Here There and Everywhere

Expat wanderer

Kuwait Police: One Reason to Love Kuwait

Today I was caught up in one of the traffic stops. It figures. Usually they just wave me through, but last night going out for dinner with my husband, I didn’t want to carry a purse so I asked him to carry my Kuwaiti residence card. See what I mean about “it figures?”

So I confidently handed the policeman a copy of my passport page, my medical card and my driver’s license.

“Madam,” he said with concern, “your license has expired!”

“Oh no!” I said. “No! Not really?”

“Yes! It expires 1-1-07 and it 07!”

“Yes! It is still 07! So it is still valid!”

“No, madam, if you have an accident it would be a big problem! You must get a new license!”

“I will tell my husband right away so I can get a new license.”

Actually, the new license is in progress, and I knew I was taking a chance driving on the expired, temporary license. I just hoped I wouldn’t get stopped. Now I just hope the new, permanent license comes through relatively quickly.

But here is what I love. In the US, police aren’t always so flexible. I might have had my papers taken and not have even been able to drive home with my groceries. This guy was polite, spoke English well (even though by all rights, I should be speaking Arabic with him) and he was even sympathetic. He was on my side, even though I didn’t have the right papers.

My husband says “He knows you can’t be held accountable because you are a only a woman, and therefore irresponsible.”

I know my feminist side should be offended, but I just sit here grinning.

February 15, 2007 Posted by | Cross Cultural, Customer Service, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Kuwait, Language, Living Conditions, Marriage, Middle East, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 12 Comments

Valentine

Talking with a friend the other day, about being married a long time, we were both stunned into momentary silence by the realization that we had lived with our husbands longer than we had lived with our birth families.

We think of all the forces that created who we are as children, but we forget the years of tumbling around in a marriage that helps to wear off all the sharp edges and smooth the jagged surfaces.

It’s not the boxes of candy or the roses, not even the romantic dinners (no! I am not cancelling!) It’s everything . . . the financial struggles, raising children, building a family life, taking care of aging relations, and, God willing, grandchildren . . . good times and bad times. In the long run, it’s all good.

Adventure Man, Happy Valentine’s Day. Through thick and thin, big guy.

February 14, 2007 Posted by | Adventure, Family Issues, Holiday, Marriage, Random Musings, Relationships, Social Issues, Spiritual, Thanksgiving, Women's Issues | 5 Comments

Sectarianism

IRISH PROSTITUTE

An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cussed her. “Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?

The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff….dad….I became a prostitute….”

“Ye what!!? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”

“OK, dad– as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for $5 million.

For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club…. (takes a breath)….and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and….”

“Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says dad.

Girl, crying again,”Sniff, sniff….a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.”

“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant’. Come here and give yer old man a hug!”

February 14, 2007 Posted by | Cross Cultural, Family Issues, Joke, Relationships, Social Issues, Spiritual, Women's Issues | 10 Comments

Better Faster Smarter Solution

My husband jokes that when I have a sore throat, it is the beginning of a common cold, but when he has a sore throat, it is a rare tropical disease and he should be babied and coddled and have tea and soup brought to him, and warm washcloths, and we should speak in sweet soft voices in case he is breathing his last.

Last night I had a tickle. My husband, God bless him, knows that what makes me all better is miso soup, so I had miso soup for dinner last night.

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Today, I think I have the rare tropical disease kind of sore throat. It was just a tickle yesterday, but by night I was in the grips of a no-kidding, no sleeping sore throat and stuffed nose, coughing, and feeling rotten. I feel like something the Qatteri Cat dragged in.

I rarely get sick. I don’t have time to get sick now. Please, dear readers, share your top “get rid of a cold” solutions, and do it NOW! I need your help!

February 11, 2007 Posted by | Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Health Issues, Marriage, Women's Issues | 7 Comments

Qatar Air Doha 1st Class Lounge

This is the jacuzzi for wearied women travellers . . .

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Bring it ONNNNNN!

This is where you sleep if you have a couple hours to kill:

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And this is where you eat – and the food is YUMMY:

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You check in seated at a desk, then go through customs to the duty-free and the excalator upstairs. At the top of the stairs you are directed to the left for Business or the Right to the First Class Lounge.

