Domestic Violence: What is Wrong With this Picture?
At first, I thought oh, that is amazing, Florida has the lowest rate of all the states. Then, I looked a little closer . . . no data? No data on homicides related to male partners?
Here is what the report summarizes:
The States Where Women Are Most Likely to Be Killed By Men
Every year, the Violence Policy Center tracks which states have the highest rate of incidents in which one man kills one woman, a typical indicator of domestic homicide. The Huffington Post crunched the data to find the worst offenders over the past decade. Between 2003 and 2012, Nevada had the highest rate, at 2.447 women killed per 100,000. In 2012, however, the most recent year for which data is available, Nevada’s rate dropped to 1.83, and Alaska took the top spot with 2.57 women killed per 100,000.
It is horrifying in Florida; men killing their wives, their live-ins, their daughters, men and women striking or burning their children, or shooting them . . . but it is also horrifying that Florida can’t – or won’t – provide the statistics when every other state has.
It all goes back to the idea of women as property. Arrrgh, I am speechless with frustration.
Khons Asian Bistro on Palafox in Pensacola
One of America’s best streets just got better with the addition of another great eating adventure as Khons Asian Bistro on Palafox opened a month or so ago with Asian fusion cooking. While most of the diners there were ordering sushi, we opted for the miso soup and hot plates. The waiter particularly likes the fried rice dish, which we considered, but ended up ordering the Cambodian chicken, me in lettuce wraps and AdventureMan with rice.
When our main dishes arrived, he grumped – just a little – because he paid three dollars more, and the only difference was that his lettuce was chopped, and he got rice.
“I paid three more dollars for rice” he mourned.
Not for long. The food was delicious, all the tastes fresh and tasty. Just enough spice. In fact, while I really like spicy, I got a hunk of jalepeno in my soup that nearly took my breath away. Our very helpful waitress said next time she would personally make sure that all the seeds were removed. I don’t mind spicy; this just caught me by surprise.
What I love, in addition to the fresh, healthy, tasty food, is the interior. Khon’s uses a deeply greyed blue, very undersea feeling, and silver. Even the chairs (which are comfortable) have silver seats, and that piqued my sense of fun. I love the scaly backdrop behind the sushi bar; the suggestion of a fish tail. We really enjoyed the entire experience, and we are glad they are there and doing so well. They have a brisk lunch crowd, so get there early.
698-722 Text
Today I received a text from my bank telling me that a document from them had been returned as undeliverable and telling me to click on the blue hypertext with my banks name dot com.
It didn’t smell right, so I called my bank, and no, they had not sent that text.
Did you know when you get a phone call or text that seems odd to you that not only do you not have to answer, but you can go online and check that number? Just google the exact number and you will find records that show if it is a scam or telemarketer. It is a wonderful resource.
Headless Horseman at Pensacola Ballet
Today is a day to make the heart joyful. Yesterday, we had thunder and lightning, so much that my water aerobics class was cancelled and I made that drive for nothing. Even when the sun came out, hours later, there was so much water soaked into the ground, the evaporation made it feel hotter than it really was.
The best part of the whole day was knowing we were headed to the opening of the Ballet Pensacola Season last night.
Who knew when we came to Pensacola that there would be so many fun things to do? And that we would have the time to try them all? Pensacola has an Opera, a Symphony, many many parades, some kind of fest, normally featuring seafood and/or art, and sometimes also the sugar white sands, wine and/or rock bands almost every month, AND the Ballet Pensacola.
Nothing about the Ballet Pensacola is ordinary. Ballet Pensacola has a husband wife team, artistic director Richard Steinart and his wife Christine Duhon, the ballet mistress, who also does the costumes. Her costumes are often spectacular. Lance Brannon does the sets which are are often minimalist and always wonderfully creative. You know public arts are almost totally public and community supported, you know they must have a tricky budget to work with but the sets and costumes are wondrous to behold.
