There was already a line. Good thing, too, it gave us time to read the menu and decide what we wanted.
We both ordered ribs. We are both forbidden to eat ribs. I eat ribs maybe one time each year, like once, at a buffet, I ate one small rib. It is so rare that I allow myself to eat a rib that I can remember even that one tiny rib. But this time, I ordered ribs, because my Mom did. She ordered Sweet Potato Fries and Cole Slaw and I ordered Hush Puppies and Cole Slaw.
You are going to be so so proud of me. I took pictures before we ate the food this time, well, except for one tiny bite I took out of the hushpuppies, but that was to show you what they look like on the inside. (My Mom has NEVER had a hushpuppy in her life before having one of mine.)
We sat down in the large outside sitting place – I can’t help but wonder what they do in the winter time, because it can get really really cold and damp in Seattle, but I am guessing that they do a huge take-out business.
They have a map that they want people to put push-pins in to say where they are from:
I made a little addition:
And, as I promised, here is the food. Actually, they gave Mom this HUGE portion, about double my portion, but since I got four ribs and only ate two, Mom took home a huge box of leftover ribs to package up and freeze and have a little at a time.
Did you know sweet potatoes are really really healthy for you?
(I think sweet potatoes are healthier for you when they have a lower surface/interior ratio and have absorbed less fat, but these are totally, incredibly delicious. That’s sugar on the sweet potato fries, not salt.) Mom took leftover sweet potato fries home, too.
I can’t even pretend that there is anything healthy about deep fried cornbread. I ate them all, except the one Mom ate. They . . . they were really really good. Yes, I am so ashamed, but I would do it again.
And no, I didn’t take a photo of the sweet potato pie, generously seasoned with fresh nutmeg, it was divine, or the key lime pie we couldn’t eat and Mom took that home, too.
Oh, this food was good. As we left, the line stretched way out to door and into the parking lot.
Casper’s Taste of the South
15030 Bothell Way
Lake Forest Park, WA
(206)268-0202
Their slogan is:
Put a Little South in Your Mouth. LLLOOOLLLL!
Here There and Anywhere
It’s not like “Here, There and Everywhere” is something I made up and trademarked. No. It was an old Beatles song I liked a lot:
And when I started blogging, I couldn’t think of one area I wanted to specialize in, like news commenting, or recipes, and my life isn’t so fascinating that I can just spin tales and keep you dazzled, so Here There and Everywhere just sort of expressed the serendipity that I wanted, and gave me the space that I needed to tackle lots of subjects – and, more important, to me anyway, to get feedback and input from others who might know a whole lot more than I do about things. I was always ready for things to take a wild jag, and, to my utter delight, they sometimes do. 🙂
It’s worked for me. It keeps life interesting.
But I have to admit I sometimes get a twinge of proprietary feeling about the name. One time BitJockey sent me a reference to a blog – a Kuwait blog! and the author had a name so similar that if it was a coincidence, it was a very eerie coincidence. It sort of totally annoyed me, but I didn’t want to give the blog any attention or thought at all, and actually, so far ignoring it has pretty much worked for me, too.
But today, in my very own home town, I saw this big orange van:
“Oh!” I said! “Oh, Look at that van! It says ‘Here, There and Everywhere’ on it!” and my Mom said “Oh, that’s the Here and There and Anywhere Grill” and we order things from them all the time. They are only here on Wednesdays. After two or three weeks,” she added, “I get a little tired of the food and then stop for a while and start again later. They have really good food.”
I love it that Mom is stepping out, taking college seminars, ordering from the Here and There and Anywhere Grill, doing her physical therapy, keeping active.
“How can I help you, Mom?” I asked, and she had a good list ready. At the end was “Buy a new chair” so today we went searching for the perfect chair. In one store, we were the only customers so the saleslady suggested we push Mom around the huge, cavernous store in a dining room chair with wheels. Only problem is Mom has to hold her feet up off the floor, it’s not like a wheelchair with a base you can rest your feet on, but she was a really good sport, except for the one time maybe I was moving too fast and I hit an edge of carpet and almost dumped her by stopping too abruptly.
She found a totally great chair, one I don’t think my Dad would have approved of at all. I love it that she made the decision herself, and bought the chair and it is going to be delivered tomorrow – a gorgeous cherry RED leather chair. Wooo HOOOO on you, Mom! 😀
(You are going to have to imagine the cherry red part; the only photo I could find online is black.)