From the moment you walk in, the atmosphere in the First Class Lounge is soothing and spa like. Sheets of cascading water down glass walls, ethereal soft music, and all watery colors. Easy to fall asleep, and it’s OK, because they come and get you, personally, when you need to board for your flight. Amazing. Kinda the ultimate.

Naaahhhh, I don’t travel first class all the time. Had to get someplace, weren’t any other tickets available. Enjoyed it all the way.

January 26, 2007 Posted by | Adventure, Cross Cultural, Customer Service, Doha, Eating Out, ExPat Life, Living Conditions, Lumix, Middle East, Photos, Qatar, Travel, Women's Issues | 9 Comments

In the Headlights: Added to the Blogroll

I don’t remember how I came across this blog, at some time in December, but I remember laughing my head off. After two months, I find that she still delights me every time I visit. Today at In the Headlights (a reference to a common English phrase “deer in the headlights” meaning that wild-eyed-I -don’t-know-what-to-do-next-so-I’ll-just-stand-here-frozen look) Riannan shares an e-mail from a friend with curmudgeonly rules for 2007, and earlier on the page, shares a site where you can have mittens, etc. knit out of your pet’s lost hair! Dying laughing.

(And no, she is not a relative of mine. I don’t know her! I just like her blog!)

This woman comes across some of the most amazing things. She, like me, is all over the map – salsa dancing, books, great recipes (the latest was Oven Baked Sesame Scallops, oh yum!), stories about friends, some of the funniest signs I have ever seen, and screwball ideas. She can give your day a lift.

January 26, 2007 Posted by | Arts & Handicrafts, Blogging, Books, Cooking, Random Musings, Relationships, Shopping, Social Issues, Uncategorized, Women's Issues | 2 Comments

What Happens Next?

I love reading the paper in a foreign country. It often reveals a different way of thinking. Often I am mystified; there is a context in which the article is written that you may “get” while I do not. As I read the Kuwait Times there are many times I wonder “what happens next?” Rarely do we get any follow up, rarely do we know the ultimate outcome of these incidents. These are all from today’s paper(24 Jan 2007):

1. The ‘Other’ Woman
A woman after suspecting her husband of infidelity, decided to keep tabs on him, and followed him to a spring camp in the Jdailiyat area and was shocked when she found her fears had turned into reality when she caught him red-handed in the arms of the ‘other’ woman. The wife immediately summoned police who rushed to the camp and also found out that he was under the influence of alcohol. In a fit of rage, he also smashed the police car’s windowpane to smithereens. He was referred to the relevant authorities.

My comment/questions: Infidelity is a painfully personal kind of behavior. Why would the police be called? Would you call the police if you want to salvage a relationship, or bury it? Does involving the police help in a divorce settlement? Will the husband normally be shamed and repentant, or angry and defiant? Are there processes to help a husband and wife save their marriage? And what happens to the other woman? Does it depend on who she is and what her nationality is? And wouldn’t a wife be afraid to confront her husband in that situation, would she be placing herself in physical danger?

2. Daughter Reveals Affair
A 47-year old Kuwaiti woman lodged a complaint with Mubarak Al Kabeer police that another Kuwaiti who works for the National Guard had several sexual intercourses with her 16 year old daughter in her own room, whenever she went out on errands. She said that her daughter confessed to her and revealed her affair our of her fear that she might be pregnant after which her lover might dump her. The man is being summoned for further interrogation.

My comment/questions: Why does it matter how old the woman is making the complaint? Why is that on the public record? If the girl is pregnant, what happens next? Can she raise her child as a single mother here in Kuwait? Is there a possibility that the girl will marry her National Guard lover? If not, what are her chances for marriage? Can she continue school if she is pregnant?

3. Mother Accused of Kidnapping
A 60 year old Arab lodged a complaint with Jabriya police that his 55 year old Iraqi divorcee had kidnapped their two sons. He produced a court order that authorized him custody of the boys and that their divorced mother showed up in his absence, along with her older sons from an earlier marriage and took the boys away. The father filed a kidnap case against his ex-wife althought Kuwaiti family laws do not under any circumstance permit accusing a mother of kidnapping her own children, even if the father had the legal custody rights.

My comment/questions: Why list the ages of the complaintant and his wife, but not the ages of the boys? How can the father file a case, if Kuwaiti law specifically states a mother cannot kidnap her own children? Do the boys have any choice of which parent they would want to live with? If the wife is 55, isn’t it likely that the youngest “boy” is around 15? (I would think it’s pretty hard to kidnap teenage boys.) Do parents often have heated contests over their children in Kuwait? Does shared custody work here?