We were debating whether The Headless Horseman would be a good ballet for our four year old grandson. AdventureMan thought it might be scary. There is a witch, a wonderfully convincing witch. There is a guy with no head. There is a skeleton horse. I countered that he sees worse on his cartoons with Spiderman and BatMan and whoever those heroes are that “Assemble!” The Headless Horseman is a lot of fun; it even looks like the dancers are having a lot of fun with it, and of course, there is this incredible skeleton. We leave our evenings at Pensacola Ballet delighted.
One of the things we love about the ballets this team creates is that it isn’t easy to get most men to love ballet, but many of the ballets they do have appeal to men – The Matrix, Dracula – they are not dainty ballets, but strong, dramatic ballets. In addition, they are, as I said, a lot of fun. When we offer up tickets we can’t use to our son and his wife, they jump at the chance. I want to make Nutcracker an annual event, but I recognize that if I want grandchildren who will love the dance, I will be likely to take them to some of this stronger stuff. We already have an extra ticket for Ali Baba, coming up in the Spring, so our grandson can come with us.
It was still warm when we left the theatre, but this morning it is like we are living in a different place.
The air conditioner is OFF! The windows are open! Fresh clean air is flowing through the house, the sun is shining without wilting anything, and, thanks to yesterday’s rain, the entire world looks fresh and clean and welcoming! The fun times begin in Pensacola, the cooler weather has arrived!
The Lesser of Two Weevils
It is so depressing.
AdventureMan is gritting his teeth. We are in despair.
We received our mail-in ballots yesterday and are filling them out.
It almost begins to seem as if political life discourages normal, thoughtful people committed to SERVING the public, and attracts those who love public acclaim and private gain.
Good2Go for Consensual Sex
Go figure. In spite of admonitions to the contrary, young people have sex. Problems arise when someone isn’t old enough to consent, isn’t coherent enough to have sex or is forced to have sex or participate in a sex act they don’t consent to.
I love this idea. It takes a little of the “he says – she says” out of the classic dilemma of who did what to whom and who should be held accountable? Was it consensual? Was it rape? Were both parties in a sober enough state to make that decision?
This is from SLATE Online magazine
Consensual Sex: There’s an App for That
Courtesy of Good2Go
Last June, Reason’s Robby Soave called for an iPhone app that would clear up pesky he-said, she-said rape cases by recording “mutual consent” to engage in sexual activity before two people do the deed: “Maybe they would have to input a password and then touch phones, or something?” he proposed. Last week, his prayers were answered: The Good2Gosexual consent app isn’t as touch-and-go as the app of Soave’s dreams, but it does encourage sex partners to assess their mutual interest in sex and record their intoxication levels before getting busy.
Here’s how it works: After deciding that you would like to have sex with someone, launch the Good2Go app (free on iTunes and Google Play), hand the phone off to your potential partner, and allow him or her to navigate the process to determine if he or she is ready and willing. “Are We Good2Go?” the first screen asks, prompting the partner to answer “No, Thanks,” “Yes, but … we need to talk,” or “I’m Good2Go.” If the partner chooses door No. 1, a black screen pops up that reads “Remember! No means No! Only Yes means Yes, BUT can be changed to NO at anytime!” If he or she opts instead to have a conversation before deciding—imagine, verbally communicating with someone with whom you may imminently engage in sexual intercourse—the app pauses to allow both parties to discuss.
If the partner—let’s assume for the purposes of this blog post, partner is a she—indicates that she is “Good2Go,” she’s sent to a second screen that asks if she is “Sober,” “Mildly Intoxicated,” “Intoxicated but Good2Go,” or “Pretty Wasted.” If she chooses “Pretty Wasted,” the app informs her that she “cannot consent” and she’s instructed to return the phone back to its owner (and presumably, not have sex under any circumstances, young lady). All other choices lead to a third screen, which asks the partner if she is an existing Good2Go user or a new one. If she’s a new user, she’s prompted to enter her phone number and a password, confirm that she is 18 years old, and press submit. (Minors are out of luck—the app is only for consentingadults.) Then, she’ll fill out a fourth prompt, which asks her to input a six-digit code that’s just been texted to her own cellphone to verify her identity with that app. (Previous users can just type in their phone number—which serves as their Good2Go username—and password.) Once that level is complete, she returns the phone to its owner, who can view a message explaining the terms of the partner’s consent. (For example, the “Partner is intoxicated but is Good2Go.”) Then, the instigator presses a button marked “Ok,” which reminds him again that yes can be changed to “NO at anytime!”