Irrelevant Clothing, Shoes and Scissors
It doesn’t matter how long I have been living in the Middle East, it doesn’t matter how many times I have made the trip back and forth, I never seem to get it quite right.
I knew it was going to be less hot in Seattle. I knew it. And still, I didn’t pack a single pair of closed toe shoes, a single pair of nylon stockings, and only a couple long sleeved things. It doesn’t matter that I have lived in Seattle, that I know Seattle, when I am in the middle of the heat and humidity of August in Doha, I lack the imagination to think clearly about the coolness of August in Seattle. I have a lot of lightweight cotton dresses . . . hmmm, so irrelevant in Seattle.
I keep a storage locker here. It started when we moved our parents from their big house to a 2 BR condo (with a water view 🙂 ) and Mom had separated out some of her treasures to divide among us movers. The problem was, I didn’t really want to take them with me (bulky and I would have to bring them back) and I have already imposed on the sister who lives here with a bunch of my stuff, so I finally decided to rent a storage locker. I discovered as a landlord, it actually comes off my taxes. I still have to pay for it, but it isn’t a total loss. I keep Seattle supplies in the locker, too.
When I went to the locker yesterday to pick up some more long sleeved stuff, and my Seattle hairdryer, and my Seattle make-up and living supplies (dishwashing soap, coffee filters, paper towels, laundry soap, etc.) yesterday, with my Mom in the car, nothing went right. My code didn’t work. I had to go inside, leaving my Mom sitting in the car, and it took them a while to work out what was wrong.
(“We don’t have seven number codes! . . . .Hmmm, , mmm, , , yeh, it says you have a seven number code all right, . . .. so here is your new code . . . )
And the new code didn’t work either.
They opened the gate for me, I went to my locker, and with my Mom sitting in the car, discovered my laundry soap had leaked during the time between visits, and with my Mom sitting in the car, I had to clean it all up AND dig out some relevant clothing, and some wrapping paper for gifts I need to send, and scotch tape and scissors (yes, I keep all the things that I frequently use in the locker so I don’t have to buy them again and again and again.) I also grabbed the bag of cosmetic items – like shampoo, toothpaste, my Seattle toothbrush, etc.)
My poor Mom! Remember her? She is still out there sitting in the car!
(The code didn’t work on the way out, either.)
So after all that sitting in the car, I treated Mom to a trip to Trader Joe’s, a place we both love. I picked up sugar snap peas; I just eat them like candy, instead of candy, they are SO good, and some sushi for later on, and Mom picked up things that were really bad, like triple gingersnaps and a wonderfully fragrant new Rosemary Tree.
On the way home, she said “you know you have some stuff in the guest bathroom” and I assured her that I did not, that it was all my middle sister’s stuff, and she said “No, Little Diamond looked at it while she was staying here and said it was yours, that it was stuff you use.” Hmmm. Little Diamond said that?
So when we got back to Mom’s house, I checked the cupboard, and there was one of those zipper bags like (ahem) I always use, and inside was . . . yep. Another hairbrush. Another Seattle toothbrush. Scotch tape. Scissors. My particular make-up back-ups. Shampoo. I brought it with me, and I had two almost identical zipper bags full of Seattle supplies. I can only imagine that sometimes when I get here after all those hours of traveling that my mind is just so addled I am not thinking.
It also makes me feel a little weird that Little Diamond knows me so well that she can identify MY things with just a glance at the contents of the plastic bag, LLOOLLLL! I am that predictable?
On my way over to my Mom’s, I had stopped at the local Fred Meyer’s, a Target-like local store I just love. Now that I am in Seattle, I see things differently. I see things I can hardly resist, like something in me feels like getting ready for the winter, but then, Thank God, my sterner self jerks me back just as I am reaching for:
Look at those socks! Look at those colors! I can barely resist, they are such a hoot! but then . . . where would I wear them? Even if I were abaya’d, people could see my bright polka-dot chartreused ankles and it would draw unwanted attention . . . . maybe just around the house . . .
But no . . . around the house – look at these!
Thick, fuzzy sleepers, only $16.99, like we wore when we were kids, only these are for grownups, and oh! look at that zebra print! The cheetah! They are almost irresistable!
And so irrelevant in Doha!
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Here There and Everywhere 