January 24, 2007 Posted by | Cross Cultural, ExPat Life, Family Issues, Kuwait, Living Conditions, News, Random Musings, Relationships, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 2 Comments

Special Reduced Rates

Kuwait Times
23 January 2007

Brothel Raided
Farwaniya police launced an inspection drive against vice dens in Jleeb Al-Shuyoukh area in which police raided 4 flats, arrested 19 women and three pimps. During interrogation, the pimps confessed that they would charge men KD5 for women under 25 years and KD3 for women over 30 years and cheaper prices for women around 50. Police filed a case and referred the women and pimps to the authorities.

January 23, 2007 Posted by | Kuwait, News, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 4 Comments

Cosmetic Danger: Repeated Usage

Women are always looking for cosmetic magic – I call it “Hope in a Bottle”. We are promised wrinkle-free skin, wonderful large lucious lips that never lose their color, potions that will make blemishes disappear, and fragrances that will get our man. Right.

Just before leaving Seattle, I hit the Lancome center at the local Nordstroms and stocked up. The dear woman there always gives me some little sample sizes to use on my long flights. I was telling my good friend about picking up some “hope in a bottle” and she said “oh, that sounds like something I need to try! Where do you get it?” We had a good laugh about that.

In the AOL section on Money and Finance today is a report about chemicals in your cosmetics. What shocked me is that the US uses many chemicals that the European Union has banned in their cosmetics. The article tells about how loosely the US is monitoring chemical additives in cosmetics – nail polishes, skin cremes, deodorants – chemicals that we are putting on our bodies every day, and no one knows the consequences of long term usage.

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The report is from Consumer Reports.org, a highly regarded watchdog of American consumer products. Their magazine reports monthly on cars, appliances, drugs, children’s toys, and deceptive packaging.

What You Should Know About Chemicals in Your Cosmetics

You slather, spray, and paint them on and rub them in. Cosmetics are so much a part of your daily regimen that you probably never think twice about them. If they’re on store shelves, it seems reasonable to figure that they’re safe to use, despite those unpronounceable ingredient lists.

But at least some of what’s in your cosmetics might not be so good for you. One example is the family of chemicals known as phthalates (pronounced THAL-ates), which may be linked to developmental and reproductive health risks. The industry says phthalates are safe, but some companies have dropped them in response to public concern. Essie, OPI, and Sally Hansen, for example, are removing dibutyl phthalate (DBP), which is used to prevent chipping, from nail polishes. Other big-name brands that have reformulated products to remove some phthalates include Avon, Cover Girl, Estée Lauder, L’Oréal, Max Factor, Orly, and Revlon.

Take a Whiff of This

If you’re trying to cut back on phthalates, however, sticking with these brands may not make much of a difference. You’ll find phthalates in too many other personal-care products, including body lotions, hair sprays, perfumes, and deodorants. The chemicals are used to help fragrances linger and take the stiffness out of hair spray, among other reasons. They’re also in detergents, food packaging, pharmaceuticals, and plastic toys. And they have turned up in our bodies.

Although phthalates show up in so many places, they’re often absent from labels because disclosure is not always required. That’s the case with fragrances. We tested eight fragrances and although none of the products included phthalates in its ingredient list, they all contained the chemicals. Some were made by companies that specifically told us their products were free of phthalates, and two even say as much on their Web sites.

Getting your nails done or spritzing on your favorite perfume obviously isn’t going to kill you. But the health effects of regular long-term exposure, even to small amounts, are still unknown.

Makeup wakeup call

Phthalates, a family of chemicals used in cosmetics, may pose significant health risks but:

· They’re found in perfumes, nail polishes, and other products we use every day.

· Scientists say they’re found in our bodies as well.

· In many cases, they’re not listed on labels, so they can be difficult to avoid.

· Some manufacturers are removing them from their products, but the FDA has not restricted their use.