Then you get to have sex.
Easy, right? When I tried this process out with a partner, it took us four minutes to navigate through all the screens, mostly because he kept asking, “Why are we using an app for this?” and “Why do I have to give them my phone number?” (More on that later.) I was confused, too: As the instigator, I wasn’t asked to confirm that I wanted to have sex or to state my own intoxication level for my partner’s consideration. (A promotional video modeling the process begins by announcing how “simple” it is, then snaps out instructions for three minutes, but questions remain.) Perhaps the process is deliberately time-consuming: The app provides the “opportunity for two people to pause and reflect on what they really want to do, rather than entering an encounter that might lead to something one or both will later regret,” the app’s FAQ reads. Or maybe I’m just old: At 29, I find it much easier to just talk about sex than to use an app for that.
Lee Ann Allman, a creator of the app, says she was inspired to make it after talking with her college-aged kids about sexual assault on campuses across the country. They “are very aware of what’s happening, and they’re worried about it, but they’re confused about what to do. They don’t know how they should be approaching somebody they’re interested in,” she told me. Meanwhile, “kids are so used to having technology that helps them with issues in their lives” that Allman believes the app will help facilitate necessary conversations, encourage them to consider their level of intoxication, and remind young people that consent to sex should be affirmatively given and can be revoked at any time.
“Good2Go” is obviously a euphemism for sexual activity, but it’s not clear what that means exactly—is it making out, oral sex, vaginal intercourse, or anal sex, and with protection or not? (I guess you could always pause, grab phones, and start the process over to consent to another specific sexual activity—but at some point, you’d actually have to verbally explain what you’re agreeing to be Good2Go4.) The message that people need to consent to sex, and that they can withdraw consent, and they probably shouldn’t be totally wasted while they do it is one that college campuses are already administering to their students upon orientation. It may not always be getting though, but it’s not clear how the app (which is now being promoted through campus ambassadors) advances the cause.
In fact, Good2Go could contribute a dangerous new element to those he-said she-said rape cases. What Good2Go doesn’t tell users is that it keeps a private record of every “I’m Good2Go” agreement logged in its system, tied to both users’ personal phone numbers and Good2Go accounts. (Records of interactions where users say “No” or just want to talk are not logged in this way.) Allman says that regular users aren’t permitted access to those records, but a government official with a subpoena could. “It wouldn’t be released except under legal circumstances,” Allman told me. “But it does create a data point that there was an occasion where one party asked the other for affirmative consent, that could be useful in the future … there are cases, of course, as we know, where the accused is an innocent party, so in that case, it could be beneficial to him.”
That record may help the falsely accused, but it’s unlikely to aid a real victim. Good2Go may remind its users that consent can be revoked at any time, but there are still judges and juries that will take evidence that a person said “yes” to sex at one point, and conclude that they were asking for whatever happened later that night (or the next). Compared to that scenario, talking about sex doesn’t seem so scary.
The Fishing Hole; Elegance on Brent
We were actually just turning around to head back to another restaurant for lunch when we saw the Fishing Hole and decided, as we often do, arbitrarily and spontaneously, to give it a try. We used to drive our son crazy that way (not intentionally) by saying “Hey, we are heading for X” and then part way there, changing our minds. He would yell “No Bait and Switch!” (even as a teenager, he was lawyerly) and we would reluctantly go where we had planned. Now, without supervision, we can do as we wish.
(Our son has actually confided that now, as a grown-up, he and his family occasionally do the same thing.)
The Fishing Hole is on Brent. For those of you not from around Pensacola, Brent is a thoroughfare. It’s not an uptown kind of street.
From the outside, The Fishing Hole looks like a fast food place. It has items painted on the inside window, and it looks small.
When we walked in, we were blown away immediately. We walked into a beautiful bistro-style space and were greeted by wait staff dressed in black, with classic long white aprons, very European. They ushered us into the dining room, which has deep red walls above white wainscoting, with spare design elements on the walls – again, very French in feel, and elegant. The tables are all a deep colored wood, comfortable wooden chairs, and spacious.
The first thing I saw on the menu was a shrimp and crab chowder, of which I ordered a cup. This is a very large “cup” and is served with a little pitcher of sherry, which you can add to your own taste. It was purely fabulous. I would go back again just for that signature chowder.
I also ordered the fish tacos, which were very fresh tasting, very delicious and healthy:
AdventureMan had the Oyster Sandwich, which was equally delicious. He also ordered hushpuppies and oh my word, those hushpuppies were perfect.
Because my fish tacos were so healthy, we decided to split an order of peach pie. When it arrived, we almost fell over. It was beautiful, and it was also huge. The taste was spectacular; it had a crust made of graham cracker and toasted walnuts, and it added a unique and wonderful texture and flavor to an already delicious peach pie. As you can see, the presentation is beautiful.
From that startling entrance into unexpected elegance, to our departure, this was a delightful experience. The wait staff is eager to please, willing to explain the menu and answer questions. The service was impeccable. The food was fabulous. We can’t wait to go back.
They have a FaceBook page; check to see which nights they are open for dinner, and make a reservation. The word is getting around, and this place is packed for dinner.
15 Brent Ln
Pensacola, Florida
(850) 912-6664
10:00am – 8:00pm
Cactus Cantina in Pensacola
The service was excellent at the new Cactus Cantina, located just across from the airport in the old Verona’s restaurant location. The parking lot was packed and the restaurant was hoppin’! The menu has most of the standard Mexican dishes, and the feel is sort of chain restaurant.
The food on the other hand, was a wonderful surprise. I ordered Carne Asada, and when it came, it was ginormous, huge, but it was a lot of very good, lean steak and a LOT of grilled onions and peppers, and there was so much that I took half home and still felt stuffed.
The guacamole was expensive, but there must have been three cups of it, and it was very very good, served in a molcajete, and full of nice chunks of avocado. We also took about two thirds of the guacamole home, there was so much.
This is the interior of the Cactus Cantina:

AdventureMan’s tamale combination:

On the whole, not bad at all. There are a lot of Mexican restaurants in the area, and this is another one, a very good one, but nothing that raises it high above the crowd.
Our Own Little OctoberFest
It sounded like so much fun when I was 15 and living in Germany, going to a beer fest, drinking beer, sitting in the big fest tents and laughing and drinking and eating wursts and listening to the ooompah band. By the time I was 18 and graduating, I’d been to a fest or two, and was pretty much over it. I’d probably seen a fest or two and a beer or two too many. AdventureMan and I were trying to remember the last beer fest we had been do and we think it was the year we were married (LOL, a LONG time ago) with his military unit.
But . . . it must the the changing light. When I saw Wursts in the commissary, I bought a pack (we NEVER eat wursts, but . . . it’s October. Could not resist . . . )
I mixed up a very strong curry sauce, using the last of some Kashmiri curry I had brought back with me from Kuwait on my last trip, and we each savored our lone curry wursts with a brotchen. Our own little OctoberFest 😉
Moonglow in Pensacola
AdventureMan and I believe in creating our own small adventures, so off we went, Saturday morning, to the Angel’s Garden Arts Fest on 12th Avenue in Pensacola. So many talented people, with so many things to see.
Yes, I bought something. Not something to hang on the wall, LOL, we have become more choosy as our collection has grown. No, I bought something to make my grandchildren GLOW IN THE DARK! LLLLOOOOLLLLL! I laugh when I think of their parents faces seeing their shining, glowing little faces!
I love it that this man has discovered a niche product that he can sell. No, we don’t need it, but oh, what fun!






