Companies that have eliminated phthalates are no doubt getting the message that people are paying more attention to ingredients. But public concern isn’t the only factor driving the reformulations. Another reason is a European ban. Although the U.S. has outlawed just eight cosmetic ingredients, the European Union has banned more than 1,000. (emphasis mine) For companies that make cosmetics, complying with E.U. rules makes good business sense. It’s more efficient to sell the same product worldwide. It’s also good PR. About 380 U.S. companies have publicly pledged their allegiance to cosmetic safety by signing the Compact for Global Production of Safe Health & Beauty Products, under which they voluntarily pledged to reformulate globally to meet E.U. standards.

The reformulation trend is likely to gain further momentum from the California Safe Cosmetics Act of 2005, which took effect only this year. Manufacturers that sell over $1 million a year in personal-care products in the state must report any products containing a chemical that is either a carcinogen or a reproductive or developmental toxic agent. Among those that must be disclosed are the phthalates DBP and di(2-ethylhexyl) phthalate (DEHP). California plans make this information public, possibly on the Web, so some companies may choose to remove rather than report the ingredients.

Guinea pig nation

Despite the laws, pacts, and reformulations, questions about safety remain. Cosmetic industry critics argue that the Food and Drug Administration has not told companies what “safe” means, leaving them to make their own decisions. In fact, with cosmetics, the government generally takes action only after safety issues crop up.

Take the case of Rio hair relaxers. In December 1994, the FDA warned against two products sold through infomercials after consumers complained about hair loss, scalp irritation, and hair turning green. Rio announced that it would stop sales but there were reports that it continued to take orders. The California Department of Health then stepped in to halt sales and in January 1995, the U.S. Attorney’s Office in Los Angeles filed a seizure action. By then, the FDA had received more than 3,000 complaints. Rio later reformulated and renamed its products.

The Rio case illustrates how holes in the government’s cosmetic regulatory system can hurt consumers. The industry essentially regulates itself. The Cosmetic Ingredient Review panel, made up of physicians and toxicologists and funded by the industry’s leading trade group–the Cosmetic, Toiletry, and Fragrance Association (CTFA)–assesses ingredient safety. Another industry group reviews fragrances and helps create safety standards. But manufacturers aren’t obligated to do anything with this information.

“We’re working on the honor system when it comes to cosmetics safety,” says Jane Houlihan, vice president for research at the Environmental Working Group (EWG), a research and advocacy group. “In the absence of federal standards, we have a huge range of safety in the products we buy every day.”

The FDA has made efforts to improve its ability to spot problems and issue warnings. The agency now has a computerized database, called CAERS, that collects reports of problems such as allergic reactions. Complaints can be sent via the FDA Web site or by calling a district office. But Amy Newburger, a dermatologist at St. Luke’s-Roosevelt Hospital Center in New York City and a former member of the FDA’s General and Plastic Surgery Devices Panel, says her experiences make her wonder about the system’s effectiveness. In one case, she filed a report by phone and on the CAERS system after she and several of her patients got a rash with blisters after using an anti-aging treatment. It wasn’t until a year later, in November 2006, that the FDA sent an e-mail asking her to complete some forms, she says. The FDA responds that it doesn’t provide information or feedback to people who file complaints. It simply routes them to the appropriate office for evaluation. The FDA says it may also send reports to companies.

So what are the risks?

Scientists know very little about how repeated exposure to small amounts of phthalates in cosmetics may affect your health, if at all. But some studies suggest that the chemicals are present in our bodies.

In 2005, the federal Centers for Disease Control and Prevention reported that it had found breakdown chemicals from two of the most common cosmetic phthalates in almost every member of a group of 2,782 people it examined. A separate study published in the journal Environmental Health Perspectives (EHP) in 2005 showed that men who used the most personal-care products, such as after-shave and cologne, had the highest urinary levels of a breakdown product of diethyl phthalate (DEP).

In rodent studies, phthalates have caused testicular injury, liver injury, and liver cancer. We found no such clear hazards in human research. But we did find studies suggesting that phthalates may be associated with other health issues, including the following four examples from one source alone, EHP, which is a leading journal published by the National Institutes of Health. In 2000, EHP published a small study that said elevated blood levels of phthalates were associated with premature breast development in young girls. Another report in 2003 found that men with higher concentrations of two phthalate breakdown products in their urine were more likely to have a low sperm count or low sperm motility. A study published in 2005 said women with higher levels of four phthalate compounds in their urine during pregnancy were likelier to give birth to boys with smaller scrotums. And a 2006 report cited low testosterone levels in male newborns exposed to higher levels of phthalates in breast milk.

Experts in the industry and the government are aware of such reports but say there is no cause for alarm. The FDA, for instance, concluded after a thorough review of the literature that “it’s not clear what effect, if any, phthalates have on health.” And the CTFA, the industry trade group, notes that government and scientific bodies in the U.S. and Canada have examined phthalates without restricting their use in cosmetics. After the 2005 report linking phthalate exposure to smaller scrotum size, in particular, the trade group said, “The sensational and alarming conclusions being drawn from this single study are completely speculative and scientifically unwarranted.”

Even companies that have dropped phthalates from products say they are safe. “This policy is driven by a wish to allay public concern and does not reflect concern with the safe use of the ingredients,” Avon said after announcing that it would cut DBP from its product line. John Bailey, the CTFA’s executive vice president for science, says ingredients like DBP in nail polish are simply not a hazard in such small amounts.

On the other side are some environmental and public-health advocates who say possible carcinogens and reproductive toxins do not belong in cosmetics, no matter how small the amount. “We take issue with the idea that a little bit of poison doesn’t matter, because safer alternatives are available,” says Stacy Malkan, communications director of Health Care Without Harm. “Companies should be making the safest products possible, instead of trying to convince us that a little bit of toxic chemicals are OK.” While the scientific jury is still out, we at ShopSmart believe it makes sense to reduce your exposure to phthalates, especially if you’re nursing, pregnant, or trying to become pregnant.

January 22, 2007 Posted by | Customer Service, Health Issues, Hygiene, Lies, News, Shopping, Social Issues, Women's Issues | 4 Comments

Outrage: Rape Reporting from Monrovia and Iran

My energy is back. I felt so blessed – today I started my photo albums. I had it all organized, but just couldn’t make myself DO it. Today was a new day, woke up at a reasonable hour with energy! Alhamdallah!

Back in my workshop, Qatteri Cat helping, BBC on to keep me company . . . and two separate reports come on BBC News (radio). I can sit, or I can share my outrage with you. Here I am . . .

The report from Monrovia is about the continuous rape of children, even infants under one year. They are only now documenting it is happening, and to what extent. Before, it was deny, deny, deny.

Here is a direct quote from the program: “Rape is so entrenched in the society.” They haven’t begun to study WHY it is happening, only documenting that it IS happening. To children, the weakest, least powerful segment of society. And in other African countries, societal studies have shown that there is a belief that having sex with virgins, uncontaminated, can cure AIDS. So ignorant. So selfish. And as the virgins become fewer, the victims get younger. Who would rape an infant? Who would be so desperate and so depraved? It makes me shake, it makes me so angry, this violation of the most innocent.

The second case is about an Iranian woman, Norouzi, who killed a man who was attempting to rape her. Convicted of murder, and given the death penalty, the court said she had used “too much force” in defending herself.

So, in your experience, what happens if you defend yourself but leave your attacker still capable? Your self-defense only makes him/her more angry, more lethal, and raises your probability of ending up dead yourself. Hmmmmm. . . . experience rape and likely death, or kill my attacker?? I know, in a heartbeat, which I would choose.

The family has forgiven her IF she pays the blood money of nearly $63,000 dollars. Pay $63,000 for the SCUM that tried to rape her??

Share my outrage. You can read the entire story on the BBC website, here.

A quote from this newsarticle:

Women’s rights activist and lawyer Sara Irani told The Associated Press news agency she welcomed the resolution of the case.

“Norouzi’s freedom will give new breath to women to find the courage to stand up for their rights and defend themselves,” she said.

In Iran, a married woman who is raped risks the death penalty for adultery if she cannot prove she was violated.

If she kills her attacker, she may also face the death sentence for murder.

You may wonder why I tag this a political issue. Politics is all about power. This woman, and these children are victims because 1) they are physically weaker than their attackers and 2) their attackers don’t believe there will be any repercussions; they believe they are entitled to what they take and that there will be no penalty. It’s about power. It’s political until there are laws strong enough to protect the weak and innocent against their attackers, and those laws are enforced.

January 16, 2007 Posted by | Africa, Cross Cultural, Family Issues, Health Issues, Living Conditions, Middle East, Political Issues, Social Issues, Spiritual, Women's Issues | Leave a comment